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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

15

Oct

Audrina Gets Dunked By Ellen in a Bikini of the Day

Daytime television just got a little more Lesbian Pornographic, while Audrina from The Hills showed up to the Ellen show in a bikini, to get dunked for charity, a charity challenge that Ellen came up with that reminds me of the time I tried to start a Blow-Job-A-Thon, where people would give me money depending on the number of blowjobs I could land in a month, that 100 dollars I tricked people to give me was well spent on trying to get those blowjobs, which I wasn’t very successful at doing or the time I went oor to door pretending I was collecting money for sick kids, but instead used it on drinking, but way more lesbian.

The highlight of the video is Ellen awkwardly offering to warm up Audrina, but pulling back on it because the clit boner in her pants would have probably ended up in Audrina’s mouth, and instead Ellen chose the dignified route of keeping her soft-on in her pants, and taking out that sexual frustration on throwing baseballs to get the bitch as wet as she was throwing the balls. It’s all really inappropriate to think that kids watch this shit, like it ain’t a thing. The morals and values they are learning, like that a lesbian can have her own TV show and get girls in bikinis on the show for her own sexual perversions could really fuck shit up, but instead of censoring her like they should, or having her pretend that she likes dick, like Oprah and Rosie before she came out, they just pay her lots of money to keep her lesbian mouth shut so that she doesn’t start some lesbian protest or lesbian campaign about how whatever network she is on is homophobic and I guess that’s a good thing for you Audrina fans….

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bikini|Dunked|Ellen

2008

14

Oct

Serena Williams Has Pretty Fat Ass for an Athlete of the Day

Serena Williams is a fucking beast. This creature kills it on the tennis courts and now she is killing me while rockin’ a bikini. I know that I have attacked these twins for being the modern day “Ladybugs” or it’s newer “She’s The Man” spin-off, saying that their tennis father dressed his little boys up as girls at a young age to destroy all the conservative white folks at the tennis club he was the landscaper at, but I think I was wrong and that these girls are in fact girls. I also think I was wrong in ripping into them for being too fat to be athletes because lets face it, they always fucking win, and maybe my perception of being fit is not actually what being fit is, because I consider any girl not being fed through an IV or feeding tube too fat and instead of worrying about who or what they are, we should focus in on this crazy fucking booty, because let’s face it, it’s pretty much impossible not to. This thing is huge and I think I’m ready to see her make it talk, but I am not sure her bedroom floor or anything she’s standing on is strong enough to withstand the impact…

Speaking of impact, a little known fact about these pictures of her surfing is that the wave she is riding was created when she jumped in the ocean.

That little known fact was weak, I am going to take a coffee break and try to collect my thoughts. Today has been a disgrace to myself and in the meantime, check out Serena Williams’ ass.

Posted in:Bikini|Fat Ass|Serena Williams

2008

14

Oct

Nicolette Sheridan’s Ass in a White Bikini of the Day

There’s nothing like seeing a little Michael Bolton sloppy seconds strutting her old lady body that puts most 20 year old bodies to shame around in a bikini, knowing that he ruined her like he ruined Frank Sinatra’s Music back in 2006. I do know that her body is definitely the kind of body you can try to pretend is still a virgin when you get with her, despite knowing that the only reason she’s on TV is because she’s not a virgin, if you know what I mean. If you don’t, bust out your mom’s Desperate Housewives Season 1 DVD boxset and see her trying to act, not that that would be too hard of a task for your lazy body, considering you keep it hidden under your bed for those lonely nights alone….which are pretty much every night…..

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Nicolette Sheridan

2008

14

Oct

Kelly Brook in a Bikini for Some Play Called Fat Pig of the Day

Kelly Brook is some model who has gone to far and tried to make the move into acting, but the good news is that the directors of the play “Fat Pig” that’s going on in the UK, didn’t really take her seriously enough to give her a serious role and her acting on stage consists of her running around in a bikini. I don’t know if she has any dialogue and I hope she doesn’t, because it would really take away from what she’s good at, and throw the audience off, like the time I accidentally walked into a transexual bar and thought the girl I was talking to was a girl, until it’s tongue was halfway down my throat and it was too late to turn back because I didn’t want to hurt any feelings, but a little less psychologically abusive.

Posted in:Bikini|Kelly Brook

2008

09

Oct

Angela Lindvall Poses in a Bikini on 5th Avenue for Jimmy Choo of the Day

I guess this is just another hard day at the office for model Angela Lindvall, who was seen shooting some Jimmy Choo ad on 5th Avenue in a bikini in October. To think people say that models have it easy, I mean, getting down to a bikini in the middle of a New York street in the fall early in the morning, after spending a night doing blow in a VIP room with rock stars and celebrities, after a 3 week stint of time off spent sleeping in and going to nice restaurants, because as a model work’s not always constant and as a model you really only need a job a month to make enough money to live the life of luxury, is a lot harder than what you do, you lazy free loading fuck.

The point of this post is I like this campaign and hope that it ends up in a Vietnamese Lady Bar bathroom with a skirt hiked up around it’s waist and a garden hose attached to the toilet to wash out her cooch…if you know what I mean….which you probably don’t which is okay,because here are a lot of pictures to distract you from me being not funny.

Posted in:Angela Lindvall|Bikini|Model

2008

07

Oct

Kim Kardashian’s Bikini From When She Was 14 Of the Day

I don’t know the legalities of posting a 14 year old in a bikini on a website, but I do know that parents are doing it all the time on FLICKR, Facebook and all the other photo sites and they aren’t getting in trouble for it, despite the fact that those images are coincidentally the ones with the most views and they so happen to pop up on other websites with the intent to make people masturbate, and none of those folks are getting in trouble, so I figure it’s okay to post these pics Kim Kardashian posted of herself to prove she didn’t have plastic surgery.

I have no idea where these plastic surgery rumors came from, I never heard them, mainly because bitch has a far from perfect face and is in pretty serious need of plastic surgery, and I have a feeling that is what was actually said, and Kardashian’s ego didn’t let her process the truth, like calling a fat girl fat and having her turn around and think you just complimented her or some shit because she’s in fucking denial.

Either way, she had some pretty big tits for a 14 year old. I blame the hormones in the food.

Bonus – Kim Kadashian and Her New Friend Cheryl Burke From Dancing With the Stars, I Haven’t Figured Out Who is More Desperate, But I am Going With Both of Them….

Posted in:Bikini|Kim Kardashian

2008

06

Oct

Beyonce’s Fat Bikini Pictures of the Day

Beyonce was out in a bikini last week and I know I am slow on posting these pictures, but the last thing I think of when I see Beyonce in a bikini, is that I need to get these fuckers on the site as quickly as fucking possible, because my initial response is to pretend like I’ve never seen them, hoping they go away, until an email comes in suggesting I throw them on the site and I do because that reminder, reminds me, that some where out there, some motherfucker finds her hot. So while Beyonce’s husband/boyfriend/fiance Jay Z is out about town with his gang of sluts like Rihanna, Beyonce is on vacation with men in Tuxedos and the good news is that even she knows her fried chicken eating lined her arteries, ass and thighs, but never ventured to her tits, leading her to cover that shit up with a surong and for that, we thank her, because otherwise, these pictures would be a hell of a lot more devastating than they are.

Posted in:Beyonce|Bikini|Fat

2008

06

Oct

Nicolette Sheridan is in a Bikini of the Day

Since the paparazzi agency that either got paid by Nicolette Sheridan’s people to take pictures of her in a bikini because they think she’s some kind of miracle being in her mid 40s and lookin like this and feel it’s an accomplishment worth drawing attention to, or that sifted through her garbage, tapped her phone lines, climbed fences and used expensive photo equipment to capture these life changing photos of Nicolette Sheridan’s old ass in a bikini, is an agency that wants to bring me the fuck down, sue me and destroy everything I have worked for, like they try to destroy the privacy of famous people I don’t really give a fuck about, but you seem to give a fuck about, putting me in this whole mess to begin with, I decided to do the post by linking to another site, so that you get the goods and I don’t get ruined in the process….because I know cumming to pictures of something Michael Bolton has cum on , and I don’t mean his microphone or outrageous undeserved record sales, but I do mean his girlfriend, is something important to you. So this is me, putting myself out ther for you. Enjoy.


To See Nicolette Sheridan in a Bikini
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Nicolette Sheridan

2008

02

Oct

Lindsay Lohan’s Still in a Bikini on Vacation of the Day

The paparazzi agency that owns these pictures of Lohan and Ronson on their Lesbian Beach Party are on my jock about posting their pictures. They want me to pay them 500 dollars for 100 images and they think that that is a good fucking deal. In trying to figure out how to get out of it, because I don’t have 500 dollars to pay them, I decided to find out who manages Samantha Ronson’s DJing and ask them for a letter of consent to use the pictures. I figure if I can get the approval from every celebrity, I’ll be in the clear and won’t have to shut down the site, or worse, figure out a new strategy to produce original content so that no one can come after me and sue me for using their shit. It turns out that despite them not caring about using their pictures, they don’t own their pictures and can’t give me the okay, despite being the stars of the fucking pictures. That was seriously backwards to me, but it isn’t as backwards as Lohan was the night before these pictures were when they were trying to find a new way to rub their vaginas together like they were trying to start a fire after they were left on a deserted island. It turns out that because the paparazzi rented a boat to stalk these poor girls when they are minding their own business, people like me have to pay big money to post and comment on the images. So fuck you paparazzi for killing my spirits and ruining the site one post at a time. I was pretty happy ruining the site on my own and didn’t think I needed help doing it. Either way, I am posting the pics anyway.

Posted in:Bikini|Lesbian|Lindsay Lohan

2008

01

Oct

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Are Still in Bikinis of the Day

I don’t understand how the paparazzi can justify trying to charge me 100 dollars a picture of Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan out on vacation, sucking popsicles in their bikinis, when the paparazzi don’t pay Samantha Ronson or Lindsay Lohan to take the pictures of them. Sure they hire some local Mexican with a camera to stalk them, but that can’t cost much more than 4 dollars a day. I heard that mexicans make less that 10 US Dollars a week if they work at the hotels there, so I know the scum that is the paparazzi isn’t paying these fuckers much more than that for getting the picture, so why the fuck should I contribute to their industry that is making them rich off pretty much doing nothing but takin’ shitty fucking pictures. That’s why I am posting them without paying for them.

That said, I know a lot of guys out there still want to fuck Lohan, despite the rumors of countless dicks beating you to the chase. I know that this whole lesbian phase, that still isnt confirmed fully, gets you all worked up because their plan is working. It’s like now you feel like you really can’t get with the bitch and it makes jerking off to her that much more vengeful because you don’t realize that as a middle management/blue collar/ whatever the fuck you do, nobody, you really had no chance getting up in that prior to her denouncing of dick.

I am happy about this whole lesbian kick, because even last night, I was out having a couple beers and these two young, college, really mainstream girls who you know probably haven’t fucked that many dudes, and if they had, it wasn’t very good for anyone involved, were drinking at a table next to me. They were the kind of girls who had no style, you could tell never really partied, except for maybe 5 year ago at a few sweet sixteen parties, and remember the glory days of their graduating year of highschool where they gave a fuckin’ handjob once as the best sexual experience of all time. You get what I am saying, they were boring and within 10 minutes of me being there, some guys must have said the right thing,, and next thing you know the little slut they had bottled up on the inside had her tongue down her lab partners throat. I thank Lohan for making that possible by getting the idea of doing what college girls have been doing for years, into the heads of the square mainstreamers. I blame Katy Perry for ruining that potentially amazing moment for me.

Either way, here’s Lohan in a bikini with her hot skinny girlfriend she may or may not be having sex with. Enjoy.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan