Bikini Archives - Page 43 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2009

08

Jan

Mischa Barton in a Bikini in Goa of the Day

Sloppy Mischa Barton was in Goa for her Christmas vacation. All I know about Goa is that in the 90s, there was a group of hippie ravers in fur pants who used to get high and massage each other listening to Goa trance. Their dreams beyond being at one with the music and dancing in a sweaty disgusting mess into the afternoon, was to go to Goa for these crazy hippie parties on the beach under the moon, well it looks like Mischa Barton is living their dream, while they are being treated for anxiety issues that comes from too much ecstasy use 10 years after the fact….

I pulled this from her blog:

Here are some photos from my Christmas vacation in Goa. The ocean there was so beautiful and warm I didn’t want to get out. I would swim all day, ate mostly a vegetarian diet and bought some beautiful things from the vendors I bargained with — jewelry, saris, you name it.

I am pretty sure that this wasn’t written by Mischa Barton, but whoever wrote it is just as fucking boring as her, so I guess that means they are doing a good job. I feel like I am reading a sixth grade summer vacation re-cap assignment, like I do sometimes and I am pretty offended bitch didn’t pay retail for the jewelry, saris you name it. You know she can afford to pay the US dollar to feed the vendor’s family for a fucking week in exchange for their fucking smut they are peddling, but bitch had to jew out and negotiate. That offends me. But surprisingly, she was well received, probably because her ass looks like Sag Paneer .

Too bad she wasn’t in Mumbai a couple weeks ago, if you know what I mean. Here are her photoshop retouched bikini pics she released for attention….Nice head piece, looks like you’re really embracing the culture, you fucking cunt.

Posted in:Bikini|Mischa Barton

2009

07

Jan

Amy Winehouse in a Couple More Topless Pics that Hit a Couple Days Ago of the Day

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With a history of serious drug use, a bloated unmaintained body and sloppy deflated malnourished tits, I really wonder what Amy Winehouse’s pussy looks like. You know, how does she maintain her pubic hair. Is it like each individual pubic hair is a building of it’s own, creating what seems like an active cosmopolitan area….the bald patches that look like pussy Leukemia are the park, the rashes are the highways and the various smells, insects and things that live within, the people in the everyday hustle and bustle of downtown life, like a microcosm of a third world country, or is it a perfect little pussy, perfectly taken care of, unlike the rest of her. Maybe she’s artistic and shaves shapes in her bush, maybe her labia is battered and flaking from various ill advised injection sites, I just don’t know and probably will never know the components that make up her lady parts and that is one of my life’s great tragedies….

Sure you’ve seen these pictures, but there really such thing as too much Amy Winehouse nudity…..I don’t think so…in fact…I know there isn’t.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Bikini|Topless

2009

07

Jan

Not Victoria Silvstedt Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

Posting anything about Victoria Silvstedt is always exciting. I never know if she’s going to counter attack with a lawsuit, because she’s the kind of not very famous celebrity, who doesn’t like pictures of her getting eaten out by a married greek billionaire on vacation to surface and apparently she doesn’t like the people who post the shit and is still the only lawsuit I’ve ever really had to deal with, so it’s always like walking on eggshells when it comes to pictures of her and I like the excitement, because I’m not getting it anywhere else.

I guess like most girls, she thinks she’s more than just a slut, she’s a career woman who works hard, she is successful in her craft (whatever that is) and sure she used her fake tits and tight body to get ahead, but only because of the head on her shoulders and her delusions, because we all know she’s a whore, I mean the fake tits in nude pics and getting paid, is pretty much the nail in the coffin in that.

Either way, here are some pics of someone who isn’t Victoria Silvstedt, but who the paparazzi Claim is Victoria Silvstedt because they are idiots and are now moving onto girls that have blonde hair and pretending they are celebrities, on slow days…I guess now I can get sued by no names….good times.

Posted in:Bikini|Victoria Silvstedt

2009

06

Jan

Amy Winehouse Has a Jock Boyfriend of the Day

7 Comments »

Amy Winehouse has a new boyfriend and it’s not her drug dealer. It’s some dude who plays rugby and who is an aspiring actor. I am sure his personal gain and getting his name out into the spotlight like he was DJ AM and she was Nicole Richie had nothing to do with lowering himself to have sex with a fucking corpse and embarrass himself enough to admit to the world that he’s into her….

I guess the only other explanation would be that he is like this Guido I know who loves alternative chicks, you know tattooed and pierced and dressed in fucking latex like a fucking lesbian goth because they aren’t like any girls he knows and has already fucked and because it pisses off his tradition Italian parents at family functions.

Or maybe he’s with Winehouse because jocks are usually gay, love showering and being naked with other men, but are too macho to accept that shit, so they either gang rape drunk cheerleaders, beat up their girlfriend or go for a repulsive chick no straight guy would ever lower themselves into, unless that straight guy is me and has no standards, self respect or fear of Aids, and he loves that her pussy smells like dirty man asshole in the locker room after a rough game, it is just fucking bonus.

Either way, he’s in it for the wrong reasons, not that fucking Winehouse could ever be for the right reasons and here are the pics of the happy couple together….

It Turns Out the Winehouse is Pretty Athletic….the Lung Disease Won’t Keep Her Down…Bitch is Built Like a Fucking Cockroach. Maybe that’s strength is all part of her appeal….

Here are some random other pics from the other day, with nipple.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Bikini

2009

06

Jan

Bar Refaeli is in Cabo of the Day

1 Comment »

So as Bar Refaeli’s home is getting blown the fuck up and Israel and kills Arabs and Arabs try to bomb them back, Bar Refaeli was busy worrying about her family and friends by bringing out her own guns on the fuckin’ beach (yes, that’s the kind of comedy this site has come to) and she vowed to do at least one shot per life lost back home as long as shit doesn’t interfere with her tanning time.

Posted in:Bar Refaeli|Bikini

2009

05

Jan

Kelly Brook is Soft in a Bikini of the Day

11 Comments »

Kelly Brook’s out in a bikini and not that many other celebrities are, so I have no choice but to post her shit and I mean shit because there’s nothing I hate more than a sloppy soft lookin’ bitch. I don’t believe in the whole doughy body represents femininity, we don’t live in the late 1800s, where doughy meant she wasn’t a malnourished dying poor person who just ate her last potato, the kind of girl who wouldn’t die having your babies due to weakness, and big floppy tits aren’t enough to make me appreciate the shit, because with big tits comes big everything else and I am talking about her labia.

It seems like the world isn’t running out of doughy bitches, so those of you who like them should be happy. Just the other day I was waiting in line at a food court counter and this bitch cut the line in front of me because she claimed to be hypoglycemic and needed to eat before passing out, and proceeded to order a full sized pizza and a sugar-cured ham sandwich with extra mayo and no tomatoes or lettuce to get in the way of getting fatter. Not that has anything to do with Kelly Brook or her high waisted bikini bottoms designed to hide her gunt/muff gut/ ponch or whatever the fuck you call the bubble above the cunt or the fat in the upper pussy area.

Posted in:Bikini|Chubby|Kelly Brook|Soft

2009

05

Jan

Annalynne McCord is Skinny in a Bikini of the Day

2 Comments »

Annalynne McCord’s a lesbian, at least that’s what people are saying and I don’t really care how she gets off, because she’s relatively unknown and she’s definitely not relevant enough for me to bother with, but when I saw these bikini pictures of her skinny little body, I had no choice but to post them because they inspired me. The reason they inspired me is pretty simple, I knew exactly how I’d role play with her if I was fucking her and it’d be to play Epidemic.

You know how they say the Aids virus started in Africa and was a primate disease. They say that some how it got to people, whether it was from eating their meat or fucking them, sure it’s just s hypothetical theory to distract you from figuring out that it was government created in a lab to wipe out the gays and blacks in a White Christian world, but that doesn’t matter.

What does matter is that I’d make her hide behind a house plant, I’d dress in my favorite khakis and safari helmet, and I’d walk through the room hunting her and the second she flings her shit at me, I’d jump her and fuck her raw dog from behind as animalistic as possible in hopes of getting a disease to wipe out millions of people, it’d be the best orgasm of my life….and since that is never going to happen, we’ll just have to check out this monkey-lookin’ bitch in her bikini.

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Bikini|Skinny

2009

02

Jan

Chloe Sevigny Bikini Pictures of the Day

11 Comments »

I like girls are easily convinced to suck your dick on camera when you tell them that it is art and that it will make them a legend in their craft, even when their faces look like the guy I saw at the gas station asking for money yesterday. He was wearing his hair in a pony tail, had a one piece women’s bathing suit on, while rockin’ a pair of jean shorts, in the middle of fucking winter. I am pretty sure you wouldn’t have had to convince him that sucking your dick was for the sake of art, because he looked like he would have done it for a couple bucks.

Here’s Chloe Sevigny in a bikini, I am going to go die for a couple hours now.

Posted in:Bikini|Chloe Sevigny

2009

02

Jan

Kelly Brook’s Bikini From a Couple Days Ago of the Day

2 Comments »

These pictures are a couple of days late and by the looks of her tits, so is her period, because the only explanation for tits that swell like the waves she is playing in, is “unwanted” pregnancy. I mean we can’t blame her, she’s on a romantic Holiday Season vacation with her boyfriend, it’s only natural to stop taking her pill a month prior to leaving on the romantic Holiday Season, because all she wanted for Christmas was a baby and he kept saying he wasn’t ready yet. I don’t really know what the fuck I am talking about, or who the fuck I am talking about because I can’t place this Kelly Brook bitch and I am too hungover to research the shit, but I do know she’s got some big ol’ tits and is on vacation with her boyfriend, so I just put 2 and 2 together, if you know what I mean.

On a sidenote…what a bad fucking post.

Posted in:Bikini|Kelly Brook

2009

01

Jan

Best Bikini Shots of 2008 of the Day

1 Comment »

I am on a role with this shit, here’s a list of some of the best bikini pictures of 2008 according to my panel of experts the consists of my stepdaughter and her drug dealing boyfriend…I figured it was only right since I’ve spent so many nights jerking off to thoughts of her in a bikini on family vacations…I mean..I mean…since she likes bikinis so much, it’s a passion of hers, so here’s that list….I don’t necessarily agree with it, but I’m not about to dig through the fuckin’ crates, I’m all about moving the fuck forward and this is just to entertain you today, you greedy fucking prick.

Heidi Montag May Be an Idiot, But She Knows How to Work the PR Machine

Victoria’s Secret Bikini Showdown

Ronson’s Got Quite the Body on Her Even If She Looks Uncomfortable With a Popsicle in Hand….

Jennifer Aniston Lonely Bikini Shots, Before She STarted Fucking John Mayer for Publicity and Attention….of the Day

Caroline D’Amore, Because We Had Fun Laughing At Her Pretty Much All Year And Sometimes The Joke Makes For a Better Experience Especially When the Bitch Looks Like Celine Dion…