I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

23

Jun

Katherine Heigl is Still in a Bikini of the Day

I don’t hate fat chicks, I make fat chicks. Over my lifetime, every single girl I have dated has gained weight. They have also managed to muster up the courage to leave me for other dudes after giving up on sex with me, but at least I know that as they try to starve off the weight they gained, that I made a difference in their life.

My wife holds the championship title of weight gain while giving her heart and by heart I mean large list of annoying issues and hangups that managed to surface about 3 months after I entered her life and she felt I was worthy of listening to all her fucking baggage and complaints and has also managed to put on 100 pounds from emotional eating, because I figure you can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves, so to shut her up I just give her pizza.

Point of all this is to say that when I rip into celebrities for being pigs, I don’t mean anything bad from it, sure there’s cellulite and dumpy asses and giving girls the wrong idea that fat can be hot but with cellulite and dumpy ass there is really only hope for hot fat tits and sometimes, fat tits don’t mean really huge nipples that aim to the ground, but usually they do, so girls if you’re out there, starve yourself.

Posted in:Bikini|Katherine Heigl

2008

23

Jun

Lily Allen’s Long Luscious Miscarriage Legs of the Day

I feel bad because I’ve been writing some pretty ripping commentary about Lily Allen’s miscarriage and that brought me happiness over the last few months, because I am a sick motherfucker. Unfortunately, a reader reached out and told me that they worked at the abortion clinic where Lily Allen got her baby sucked out of her and that it wasn’t a miscarriage at all.

at and now I feel bad about making jokes about the baby life wrongfully taken from him. He could have been the next president of something, inventor, Nick Lachey, the possibilities were endless but some selfish cunt decided to take the vaccuum to the motherfucker like some it’s some dust bunny in the corner of the room. Abortion is completely disgusting and unacceptabe and nothing that should be laughed at, just something that should be protested.

Either way, I doubt any of the 5 of you who reads this site work at Celebrity abortion clinics, in fact, I highly doubt you have jobs and stealing change out of your mom’s purse doesn’t count as work no matter how chanllenging it is. But here are some pictures of a stalky Lily Allen rockin’ out and by rockin’ out I mean discreetly giving us the finger like we were the fetus in her womb all while rockin’ her stupid cotton candy hair, cotton candy the baby she murdered won’t ever be able to eat, so Lily Allen’s guilt is making it up to him by only eating cotton candy and other sugar based delicacies, that’s how she stays so tight bodied, and by tight bodied I mean look’s a lot like the dude who played Willow .

Posted in:Lily Allen|Stalky

2008

23

Jun

Serena Williams and her Athletic Tits of the Day

Here is what looks like the fattest fat man tits I have ever seen. But the truth is that these things are attached to an Athlete. Now I don’t really know what that says about athleticism, because it looks like this Williams sister can eat my wife under the table, an olympic sport in and of itself, and suddenly I feel like I am not married to a morbidly obese, disgusting smelling, piece of shit of a woman, but I am in fact married to a marathon runner who just uses her old person state issued scooter cart to throw the competition off.

Posted in:Serena Williams|Tits

2008

23

Jun

Helen Hunt is In a Bikini 15 Years Too Late of the Day

I found myself at an Elementary School graduation ceremony this past weekend, as I tend to do every June. Not because I have kids in Elementary School or because I am some kind of creepy pervert who deserves to be arrested or because I like to scope out the moms and spot the thirteen year old girls who I think are going to turn out hot and discuss it with the father sitting next to me, I go for the free food and drinksthat the parent’s committee has lined up and struggle through the boring all for the brownies, I am pretty committed when it comes to free brownies.

Speaking of free brownies, I realized that those young girls, who aren’t quite kids and not quite adults have a whole lot to look forward to, their lives are like a blank slate ahead of them, and as they cry about moving onto the next phase of their life, I know that some will turn out hot and successful, some will become whores or drug addicts, lesbians or fat but all of that ahead of them is exciting, while all Helen Hunt has to look forward to is death. Here she is in a bikini. Something that reminds me of death. Enjoy.

Posted in:Bikini|Helen Hunt

2008

20

Jun

stepLINKS of the Day

A reader reached out to me and opened up about his own alocholism and appreciation of what I do and his desire to help me out of this rut to reach a healthy, productive life that will open up other doors and take me out of this rut. He suggested I go to AA and quitting the booze will make me feel 1000 times better. I think I will look into it, because if anything, I’ll at least have the stories of the people in AA to make fun of, even though that’s probably frowned upon, more to come, but until it does, here are some links for you to rock out to.

Sluts Having Sex to End the Week Off Right
GO

Shauna Sand and Her Silicone Are Out For a Night on the Town in Her Stripper Shoes
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Toy Story 2: Requiem
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Susana is Back and Wants to Help You Work Out Your Biceps
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Amy Winehouse is going to be Dead in 3 Months. Mark My Words
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Now Here’s a Paparazzi Who Deserves Some Credit For This Upskirt Picture
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Before They Were BoobJobs
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Prince Charles Shows Off His Fly Side
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The Top 10 Porn Star Topless Scenes in Mainstream Movies
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Keira Knightley Lookin’ Hot at an Event
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Get Some Self-Esteem For Christ Sakes
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Hooters Waitress Has the Last Laugh
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Kim Kardashian is a Cutter
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Rihanna Performing Live and Hot on the Today Show
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Twin Indian Belly Dancers Have a Threesome in Some Movie
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Ray J and 2 Members of Danity Kane Made a Sex Tape
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Cindy Margolis and Her New Playboy Pics
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Gemma Atkinson in Some Big Titty Bikini Pics
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Hulk Hoga is a Sick Fuck
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The Lead Singer of Saving Abel is Banging This Bikini Clad Wrestling Whore
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Some Hot Chick and Her Popsicle Cool Her Whole Hot Body Off
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Private Outdoor Party, Lesbo Style
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GNAR WARS!!
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Losers of Myspace
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Marisa Miller Gallery
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Sometimes a Fat Friend is a Good Friend to Have
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The House Bunny : Film Clip
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Sandy Goes Lesbian
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Viagra of Arabia
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Jessica James in Black Fishnet
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Kristen Bell Pretends to Be as Drunk as I Am
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Queefing on Command
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Blake Lively Short Dress
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Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
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Pam Anderson Talks About Some Stuff I Don’t Care About
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Striptease of the Day
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Abbey Brooks Shows Off
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Tarantula Pussy Weirdness
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An Ass Worth Smacking
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Elsa Pataky @ Mont Blanc White Nights Festival Reception
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Some Balloon Art That Would Have Been More Funny If It Was Made of Condoms
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Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
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Rhianna Wears a Dumb Hat
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Some Sexy Beach Babes
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Jennifer Waycott Looks Hot in Sexy Boots
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John Mayer Left THIS for Jennifer Aniston?
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Girls and Their Toys
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Lego Coaster!
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The Joy of Synchronized Swimming
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Casey Michelle is All Sorts of Sexy
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A Little Bit of Web Sex is Better Than the No Sex You Get Right Now
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Fun in the Lounge
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Mike Myers is a Diva
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Play with a Womens Clitoris Proper
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Britney Spears is Already Back from Seeing her Neice
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Hawaii Dreamgirls Will Have You Dreaming of the Islands
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Miss Universe Australia in Some Lingerie Photoshoot
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ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Hot Asian Chick In Her Underwear
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Crazy Topless Lesbian Whip Cream Party
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Some Naked Chubby Chick in Some Photoshoot
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BONUS: Montreal Sluts Get Wet to End the Week Right
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Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

20

Jun

Kristen Bell on the Beach With Some Asshole of the Day

I have issues with Dax, I don’t know it is watching his horrible performances on Punk’d or the fact that he works out excessively to distract girls from his funny lookin’ face, or that he looks like a frat boy motherfucker who would annoy the fuck out of me while I’m trying to get a drink at the bar and he’s trying to get all the attention from everyone in the bar to make up for his funny lookin’ face, but I do know that it’s got nothing to do with the fact that he’s railing Kristen Bell. There’s nothing hot about her, she’s about as standard as Dax Shepard getting rejected from both acting jobs and women alike before he got a bank account and manipulated the world that he was worth hiring in movies because he was part of a successful MTV show.

Either way, here they are in love and we can only hope their plane crashes on their way home because the world’s seen enough of them already and I think they’ve both lead a good life and need to make room for people with a little more talent.

Bonus – Here are Some Pictures of her Badly Playing a Drunk on Set Even Though You’d Have to Be Drunk To Get Up In Dax Sheppard

Posted in:Beach|Kristen Bell

2008

20

Jun

Christina Aguilera and Her Postpartum Depression of the Day

Sometimes it takes a little hormonal imbalances from giving birth to give you a little perspective that your life may not be as amazing as you thought it was.

Sure hiding behind your make-up may have been an effective way of hiding your true self and unhappiness from both yourself and the rest of the world but when you scratch beneath the surface you discover that you are just a less popular version of Britney, despite being convinced that you are more talented while the rest of the world worries about her and forget about you. You also realize that before you wrecked your body by having a baby, every dude in the world who wanted to fuck you now don’t care about you. Your husband you fell in love with may have a big dick and you may love getting fucked by him but everytime you look him in the face you wonder what the hell you did wrong to end up with such a weird lookin’ circus performer and pray that it won’t reflect badly the kid that is taking up all of your fucking time and energy and just won’t shut the fuck up leaving you at a loss, making you want to jump off a bridge or put the kids in a car and drive them into a lake in Vermont, but instead you go out clubbing and leave the baggage behind and I will drink to that.

Posted in:Christina Aguilera|Drunk

2008

20

Jun

Alli Sims Bikini Pictures of the Day

This is a product of the Britney Spears diet. Her name is Alli Simms and during all the break down, K-Fed years they were always seen together. I don’t know much about it other than the fact that she looks like he and Britney had a lot in common, mainly their eating habits because she’s so fuckin’ doughy, you wouldn’t be surprised if you walked in on Britney trying to eat her leg. The good news is that she knows she’s got some pounds to lose and I guess takes the Tyra Banks advice that everyone has a bikini body, just as long as you have a really big piece of fabric to cover your fat ass and stomach up. They call the surrongs, I call them a genius way to cover fat sluts up without them acknowledging that they are fat. Now if only they could find a sexy way to market a Burka so that the ugly bitch you’re fucking covers her busted up mug and thinks she’s just being fashionable. It’ll make things easier for you to get it up.

Posted in:Alli Sims|Bikini

2008

20

Jun

Mary Carey Rocks a Bikini of the Day

I used to have a hard enough time fucking hookers knowing that they had fucked so many dudes over the course of their career including a dozen before I was up in that shit. That’s why no matter how ragingly horny I was, I would never lick their pussies or kiss them, I would, for the most part, throw on a condom and get to work so that I could go on with my day.

What I don’t understand is how someone can date a pornster unless they are in porn too. Sure pornstars say that they are cleaner than the club sluts you meet because they get tested once a month, but their pussies are more abused that my neighbors daughter who has been raped 8 times and hospitalized because of broken bones from her dad and boyfriends.

I guess the only explination would be that dude’s just a fucking pervert and is obsessed with everything that is porn related and enough to deal with these broken down sluts on a non-sexual level, when he could just hire their pussies for an hour.

Either way, here is Mary Carey and a groupie boyfriend who probably thinks he’s won the lottery, until he relizes that porn stars don’t like sex unless it’s a job, like people who work in ice cream shops and can’t eat ice cream because it loses it’s allure and becomes disgusting but not nearly as disgusting as tasting Mary Carey’s spit.

Posted in:Bikini|Mary Carey

2008

20

Jun

Celine Dion Rockin’ The Mic Like it Was a Cock of the Day

Celine Dion is not worth jerking off to, but that’s unfortunate because I know french chicks and french chicks are fucking dirty. They are the kind of girls who initiate sex with you as they grab at your cock in the bar begging to suck it and once you go home with them ask you to stick in in their asses before you even tell them you want to fuck them in the ass, because you only met them an hour earlier. They are just always one step ahead.

The other good thing about French chicks is that despite all the shitty food they eat, they always manage to look amazing until they are about 25, at which point all the smoking, cum shots, cocaine, and drinking catches up with their faces making them look like an old catcher’s mit but that body carries on until their second kid hits.

I guess the real reason you should want to fuck Celine or girls from the same heritage as Celine is because they start young, they go for old and most importantly, if you teach them some tricks can make you millions.

Posted in:Celine Dion|Mic