DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2006

07

Feb

Lohan Jr.: Coke Slut in Training

I guess Lohan’s sister has the obvious dream of girls under 18 everywhere, and that is to become a coke slut via a bullshit marketing ploy of a music career. I am not entirely jealous of how easy it is going to be for her to make it in life, I am however jealous that I can’t be the next under 18 year old talentless performer. I know saying that is pretty premature, considering I haven’t heard her sing, she may be a child prodigy, and maybe her sister was just a patsy, being used to pave the way for the real talent in the family, but then I realize that I have just done way too much analysis of Ali Lohan and her future as a rich, infertile from too many abortions (celebs don’t use condoms), child star making meth in her bathtub with that bitch from Full House.

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Coke|Lindsay Lohan|Slut|Unsorted

2006

07

Feb

Evangeline Lilly’s Boyfriend’s Shirt

6 Comments »

I like british people, because they always stand out like a coldsore at beaches around the world. When I was a little younger, I worked as a janitor at a Club Med. I know it doesn’t sound that glamourous, but I figured if I am gonna be a janitor anywhere, it might as well be on a beach somewhere. I guess the benefit of the experience was that the single women thought the “Maintenance” crew were there to act out porno fantasies with them. You know, these crazy bitches with a little money, who run off with their kids on a family vacation, with hopes of giving a serious pooning to someone with brown skin. Anyway, I only did it for a season, but the point of this post is that British travellers on the beach don’t fit in. They are pastey and usually wearing a fuckin’ snowsuit as to not get a sun burn. Evangeline Lily’s boyfriend is no acception to the rule, even though he lives in Hawaii, motherfucker stills swims with his shirt on, unless it’s a way to cover up some deformity, like a third nipple, or no nipples, or anything that involves the nipple.

2006

07

Feb

Evangeline Lilly's Boyfriend's Shirt

No Comments »

I like british people, because they always stand out like a coldsore at beaches around the world. When I was a little younger, I worked as a janitor at a Club Med. I know it doesn’t sound that glamourous, but I figured if I am gonna be a janitor anywhere, it might as well be on a beach somewhere. I guess the benefit of the experience was that the single women thought the “Maintenance” crew were there to act out porno fantasies with them. You know, these crazy bitches with a little money, who run off with their kids on a family vacation, with hopes of giving a serious pooning to someone with brown skin. Anyway, I only did it for a season, but the point of this post is that British travellers on the beach don’t fit in. They are pastey and usually wearing a fuckin’ snowsuit as to not get a sun burn. Evangeline Lily’s boyfriend is no acception to the rule, even though he lives in Hawaii, motherfucker stills swims with his shirt on, unless it’s a way to cover up some deformity, like a third nipple, or no nipples, or anything that involves the nipple.

2006

06

Feb

Sex in the Bar Bathroom of the Day

No Comments »

Posted in:Uncategorized

2006

06

Feb

Draw Your Vagina and Describe it in 10 Words or Less

1 Comment »

This is definitely the best submission yet. The reason simple. It has bush and it has anus. I love bush and I love anus, but I don’t like bush on anus. This isn’t about me this is about Carmen who wrote this:

I am a 21 year-old Catholic-raised virgin with a filthy mind, I’m English, by the way – although Daddy’s from Italy. Somehow I don’t think he’d approve!

If I was your dad, I definitely wouldn’t approve, but I am your drunken stepfather on the internet, and I want more! But before we take this to the next step, I request a letter from your doctor stating you really are a virgin. Cuz I don’t believe that anyone is a virgin anymore. And I hate Liars.

Posted in:stepBOX|Unsorted

2006

06

Feb

Paris Hilton Nipple Slip at Ultimate Fighting Championships

2 Comments »

I am drunk and Paris Hilton showed her nipple at the UFC. I hate UFC, because watching people beat each other down hard disgusts me. It’s not because I am a pussy, it’s cuz violence is for retarded people and I don’t hate retards, my first girlfriend was actually a retard. We used to take long walks in the park, only I was the only one walking, she was too busy smackin’ rocks together in the sandbox. I am drunk and feeling nostalgic, fuck you.

Posted in:Nipple|Nipple Slip|Paris Hilton|Unsorted|Utimate Fighting

2006

04

Feb

Jenna Riding the Sybian on Howard Stern

2 Comments »

There’s nothing too shocking about Jenna riding a sybian, most of us have seen her riding a whole lot of other things. She has become the trophy spokesperson for porn. She made people think that pornstars have it all together, living a life of glamour and fame when in reality, we all know they are just insecure teenage runaways with addiction and self-hatred.

So bitch is rich…but she did it getting fucked. Anyone with a vagina can do the same thing, it takes zero talent. Her pussy’s still ravaged and she’s been stuffed by so many dudes that her vagina probably speaks its own language. These are pictures of Jenna riding a Sybian on Stern’s show. I haven’t heard his show, I did see his movie. Having bitches cum on radio is kinda useless, I’d rather hear them talk politics.

Her Audio in Second Half of this Link

2006

04

Feb

Jennifer Love Hewitt Bikini

1 Comment »

There was a desperate seeking of her nipple, that was really just a shadow. It’s been established that everyone is obsessed with her boobs, because they look so big on her small frame. Now we have some bikini candids for you to check out. I am pretty indifferent about this one, because it is saturday, I am hung over and the only channel I have is playing “That 70’s Show”. It’s the episode where Kelso thinks he’s Travolta, and I want to kill myself. I also never really saw the Love Hewitt appeal, she has a big head and the one channel I have also plays ghostwhisperer, which was on last night, and made me want to kill myself. So if you’re feeling all done on your luck, like me, look at Love Hewitt, if she’s a bitch you wanna get with, and hopefully it will bring some joy to your life. My life is about making your life better.

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Love Hewitt|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

04

Feb

Neve Campbell Bikini Slash Gross Underwear

No Comments »

John Cusack looks like a fuckin’ cowboy, who just rolled into town, spend the night pooning whores, playing poker, and drinkin’ whiskey, hasn’t showered in weeks. The reason I say that is not cuz of his haggard dirty, whore fucking look, it’s the fact that he’s swimming in what looks like 19th century long johns. I am sure they had some 19th century name for long underwear, but I am too lazy to look it up right now, it is 5 am on friday fucker. Anyway, Neve doesn’t look like any whore I’d be paying to get inside if I was from the same western town as Cusack, but I guess there’s a market for everyone. Hell, I am sure some of you cunts would sleep with this bitch. You know what? I am not gonna judge you right now. I guess when your career washes ashore like the waves beneath your feet, buying yourself a nice bathing suit is a non-issue, you fuckin’ slob. I felt that was very poetic.

2006

03

Feb

Desperately Seeking Love Hewitt’s Nipple

15 Comments »

For as long as I can remember, people have wanted to see these tits. I don’t think this officially counts as seein the nipple, but whatever, desperate losers everywhere have been taking screenshots from movies, just hoping, one day, they will see a slip, or something. I guess this is the closest thing, but too bad it’s a shadow. I once had a dog named shadow, he was very loyal and would wake me up my licking my feet. I felt so guilty when I had to kill him and eat him, but it was him or me, and we were in Mexico, that kind of thing isn’t frowned upon. I wonder if anyone actually reads my posts….

Posted in:Boob|Jennifer Love Hewitt|Nipple|Unsorted