DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

17

May

I am – Kim Kardashian's Big Ol' Tits of the Day

So now that I’ve seen her tits getting assaulted by some dude in her sex tape, I have no real interest in them. It’s that whole theory that if you don’t give a man sex he’ll keep coming back to you until you do and if you give it out on the first night dude will have got what he wants, will never respect you and date you and will lose most interest in you, until he wants to have sex again….There’s an expression that mother’s tell there daughters that sums it up a lot better than what I said, but it’s not coming to me…

Speaking of coming and useless people in useless videos, here are 2 more emails from that GGW girl, who doesn’t like what I wrote about her on the site. This is what she said:

From: Jannel Szyszka
Subject:
Re:
Date: May 16, 2007 9:40:47 PM EDT (CA)
To: info@drunkenstepfather.com

im not kidding .. u heard all wrong on that ggw shit … u best delete that
or i am really goin to sue u .. kk cuddles

From: Jannel Szyszka
Subject:
Re:
Date: May 16, 2007 9:41:58 PM EDT (CA)
To: info@drunkenstepfather.com

im goin to sue YOU for declamation of character …

This was my response:

Jannel,

Thanks for reaching out to me. For the record, what I posted was emailed to me – I quoted it. Nothing I did was illegal. The pictures posted aren’t owned by you. So I don’t think there is any case and there is no such thing as declamation of character, but I know what you were trying to say (defamation).

If you want to write a formal statement with your story, I’ll post it, but until you have a better case, the story is staying up.

In all honesty, you should take the free publicity, I know you’re into getting money for your publicity stunts by issuing lawsuits to asshole video producers who took advantage of you when you got drunk and who made you regret your actions the day you saw it in the DVD, but that’s really not my problem and I haven’t even seen you naked yet or made money of your story, so you’re kinda being unfair here.

Let me know what you’re thinking because I care about you.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

I guess law isn’t her strongest subject in school…To see the first email I got from her click THIS LINK

Photos By Camilla Zenz for zumapress.com

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Tits|Unsorted

2007

17

May

I am – Kylie Minogue’s Breast Implants of the Day

2 Comments »

Everyone used to bust Lohan and Britney’s balls for having fake tits, but no one ever seems to bug Kylie Minogue about it. Maybe I am wrong and insensitive, but last time I checked, having breast cancer lead to free implants. It’s like just because cancer is attached to something it makes it okay and I think that kind of thinking is what’s wrong with the world.

Lohan and Britney are reported drug addicts. Everyone bugs them for doing blow or prescription pills or getting drunk every night like it’s a big fucking deal, meanwhile, every fucking 14 year old in private school is ripping lines of coke like kids used to smoke cigarettes in my time. When I was “hanging out” with drug dealers, most of their clients were doctors and lawyers and professionals because cocaine is expensive and these are the people who make society work. Doctors perform surgery on us and diagnose us for the cancers that lead to free implants and no one fucking complains about it, but the second a useless skank gets caught doing it, its a big fucking deal and on the fucking news.

This post is probably bad for business, so before it gets out of hand, I firmly believe cancer sucks, I don’t think anyone who has it or has lost anyone from it is something worth laughing at, I don’t think that losing your breasts and having mangled substitutes for breasts after suffering is funny….I also don’t even know if Kylie has implants, I was just writing as if she does because she looks so lovely in this little summer dress….That was the best kind of damage control I could do.

Posted in:Kylie Minogue|Plastic Surgery|Tits|Unsorted

2007

17

May

I am – Kylie Minogue's Breast Implants of the Day

2 Comments »

Everyone used to bust Lohan and Britney’s balls for having fake tits, but no one ever seems to bug Kylie Minogue about it. Maybe I am wrong and insensitive, but last time I checked, having breast cancer lead to free implants. It’s like just because cancer is attached to something it makes it okay and I think that kind of thinking is what’s wrong with the world.

Lohan and Britney are reported drug addicts. Everyone bugs them for doing blow or prescription pills or getting drunk every night like it’s a big fucking deal, meanwhile, every fucking 14 year old in private school is ripping lines of coke like kids used to smoke cigarettes in my time. When I was “hanging out” with drug dealers, most of their clients were doctors and lawyers and professionals because cocaine is expensive and these are the people who make society work. Doctors perform surgery on us and diagnose us for the cancers that lead to free implants and no one fucking complains about it, but the second a useless skank gets caught doing it, its a big fucking deal and on the fucking news.

This post is probably bad for business, so before it gets out of hand, I firmly believe cancer sucks, I don’t think anyone who has it or has lost anyone from it is something worth laughing at, I don’t think that losing your breasts and having mangled substitutes for breasts after suffering is funny….I also don’t even know if Kylie has implants, I was just writing as if she does because she looks so lovely in this little summer dress….That was the best kind of damage control I could do.

Posted in:Kylie Minogue|Plastic Surgery|Tits|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

4 Comments »

So i read that Stavros was slamming Petra Nemcova so I wrote him a text message because I have his number….

Good job on baggin’ Petra Nemcova, bitch is fucking hot. Too bad everytime you fuck her you have to think about James Blunt having condomless sex with her, even though he did make me cry with his Goodbye My Lover Song…

I got no answer so I did my links instead…Click them….

Crazed Woman Loses Her Mind on the Phone to a Telemarketer
GO

Some Chick Going Crazy Getting a Tattoo
GO

Bruce Willis is Banging Some 23 Year Old Playmate
GO

Jodie Marsh Dressed Pretty Naked for the Photocall of her New Show Where She Looks for a Husband
GO

Cameron Diaz Titty Slip on Ellen
GO

Reinie is the FHM GIrl of the Day and She’s Hot
GO

Wear Scarlett Johannson’s Chest…I Mean On Your Chest…
GO

Britney Spears Photoshopped and Topless for her Website Fan Letter
GO

Avirl Lavigne Topless in Blender
GO

Sales Girl Loses Her Skirt Prank
GO

Vintage Jessican Alba and Scarlett Johannson Pic
GO

Some Asian Chick Named Bony does a Weird Fucking Dance in a Tight Shirt
GO

There’s been a crackdown on radio hosts for being too racy.. Comedian Patrice Oneal Defends Funny…I’d do the same if people thought I was funny….
GO

Belly Dancing Video Number 9 from a Lookin’ Godo Sweetheart
GO

Kate Moss Making Out With My Favorite Person Pete Doherty
GO

Oprah’s Disgusting Feet
GO

Britney’s Nipple Ring Titty Scratch…
GO

Kelly Osborne and Kimmy Stewart
GO

Justin Timberlake Kissing Jessica Biel
GO

Clown Blowing Up Lady’s Skirts with a Fan
GO

Here’s a Crazy Woman Having a Crazy Freakout on the Street….
GO

Mom Dancing
GO

2 Girls Dancing in the Kitchen
GO

Charlize Theron Showing Off Her Body
GO

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jole Threesome Rumor
GO

Unsuccessful Helicopter Take Off
GO

Teri Hatcher Panty Upskirt
GO

Busy Phillipps in Stuff Magazine Looking Hot
GO

Drunk College Chicks Flashing the Camera
GO

Katherine McPhee’s Boyfriend is an Old Bald Man
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

A Video Called Naked Yoga That Isn’t Naked But Still Hot
GO

Hip Roll / Belly Dancing Video Because Girls Like Dancing on Youtube
GO

Sluts Doing Yoga in Bikinis
GO

Girl Gets Pushed into the Fountain at the Mall
GO

Some Chick in Boston Showing Off Her Fat Tits in a Creepy Amateur Porn Style Video
GO

Virginie Gone Wild…Is a Youtube Video of a Bitch in a Thong
GO

Indian Chick and Her Big Tits Doing an Exotic Dance
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Asian Dancer Video
GO

Some Girls Who Think They Are Giving a Sexy Workout Video
GO

A Fat Belly Dance
GO

Disgusting Crackwhore Goes Off On Cops
GO

Angry Black Woman Video
GO

Some Chick Showing How Flexible She Is…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

You Need Sex, I need Money, Good Deal Cuz This Works
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Day Dreaming of Daddy Buying Me a Car for My Birthday of the Day

2 Comments »

I got an email from Jannel Szyska because of this post that I wrote about her. This is what it said:

From: Jannel Szyszka
Date: May 15, 2007 3:16:55 PM EDT (CA)
To: info@drunkenstepfather.com

THis is jannel u best delete that site or im goin to sue u

I just report the news, I never claim that it’s fact and it’s hard to take a bitch who emails me direct like a highschool girl who is mad that someone wrote that she is fat on her facebook wall. I want legal documents, Cease and Desists and lawyers letters to take these threats seriously….

Either way, I do hate the thought of losing everything I have worked so hard for, like thousands of dollars of debt to shady people I know and a rented apartment that my wife pays the rent for and the broken old couch I found in the alley last year and all my jogging pants I got from the Salvation Army for $0.50 a pair and my bad credit and my inability to open a bank account and most importantly my shoes I got at Wal Mart…5 years ago…so suing me is really a waste of time…

That said all this stress about being a hurtbag and being sued by a cheap slut makes me slip into a day dream of being a young girl from an affluent family who comes home for school to find a car in the driveway with a bow on it….so that I can throw the keys back in daddy’s face and tell him it’s the wrong color…

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Lohan is a Coke slut and I hate SPAM of the Day

1 Comment »

Is my site Spamming you with popups? I am trying a new advertiser because I need to pay for servers and I have got 5 complaints. If it is happening to enough of you I will take them down ASAP because I fucking hate spammy fucking popups more than you do and even thought I don’t give a fuck about your user experience because I hate you, I do not want that shit polluting my internet home…Trust me.

Speaking of SPAM, here are some more pictures of Lohan doing blow from that video taken in the bathroom….

Here are some pictures of bitch sketching out on her nails. I am not an expert but all the crackwhores I knew used to do this shit when they were either coming off or jonesing more crystal/crack/cocaine/heroin…I’m just sayin…

Here she is partying with L.A. Hipster DJ Steve Aoki in NYC…For those of you who don’t know, Aoki is the asshole who didn’t put DrunkenStepfather on his guestlist when he came to play in Canada with that dude from That 70’s Show…

Posted in:Cocaine|Hipster|Lindsay Lohan|Party|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Kellie Pickler’s New Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

I used to think I was a great judge of who had fake tits and who didn’t, but the fake tits I was spotting were the shitty jobs that bitches with no money would get or the insane jobs that bitches with some money would get to make more money in their stripping careers. I am talking girls with implants would either look like they had disgusting round and uneven awkward looking botched tits or absurdly HUGE tits that were so obviously fake. So now that I realize that I am not a great judge of anything, I can say that I have no idea if Kellie Pickler got new tits or not, but she’s showing something off that I am sure you don’t mind looking at, because you are unemployed or on disability or on welfare, because this site is banned in offices internationally. That’s how good at blogging I am….

The thing I like about this bitch is that she looks like she is dumb as bricks at the whole world around her seems exciting and colorful. She’s the kind of girl you can keep happy by turning on the cartoon channel and giving her a bag of candy. I am pretty sure she’d get so sucked in that you could go off drinking with your friends and come back 4 days later and she’d be in the same position not even realizing that you left her….not that you’ll ever get the chance to test it out, unless maybe she ends up on the stripping circuit, which isn’t unlikely making her new tits a pretty solid investment or her future life.

Posted in:Kellie Pickler|Plastic Surgery|Tits|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Kellie Pickler's New Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

I used to think I was a great judge of who had fake tits and who didn’t, but the fake tits I was spotting were the shitty jobs that bitches with no money would get or the insane jobs that bitches with some money would get to make more money in their stripping careers. I am talking girls with implants would either look like they had disgusting round and uneven awkward looking botched tits or absurdly HUGE tits that were so obviously fake. So now that I realize that I am not a great judge of anything, I can say that I have no idea if Kellie Pickler got new tits or not, but she’s showing something off that I am sure you don’t mind looking at, because you are unemployed or on disability or on welfare, because this site is banned in offices internationally. That’s how good at blogging I am….

The thing I like about this bitch is that she looks like she is dumb as bricks at the whole world around her seems exciting and colorful. She’s the kind of girl you can keep happy by turning on the cartoon channel and giving her a bag of candy. I am pretty sure she’d get so sucked in that you could go off drinking with your friends and come back 4 days later and she’d be in the same position not even realizing that you left her….not that you’ll ever get the chance to test it out, unless maybe she ends up on the stripping circuit, which isn’t unlikely making her new tits a pretty solid investment or her future life.

Posted in:Kellie Pickler|Plastic Surgery|Tits|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Elisha Cuthbert Leaving the Tanning Salon of the Day

106 Comments »

This is what Elisha Cuthbert looks like when she waddles the fuck out of the tanning salon. I used to have a thing for a girl who didn’t put much effort into getting ready. Maybe it’s because my dating experience before my wife consisted of girls who made their money off looking worthy of a $40 fuck. I know that that isn’t as high class as some of the girls you’ve thought about calling, but I know that if I am paying $40 for anything from a chick, she better have lipstick on, especially when she hasn’t showered in 3 days.

Anyway, what I liked about my wife when we first met was that she was low maintenance, she’d throw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and be ready for the day. What I didn’t realize about this whole low maintenance shit is that she would let herself go, stink and gain 175 lbs in 4 years. So now I am back into the girls that try to dress all pretty, have eating disorders and care what people think of them, because it’s less traumatic on my sex drive.

I guess what I am getting at is that Elisha is one of those low maintenance chicks you’d think wouldn’t be stressful to be with, but reality is when you get home, she gets all sprawled out on the couch eating dorritos ruining all chances of a future movie career except for maybe playing the mother in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape 2.

Posted in:Candid|Elisha Cuthbert|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Serena Williams Lookin’ Like Jessica Biel of the Day

54 Comments »

Here’s a picture of Serena Williams lookin’ a lot like Jessica Biel, only this bitch isn’t out fucking popstars, she’s hitting tennis balls harder than I hit my wife. I don’t actually hit my wife, I just figured that a hitting the bong reference would have sucked harder than my dick doesn’t get. You see, I hate weed jokes. I think people who talk about smoking weed are a waste of fucking space. They are the burlap wearing hippie fucks you see riding bikes and playing hackie sack. I don’t give a fuck if a motherfucker burns all fucking day, I just don’t want to fucking hear about it. So yeah, I am a little tightly wound about those kinds of references, but not as tightly wound as the tape that Serena Williams is using to strap her cock down so that it doesn’t show in her cute little tennis skirt…