I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

15

Feb

Bandarazzi is a Band’s Mission to Be Seen of the Day

A Cursive Memory – EVERYTHING

So this band’s homemade video is of them getting themselves in front of the paparazzi and next to the celebrities. They are called A Cursive Memory and this shit was probably bankrolled by a record label because I know that I’ve never got that close to anyone famous without being beat up by security, but it’s still worth watching. It’s like that Nickelback video without the annoyingness of the Nickelback song but they have their own breed of annoying and that is this homo pop sounding shit that’s good for you to get down and dirty with your best friend when you both realize that girls don’t like you and figure a mouth is a mouth even if it is the mouth of a dude you’ve known since you were on the same little league team because it’s better than your hand…..right?

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

14

Feb

Lindsay Lohan is my Valentine of the Day

So Lohan doesn’t know this site exists but she’s been my Valentine for the last 3 years I have been doing this shit. I decided a long time ago that I needed to focus on one celebrity back then and I went with Lohan. I ended up scoring her phone number and left her a lot of creepy messages on her answering machine in hopes of her filing a restraining order or to even get me arrested. I figured it would have been good publicity and since she’s so loose in the hips, I probably would have ended up marrying her. She never called me back so I’d like to say something like “it’s her loss” like I am better than she is and like she’s missing out or something that makes my low self esteem feel better about myself, but I figure that the reality is that we are both missing out because a love this strong shouldn’t be ignored…and by love I mean I want to get her pregnant and live on her couch because it would make for a better life.

Either way, she brought her tits out for you all to enjoy and this is where the jealousy comes in and I gotta say stop lookin’ at my girl like that motherfucker. It’s making me mad. Cuddles.

PS – I can’t link to my stalker posts because my site is broken….but if you’re crafty enough you will use the search box to find it….

Posted in:cleavage|Lindsay Lohan|Soulmate|Tits

2008

14

Feb

Jane Fonda Drops Cunt on TV of the Day

This was a funny clip that reminded me of Valentine’s Day but probably doesn’t remind you of Valentine’s Day because Jane Fonda says Cunt on morning TV making me believe that things in mainstream media are slowly moving to the stepSIDE…..Either way cunt reminds me of Valentine’s Day because the shit is so accessible today, every single girl or girl who’s boyfriend didn’t get her a nice enough gift is out there ready to get her legs spread like butter on toast by anyone they can get because Valentine’s Day is a total mindfuck for chicks that makes them either feel completely inadequate or completely amazing depending how it is played out….

Anyway – Since you don’t get cunt, even on the easiest day to get cunt it would be more appropriate if she said something like “Lonely Virgin who will live a sad life and die alone after years of let downs but will always have his hand to satisfy him until losing all interest in sex and giving up on boners and orgasms or until that really inconvenient accident that happens when building a shed in the backyard to store your Star Wars memorabilia leaves you crippled and handless, unable to masturbate but at least you’ll always have the option of whores once you get past the neurotic behavior you’ve developed being alone for so long, making you scared of hiring whores partially because you don’t know how to fuck chicks and don’t want to look bad or feel unable satisfy someone with so experience and because you’re lonely life has led you to being a bit of a hypochondriac and whores are dirtier than your immaculately clean home and bed sheets you obsessively change everyday because it gives you something to do at night during commercial breaks of your favorite shows”……..or something like that….

Posted in:Cunt|Good Morning America|Jane Fonda

2008

14

Feb

Super Jordan’s Got Nipples of the Day

I was surprised to see these pictures of Jordan’s nipples because I assumed with all the surgery she’s had the fucker would have fallen off by now but I was wrong, it happens. I guess she just doesn’t have any sensation left in her tit, so when it busts out of stupid bustiers she doesn’t realize it.

Here she is signing some book she apparently wrote herself or something equally obnoxious like thinking any of us care about anything about her beyond her tits, but not as obnoxious as the fact that she has a stage name and a real name like every stripper who has broken my heart and pornstar I’ve had sex with without them knowing and not because my small penis doesn’t touch the walls of their big porn vaginas, but because they weren’t in the room with me. Or as obnoxious as her stripping outfit that she wore out in public or as if it shouldn’t have been left at home in the bedroom for her freaky husband. But not as obnoxious as her retarded baby Harvey when you steal his ball from him….and no I’m not talking about mommy’s breast implant she left lying around the house…oh wait…yes I am….that big little dude’s got some superhero strength when he doesn’t get his retarded way….

Either way, it’s Valentine’s Day and I wish you and the homemade fake vagina you call your lover a glorious day. I just hope that model glue, popsicle sticks and chewed up pink bubble gum last another couple of months for you, because I’d hate to see you alone.

Posted in:Implants|Jordan|Katie Price|New Tits|Nipples|Tits

2008

14

Feb

Miley Cyrus Wears a Bra of the Day

Miley Cyrus is taking over the world and it’s not with her big tits, it’s with her stupid lyrics and her country all american trash twang and here she is in a see-through shirt showing off her bra. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with today’s youth but it’s freaking me out. First the little Spears gets knocked up which usually means she’s fucking and letting dudes bust in her and the most recent rumor is that she’s offering her pussy up to other dudes now because she’s already pregnant and can’t get pregnant again and now Miley Cyrus is wearing a bra like she’s some kind of adult. I wonder if her dad approved of this or if he’s too busy in the basement trying to sort out another song to break free from being a one hit wonder with obnoxious hair.

I guess girls just wanna grow the fuck before their time and I know that you may not be complaining now while you anxiously await their sex tapes and nude pictures to hit while chatting up 15 year olds on Myspace hoping they fall in love with you and come visit you when they turn 18, like planting your seed, but wait until you have a daughter and she starts suckin’ dick in preschool because that’s the route we’re taking, I doubt you’ll be that into it, but then again I wouldn’t put it past you because based on the kind of readers I have, you are probably the one who taught her that trick. You sick fuck.

I guess the good news is that you’re the kind of guy no bitch would let knock up, not even the crazy fucking girls who just want anyone to knock them up and take it so far as to ask the homeless dude down the street for a sperm sample stay the fuck away from you and that’s probably a good thing for humanity….we don’t want more of you running around.

Point of this post is to say that I don’t find Miley all that good lookin’, sure she’s still a kid but you can tell by her teeth she’s going to stay pretty busted. I am interested in meeting her best friend Lesley, because I hear her name over and over in that stupid song so Lesley be my Valentine you are already such an integral part of my radio listening. That’s the end of this post. I know… FINALLY.

Posted in:Bra|Miley Cyrus|See Through

2008

14

Feb

Jami Gertz Bikini Pictures of the Day

Her name is Jami Gertz and she is in a bikini for Valentine’s Day, is a mom of three, is 43 and despite her monkey-like posture looks a hell of a lot better than Ivana Trump.

I’ve never heard of this girl, but then again I’ve never heard of many people. I am an idiot. I do know that she played Gilda Radner in some made for TV movie and if that’s not hot, I don’t know what is. Gilda Radner may be seen as some kind of legend, but I don’t think I’ve ever got busy with myself to old episodes of her on Saturday Night live. She may have made people laugh but her character had as much sex appeal as my Aids ridden neighbor’s ass, who is also annoying and has stupid jokes and will die before his time, but this Jami Gertz won’t be playing him in a made-for=TV movie, because no one cares about him since he wasn’t on Saturday Night Live. He’s just a heroin addict who used dirty needles and could never hold down a job or lasting relationships. If only he was on Saturday Night live, then maybe he would go down as a legend. Now the only going down he does is to the pharmacy for his meds and down the stairs everyday to find that I’ve stolen his paper. I figure he doesn’t need it.

This post seems depressing – I guess this is proof that you really shouldn’t joke about some things. Happy Valentines Day.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jami Gertz|Tits

2008

14

Feb

Amy Smart has a Nipple Slip of the Day

Amy Smart is stupid.

Be my Valentine.

Thanks.

Posted in:Amy Smart|Nipple|Slip

2008

14

Feb

Kanye West’s New Video Flashing Lights of the Day

Here’s Kayne’s fourth single from his album called Flashing Lights. If you’re wondering why I am posting it, it’s pretty fucking simple. There’s a girl stripping out of a dress and into some pretty serious lingerie with some pretty serious tits and a pretty serious ass and she’s killing Kanye so he can be with his Mama or some shit cuz little baby misses his Mama…

I remember a time before the internet when the only thing on TV to jerk off to was the music videos, late night infomercials, Jennifer Aniston’s tits on friends because her nipples were always hard, Gymnastic competitions, Swimming competitions, Figure Skating Competitions, scrambled porn, late night movies that would show a little nipple sometimes, fashion shows, the news, Roseanne, Grace Under Fire because I like lesbians, reruns of Giligan’s Island, the Brady Bunch….I guess when you’re a pervert there’s no shortage of shit to jerk off to but what I am getting at is that this is a music video that would have come in handy in a different era, so enjoy.

Girl in the video, will you be my Valentine…just don’t kill me, too many people will miss me….mainly me.

Posted in:Flashing Lights|Hot Chick|Kanye West|Music Video

2008

14

Feb

Pam Anderson Leaving a Lingerie Shop in Paris of the Day

So today is Pamela Anderson’s big Valentine’s Day striptease performance at some legendary Parisian club and she is rumored to be going fully nude. Now one would think that this bitch is too old and washed up to be getting naked for anyone other than her Gyno and the random wanderers who have no where better to go, but it turns out that her tits are only about 15 years old and that’s not really counting the upgrades she’s had done to them. So in reality, watching her tits is on some next level pedophilia and that makes me uncomfortable. The good news is that the rest of her is falling apart and I wouldn’t be surprised if her Uterus flew out of her and landed in some french man’s soup. The good news is that french people love soup so that won’t ruin it for him. Like the time I dropped a slice of pizza I bought with my last dollar a few years ago that some asshole spat on because I slapped his girls ass in line waiting…no wait I used that dollar to try to trick a wasted hooker into giving me a blowjob by telling her it was a 100 and I found the pizza on the ground after the asshole beat up the guy in front of me thinking he grabbed his girlfriend’s ass…when it was really me. I guess I have no problem with people I don’t know taking the heat for me…but I do know that hooker I confused tasted a hell of a lot worse than my dirty pizza and I assume Pam Anderson is just somewhere in between.

Either way, good luck with your dance Pam, it may be your last chance to shine and when you’re done will your old lady hepatitis vagina and big ol’ trashy tits be my Valentine?

Posted in:Lingerie|Pam Anderson|Paris

2008

14

Feb

Kevin Federline on One Tree Hill of the Day

In case you didn’t realize, my images are still not working, so I am forced to post video. I figured that having a site that doesn’t fully work sucks, so I might as well throw up videos that suck. Here is K-Fed on the show One Tree Hill doing some acting while the girl he ruined is in the gutter somewhere . I have never seen the show and don’t expect to ever see the show, even if I owned a TV and it was the only thing on every channel and I was told that if I didn’t watch an hour of TV a day, I would die…because I’d rather be dead than be subject to this kind of teenage girl smut.

Watching K-Fed try to formulate a sentence he probably spent days trying to memorize in his thick redneck hip hop accent is funny, it is about as natural as his intentions to marry and knock up a popstar for a solid retirement plan, but I have a thing for bad acting, it reminds me that what I am watching isn’t real and I wish I could bad act my way through life but people would just look at me weird. I tried it once when ordering coffee and I pretended to forget my lines and the bitch working the cash had no patience for that and served the person in line behind me. This is a cruel world we live in and I’ve learned that first hand….

I just hope his performance in pretending to love Britney was a little more believable, but I guess it wouldn’t really matter if it was, she was probably too busy not showering and making him eat her rank vagina filled with his 3 day old super-potent sperm to notice….I guess we all believe things we convince ourselves to because we think they will make us happy….that’s why hindsight is 20/20.

K-Fed, will you teach me your masterful ways in financial planning and introduce me to some rich starlets who will be my Valentine after I trick them into marrying me and destroying them emotionally after they let me knock them up?

Posted in:Acting|Kevin Federline|One Tree Hill