I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

16

Nov

I am – Fergie Sex Tape of the Day

I am calling fake on this one. There are so many tight bodied party sluts with haggard faces. Half of the strippers in this city look like Fergie and dress like her too. I am not sure what came first the Fergie or the Fergie outfit, because I wouldn’t be surprised if these bitches sat around analyzing her videos and copying her game because she’s an idol of theirs, like one of their own who actually made it in the world and doesn’t have to do 10 dollar lap dances anymore to pay for her cocaine and that’s inspiring to whores everywhere.

Either way, watch the video


Related Posts:

Meg White Sex Tape
Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Clips
Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Previews
Paris Hilton Exposed Pictures

Posted in:Fergie|Masturbating|Sex Tape|Unsorted

2007

16

Nov

I am – Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert Party Together of the Day

paris_elisha_party_top.jpg

I can’t figure out what’s worse, partying with Paris Hilton or partying with Paris Hilton and taking a backseat to her when the paparazzi hits, because they have more interest in her than you, when you’re the one who is supposed to be a movie star and she’s just a tranny lookin’ rich kid with a sex tape. It’s gotta be one of those desperate times callin’ for desperate measures in Elisha Cuthbert’s career but at least she’s wearing a Jewish Outfit of the Day because Jews always succeed and this projection shit may work…..I’ll admit, I didn’t really spend all that much time thinking about this important issue and Ididn’t spend all that much time writing this post. I’m sick, it happens, Fuck You.


Related Posts:

Elisha Cuthbert is a Jewish Retiree
Elisha Cuthbert’s Sweater Tits
Paris Hilton’s Abortion Stain
Paris Hilton Does stepTV

Posted in:Elisha Cuthbert|Paris Hilton|Party|Unsorted

2007

16

Nov

I am – Amanda Bynes’ Legs of the Day

amanda_bynes_legs_top.jpg

I met a doctor at a coffee shop the other day and he told me that 74% of the population contracts HPV at some point in their life and the chances of me not having HPV are pretty much non existent, without even taking my sexual history into consideration, shit’s just a numbers game. If he knew the shit I’ve stuck my dick inside over the years, he’d probably be telling me all the other shit that I could have, but since I didn’t know the guy, I didn’t bother go into it with him.

He also said that it’s really not a big deal for dudes, and that unless you have a major genital wart outbreak, you probably don’t know you have it, and girls are the ones who have to worry because a small percentage get vagina cancer and the cure to vagina cancer is taking out their lady parts making them incapable of having kids then he threw up his hand for a high five, I guess thinking that not being able to knock up a bitch is awesome.

That said, Amanda Bynes probably has HPV and if she doesn’t I know a pretty easy way to make those dreams come true. Come on baby, join the masses, you know no one wants to be the freak slotted into the 26% minority filled with virgins…Getting busy means getting trendy.


Related Posts:

Amanda Bynes at the Fredrick’s of Hollywood Fashion Show
Amanda Bynes Has Big Ol’ Nipples
Amanda Bynes Does the Zellwgger Face
Amanda Bynes was 21

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Legs|Skirt|Unsorted

2007

16

Nov

I am – People Who Attended the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

vs_arrivals_top.jpg

Some dude just dropped a your mom joke on me and I fucking love your mom jokes, not because I find them that inspiring or creative and totally played the fuck out, but because my mom died when I was a kid and I like to reverse the your mom joke on the motherfucker because any normal person feels bad about droppin that shit on me and that is a lot funnier than saying “your mom” or “that’s what your mom said”. So today I told some dude that he’s awesome for hooking me up with something and he said “that’s what your mom said” and I said:

You know my mom? I thought she died when i was 5…I guess she just ran away from us and the priest who ran the orphanage told us she had died because he didn’t want us feeling like we were abandoned. Tell her I say hi and that I expect my birthday and christmas gifts from the last 32 years in cash.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are pictures of the arrivals of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because I know that girls get off on seeing other girls in their lingerie. It’s like some competitive shit that makes them feel sexy and insecure and makes them want to suck their boyfriend’s dick harder than ever all at the same time, in some weird trying to reclaim that they are the most desirable vagina or some shit.

Hayden Panettiere’s Researching for the Day She Graduates Out of Her Midget Training Bra

Stacy Keibler’s Legs Need a Bra of their Own….cuz They Are So Long, They Are Like a Person of Their Own

Eva Longoria is Mexican and Doesn’t Buy Her Underwear in Packs of 6 from Wal Mart

Rachel Leigh Cook’s Cleavage Lookin’ For Support

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge because they are Useless

Kat Von D wearing some Crazy fucking Pants cuz She’s Such an Original and Not Trying Hard at All….

Ana Oritz because She’s Got Some Good Cleavage, But I have No Idea Who She Is…


Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Picture

Posted in:Arrivals|Audrina Patridge|Eva Longoria|Hayden Panettiere|Kat Von D|Lauren Conrad|Rachel Leigh Cook|Stacy Keibler|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

16

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

vs_fashion_show.jpg

Here’s a big surprise for you, I had no idea that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was going down last night because I am bad at this shit and generally don’t really care about shit that’s going on. So it was a morning email surprise and now I have a ton of pictures of the event to share with you, so you don’t have to watch the shit when it hits your TV later in the year, or whenever the fuck they air them because your mom will probably be watching them too, and it’s always embarrassing getting a boner with your mom on the couch next to you.

Either way I usually feel like a virgin faggot when I finish writing a post on cleavage or hot asses, because I am more into creeping on girls in real life than writing shit about celebrities I don’t care about on the internet, but the difference in this post is that I do care. I have a thing for Bikini and Lingerie models that you probably understand and have made a point in my life to marry one. Since that never worked out for me I’ve always dated half-rate, discount, bargain basements, last weeks kitchen garbage, versions of bikini models, because let’s face it, my wife would have it going on if she got Gastric Bypass, lost 200 lbs and got surgery to remove the excess skin that left huge scars and stretch marks all over her body, breast implants and maybe even a new face and time machine that turned her 25 again….so in a lot of ways I guess I am dating a Lingerie/Bikini model, I just don’t know it because I am too negative to see what I have before my eyes because she’s fucking disgusting lookin….when if I look really deep, beneath all that disgusting is a hot girl suffocating to death….

Bonus – Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham and Geri “Ginger Spice” Haliwell Performing at Half Time…..


Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin
Live Bloggin’ the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Last Year
Lima, Kurkova and Gisele at a Perfume Launch

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Fashion Show|Heidi Klum|Lingerie|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

16

Nov

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

picture-78.jpg

I have a cold and feel like I am dying but that’s a big deal because I always feel like I am dying, but today it is bad enough for me to not drink and that depresses me because it’s thursday night and that’s the best night to go creep on young girls. I’d be sad about it but I have no heart so it never burns, just when i pee but that’s a whole other issue that I am not going to get into because I’d rather just give you my links….

Here are my links.

Some Crazy Fat Tits on Mamie Van Doren
GO

Britney Spears Walking Around With Her Ass Hanging Out Pictures
GO

Some Teen Shaking her Tight Booty Amazingness
GO

Dude Shove His Roommates Toothbrush Up His Ass and Films Him Using It
GO

The Sophie Monk Nude Scene Video Amazingness
GO

Pam Anderson Brain Washing Homeless People By Giving them Free Vegetarian Food
GO

This Loser Called in Sick TO Work on Halloween, But Posted These Pics on Facebook and Got Caught
GO

How About Some Pictures of a Hot Anorexic Bitch Showing Off How Flexible She Is
GO

This is the Nipple Song
GO

Some Girls Aren’t Built for Microbikinis….This is One of them
GO

Some Nude Latina on the Beach Lookin’ Better Than I Look on the Beach
GO

Some Chick Named Fearne Cotton in Pictures
GO

Lohan Goes To Jail for A Little Over an Hour….Enough Time to Get Raped By Me, I Only Need About 2 Minutes
GO

Kylie Minogue’s Nipple in a Wet T-Shirt
GO

Bill Gates At a Kelly Clarkson Concert Because Clearly Money Doesn’t By Taste
GO

Ashlee Simpson and Her Gay Boyfriend – Together in Love
GO

Rose McGowan Topless and Getting Fucked in Some Movie….Vintage But Good Times…and I am all About the Good Times
GO

Sexploitation Movie About “Weird Love Makers”
GO

Paris Hilton Grinding the Stripper Pole Better than She Grinds a Dick Video
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio in a Silk Robe to Promote the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
GO

Amy Winehouse Dealing With the Cops in Her Bra
GO

Hilary Duff Taking her Ass To Pilates
GO

A Natalie Portman Almost Upskirt Moment
GO

Hot Alligator Porn
GO

Britney Spears Running Over Another Photographer’s Foot
GO

Jennifer Ellison Lingerie Pics for you to Make Love To Yourself With
GO

The Sexy Chopstick Bra
GO

The Smell Yo Dick Song
GO

You Need Some “Period Fisting” In Your Life, Cuz You are Weird
GO

A Transformers Costume for the Virgins Out There
GO

LA Clippers Cheerleader Has a Secret Talent and It’s Not Very Sexy
GO

Some Guy’ Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup
GO

Some Brazilian Sisters Getting Naked and Wet Together to a Bad Song
GO

Some Psycho Bitch Going Crazy On People at a Party
GO

Some Dude Gets Caught Fucking His Bike
GO

Britney Spears Either Has a Bad Wax Job, Smeared Her Make-Up or is Having a Herpes Outbreak….Either Way, Her Lip Rash Is Making Me Feel Sexy, based on comparison of course…
GO

Ana Beatriz in a Hot Photoshoot
GO

Petra Nemcova is Hot at a Movie Premiere
GO

Pete Doherty is Snorting Drugs on Camera Again
GO

Some Monkey Reliving 2 Girls 1 Cup
GO

Sean Connery Claims He Lost His Virginity When he Was 18
GO

Some Cam Girl Ripping Off Her Shirt Video
GO

The Most Intense Fucking Machine a Nerd’s Ever Built Ever…
GO

Some Girls in Sports Bras Doing the Daft Punk Dance
GO

Some Man in the Fridge Prank
GO

Burnt Asshole Video
GO

This is the Sluttiest Way to Drink Water I’ve Ever Seen
GO

Some Teen Shows Her Tits and Box on Webcam…..And The Person She Showed Releases it for all of Us…
GO

Santa is Banned from saying “HO HO HO” in Australia because it is Demeaning to Women Because All Women are Whores….and Don’t Like Being Called Out on It
GO

David Letterman is Personally Paying All His Non-Writing Staff When Other Networks Have Fired Those Motherfuckers….What a Nice Guy…
GO

Dita Von Teese in NYC Cuz You Like Dead People in Lingerie
GO

Some Old Video of Some Bitch Dancing
GO

Nomal Girls Grabbing Cock Because They Are Drunk And All Girls Are Sluts
GO

Some Dirty Photobucket Album
GO

Ron’s Apartment is a Porn Site You May Like
GO

Use this Spray to Get Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Heidi Klum’s Naked in a Magazine of the Day

heidi_klum_max_naked4.jpg

So these pictures from some Max Magazine hit today and they are of Heidi Klum, not lookin’ like Heidi Klum with some kind of sheer sheet artistically covering her goods, which was probably done intentionally because who knows what damage Seal and his babies have done to her box, if shit looks anything like his face, I don’t care how hot a bitch is, that shit better stay under wraps, like an Orthodox Jewish couple trying to make babies through the sheet, so dude doesn’t have to make any contact with the bitch, but still gets to fuck her because fuckin’ her is what makes them babies to build their own army to take over the world. If that shit was a movie, it’d be called Bad News Jews.

I was always so disappointed every time I’d get with a hot girl who had a perfect body only to find out that her vagina either looked like a pinkish brown bowl of cottage cheese or smelled like a fuckin’ sewer. I am sure I wasn’t as disappointed as they were when they found out that my penis looked more like a vagina that their vagina did, because let’s face it, girls like huge cock and not over-sized clits, unless they are lesbians/rape victims, in which case they don’t like any cock, and I never really minded fucking a bowl of cottage cheese, as long as it wasn’t too cold…because I have no real standards.

Either way, here are those Klum magazine pics:


Related Posts:

Heidi Klum Relives the Past
Heidi Klum is a Cat on Halloween
Heidi Klum Likes Black People
Heidi Klum Does All The Work While Seal Watches

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Magazine|Naked|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Hilary Duff Leaving a Massage Parlor of the Day

hilary_duff_massage_top.jpg

Finally, Hilary Duff and you have something in common. These are pictures of her leaving a massage parlor, something you’ve got a lot of experience with, but you usually sneak out of that shit with a hood on a 4 am because you don’t want us knowing you get hand jobs from 40 year old asian bitches.

I went to a massage parlor a few times, I didn’t have the money to do the rub and tug shit, and I didn’t really want her dirty hand job hands rubbin’ me up and down, but I was drunk and thought it would be funny to see how they work.

Basically, you walk in and the pimp seats you in your own private room. He sends in 10 drug addicted chicks in bikinis to do a little show for you, one by one, for you to decide which one you want. So as each girl came in one and did their little dance, I’d reject them for whatever flaw I could find after making them flash me their pussies, or touch their toes or crawl around the floor or balance on one leg or do the running man or whatever stupid shit I could convince them to do because I am into making whores look like assholes.

I kinda felt like the king of the massage parlor, you know making these girls do embarrassing shit for me for free until the guy was out of girls and I caused a scene about how shitty his girls were and that I just came to get a hand job and now I’ve wasted an hour of my life and went to storm out… but the problem was that the drunk dude I was there with who was in a room of his own, wasn’t as poor or strong as me and ended up getting a massage from the rattiest lookin’ slut in the place and I was forced to sit in the waiting room for another fuckin’ hour like a total asshole.

Speaking of assholes, I wonder what the slag who rubbed Hilary Duff out looked like. I bet she was all high end and designer because Hilary Duff’s got more that 15 dollars to spend on that shit….and based on her fuckin’ ear-to-ear smile, she was pretty fuckin’ good.


Related Posts:

Hilary Duff Does stepTV
Hilary Duff Eats Ice Cream
Hilary Duff’s Wet and Has Nipples
Hilary Duff’s Ass at the Latin Music Awards

Posted in:Hilary Duff|Massage|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Apple Bottom Like Apples of the Day

kim_kardashian_ass_top.jpg

I think she did this shit on purpose. What are the chances of a bitch with an apple bottom posing with fuckin’ apples? It’s like she went out with her on staff paparazzi and was like, people always freak out over my ass, how about we get a shot of me bending over with an apple in hand, it’ll be so funny and ironic and creative and reality is that it’s none of those things, it’s just lame and her ass isn’t comparable to an apple, but more to apple pie and way too much of it. Bitch needs to hit the stair master in a big way, and by big I mean, she’s fat.

I am pretty sick today, been in bed all day, so writing about Kim Kardashians fat ass is about as exciting as waking up with a snot covered face and pillow making me feel like I was just in a gay orgy or some shit.

I don’t know why she’s wearing two different outfits in these pics, I can only assume it’s because she shit herself. I guess that would also explain her shit smeared skin color….it comes with the territory when your ass is that massive. It’s like wondering why your hummer burns so much fuel, not that you have a hummer, you’re too busy being unemployed to ever really afford much more than a skateboard, even though you aren’t even cool enough to skateboard…you’re more of a rollerblader like DJ AM, only he does that shit in bicycle shorts and is so gay that he makes them shorts look straight.


Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Pussy Preview
Kim Kardashian’s Tits are Insane
Kim Kardashian’s Tits Blow Out Candles

Posted in:Apple Bottom|Ass|Booty|Kim Kardashian|Unsorted

2007

15

Nov

I am – Elle Macpherson Posing to Promote her Lingerie of the Day

elle_macpherson_lingerie3.jpg

I am obviously not very good at marketing, I have a shitty website no one reads and I can’t even get the 2 girls who read my site to get naked for me, but I do know one thing and that is that if Elle Macpherson is promoting her lingerie line, she’d be better off doing it in lingerie and not fully fuckin’ clothed. The only thing she is showing off is the one thing she probably should be keeping locked up, because her fuckin’ feet are big and scare me.

I know that some of you are into this whole foot fetish shit, and that for some reason that fetish has become accepted even if it’s fuckin’ weird, but like most supermodels, bitch is tall, and when a bitch is tall, she usually has big fuckin’ feet to help her balance her 6 foot tall frame, and as much as I love models, I hate girls with big feet.

But this isn’t about me, it’s about Elle Macpherson being a boring old lady when she’s still got it going on and could have made all of our day a better one, but instead decides to cock tease us by not getting naked even after we’ve all seen her naked. It’s like hanging out with a girl you’ve bagged in hopes of recycling that shit cuz it’s good for the environment, and by environment I mean balls, but she won’t give it up because girls control the vagina and think you’re gross but like you’re company. Maybe next time you get with them, you can carry their bags for them and compare stories about when you got you first period, because bitch just amputated your vagina and turned you into a bitch.


Related Posts:

Elle Macpherson’s See Through Shirt

Elle Macpherson is Surfing in a Bikini
Elle Macpherson Rides Bikes

Posted in:Boring|Elle Macpherson|Lingerie|Unsorted