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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

17

Nov

Russell Simmons’ Molests a Girl of the Day

9 Comments »

Hip Hop Mogul and Adult Lisp Enthusiast Russell Simmons was out in a bikini and he pulled a groupie sluts tit out of her bikini and it’s really not that big of a deal. I mean every chance I get to pull an unsuspecting girl’s tit out of whatever she’s wearing I take, and being Russell Simmons pretty much means he can get away with this shit everywhere he goes and there’s nothing wrong with that, because unlike me, the girls embrace that shit and run to the family and friends to brag about how they met him at the beach and how he liked them so much he pulled their tit out, while I just get beat up by their boyfriends or kicked out of the club or bar or coffee shop I am at when I pull those kinds of stunts. I like to think of it as my own version of Turrets, whenever a hot tit is in my face, it’s almost impossible to not grab it, I probably need therapy, but I don’t think it’s anything I have to change….

The real issue is that why shouldn’t Russell Simmons do this to random people. It’s not like her intentions in talking or hanging with him are anything sincere, she’s an opportunist and an opportunist needs to be put in her place, let’s just hope Russell Simmons didn’t stop at pullin her tit out and got a blow job or anal out of all this….

Posted in:Bikini|Russell Simmons|Tit

2008

17

Nov

Chloe Sevigny Bikini Pictures of the Day

5 Comments »

Chloe Sevingy is another one of those celebrities I don’t understand why they are famous. She was like the original American Apparel hipster back in the 90s, when she got Aids in Kids and lived in Manhatten in some loft, hanging with fashion designers, musicians, artists and drug addicts. She would go to all the fashion shows and was seen at all the events and was eventually eaten up by the media and labeled a fashion icon, despite lookin’ like a fuckin’ clown who took herself way too fucking seriously, making me wish she had actually got Aids in Kids so that she’d be too buy throwing up from the Aids Cocktail to go out to all the events she was at…I guess I just don’t like seeing girls who I don’t find hot getting all this positive attention.

The only redeeming quality she has is that she gave a bareback blowjob in Brown Bunny and I’ve always been the kind of guy who pretty much encourages real sex in mainstream movies, because I hate that candy-coated soap opera love making shit you see in movies, it fucks up girls perspective on how their supposed to get fucked, and leaves them unsatisfied because you didn’t open-mouth kiss them and rub against them like you were the only two people in the world, but instead flipped her over, fucked her from behind and “accidentally” came in her ass, and claimed you didn’t realize you were in the wrong hole, despite intentionally being in the wrong hole…ya know….

Eitehr way, she brought her pasty skinny body out in a bikini…..

Posted in:Bikini|Chloe Sevigny

2008

15

Nov

Miranda Kerr and Her Friends in White Bikinis of the Day

5 Comments »

Bikini models pretty much have the hottest bodies out there and when Victoria’s Secret that they are the leaders of the eastern European and South American Sex Trade get down to it, they manage to pay the best bodies out there to get into their bikinis and give you something to look at that you’ll never be able to afford….

I really wish I knew Victoria’s other secret and that is how to manipulate girls to get half naked. I assume that it involves money and threats on the lives of their family members, because no matter what sweet talking I do, the only bitches I have managed to get to take off their clothes have always been overweight with saggy tits, acne or red scabby shit that looks like acne all over their body, stretch marked and unshowered. The kind of girl that no one would ever really want to see even if they were fully clothed, you know the kind of girl you cross the street to avoid brushing up against, and the only time that ever really works for me is if a lot of alcohol is involved and instead of laughing at the experience, I tend to marry them, so I clearly have some work to do to get to this quality level, but I guess you gotta start somewhere, and the little mistakes you make along the way, even if they weigh 300 pounds, just teach you not to make the same mistake again, mainly because the bitch won’t let me shit without running it past her….it’s like I’m in fucking prison motherfuckers….PRISON…….but at least Miranda Kerr and her tight little body give me hope that it’s not this bad for everyone out there….that my suffering balances out all the good pussy being scored….and my happiness is a small sacrifice to make for the benefit of mankind…..

Bonus – Some Other Victoria’s Secret Sluts in Bathing Suits and This Shoot….

Posted in:Bikini|Miranda Kerr|Victoria's Secret

2008

15

Nov

Kim and Kourtney Kardashian and Kristin Cavallari in their Bikinis of the Day

18 Comments »

Kim Kardashian is a fat chick who has no business being famous or landing work. The only thing she’s ever accomplished is the best damn Paris Hilton rip off out there. She talks exactly like her, she pulled off the sex tape shit like her and it got her work, like her….but that’s about all she’s done. I look at these pictures and see that even Kim knows she’s fat, otherwise that ass wouldn’t be covered up like the birth defect and result of laziness and bad eating habits that it is….but for some reason, people still think she’s some kind of natural beauty, despite not being neither beautiful or natural. Just because she denies getting work done, doesn’t mean she hasn’t had work done, this is a useless bitch we’re dealing with and as a useless bitch, everything that comes out of her mouth is fuckin’ useless…..

I guess she found a couple people who are more useless than her to hang with in their bikinis and despite hating them, I don’t hate bikinis and I am posting this shit despite them ruining this shit….

On a side note, if you’re wondering why Kirstin Cavallari is pretty much irrelevant, I think it’s gotta do with the fact that she’s got a shitty ass, a pot belly and the length of her head, is longer that the length of her torso and that’s some bobble head shit, I can’t really grasp…..oh and because she didn’t agree to do The spinoff of Laguna Beach that you may have heard of called The Hills…..because I guess she was delusional and thought she was too talented for that or some shit….

Either way, here are the rest of the pictures:

Posted in:Bikini|Kim Kardashian|Kourtney Kardashian|Kristin Cavallari

2008

10

Nov

Mel B in a Bikini in Egypt of the Day

2 Comments »

Mel B from Dancing with the Stars Fame was out in a bikini in Egypt with her husband, because when I think of amazing vacation spots, Egypt always comes to mind. I mean I don’t think about a dessert and a bunch of Jew slaves building pyramids and camels, or arab chicks in bed sheets, I think bikinis, girls gone wild and Tara Reid, but then again I am not as cultured or worldly as this Mel B chick, proven the fact that the bikini I am wearing at the moment is just a pair of boxers that are way too small for my fat ass, while on the couch in my shitbox apartment I call home, because i try to keep my clothes on for national security, even though I am too irrelevant to affect a nation, proven by the fact that I am not the one gallivanting around the world half naked and in love because she’s made great progress from the her slave ancestors….they would be proud.

Posted in:Bikini|Mel B|Scary Spice

2008

04

Nov

Vida Guerra’s Fat Ass in Some Bikini Pics of the Day

10 Comments »

Vida Guerra is known for her fat ass and there’s really nothing wrong with that. Sure my dick is too small to really appreciate trying to get up inside one of these latin booties, but I still find them amazing to stare at, despite them reminding me of waiting in line at Wal Mart behind a new mother who ate one too many chocolate bars during her pregnancy.

The truth is that since she got her fake tits, it all kinda balances out and not so retarded to look at and since she got famous for this shit, or the part of her body from which she shits, I figure you’ll appreciate this barely there bikini, even if you’ve already seen her pussy because I know eating disorders or the girls who have them aren’t for everyone.

I guess this is just me accommodating….

The company that owns these pictures is trying to charge me 1000 dollars to access their pictures, since I am not rich and don’t make money off the site and can’t afford that kind of insanity, I don’t bother posting them, because they will send lawyers letters and I’ll be forced to take them down and still be liable for a lawsuit that I will lose, so I’ll just link out to other sites that are rich and can afford the pictures, while useless sites like mine slowly die of the AIDS that is the paparazzi agencies……

To See The Rest of These Hot Bikini Pics
GO

BONUS:

Here are those nude webcam/ cellphone pics that were leaked a bunch of years ago….I am probably not allowed to post them, but since I did a long time ago and heard nothing, I figure I am safe…at least until I get the lawyer’s letter later today….but until then…here they are….


Pics Via – This Old Post

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Vida Guerra

2008

03

Nov

Emma Rigby is in a Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

The paparazzi amaze me. They are like computer databases or some shit, I’m talking having IMDB or Wikipedia memorized or some shit, because to be out on the beach in Miami and to know that this girl in her bikini is someone on TV in another country, is pretty fucking amazing. I have a hard enough time recognizing my stepkids and their friends if I see them out in the bar, maybe it’s because they are embarrassed that I’m there, but I think it’s got more to do with me having no capacity to recognize people even if I know them, but for some reason, the paparazzi know. Maybe they are aliens, but I’m thinkin’ their more like money hungry immigrants who know that somewhere this bitch is worth money and that’s what keeps them up all night memorizing this shit, or maybe it’s just because the paparazzi are a fuckin scam and the reality is that PR agents are hiring them to show up and snap some pics and giving them the right to sell them as they are their own, because everyone fuckin’ knows that magazines will buy them, creating more buzz about the slut in the picture, leading to more jobs, and everyone’s happy, except me, because I don’t like the lies of their system and am a lot happier with nude pics taken from peepholes drilled in hotel bathrooms, than the candy-coated version of that shit.

So here’s Emma Rigby someone no one’s heard of, but who is obviously trying to generate some buzz, and she’s wearing a bikini. She’s on a show called Hollyoaks I guess she’s trying to break into America, since it is the promised land of opportunity and shit.

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Posted in:Bikini|Emma Rigby

2008

28

Oct

Nicolette Sheridan’s Bikini Bottom of the Day

3 Comments »

Nicolette Sheridan went out in a bikini and showed off her ass this past weekend and I liked it. I think her body is amazing and hope for all you people who plan on getting married, despite the sad truth that the reason she looks like this is because she’s not married and trying to keep work coming in, but delusions is pretty much what go you into this whole marriage mess to begin with, so what’s another one to the pot that makes up your false sense of happiness…..

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Nicolette Sheridan

2008

21

Oct

Tara Reid in Some More Bikini Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

Tara Reid is still out in a bikini showing up the body she destroys after losing a bet at a Full Moon party in Thailand during the course of her everlasting spring break, where if she didn’t finish a bottle of that Cobra Venom shit the crazy Thai people drink, she’d have to get botched plastic surgery from some back alley sex change operator in Bangkok and her mangled body is the result. Some say that the she could have afforded to hire a real American plastic surgeon in LA, and don’t understand why she didn’t and the answer to that is that it bought into her party time. In Thailand they do it at the party and in America, there’s this whole hospital rules, regulations and formalities bullshit that isn’t doing body shots while getting surgery, while in Thailand, it is highly recommended because it saves the cost of anesthtic. The truth is that I could be wrong about this, maybe it wasn’t Thailand at all, maybe she got her cheap unregulated horrible result surgery in Mexico, or Brazil, or Peurto Rico, because there is no way this shit was done by a trained American Doctor, and if it was, dude needs to lose his motherfuckin’ license. Like that time I lost my license to ill when I found out that the Beastie Boys were Jewish.
Or the time I lost my License to Lady Kill when I realized I don’t know what that means. Or the time I lost my License to Drive You Crazy….Okay time to stop this now.


Since the paparazzi want me dead and I want to continue talking about Tara Reid’s hot washed up party slut body, I have no choice but to link out to another site. That’s just how things are when you’re ghetto like me.
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Tara Reid

2008

20

Oct

The Sun is Setting On Tara Reid’s Permanent Spring Break of the Day

4 Comments »

Sloppy skinny girls, or what I used to call “Slim-Fats” are usually a hell of a lot worse to fuck that fat chicks, paritally because they are false advertising and I hate being led to, but mainly because they are just these loose skinned dumpy things being held together with tight clothing and when your hand gets lost in saggy ass cheek between bone and anus, it’s hard to stay hard. At least with fat chicks, you know what you’re getting from the start and usually you don’t care what they look like naked, as long as they have a vagina, because you are horny enough to even be talking to them in the first place, and once you get their clothes off you realize that shit may be disgusting, but her obesity feels a lot firmer than you expected because her skin is so taut, like the skin of a drum working overtime to keep her fat from busting out at the seams. It’s the difference of putting a condom on a huge dick, versus a pencil dick, not that I have experience in either, but I was trying to find something you could relate to, like the guy I know who used to jerk off with condoms to get used to using them provided a girl every slept with him….

Either way, it looks like last call is around the corner for Tara Reid, the pool swim up bar is closing, the sun is setting and hurricane season is moving in. The resort is closing and the patrons have all gone back to their every day lives with nothing but memories and herpes, both last for life, but one is a lot more of a mood killer during first date conversation over dinner, Spring Break is over, for most it lasts a week, for Tara Reid, it’s lasted 10 years.

She’s past her prime and she’s had her time. Now she’s just the sloppy lookin’ fake titty whore with a tan at the public pool while her kids are taking swimming lessons, remember the good ol’ days at Club Med where she had her first gangbang and got on stage naked after too much tequila, and it’s a pretty sad day for all of us, because she was living the dream, an inspiration to us all, and it’s done. RIP Tara Reid Motherfucker and your slaughtered ass, the real casuality of this lifestyle of excess.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Tara Reid