I am a dog lover, like Aubrey O’Day is, only a different kind of dog lover. I think dogs are cool and fun to be around and less annoying than people are because as long as you feed them they love you and everytime you come home from wherever you’v been, they act fucking insane like you’re very own groupie at the concert you are headlining that is your life. I don’t have a dog, but Aubrey O’Day does and she loves it in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. I find it abusive and reminiscent of Jon Benet Ramsey, the Dog Version. I’m talking doing it up the way you want it to be done up with crazy hair and make-up, touching it inapprorpiately, then killing it off the second something new and exciting comes along.

She reminds me of a friend I had when I was 11, who was clearly a pyschopath and was bound to do some pretty sick shit to people unless he got help, the kind of kid who would hunt squirrels and disect them and shit for fun and one day when at his house he wanted to show me something cool and took me to his basement with his dog, where he proceeded to make out with it, touching tongues and grabbing at its dick and shit and turned to me offering me a turn because it was good practice for when we get with real chicks, and instead of taking him up on it, I got the fuck out of there and didn’t speak to him again.

I guess the only thing better about these pictures of Aubrey O’Day dyking out with her dog is that I can distract myself with her tits.

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day|Dogs