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Archive for the Bikini Category

2009

01

Jan

Lindsay Lohan’s Cry for Attention on New Year’s So People Don’t Forget Her of the Day

2 Comments »

What better way to ring in the New Year than to show off to the world what the last 12 months of serious drug use has done to your shit stained body. I guess that was the motivation behind Lohan’s setting up these staged bikini pictures. I guess it’s hard trying to stay in the Limelight when the only job you can get is being your girlfriend’s sidekick at Night Clubs in Miami. It probably gives you a lot of opportunity to have alone time to think about where your life went wrong, how shitty it is as she’s choppin’ up the next fuckin’ line. It probably gives you enough time to get psycho jealous of Ronson and try to leash her in and tell her who she can and can’t talk to, because your broken little soul fears abandonment and likes to be the boss. Lohan is a crazy bitch, but at least she’s not a fat crazy bitch and by the looks of it, the drug abuse is doin’ okay for her especially when the shit finally kills her. I mean I don’t wish death upon anyone, but I the slow demise of an insecure, broken down, sad person is like porn to me. Fall from the fucking top you fucking cunt and just because you’re skinny, doesn’t mean you’re not a fucking pig.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Skinny

2008

31

Dec

Eddie Murphy Entertains White Chicks in Bikinis for New Years Eve of the Day

7 Comments »

So Eddie Murphy’s busted out his guitar on what looks like his yacht for a couple of white girls who probably feel like they’ve won the lottery because Eddie Murphy chose them out of a line of prostitutes to be his vacation buddies. All they have to do is laugh at his jokes and make him feel like he’s still in his funny prime, before all those Nutty Professor and Meet the Krumps bullshits came out. Nothing wrong with using your money to make friends and alienate pussy, I’m pretty sure I’d be doin’ the fuckin same, instead, I am planning my New Years Eve night to involve drinking this 40 of vodka in hopes of passing out alone before midnight, because tonight is the most over-rated party night of the year and I’d rather save myself for tomorrow when all the cunts who went out tonight will be at home hungover and crying about how shitty their night was despite all the high hopes we had.

If I had a TV, I’d be ringing in the New Year with you Ryan Seacrest because we are soulmates I’d love to murder-suicide in a fit of passion. True story…

and here’s a closer look at the girls and their asses…

Posted in:Bikini|Eddie Murphy|White Chicks

2008

31

Dec

Lisa Rinna’s Got Good Fake Tits for New Years Eve of the Day

4 Comments »

The real reason I hate breast implants is because the girls who get them change their mousy attitudes into something I find annoying. They become the Spring Break college girl who I hate, and their new found confidence is irritating for a guy who likes girls who have no confidence. I don’t like the new found attention they get over a set of tits and I don’t like that they get addicted and keep getting refills like shit was Subway, and end up looking like robots with hardened silicone busting out of the seams to match their usually hardened face, but every once in a while a Lisa Rinna comes along with her plastic surgery addicted face and her set of fake tits that I guess she’s kept hanging for a bunch of years, cuz shit aren’t offensive and almost look like they’d be good enough to take a nap on and by nap I mean titty fuck…..now all she’s gotta do is lift that melting ass and she’d be a half decent 50 year old plastic piece of shit.

Posted in:Bikini|Fake Tits|Lisa Rinna

2008

31

Dec

Beyonce’s Fat Ass in a Bikini for New Years Eve of the Day

8 Comments »

If you’re wondering why Jay Z cheated on Beyonce with Rihanna inspiring her “if I was a boy” song, here’s your answer…She’s got a pretty shitty body. Now, for those of you who like thick women, don’t get mad at me, because even she knows that Popeye Chicken lifetime supply sponsorship from 5 years ago was a bad idea, otherwise she wouldn’t be swimming in her fucking dress and prancing around with something covering her dumpy ass, like the fat teenage girls in my high school did when we had an activity day at the water park and they insisted on wearing their T-Shirts. Their reasoning was to protect their fragile pasty white skin from the sun it never saw because they were too busy spending the summer inside eating, but we all knew they were just trying to avoid the shame from our pointing, laughing and disgust.

Sure, the only rippling my body has going for it is when I jump and shit jiggles, but I’m not the one getting paparazzi pictures taken of me, so maybe this bitch should try out an eating disorder in 2009, despite the low blood sugar fits of rage, the possible heart failure and the weakness and discomfort, it could be good for her marriage and more importantly, in her quest to take on Rihanna in the fight for her husband’s penis and the public’s acceptance.

Bonus – here she is getting a tan, even though I already thought she had one of those….

Posted in:Beyonce|Bikini|Fat Ass

2008

31

Dec

Chelsy Davy’s Back in Her Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

I was sent these hacked pictures of Chelsy Davy and no one gave a fuck. She’s the girl who’s been using her vagina to get to into the Royal Family in England because the throne hasn’t been overthrown yet, not that they have any real power, but for some reason these pictures of her and her weak chin with her ginger pubed prince are making the rounds and I figured I’d throw them up like I care, kinda like she gets up on top and acts like she cares everytime she has sex with the motherfucker, in hopes that that shit will lead to a motherfucking ring, fairy tale wedding and the official title of Princess, because her rich dad telling her that she’s one by spending all his “hard” earned money from running African Safaris on her to keep her out of his hair up in boarding school, just isn’t good enough….

Girls like this are just too high maintenance.

Posted in:Bikini|Chelsy Davy

2008

31

Dec

Ed Hardy’s Wife’s Dumpy Body in a Bikini of the Day

2 Comments »

I heard Ed Hardy’s designer/founder and very rich motherfucker doesn’t let his wife wear his Ed Hardy bikini and throws her in this Gucci shit because it ruins his marketing image of strippers, porn sluts and tacky club sluts with fake tits shoving Magnums of Grey Goose up their dried up coke slut cunts….the truth is that although she’s not very tight bodied or worth fucking, despite being worht half of his fortune, I am just surprised she doesn’t have a dick because nothing screams “I take it up the ass” like a french accent and a name like “Christian Audigier” and a job making the loudest fuckin’ T-shirts around. Seriously, maybe he should be the one in the fuckin’ bikini.


To See More Pictures of Her Ass You Better Follow This Link….Because The Paparazzi Will Sue Me….
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Ed Hardy|wife

2008

29

Dec

Naomi Campbell’s Got a Russian Billionaire of the Day

9 Comments »

Vladislav Doronin is some Russian Real Estate Billionaire. I didn’t know Russian Billionaires existed. Maybe he’s Russian Mob. I know they exist, one of them showed me his gun once while I worked as a valet where he parked his mom’s shitty car. I am guessing he wasn’t some Russian Billionaire, but probably the lowest on the fucking ladder, but at least he had a gun and a pony tail.

But I guess during the fall of communism a whole lot of people came out on top, maybe by buying the land off the government to make non-communist buildings, like for stores and restaurants and shit like that and by the looks of this dude he probably built his first couple buildings with his teeth.

Naomi Campbell managed to bag him because as you know, being a cunt who thinks she’s a fucking princess, landing a billionaire is the only thing she doesn’t already have and the only thing she can’t afford and is the way she’ll ever be satisfied. You know, for a cunt who’s got everything and a whole lot of money, the last thing on the list was a billionaire to make her cunt complete and like my friend down the street who needed a wife, she went to Russia, because I guess that’s where you go to find mates, his wasn’t a billionaire though, she was some ragged looking prostitute who didn’t shower and didn’t look like the picture he chose out of the catalog and when she got here wasn’t much of a wife, because everyone got a chance to fuck her, even me!

Either way, the only way I could understand why a Russian Billionaire would bother getting with this bitch, not only is she old and tired and not even a model anymore, but she’s got a history of being fucking crazy, and for someone who could go for any currently active model, celebrity, or everyday girl, or multiple everyday girls, or multiple celebrities, or multiple models, there’s no explanation for this.

Maybe all that money has made him hate himself for the things he did to get there, or maybe he’s fucking crazy, or maybe she reminds him of some dictator or leader who issued the rationed bread in his one room home his family of 12 grew up in where they’d share cabbage soup and a potato they baked on a government issued candle before tending to the fields or sleeping in a puddle of water in the middle of winter, where his boss would whip him and throw oxen feces at his face because he didn’t work fast enough, but I don’t really know either of them so I can’t be the judge of why they are together, maybe it’s love, I think it’s got more to do with a sadistic need to have an uncontrollable wife, but I can say having two beach boys in speedos tending to your needs is pretty fucking gay…

Here are those pics…

Posted in:Bikini|Billionaire|Naomi Campbell

2008

29

Dec

Kelly Rowland’s Fake Tits in a Bikini of the Day

6 Comments »

Two people asked me if I was gay this weekend. Maybe the meds brought out the showtune performing poofter in me, maybe it was the fact that I was offering to send them a video of me fucking a tranny like she was Audrina Patridge, by sucking on her dick, which for the record, doesn’t exist, at least not that I know of, but I think it has to do with me constantly ripping apart female celebrity vagina, but not the kind of vagina ripping I am into, like it was my fucking job, not that it is, because I am not into work, for their imperfections. One guy asked me when I was going to turn the site into a Lance Bass Dancing with the stars man-pussy fan site, because I never say anything positive about these famous sluts, and I act like none of them are up to my standards, like I was trying to cover something up, like homosexuality, but it’s just strategy man, I try to lower their self esteem to increase my chances of licking their assholes while Lance Bass strokes his dick in the corner, because sex without Lance Bass is not sex at all, no matter what your orientation is, true story.

Here’s Kelly Rowland in her bikini…with her modest fake tits, with a fat chick to make her look skinny all because she’s insecure, the way i like them.

Posted in:Bikini|Fake Tits|Kelly Rowland

2008

29

Dec

Elle Macpherson Rocks a Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

Elle Macpherson is like an old friend to me. One I haven’t spoken to in a long time, but who’s pictures I like to revisit every chance I get. I could say I’ve done coke off her tits while vactioning on a yacht, during a break from plunging my dick in her plump meaty australian pussy, like a plumber trying to unclog a toilet that my wife has assaulted it in some kind of shitting fight to the death that the toilet sadly lost, but I don’t like bragging, especially when it is of romance novel style masturbation fantasies because those are meant for girls, but here are some pictures of Elle showing off that body I wanted in 1988 and after 20 years of failure on my part later, she still keeping up her end of the deal, on a side note, in 3 days, we’ll have to make that 21 years of failure on my part. Either way, here are the pics.

Posted in:Bikini|Elle Macpherson|old

2008

26

Dec

Katy Perry is a Pig in a Bikini of the Day

32 Comments »

Anyone who thinks this pig has a hot body, is probably stupid enough to buy her fucking records or download her tunes off iTunes, and thanks to you, you made her rich and famous, because when I look at this shit, and I mean actual fucking feces, of a girl, I have no choice but to wonder what is wrong with our world to let this happen. Seriously, when I found out about genocide and dying Aids babies and corrupt government, and companies ripping us off, and the economic crisis and innocent people getting raped and murdered and all the wars that have gone down and pretty much everything else inhumane that is actually totally human about the world, I wasn’t even close to as shocked as I am seeing these pictures of her and being forced to remind myself that she’s one of the biggest things in music today, even though her songs rape me every fucking day and her bikini top looks like it’s a New Orleans Levi before right around the time Katrina hit, seriously, if she drops that top and those DD’s can kill a small child or Verne Troyer if they were standing next to her. It’s too bad she can’t take some of that loose titty skin and put it in her bikini bottoms, cuz her ass is as useless as her….

That said, I’d totally fuck her without a condom because everything I’ve fucked to date has looked a lot worse than this and I guess that says a lot about me and why I hate my fucking life…so here is Katy Perry in my hometown of Mexico.

Posted in:Bikini|Katy Perry|Pig