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I fell in love with a Jenner, at least her name is Katie Jenner and I don’t think she’s related to Bruce Jenner, or the product of Bruce Jenner’s sex change, but rather she’s just stuck with his unfortunate last name…
She’s 18, and we had phone sex with at 6 am…Why, because I signed up to a phone sex site that is amazing because life needs more excitement and the girls I know don’t want to fuck me…and more importantly because porn sucks…so what’s a chronic masturbator to do…I also love phone sex….
If you’re wondering why I chose this Jenner…it’s because of what she had to say for herself….
I’m a very naughty girl but none of the boys my age are ever man enough to spank me,or pull my hair,or fuck me hard like I need it. I mean I know I’m small but you wont break me I promise lol I’m 18 and totally ready to play with someone hot!
I don’t mind sharing, since she doesn’t belong to me, Check her out, CLICK HERE
I SAID TO HAVE PHONE SEX WITH HER CLICK HERE
Let’s masturbate to the same girl telling us dirty things…
Bar Refaeli is on Vacation in Thailand. I know this because I clicked on her instagram to see what she’s been up to. Not because I care about what Bar Refaeli is up to, but because I like to see what Leonardo DiCaprio’s herpes do ten years after leaving their mark on a bitch…not that herpes are even a big deal with Valtrex they clear up before they even start…and I don’t even know if Bar Refaeli or DiCaprio even has his herpes…I just figure that was a good angle to think about when viewing these pics that don’t matter, that aren’t nude enough, but that are a little slutty, because slutty keeps the fan base she worked so hard getting naked in AMerica building…
Posted in:Bar Refaeli
Doutzen Kroes is Riding some statues, and she’s fully clothed in some fashion bullshit for Vogue or some other obscure market fashion imprint…and I am posting it because she’s a lingerie model, and we like lingerie models, even when they represent and evil corporation that exploits Bangladeshi workers to make good margins on over-priced, well marketed, low quality, underwear for middle America…that I guess isn’t even really lingerie or lingerie modelling, but is generally half naked…but more importantly…I am posting this because a woman pressed up against plaster must be a fetish somewhere…
I like to take high concept, beautifully shot things, and take a huge shit on them…and make them bad..It’s my thing.
Posted in:Doutzen Kroes
OMG….SELENA GOMEZ AND BIG DICK BIEBER WENT TO COFFEE TOGETHER…
Who the fuck cares…oh right every 15-50 year old woman who is all about this bullshit celebrity shit cuz their lives fucking suck.
The fact is, when you make a girl cum proper, and you need media attention because you are dying of Lupus, and your mom is a genius manager, you make silly things like this happen and blow them up as hard as you can….
It’s how it fucking works.
Oh and they went to Starbucks, this is called product placement. They offered it to Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds, and a few other brands, but the only one willing to pay a lot of money to get this union to happen for the hired paparazzi publicty stunt was Bucks…
Hollywood is all bullshit…
VIA THE ENEMY
Posted in:Selena Gomez
I don’t know when Rosie Huntington Whitely see through pics were taken, I feel like I’ve already posted them on the site, but I am too lazy to look and more importantly too much of a crackhead to remember the 30,000 posts I’ve done in 10 years…and the fact that I’ve done that many posts, with only one book deal and one movie deal that never happened…is very fucking pathetic…
Almost as pathetic as obsessing over some twat I don’t know, will never meet, and don’t really get excited about because I am not bald and don’t need to reference her as a girl who likes bald guys and is loyal to bald guys as long as they are rich and ripped and famous…
But I don’t think looking at a bitch’s nipples in pics I’ve probably seen but don’t remember because I am not obsessing is really obsessing…but maybe I’m just making excuses.
Posted in:Rosie Huntington-Whitely
Ireland Baldwin is single…her and her boyfriend she thought she was all about because she is 12 and that’s what 12 year olds do…especially when they have daddy issues and come from too much money and a broken home…and now she’s fallen off the rails…
She’s gone and dyed her hair purple, even though that was so last year, and she’s making these weird hair erotica videos for instagram that I feel you are capable of masturbating to…because I have faith in you and more importantly…you can masturbate to anything cuz your’e weird.
I figure now’s my chance to make her my wife and promise to help her and her modelling career…that one day will lead her in Sports Illustrated like her other rich friends…but I don’t think she’ll go for it..even if she looks like a broken down gutter street kid with no direction hipster…she’s not…
Posted in:Ireland Baldwin
I can’t really look at Miranda Kerr the same way since finding out she got fired from Victoria’s Secret for having sex with Bieber, even when I have been told by people who have had sex with Bieber, including but not limited to pornstars, that Bieber has a massive penis, because Bieber, even when jacked, looks like this hairless 12 year old, that like the dude at the stripclub who was making out with the dyke who was built and dressed like a 13 year old boy, would require a fucking weirdo to get down with…
But she does have a banging body…and I mean as a panty model, that’s what matters, what she sticks in her ass or vagina, really doesn’t…even if it should…
So here is what I’ve been told is a horrible fucking person, Miranda Kerr, doing some underwear campaigning…
Posted in:Miranda Kerr
Lindsay Lohan apparently simulated sex with Sam Ronson, a gusher, thanks to her big penis sized clit, on Jimmy Fallon..
I couldn’t really watch the video, because I have better things to do than look at the beacon of Hope that is Lohan humiliate herself for some overrated variety show host I can’t stand watching, even though the rest of the world thinks he is sent from relevant comedy heaven…
But I did see the screenshots, and from what I saw, Lohan plays a good golden showered, rebuilt face, broken down actress…it’s like she’s done it before…this is up on some Oscar winning shit..
TO SEE PICS OF HER AFTER THE SHOW CLICK HERE
Posted in:Lindsay Lohan
I don’t know who Lena Gercke is, but apparently she’s my soul mate and by soul mate I mean some hard faced german model who probably likes to shit or be shit on, because that’s what german’s do.
She’s in German GQ, which means she’s obviously of some level of importance, but all I see is some hard face and intensity, coupled with a girl who is dating some pro soccer player, as European Glamour models do…so I guess that makes her useless to us, since if she wasn’t dating some pro soccer player, she’d totally be sitting on our collective faces, letting us taste what she ate for lunch….right?
Posted in:Lena Gercke
Lea Seydoux was in the closest thing to a porn movie in mainstream this past year…I think even more hardcore than Nymphomaniac…
It was called Blue is the Warmest color, and this girl scissored some other actress pretty aggressively….bringing back an era of when you could masturbate to a non porn movie that you rented based on it’s ratings alone.
I assume that is the next trend in Hollywood, you know to compete with porn, and while we wait for some quality shit to be produced, here is some nipple in fashion to tide you over.
The world has really gone pretty sexy the last few years and they Lea girl is from France, where I guess things have always been sexy…and she’s representing all that is good in life.
Posted in:Léa Seydoux
Imgoen Poots is an actress with a silly name, straight from the UK, who has done a lot of very important movie roles for someone who is only 24, like Need for Speed and I really don’t know what else, I am too lazy to look her up, and too busy trying to see her tits….
I assume she’s got rich parents, that’s what she’s all Hollywood, and I guess who really fucking cares why she exists, when all that really matters is how silly her name is, saying it makes me feel like an asshole.
TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE
Posted in:Imgoen Poots
Her name is Danielle Lloyd, she’s a busty UK model who has made a living showing her tits, and here she is showing her tits for the paparazzi in her bikini, being as subtle as a whore can be, I mean if she hired a marching band and some fucking circus performers, with a spotlight and fireworks, it’d take away from the authenticity that she a titty model, who only exists in our lives because of her tits, showing her tits for the paparazzi she hired…if you get what I am saying…and if you don’t you’re an idiot…but I’ll break it down to you like this. She’s only relevant because she models her tits, so when she hits the beach with the paparazzi she hired for PR, she shows her tits in a subtle way, to keep her fans intrigued or at least reminded of her tits. Basic low level marketing, sure, but she makes more money than us and that is depressing.
TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE
Posted in:Danielle Lloyd
I know that following this drunk guy with one shoe around a mall in the UK is not all that exciting to watch, it’s funny as a global concept, because drunken disasters are always funny, except when they are depressing and have thrown their lives away, like me…
But I think as semi functioning alcoholic, but barely functioning alcoholic, this is some aspirational, motivational videos to give me something to strive for.
When you fail at life, and see someone failing harder, it is like being a professional Athlete watching other athletes win Olympic gold, only far less healthy, respectable, or even more fun, but when you’re drunk, none of that matters.
If you don’t like that…
Here’s a wheelie fail…
Here’s a woman fainting into the train tracks…
Morning stretch…to try to forget the horrible night of me spending most of my night trying to convince a 40 year old fat girl to show me her butt hole…which I learned is a better word than asshole, while trying to get a girl to show you hers.
It was one of those lose/lose situations where if she doesn’t show me I get nothing and if she does I can’t un-see or fast forward the experience…but since losing is what I do, I guess it all made horrible sense.
That said, here are some morning links.
Michael Jackson Has A New Kid
True Detective / Olsen Twin Mash-Up Video
Elizabeth Deo in Some Latex Panties
Kim Kardashian and Blac Chyna Hooking Together
Taylor Swift is in Some Good Shorts
Girl in Yoga Pants
Anus Zanotti is Topless in a Bikini and Seems Fun
Katherine Webb’s Friends are Hotter than Her
I LOVE CAM GIRLS
A Bunch of Amateur Nudists!
Girl Masturbates Into full Retard
2 Little Girls Sing “Let it Go” Badly
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I just went to the worst event, but fell in love with at least a dozen 20 year old girls in tight skimpy clothes who thought I was either a homeless dude, thanks to my piss stained sweatpants, or the janitor there to pick up their puke…
I may have been overly into the girls, you know that’s code for creepy, because I got there directly after going to the saddest stripclub, you know the stripclub where strippers go to die…meaning even the ugliest of girls would be hot…
Now, I am home, I can hear my wife choking on her neck fat as she snores, I have no way to recruit love, but luckily…these babes are enough erotica for me to sleep easy…
Their names are TEAL and THE RED FOX , they are Eastern European, and if they lived in America, they’d probably be famous not getting naked, so take it in and appreciate the globalization…
TO SEE THEM MORE HARDCORE CLICK HERE
TO SEE THEM MORE HARDCORE CLICK HERE