I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

04

Sep

Ashlee Simpson and Grimace Were Separated at Birth of the Day

McDonald’s has ruined many people’s lives by jacking them up with shitty processed high calorie food that has caused premature death and obesity related diseases, but to make things worse, they have also alienated any of the obese people they have made from wearing purple because shit just makes them look like Grimace and leads to lots of pointing and laughing and making little kids cry.

Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson in a purple outfit lookin’ like her and Grimace are cut from the same cloth, but purple doesn’t make a monster, being Ashlee Simspon does. So as she peddles her low quality garbage clothing line at low income clothing stores scraping the bottom of the celebrity barrel, she can swing by McDonald’s to see how her old friends at McDonaldland are holding up since she left them many years ago, I hear Ronald’s a convicted pedophile and Hamburglar has changed his name to Hamburgerapist, but neither as bad as this Grimace, who went onto marry a gender bending weirdo who knocked her up and did this to her….

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Grimace

2008

04

Sep

Kardinall Offishall Parties with the Pussy Cat Dolls of the Day

Kardinal Offishall is a Canadain rapper who is about to drop his new album and make himself famous on the international level and you’ve probably heard his song with Akon. Now I don’t know Kardinal personally just because we live in the same country, but I do know that some dude who works with him hooked my stepdaughter up with amazing seats at an amazing concert with Wyclef and Akon a few months ago and he sent me this video of them in Malaga, Spain for a massive music festival, having dinner with The Pussycat Dolls & Louis Hamilton (Tiger Woods of Formula One), where they film some crazy Spanish homeless lookin’ dude dancing, before the redheaded Pussycat badly dances with him semi erotically, like she used to back when she was a stripper. So since I just woke up and I am behind on the latest celebrities doing boring things in pictures, I figured I’d throw it up for you and remind you that Kardinal Offishall’s team is nice to me and that’s more than I can say with every other company I have ever contacted, so support him if you can.

Posted in:Kardinal Offishall|Pussycat Dolls

2008

03

Sep

stepLINKS of the Day

I managed to get invited to some Chrtistian potluck dinner party and I am not sure why since I don’t know the people hosting and I am not Christian. It’s facebook and maybe they think I am some other Jesus Martinez that is part of their Church or something, but the picture of the old man lickin’ the panties would normally red flag someone into thinking that maybe I’m not the kind of guy they want at a Christian potluck, a Catholic potluck, I’d understand since priests have been licking the skidmarks out of 10 year old boys’ tighty whities for generations, but Christians are too fuckin’ scared of God to be accepting of that.

Anyway this was the message / group email I got about the event:

Hey Fellow Followers!

I wanted to do an inventory of food for the Super Potluck we’re doing Saturday at the church. We’ll be providing the drinks, hot dogs and burgers and Bill will be running the corn roast like he does every year. There will be lots of fun activities and games for the kids like the annual Bible Track and Field and the Father / Child relay race and we will be sure to make time for announcements, prayer and some bible readings. We are just asking for you to bring 10 dollars to donate to the Church and a really yummy dish. So Please let me know what you’re bringing. God will be watching over us and the weather should be great and so should the day. I will be there but will you?

Brenda

I wrote back saying:

I’m bringing my rock hard cock for your mouth, it may not be the yummy dish you were hoping for, in fact you may hate it but I promise I’ll only stick it in your ass, you know to keep your vagina virginity for marriage like you’re supposed to. Remember anal sex is just one of God’s great creations. I won’t be bringing the 10 dollars but I will totally jerk off on your face while God is watching over both us and the weather!! You have no idea how much of a blast this is going to be.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

It wasn’t a proud moment, but my links are and here they are….

Anna Lynne McCord is the New 90210 Slut and Here are a Bunch of Pics of Her
GO

Slick Chicks Oil Wrestling
GO

Here’s a Clip From Lohan’s New Oscar Winning Role
GO

I’d Still Totally Bang Liz Hurley
GO

Johnny Knoxville Kicks Steve-O In The Nuts Video
GO

Canadian Women’s Wrestling
GO

Keeley Hazell is Topless Again. I AM SHOCKED!
GO

Sharon Stone’s Pokies Say How Do You Do
GO

I’d Rather Be Bald, Then Have Shitty Hairplugs
GO

The History Of Hollywood’s Sex Addicts:
GO

John McCain is a Weightlifting Champion
GO

The 10 Hottest Fart VIdeos in Internet History
GO

Jessica Simpson Calls Tony Roma Her FBD (Future Baby Daddy), That Would Scare Me the Fuck Off
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Hello Seren Gibson
GO

I Mean, Who Doesn’t Want to 69 It?
GO

Get Her Done!
GO

Now Here’s an Episode of Cribs I Can Relate To
GO

Mena Suvari Gallery
GO

And That’s Why You Need to Keep Your Cool
GO

Elton John Hates Lily Allen
GO

Triplets, Ain’t Nothing Wrong With That
GO

Somehow, Diving Boards Always Go Wrong
GO

Pretty Pool Babes
GO

Marry Me Martina Warren
GO

The Lovely, Lovely Kira
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Okay, Well This is the Scariest Thing I Have Ever Heard In My Life
GO

Shut the Fuck Up Jessica Simpson
GO

Jennifer Lopez Looks Hot On the Cover of Elle, and By Hot I Mean Completely Photoshopped so She Looks Nothing Like Her Real Self
GO

Christina Auilera Tranny Clown As Per Usual
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Fat Mom Ruins the Party
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweethearts
GO

Bathroom Honesty
GO

I Loe You Miranda Kerr
GO

Who Knew World Cup Was So Amazing?
GO

Find The Best Jerk Off Material
GO

Sadie Jones and Her Water Pipe
GO

Madonna Hates Her Tour Crew
GO

Please God Let This Be a Trend
GO

So That’s How the World Is Going to End
GO

Kocsis Orsi is the International Babe of the Day
GO

Funny Translation Guide for Stupid and Slutty Women
GO

Keely Hazell Topless in NUTS Again of the Day
GO

X-Tina and Her Tits Posing With Her New Smell
GO

Katherine Heigl Scares Puppies
GO

Blow a Job Interview on Purpose
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Asian Girl Getting Fucked
GO

Some Dude Who Thinks He’s a Pimp Gets His Co-Workers in Lingerie
GO

More of His Co-Workers in Lingerie
GO

Some Girl Shows Her Tits
GO

Some Vegas Whore Wearing 2 Bras…Because One Isn’t Enough for this Small Breasted Slut
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

03

Sep

Sarah Palin’s Politician Slut Daughter of the Day


Governor’s Shirt that Reads “Broke but not Flat Busted”…Classy….

So there is some huge scandal about the Republicans and their whole pro-life and teaching abstinence in schools bullshit, because the Governor of Alaska and McCain’s Vice President candidate, Sarah Palin, who is a pretty hot fuckin’ politician and grandmother and ex-beauty queen has has a 17 year old daughter who just finished being teen pregnant out of wedlock and may be pregnant again despite having a baby and is rumored to be marrying her baby’s daddy or some shit to justify the moral fight her mother is fighting and make it look less fucked up than it all is….

Now I am one to blame a parent for the way their daughters act, except when it comes to teenagers fucking because I am a fan of that and it’s kinda just the way things go. You can blame Sarah Palin for is thinking that abstinence is a possibility and not a dated ideal or myth that never really worked since we all are horny and like fucking and always have been horny and liked fucking and it’s hit her family directly. You can also blame her for the fact that she is anti-abortion and her teachings lead her daughter to bring a baby into the world, making her pretty unattractive to future men who don’t like a chick with baggage as much as they don’t like a chick who is anti-abortion for fear of knocking her up and being stuck to her for life, when all they want to do is get off. I guess in a lot of ways it is hypocritical to stand there preaching one thing, while the product of your household have turned your family into some kind of Jerry Springer Baby Daddy episode, proving that your thinking is not relevant to the world since it didn’t even work in your own home.

Either way, it’s stirring up some shit and I got this email:

Bristol Palin. That’s the name of the daughter of the lady that wants to be Vice-President of the U.S. I want to know if she’s hot and I want pictures (non nudes you know – she’s only 17)

She’s 17 and pregnant which means she fucks – but if she’s going to be spending any time in the White House she ought to be hot. That Clinton slag was awful and I don’t want a repeat of that shit in my country. It’s already bad enough without more ugly sluts in DC.

Jesse

P.S. Find out if the mom (Sarah Palin) has any sex tapes/photos? If she doesn’t I suspect there will be tons of them if her party is elected. She looks just as slutty as her daughter.

Then I got this email:

here are some pictures from the Myspace page of a girl named Mercede, who happens to be the sister of the father of Bristol Palin’s baby.   (or both babies??)

They show underage drinking, guns and all things that make this Sarah Palin republican kinda full of shit, but in their defense, if I grew up in Alaska, I’d be drinking and fucking and shooting things all the time too since there’s not much else to do, not to mention with a name like Mercede you’re kinda setting her up to be a drunken party slut at birth, but I wouldn’t be trying to enforce lies that got her family into this whole mess to the rest of America because it doesn’t work.

Sure you can’t judge her family life and her kid’s decisions in regards to her political talent, but I tend to blame the parents when they have fuck up kids for fucking up somewhere down the line and so does the rest of the world. Maybe her real life experience will provide some insight to how the world actually works when she’s in office and I don’t care either way, since I am in Canada and whether you are an Obama or McCain supporter or not, you can still look at this and say shit’s a little fucked up and that’s all I have to say about that.
Here are those myspace pics of Bristol Palin’s baby daddy’s teenage sister, I expect a lawsuit soon.






Posted in:Governor Sarah Palin

2008

03

Sep

Jordan Sells Horse Products of the Day

Jordan was out promoting her newest business venture with her newest set of small tits, because I guess she figures that her tits have got her about as far as they can and it’s time to get rid of the freakshow fantasy she’s been inspiring because shit causes back pains and just accept the fact that she’s done really well for someone with no skills other than having no shame and no fear of the scalpel.

Her new product is clothing for horses, because I guess she’s trying to class up her image or maybe it’s just a retaliation to not being allowed in any of the equestrian clubs because she didn’t meet the dress code and is starting up her own for the other trash with enough money from being whores and a dream of wanting to be a professional horseback rider and up until recently were forced to practice on men, many men on their rise to the top because she couldn’t afford a horse of her own or some shit. Maybe she just sees the opening in the market that sluts can’t slut up their horses like they were grown up Barbie Dolls and all the other horse products out there are traditional, boring and stuffy. She’s innovating, trendsetting and keeping it classy by taking a classy thing and bringing it down to the stripclub level and it’s all pretty entertaining because I heard she did it because horse dick is the only dick that touches the walls of her huge vagina when they fuck and it’s her way of guaranteeing cock as she ages and no one wants anything to do with her since horses are way less judgmental about fucking a herpes outbreak.

On a side note, it looks like her horse has colored contacts in and that freaks me the fuck out.

Posted in:Horse Cock|Jordan|Katie Price

2008

03

Sep

Christina Ricci in a Bikini of the Day

I liked this bitch better when she had an eating disorder and cut off her tits to make the scale drop by 10 pounds and help her feel the success of her eating disorder more dramatically because having C-Cup tits just wasn’t conducive to skinny. Sure I find it a great tragedy to take away something so spectacular like breasts, that’s the main reason I’m not down with breast cancer, but I am down with girls with issues especially when they have money to go with those issues, it’s fun to partner up with them on their self-destructive path, because they usually don’t care enough to say no to any of your requests. Yes, I am talking about anal.

Here she is in a bikini.

Posted in:Bikini|Christina Ricci

2008

03

Sep

Holly Madison Upskirt Swing of the Day

Exhibitionist sluts who only have a career because they got naked aren’t exciting to watch flash the world while in clothes, pretty much because it is what they do and have already done. Sure you can look at that shit like it’s some free-spirit hippie bullshit where they think the naked body is a natural thing, or maybe she’s just drunk and unaware that she’s flashing the world her cooch, but the fact remains that I’ve already seen her naked and I am really only into accidental flashing like when I am at the bar and braless college girls pop out of their dresses or pass out in the corner with their dresses above their bare asses, because pantylines suck, but this Holly Madison upskirt just bores me. I’ll post it anyway.

Posted in:Holly Madison|Upskirt

2008

03

Sep

Christina Aguilera’s Got Some Big Ol’ Tits of the Day

I liked Christina Aguilera when she was tight bodied, bright faced and ready to take on the world when she was just Genie in the Bottle at 17 years old. Maybe I am drawn to teenage innocence, but I think I’m just not into haggard pornstar lookin’ chicks, because I know they have serious daddy issues, not that daddy issues are a bad thing, they are probably 95% of the reason I’ve ever had sex, but when admiring a pussy from afar, I am not down with fake tits and knowing she was flat chested and felt inadequate and bought herself a set of tits, really makes me hate her personality, mainly because every fake titty chick I know shows off their tits like they are a new hat because they aren’t really part of them but are something they bought, but for some reason I’ve never seen Aguilera’s shit bare. She should work on that.

Posted in:Christina Aguilera|Tits

2008

03

Sep

Michelle Hunziker’s Got a Hot Ass of the Day

Michelle Hunziker is pretty much a nobody at least I have no idea who she is, but I have never been good with names. I do know that she’s lookin’ pretty good in her bikini this past weekend and that’s all I have to say about that, I figure if I spend more time on this shit, I’ll be reminded that my wife and pretty much no one I know looks this decent in a bikini and I have enough disappointments to get me through the rest of the day, like the fact that my wife ate my box of Cheerios and she won’t give me more money to buy more, or that I won’t be getting drunk tonight because my wife is taking me to an AA meeting, but enough about me, just look at this ass.

Posted in:Bikini|Michelle Hunziker

2008

03

Sep

Puff Daddy Is Annoying as Fuck of the Day

Puff Daddy has an annoying DiddyTV channel on Youtube, and it’s nice to see that he’s really not that successful with it, if I was Diddy and I only had 140,000 views, I’d probably realize that means I am irrelevant. The dude is a rat who rode coattails to get where he is, whether it was with B.I.G. or girls he dated, his music always consistently sucked and he managed to sign some solid acts that made him really rich. In being rich, dude still is a tacky motherfucker no matter how expensive his suit is and this is a video of him flying a commercial airline because gas prices are too high to fly his private jet. I don’t think the gas prices are the real downfall of America, people like Diddy are. This is disgusting excess while people are starving and unable to pay their rent or mortgages but it made me laugh when he says he’s pursuing his acting career, that’s gotta be some kind of joke.

I used to talk to some social climbing jew who lived in New York and consistently banged Diddy when his wife at the time wasn’t around. He’d fly her to San Diego and places like that and would sometimes just get her to stroke his head like some kind of queer. He would always kick her out and wouldn’t pay for her cab and make her take the subway so I don’t think the gas prices are the issue, but Diddy is just a greedy piece of shit.

Either way, this video is offensive to anyone who isn’t worth half a billion dollars and should be reason for you to boycot him and contribute to him losing everything he’s got. It’d be nice to see this piece of shit back in the fuckin’ projects where he belongs.

This video is a week old. But I am slow.

Posted in:Asshole|Puff Daddy