I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

28

Mar

Leann Rimes Has a Gay Husband of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

So it looks like Leann Rime’s husband is more ladylike than she is. The reality is that girls love gay dudes and they dream about their gays that they shop and get the hair done with were straight on the regular, because they are just the best kind of guy there is. So when a gay denies his sexuality in exchange for living in the limelight with glamorous lifestyle with all the designer clothes, spa days and fancy dinners his gay hearts desire, it makes sticking their dick in a pussy a hell of a lot easier. It’s one of those close your eyes and hope for the best kind of things, with a major upside. It’s a lot like that time you let a dude suck my dick for coke and I am not judging because one slip up doesn’t make you a fag. I have always been in the school of thought that if push comes to shove and it’s a matter of survival, people have to do what they have to do and we all have the capacity to do things we hate doing. It’s the same reason people work shitty jobs to get buy or marry a slut they hate cuz her disability checks pay the rent. I guess repressing your sexual orientation for the acceptance of your family, or for the fabulous lifestyle only a successful country singer can give you, is worth it but since you’re too scared to follow your heart you’ll stick to jerking off to gay porn the rest of your life and never actually biting the bullet, and by bullet I mean random cock in the bath house, because like Leann Rimes’ boyfriend it’s easier to play straight even if you have a deep rooted need to dance.

The paparazzi made me take the pics down, but found one of them here
GO

Posted in:Gay Husband|Leann Rimes

2008

28

Mar

Audrina Patridge Gets a Tattoo Cuz She’s Hardcore of the Day

Audrina Patridge is hanging with the wrong crowd. Her candy coated rich kid upbringing kept her on the rich side of the tracks. You know with tennis lessons and summer camp and luxury cars and now she’s trying to give the finger to her family by hanging with some big breasted, tattooed, lesbian biker chick. In trying to keep up with her new crew, she’s decided that the only way to get respect from them is to go out and get a gang tattoo on her wrist, potentially the best club slut place to get a tattoo, the only thing worse than that shit is if bitch gets it in white ink and it’s a playboy bunny or the Chanel logo or some stupid saying in another language or some shit, like every stripper dreams of getting. I guess it’s not her fault she’s trying harder than the rich Jewish girl I met getting pierced and changed out of her Jewish Girl outfit of the day, and rocked leather and tight jeans like it was halloween and she was actually hardcore and not a spoiled brat. The only hope we have is that the needle is tainted and she gets herself some AIDS and the good news is that she’s enough of a slut to make that happen on her own, without dirty needles. Either way, she’s got good cleavage so stare at it a bit, like you were there…..

UPDATE Ashton Kutcher’s stupid show can’t lure anyone high profile to fuck with the media and this is his genius idea of tricking the media into writing about some no name d-list slut so that he can get the last lame laugh. If this is a segment on the show, dude needs some better writers because I am not posting it cuz I care she’s getting a tattoo, I am writing it cuz her tits are busting out of her shirt….

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|cleavage|Tattoo

2008

28

Mar

Miranda Kerr Funny Picture of the Day

One of these things is not like the other or some shit and that is why this picture made me laugh. It’s got pretty much nothing that you’d want out of a picture of a swimsuit model, like her wearing some bag-lady clothes in some stupid pedicure sandals she stole for the Korean nail lady but there’s a fuckin’ midget in the background and whenever I see midgets I always get excited. I think it’s because I used to fuck around with a midget chick when no other girls wanted anything to do with me and she was always eager helping my non existent self esteem. The other thing that helped my self esteem when rollin’ with her was how my dick always looked so big in her little midget hand. It made me want to join the circus and never get with regular sized girls ever again because I couldn’t deal with their judgmental ways, but instead I ended up with a girl 3 times my size and now have to live with my mistake for the rest of my worthless life. I guess the good news is that I will always have pictures of Hayden Panettiere to remind me of what once was…..

Posted in:Midget|Miranda Kerr

2008

28

Mar

Sienna Miller See Through Dress of the Day

I like Sienna Miller and I am not sure why. Maybe it’s because she seems like she’s stuck in some kind of time warp and doesn’t realize that she’s not a hippie trying to protest the war while running through a wildflower field in her expensive designer hippie clothes and unwashed hair while liberally using her nipple for change, or maybe it’s because I know she’s some kind of party girl who probably takes it up the ass because she’s not anal in the bad way. Either way, I am hungover and this shit is peaceful to me, but then again, any girl in a see-through dress is therapy for the life I’m livin.

Posted in:Nipple|See Through|Sienna Miller

2008

28

Mar

Simona Fusco’s Got Tits of the Day

I posted on this nobody in a bikini a couple of days ago and I seemed to have missed her tit pics. I figure that all you really care about is seeing her tits and that you’ve already taken her pics to photoshop in efforts of erasing the bikini in them, so these pics aren’t news to you because you feel like you’ve already been there and done that.

I guess they aren’t really news to me either, since she’s pretty much a fuckin’ nobody, but I am going to post them anyway since tits are tits, except when those tits are attached to a fat chick, then they are just the better yet still disgusting bi-product of overeating, while the other bi-product of overeating is big stinky shits, which are usually not all that fun unless you are into fecal art…then that shit is your palette…literally. Yeah I suck today.

Posted in:Simona Fusco|Tits

2008

28

Mar

Sophie Monk is Banging Paris’ Hilton’s Boyfriend of the Day

It was reported that these are pictures of Sophie Monk and Paris Hilton’s boyfriend pizza boy she found on the streets of New York a few months ago and decided to take under her labia and turn into some kind of male model, at least that’s the line she used to get him in her unprotected because I guess a slut like her doesn’t like condoms very much, and her uterus is so damaged from abortions that pregnancy scares just don’t happen anymore, and dude liked promises of riches and fame, so he did it. It’s like that time I used to tell girls I could make her famous because I was a producer and working on a yet to be released MTV show and all she had to do was suck me off to get an audition, sure i had my share of rejection but it was a numbers game and there was always a bitch dumb enough to fall for it.

Either was, I was pretty disgusted thinking that Sophie Monk did a wife swap with Paris Hilton, since Paris is fuckin’ her Good Charlotte sister and now she was supposed to be fuckin’ her import model, because I figured that Sophie Monk got the short end of the deal. Sure, fucking a phallic lookin’ object is better than fuckin’ Benji Madden, but not if Paris had been there first. I started thinking about how I don’t even like fucking my wife when she tells me about previous dudes she’s fucked or masturbated to, because it takes away my virgin thoughts I had of her. I knew she had kids, but I just figured it was some kind of immaculate conception and that I was the only person dirty enough to get in that. I also always hated getting with whores and being able to smell the last dirty homeless motherfucker who got a piece of her and I never liked fuckin’ girls when I knew their past sexual partners by face because everytime I fucked them all I could imagine is them there first and it made me feel like a bigger loser than I knew I already was.

A girl like Sophie Monk has the potential dating pool that is far deeper than any dating pool I’ve ever swam in, and even I managed to avoid fuckin’ sloppy seconds. Incestuous Hollywood is disgusting and the reason most actors are dirtier than pornstars, but the good news is that this isn’t even pictures of Sophie Monk and that this whole post was just a huge waste of time. Too late to not publish it now. Asshole.

Posted in:Hot|Sloppy Seconds|Sophie Monk

2008

28

Mar

stepLINKS of the Day

So someone reported me to the photo agency posting pictures I don’t own but that they own. Reality is I get shit off a forum and don’t know where they come from, so to me shit’s a found object, like the time I found a wallet with 80 dollars in the shit and bought myself 2 cases of beer. It was the closest I ever came to winning. If they want shit untouched, then keep it locked up better, because I am not about to research the source of a fuckin’ picture when I find it on the internet, it just doesn’t make sense to me and people reporting me a fuckin’ lame, like the loser in elementary school who tells the teacher that all the cool kids were out smoking cigarettes at lunch, getting us all suspended and the reason they have no friends….no one likes a narc.

Either way, some paparazzi agency emailed me this:

jessica-simpson-kinda-had-an-
upskirt-that-you-cant-see-of-the-day

sophie-monks-got-an-outty-
vagina-of-the-day

These images posted on your site belong exclusively to Fame Pictures and since you haven’t requested permission to use them, they are in direct violation of copyright infringement. I am glad to discuss an affordable rate plan for use of our images. Otherwise, remove the pics immediately or face the legal repercussions of unsolicited use.

Justin Smith
Fame Pictures
Sales Manager
JustinSmith@FamePictures.com
(310) 395-0559

This was my response:

Dear Justin Smith…If that is your real name because it sounds pretty fake to me,

I have permission to use them – thanks for the heads up but it’s all under control sweetheart. My site doesn’t make money so I can’t pay for pictures. But love the name of your company. Fame is so relevant for a paparazzi agency, you fuckers are more than just scumbags with camera, you actually have a really unique corporate vision. Speaking of Fame…I wanna live forever, you know like the shitty musical. You like that don’t you, you fuckin’ homo. Showtunes for life motherfucker…or should I say…brotherfucker.

You can tell the fucker who ratted me out to lick my fucking asshole, it’d be the closest thing he’s ever got to pussy because I know who he is and I know where he lives and I am always up for a good fuckin’ time. RESPECT,

Love

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Yeah, I know that was weak. I am drunk Now let’s hope there’s no lawsuit cuz I’ll have to shut down the site. Here are my links:

Mary-Kate Olson is Looking Fine
GO

Blind Fold Boxing
GO

Give Your Friend a Chicken Bullion Shower
GO

The Pussycat Dolls Are in Trouble
GO

Ashley Tisdale’s Giant Nipple
GO

Some Fine Bitches Your Virgin Ass Will Never Get to Touch Ever
GO

Some Sexy Sluts in Bikini
GO

Hot Girls and Beer Bongs, Like Peas and Carrots
GO

Sometimes It’s Fun to Leave a Little to the Imagination
GO

This May Help You Solve that Little “Virgin” Problem
GO

Well, After This I Def Need to Buy a Jeep
GO

I Gotta Day, I Am Lovin’ These X-tina Nursing Tits
GO

So Close To Seeing Janice Dickinson’s Shrivled Vagina
GO

Remy Ma is Going to Jail
GO

Sex is a Two Person Sport
GO

Kate Walsh is Standing Up for Sex Education. I Am Standing Up for Watching Sex with Kate Walsh
GO

X-Tina’s Neighbors Are a Bunch of Prudes
GO

Learn to Shake Your Ass Like a Black Chick, Then Teach Your Girlfriend If You Ever Get One
GO

The Toilet Lady’s Boyfriend is in a Whole Lot of Shit
GO

Watch This Chick Work Out While She Does Her Laundry
GO

Man I Really Need to Start Playing Golf
GO

Watch This Fleixble Chick and Imagine All The Things You Could Do to Her If She Wasn’t a Virgin
GO

Mommy Likes to Flash Her Tits
GO

Pass The Days With Porno
GO

Shay Lauren is Hanging Out In Lingerie
GO

Oh The Things You Come Across on the Net
GO

An Almost Jessica Simpson Upskirt
GO

Okay, Fergie Looks Like She is Made of Wax
GO

And Now, a Bikini Break
GO

Baby Needs Some Practice on the Pole
GO

Slut Apolonia Lives a Fairy Tale
GO

This Blonde Office Babe Just Doesn’t Get It
GO

I’m Not Really Sure What’s Going on Here, But I Laughed Anyways
GO

Anna Kournikova = Boners
GO

Some Throwback Monica Bellucci Nudes
GO

This is Vicky and She is Gettin’ Naked
GO

Alicia Witt is a Whore
GO

Women Who’s Name End With “A” Have Hotter Bodies Than Other Girls…It’s Proven
GO

Cameron Diaz Killed 2 People or Something
GO

Here’s a Bianca Beauchamp Fetish Model Gallery for You Perverts
GO

Deaf Guy Enjoys Spring Break Bodyshot
GO

Meet Spitzer Swallow’s New Escort
GO

The Fake American Apparel Artist Strikes Again
GO

Some Brown Chick in the Shower
GO

Sports By Brooks Girl Jackie Shows Off her Tits
GO

Here’s Some Slut Named Lucy
GO

Some Elisha Cuthbert Lookin’ Messy
GO

FROM PHOTOBUCKET

Photobucket Tits
GO

Pbotobucket Young Pussy
GO

Photobucket Wii Insertion
GO

FROM THE FORUM

Pre-Release Moby
GO

Pre-Release AZ – Undeniable
GO

Rilo Kiley – under the Blacklight
GO

Juliana Hatfield – In Exile Deo
GO

The Rockfords
GO

Kraftwerk – Autobahn
GO

Deep Pruple – Burn
GO

LIVE – Songs From the Black Mountain
GO

Spiderman 2 Music
GO

Spice 1 – AmeriKKKa’s Nightmare
GO

Eric Clapton Discography
GO

Thongs
GO

Bikini Clad Midget
GO

Awesome Car that i Won’t Drive
GO

Forgive Me Father
GO

James Lidell
GO

Evanesence
GO

King Crimson
GO

Eric Clapton
GO

Bonde Do Role
GO

The Photoshop Thread
GO

Monopoly 2008
GO

Spitzer’s Gal
GO

Avril Lavigne
GO

Here’s a Song About a Pepaw
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

27

Mar

Paris Hilton Offends Turkey of the Day

You would think that Paris Hilton would offend a country just by entering it, but it turns out that she has the capacity to go even further by taking their traditions and giving them herpes by posing in her stupid way that someone mistakenly told her was cute and she hasn’t stopped doing since. It’s a lot like that time I went to some native american rights protest and danced around slappin my mouth like I didn’t pay taxes.

I guess the biggest shock was that she was asked to be a guest judge for their country’s beauty pageant which doesn’t really say much for Turkish women, but knowing me, I’d probably still ask them to let me watch them bath, you just can’t stop a pervert.

Posted in:Offensive|Paris Hilton|Turkey

2008

27

Mar

Lindsay Lohan’s Legs Rub Together When She Walks of the Day

So it turns out that Lindsay Lohan’s thighs rub together when she walks, which isn’t really that big of a deal considering my wife’s tits rub her thighs when she walks, but then again my wife’s idea of walking is sitting on our ghetto couch and in all fairness to my wife, she’s not a celebrity and never will be, unless she’d doing the before pictures for some weightloss scam that they will photoshop a fit girl’s face onto to sell product. In reality, my wife being fat is all my fault because I told her I was tired of fucking her and wanted a blow-up doll. Since, she’s french she understood that I wanted a bouncy castle and decided to turn herself into one, at least that’s the only explanation I have for what has proven to be a really disgusting part of my life.

Either way, here’s Lohan’s thick drug addicted thighs rubbin’ together.

Bonus – Some Shitty See Through Action from the Other Day:

Posted in:Leggings|Legs|Lindsay Lohan|Thick

2008

27

Mar

Kim Kardashian’s Got No Make-Up On But She’s Got an Eyebrow of the Day

These pictures were listed as being Kim Kardashian with no make-up on, something I am pretty convinced doesn’t exist because she’s more into make-up than a drag queen trying to trick me into letting him suck my dick because he’s a girl and it gets me every time because I always fall for it….

Either way, I can’t tell what her deal is because I am too busy worrying about that eyebrow she’s got living on her forehead and I have a feeling that it is slowly trying to take over her face. Maybe it’s her dad’s reincarnated some new growth on her unibrow and he’s trying to make her look vile because he’s tired of her draggin’ his name through the mud by having nature channel sex on video but I guess that theory is pretty unlikely and it’s just her Armenian genetics, something a lot less exciting that my original theory.

Posted in:Eyebrow|Kim Kardashian|No Make Up