I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

12

Jun

I am – Serena Williams Bikini Body of the Day

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So to balance out the day, I figured I’d throw up these Serena Williams bikini pictures, even though I linked these fuckers in the stepLINKS last night. If you’re wondering what I mean by balance shit out, I am not talking about throwing this thick piece of ass on a scale to prove that her workout regime has gone totally fucking wrong, I am not really sure what I am talking about, but I was thinking along the lines of since my last 2 posts were of chicks in bikinis, I should give some airtime to dudes in a bikini.

I think it’s safe to say that her boyfriend is wallet fucking her or trying to get ahead in his own career as a possible hip hop MC or some shit and getting in paparazzi pictures is a solid way to promote yourself because there is no way he’s with her because she’s a good fuck or because she’s a gentle lady.

All the masking your sexuality and taking female hormones all because her dad wanted a champion tennis player can make any dude pretty fucking pissed off. I remember this one time I was drunk and passed out at a party and some chick put make up on me. I looked really pretty and felt like I had been raped. Taking away someone’s manhood is probably the worst kind of abuse a person can endure and making bitch live the role so well so that she doesn’t give up the jig when she goes out in public in lady’s bikinis is totally humiliating.

She’s the kind of girl who doesn’t have a vagina, so it’s in the ass everyday and I am not talking about in her ass, I am talking about in your ass. All the hard training and loses in her sport means she’s gotta take her aggression and frustration out somewhere….

I know that everyone is saying that she’s a dude and that it’s a pretty obvious joke. I am sure she’s a nice person who just does too much weight lifting to scare all the dainty tennis chicks off the court. It’s like facing the monster at the end of a video game only the real life version and she makes millions because of it. If I could make millions doing anything, I’d probably do it. If I was creative, I would have come up with a whole other angle, but I’m not creative so suck my dick and while your at it, jerk off to this bitch’s dick. Gaylord.

Posted in:Ass|Beach|Bikini|Jock|Muscles|Serena Williams|Sports|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

12

Jun

I am – Celine Dion Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Here are the Celine Dion Bikini pictures that I have been waiting to see for 10 years. I don’t know when they were taken and I hate this bitch as much as you do but there’s just something magical about french chicks that you probably don’t understand because you don’t live in Montreal.

I’ll quickly explain because I figure it’s my role as the Number 1 Blog of Montreal to give you good reason to come to this city and that good reason is the french girls.

French girls are sluts, they are into sex and they are pretty fucking dirty girls in the bedroom. They are liberal, emotional and like anal and being naked. They don’t take much working on, you basically just need to catch them when they are horny or impress them by pretending you are famous because a lot of the french girls I have met have been from small shitty communities and work as bar maids or waitresses or strippers and are easily impressed. They spend their money on nice clothes, lookin good and going out instead of shit waspy corporate suburban trash spend their money on, like pant suits for the office car and mortgage payments and other expenses to ensure a dull fucking existence.

Majority of strippers in Montreal are french and have tight fucking bodies even though they only eat french fries and drink wine. They are genetically programmed to maintain a tight lookin’ figure well into their 50s even with chain smoking, hard livin’ and bad food. By the time they are 30, their faces usually look weathered and old like a wilted flower but their bodies scream 16 year old and the older they get the sluttier they get to try to hold onto their youthful years of multiple sex partners.

The only problem with french girls is that they don’t speak english, they hate english people and they don’t get my fucking jokes. Every french girl I try to talk to don’t get what I am saying and my shit goes way over their heads. When a sense of humor is all you’ve got, you’ll be going home alone, but if you’re older and richer, they are totally into having you for a daddy. Kinda like Celine did with her manager husband who tapped her ass at 14 before making her famous and leading her to believe that she’s nothing without him….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Celine Dion|French Chicks|Unsorted

2007

12

Jun

I am – Uma Thurman Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Uma Thurman in a bathing suit. I figured that the site is about bitches in bikinis and I have no choice but to post them. I have been getting a lot of hate mail from people saying that I’ve lost my edge, that I am not as funny as I used to be, that the site isn’t worth visiting anymore and that it’s going down hill. Reality is that it was never really good, it couldn’t go downhill and that I was always rock bottom. The only difference now is that you’ve heard all my stories, you’ve heard all my lame jokes and you’ve seen all the pictures I post on other sites a day before I get them up. I am actually shocked that I’ve been able to convince you 10-15 people to keep reading.

I ran into a guy I hadn’t seen in years the other day. He strapped down, got married, moved to the suburbs, stopped going out, gave up on life, sits at home and watches movies with his wife every friday night because she’s tired from the week’s work and spends saturdays going to flea markets or home depot to buy supplies to fix up their dream home….Either way, dude grabbed me by the collar and told me how he spends his days on the site and that my writing makes him really fucking horny.

I didn’t realize that I was turning people on, especially men I once used to hang out with and the fact that the only person I turn on with my writing is a 300 pound 45 year old dude kinda makes me feel awkward especially when he’s thanking me for changing his life. Reality is that I have never really turned anyone on in my life. I don’t write anything sexy and the girls I have been in bed with blame being drunk and dehydrated for their parched vaginas to be nice and not put added focus on my serious inadequacies.

If you want something to actually turn you on, think White Bathing Suit. These fucking things are always semi see through and revealing and designed for a good fucking time. I am not going to get into her wrist brace and how you’ve got medical restraint fetishes because injured vulnerable girls who are bound by casts turn you on, because that’s not the kind of show I am trying to run here.

Enjoy the tits, I am not even going to talk about her dumpy ass because I’ve already written too much that you won’t read. Asshole.

Posted in:Bikini|Nipples|Tits|Uma Thurman|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

12

Jun

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I drank all day in the sun at a place I was told strippers go to tan during the day. I figured it meant they would be in the pool and in bikinis and I decided it was worth going. I got a little sun stroke and probably fell in love 15 times, even though the girls there weren’t actually strippers but were just average or sub-par chicks in bikinis. The reality is that any bikini is a good bikini and I was spending most of my drunken day checking out some hefty bitch who thought wearing a really small bikini to show off her tits to distract me from her gut… turns out she was right. Unfortunately, where there are girls in bikinis, there are men in new age euro speedos that are pretty much boy shorts for girls on guys. I think that woulda been your favorite part of the day. Homo.

I still did my links because I figure you deserve them….I am behind on posts and I blame the booze.


Serena Williams is a Scary Man in a Bikini
GO

Megan Fox is Pretty Fucking Hot
GO

Greasy Girls Getting Lubed Up in Video
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Kelly Ripa’s Bikini Ass
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Mischa Barton Bikini Pictures
GO

Gemma Atkinson in a Bikini
GO

Laure Manaudou See Through Bathing Suit
GO

Lohan Out of Control Stories from Her Bodyguard With Pics Of Her in Her Underwear
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Italian Couple Masturbating in Public
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Whoopi Goldberg Takes Over the View Because Hollywood Squares Isn’t Around Anymore
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Vanity Fair Did 20 Different Covers For Africa, These are the Covers
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Victoria Beckham Pitchin at the Dodgers Game
GO

Carmen Electra Dancing at the Spike Guy’s Awards in Lingerie
GO

Britney and K-Fed Are Probably Still Banging
GO

Some Chick Named Shay Lauren Everyone Loves Showing Off Her Box With Her Friend
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Girl Hates Getting Fisted
GO

Some Summertime Bikini Pictures
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FleshFlick – Sex In The Tent
GO

Some Frat Does Some Smooth Criminal Performance – This is It Because You Don’t Care
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Pam Anderson 1992 Playboy Spread
GO

Some Katherine Heigl With No Make-Up
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Lohan’s Knife Pictures Were Stolen By The Paparazzi From her Car Because They Are Cocksuckers
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Penelope Cruz Lookin’ Hot Partying
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Lilly Allen Lookin’ Fat in Elle Magazine
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Brooke Shield’s Hiking Nipples
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Kendra from Girls Next Door Washing Her Car
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Arab Girl Gets Reprimanded For Not Wearing a veil
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Borat’s Girlfriend is Hot Pregnant Knocked Up Unmarried Slut of the Day
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A Couple More Pregnant Sluts
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Some Dude Named Patrick Dempsey in a Dress Because He’s a Fag
GO

Some Japanese Fart Study I don’t Understand
GO

Porn That Isn’t Porn No More
GO

Water Balloon To The Nuts Prank
GO

Naked Foam Party in Some Other Country
GO

Video of Some Chick Walking Around
GO

Some Chick Named Teanna Kai’s Photoshoot Video
GO

Chinaman Escapes Bush Crash Death Video
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Carolina Pampita Ardohan Bikini Pics
GO

Wicked Weasel Chick Showing Off Her Tits
GO

This Spray Will Get You Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

11

Jun

I am – Rachel Bilson Eating Cheetos of the Day

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My wife won a 2 week cruise that she can’t go on in July. I am trying to find someone to update this site when I don’t have internet access and I figure the more posts I can get on the site and the more help I get the lazier I can be. There are no guarantees but I am trying people out and this is a submission about Mila Kunis…

I can’t believe you actually posted those two submissions ahead of mine. Those posts were average at best, and when I say “average at best” I really mean “sucked more cock than Lindsey Lohan could ever hope to”.

I figure the only reason you didnt like my clearly top notch writing was that I didnt set the submissions to some lame ass pics that you lifted from some even more lame ass website.

So here goes: this post will be about the Rachel Bilson set of pics. You’ll just have to remember the pics, because I am to lazy to attach them to my submission. Get over it ass-wipe.

So here is Rachel Bilson showing us just enough skin to remind us that we still want to see her naked. This cunt is one the new group of hollywood bitches that has gotten famous but has had the disgusting amount of nerve to never show us her rack or herpes infected twat.

Also Included in this blue-ball inducing group are Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Jessica Alba just to name 3, but there many more. What happened to the days where if a bitch wanted to even think of an acting career she had to show skin and plenty of it in her early work? It really pisses me off, because all of these chicks are way hot, and by not getting naked they are costing me some serious jerking off time. Whores.

Admit it you cocksucker, this post written off the top of my head with no forethought, and written out of pure aggravation after reading those other 2 grade-school shit-stains, is so much better it shopuld embarass you. What, did these girls blow you or something? Well, you can forget that asshole. I dont swing that way, except for that one time in college when I lost the worst bet of my life, but gave someone else a night to remember.

This one was a little better. I’ll admit that it is about half way to where I want it to be because I don’t know if this is a dude writing or a chick and that makes me feel uncomfortable when he/she talks about losing bets in college that lead to blowjobs. What doesn’t make me uncomfortable is seeing this Rachel Bilson on my wife’s diet, realizing that she doesn’t have to be hot and skinny anymore and taking advantage of the time off to get nice a fat.

Posted in:Eating|Rachel Bilson|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jun

I am – Sharon Stone Topless Pics of the Day

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So here are some pictures of a slut your grandmother’s age topless on the beach. The thing I like about older chicks is they are a little more liberal with their vaginas than younger girls. It’s like they are overcompensating for being haggard and trying to hold onto the dream that all the younger girls are living. I guess that usually means they fuck harder and dirtier, they dress sluttier and talk sluttier and act sluttier behind closed doors too. They are the kind of girls who shove 2 dildos in their asses instead of one. It’s probably easier for Sharon Stone to be topless considering she invested some money into these obviously fake tits.

Speaking for fake, I watched the Sopranos Series Finale at my friend’s house yesterday and didn’t understand what the fuck happened. Did he get shot, did he get arrested, did meadow get gang banged on her way into the restaurant. If you have any inside scoop let me know.

Posted in:Beach|Sharon Stone|Topless|Unsorted

2007

11

Jun

I am – Amy Winehouse’s Nipples and Prison Tattoos of the Day

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The thing I love about this Amy Winehouse bitch is that she is so damaged from all the drugs and self destructive behavior that it shows. Normally a celebrity or someone with a number one song tries to hide the fact that they are on the verge of death, but this bitch rock’s it in style. The other thing I like about her is that she’s got nice skinny legs, no ass and isn’t wear a bra. Keeping me on the edge of the milk crate in excitement waiting for the honeymoon tapes to be released….

I was walking downtown Sunday morning and I saw a broken down drug addicted homeless chick who was probably in her 30s and who looked like she was in her 50s kinda convulsing on the sidewalk waiting for money for her next hit of whatever it is that she does….She asked me for money and since I was bored and had no money, I chatted her up. I said sorry I can’t help you out but you’re beautiful and she said to me to not be sorry and to be happy and that if I really think she’s beautiful she will suck my dick for $5. It seemed like a good enough deal, but I don’t let homeless chicks touch me with their dirty garbage pickin’ hands, and I don’t really have the ability to get erections if I did.

Point of my story is that Amy Winehouse has made enough money to not need to beg for change for her drugs, she doesn’t need to offer blowjobs for $5, but she’s nice enough to keep things real by showing us her nipples…and still lookin’ like she does.

I think the big deal in these pictures is her prison tattoo of her husband’s name for those of you who care. I’m always bringing the goods.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Nipples|Unsorted

2007

11

Jun

I am – Amy Winehouse's Nipples and Prison Tattoos of the Day

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The thing I love about this Amy Winehouse bitch is that she is so damaged from all the drugs and self destructive behavior that it shows. Normally a celebrity or someone with a number one song tries to hide the fact that they are on the verge of death, but this bitch rock’s it in style. The other thing I like about her is that she’s got nice skinny legs, no ass and isn’t wear a bra. Keeping me on the edge of the milk crate in excitement waiting for the honeymoon tapes to be released….

I was walking downtown Sunday morning and I saw a broken down drug addicted homeless chick who was probably in her 30s and who looked like she was in her 50s kinda convulsing on the sidewalk waiting for money for her next hit of whatever it is that she does….She asked me for money and since I was bored and had no money, I chatted her up. I said sorry I can’t help you out but you’re beautiful and she said to me to not be sorry and to be happy and that if I really think she’s beautiful she will suck my dick for $5. It seemed like a good enough deal, but I don’t let homeless chicks touch me with their dirty garbage pickin’ hands, and I don’t really have the ability to get erections if I did.

Point of my story is that Amy Winehouse has made enough money to not need to beg for change for her drugs, she doesn’t need to offer blowjobs for $5, but she’s nice enough to keep things real by showing us her nipples…and still lookin’ like she does.

I think the big deal in these pictures is her prison tattoo of her husband’s name for those of you who care. I’m always bringing the goods.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Nipples|Unsorted

2007

11

Jun

I am – Joanna Krupa in Lingerie at the SpikeTV Guy Awards of the Day

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I don’t give a fuck about Spike TV. I don’t give a fuck about their shitty guy awards because I find that whole Men’s Market massively fucking gay and creating a Guy Awards isn’t empowering to men, it makes us look like a bunch of fucking cunts. Men aren’t supposed to care about awards we’re supposed to be too busy providing for our families.

This men’s market must be targeting 14 year old boys. It’s all about hot chicks you’ll never bang because they don’t like guys who watch shit like Spike TV. It’s also about cars, machines, sports, sex and UFC and it’s kinda insulting to me that they think guys are supposed to be into all that shit.

I assume that some of your faggots like to get drunk with your buddies and watch this shit while giving each other high fives and maybe even betting on who is going to win and the loser has to do something emasculating like wear women’s panties for a month or even let you and all your other friends jerk off on his face because it’s not gay when it’s about losing a bet or some shit.

Either way, I do give a fuck about hot girls wearing lingerie as party dresses and this is Joanna Krupa from Poland at the Spike TV Guys choice awards lookin’ pretty alright. She was the hired pussy to try to make the party less of a sausage fest. I always thought Polish people were into training circus bears to balance on balls, I guess I was wrong. I guess this isn’t really lingerie, but if you saw what my wife wears to look sexy you’d understand why I consider this shit lingerie, fuck yourself.

Posted in:Joanna Krupa|Lingerie|Tits|Unsorted

2007

09

Jun

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I was out last night because that’s what I do when people tell me there are free drinks at a party for me. I got to fucking place and the line-up to the fucking bar was so long that it took me over an hour to get served and when I did get served they wouldn’t let me take more than one fucking drink at a time. It’s hard to be an alcoholic, or college binge drinker when you can only get one drink a fucking hour….

Either way, when I was in line this fucking whore starts rubbing up on me. I just figure I know her or that it’s an accident and I never really get mad a girls for rubbing up on me, I usually pay for that shit and I’m thinking in the back of my head that this girl’s rubbing the wrong guy…then I realized she was making fun of me and started grabbing at my man tits. I hate when people grab me there it’s emasculating and makes me feel like a rape victim. Anyway, I turn around looked at her, didn’t know if I knew her or not, and she said something like “nice man tits” or “mr tits” or something like that so I turned around grabbed her tits and walked away….

I think I may have said something like “nice no tits” or something but I was all jacked on that one drink that I waited 2 hours to get that I don’t really remember.

I just got an email and this is what it said:

From: Mark Francis
Subject: hey buddy whats up! good news
Date: June 9, 2007 3:31:10 PM EDT (CA)
To: info@drunkenstepfather.com

your blog sucks and your such a loser…thank god for the links which are available on just about any other website.

This was my response because I am awesome:

why bother emailing that in?

seems like a waste of time to me.

if i was you…I would have just clicked the little x in the browser and moved on with my internet surfing which in your case probably is pretty fucking extensive….

I have reported you to sympatico and the RCMP for sending me kiddy porn.

See you on the news baby.

Reality is that it’s called the stepLINKS because it is links to other things on the internet that you can find on the internet by visiting other sites. Idiot. I didn’t actually report him to the authorities but thought it was a funny thing to say.

Here are my links.


Amanda Beard Playboy Pics…This is Pretty Huge…
GO

New stepHOTLINE Message that I Don’t Understand
GO

For EVERYTHING about the Paris Hilton Bullshit… This Site’s Got Everything You Need to Know
GO

Paris has 3 Great Lookin’ Fans outside the Courtroom Yesterday – Amazzing
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Kelly Clarkson Goes Hardcore in Concert Video….
GO

Elizabeth Vargas Wears a See Through Dress…She’s a News Reporter..
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Pretty New Britney Spears Bikini Pictures for you to Remind Yourself Why You Should Wear a Condom When that big losing your virginity day comes..
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Shakira and Avril Lavigne are Friends…That Doesn’t Mean They Fuck
GO

Listen To A Dude Freak Out When He Hears The News About Paris – Hysterical
GO

Fleshflicks – Japanese Dildo School is As Good as it Sounds…
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For my teenage girl readers, Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz are together in Berlin promoting Shrek
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Hot Girl Gets Body Painted
GO

Sophia Santi is a Pornstar and This Is Her Photoshoot
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Some Chick Named Kim Smith Modeling Lingerie Video
GO

Christina Aguilera Without Make-Up Photoshoot
GO

Kid Finds His Spelling Bee Question Really Funny
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Wesley Snipes Fucked With Me at a Local Bar 8 Years Ago, Telling me that he could own this city. When I found out he Was Going Bankrupt, I felt like karma bit him in his Passenger 57 Ass….Now He’s using the race card to get off. I say… Lock Him Up…
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

A Girl Shows Off Her Deep Throat Talent on a Balloon
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Some Bubble Butt Video Montage With Bad Music But Big Ass
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If you come here for DISGUSTING videos – This is Some Trashy Girl Banging a Trailer Hitch – NSFW
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If you come here for DISGUSTING videos – This is Midget Porn with a Foamy Vagina that Made me Gay…NSFW
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Dude Moons the Cops and Gets Tased
GO

Marilyn Manson is 38, His Fuck Slut is 19. Scary. But only because I am scared of Goth’s and not of old guys banging young girls…. That shit’s sexy.
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Mary Kate Olsen Goes Solo In You Magazine…
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Two Drunk Guys have a Funny Running Race
GO

Some Retro Pics of Cher
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Ashley Tisdale is some cute Disney Chick You’d Like to Fuck in the Ass
GO

Jessica Alba Photocall in Rome for her Movie Lookin’ Alright
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Petra Nemcova in a Fountain
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Avril Lavigne in 17 Magazine
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Katherine McPhee in Vegas Magazine
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Jessica Simpson Dances like a Whore in the Bedroom
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Robbie Williams Gets Pushed Off Stage By A Fan
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Katie Holmes Interview on Entertainment Talking About Tom Cruise Getting His Hands Dirty
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Some Everyday Girls on the Street To Turn You On, Even Though They Look Like Dykes…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

NSFW Ex Girlfriend Videos
GO

NSFW – Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Kimmy Stewart does McDonald’s Because He Doesn’t Judge Her For Having a Busted Up Face
GO

Some Cop Knocks out a 70 year old woman
GO

Guess the Celebrity Thong Game – Because It’s Saturday and You Have no Friends but still need to have some fun
GO

Some Mouthy Bitch Gets Pushed Down
GO

Amazing Boat Party I wasn’t Invited To
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James St. James is an Original Weirdo Club Kid That All The Hipsters are Copying GO

Angry Teacher Beats Up His Class
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Cameron Diaz Burping With Her Tits Hanging Out on Leno A Long Time Ago
GO

The Guy in the Wheelchair Attached to the Truck 911 Calls
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Idiots Go Car Surfing
GO

Crazy Crab Walking Chick
GO

Oiled Up Chicks Wrestling
GO

Some Chick Named Jenna Haze Posing/Getting Naked/etc
GO

This Spray Will Get You Laid – And Let’s Face It – Sex Is Good Even Though You’ve Never Had it Yet.
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted