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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

15

Sep

Brooke Hogan in a Bikini of the Day

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Brooke Hogan is showing off her big fake tits in her bikini and I guess despite hating Brooke Hogan’s masculinity and her broad shoulders and trashy rich north Florida upbringing, I have to say she doesn’t look as bad as she has in the past, proving that all it takes to make your dressing like a chick more believable isn’t about how proper you tuck your cock in, but how big your fake tits are, because the bigger the tits, the less broad your shoulders look, making the only real complicated thing about being a woman in a man’s body is explaining to your mother why all of her lingerie is stretched out and to the random men you bring home, why you have a penis…..cuz from what I’ve been told, that kind of deception gets trannies killed. True story.

Posted in:Bikini|Brooke Hogan

2008

10

Sep

Sophie Monk Bikini Pictures of the Day

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It looks like I slept on these Sopie Monk pics, which is probably because everytime I think of the trash that has actually slept on Sophie Monk, like Ryan Seacrest and the Good Charlotte twin who is slamming Paris Hilton, both sexually ambiguous, Ryan Seacrest with his frosted hair and everything about him being gay and Good Charlotte for having sex with his brother because it’s seen as masturbation since they are twins, playing shitty gay anthems and most importantly because he sucks, leading me to believe that Sophie Monk may be a transexual and despite finding her kinda hot and interesting to look at like a Picasso painting, here she is with her junk taped up. I just can’t wait to see her stage show where she sings “I Will Survive” and Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” like all the trannies do at their tranny shows because there is no way this bitch doesn’t have COCK.

Posted in:Bikini|Sophie Monk|Uncategorized

2008

09

Sep

Jenna Dewan Bikini Pictures of the Day

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I don’t know who this bitch is but I do know that she’s in a bikini. I didn’t look too closely at the pictures so I don’t know if she’s worth fucking and the truth is that all vagina is worth fucking. We are all part of God’s flock and that makes each and every one of us beautiful in our own way.

I am running a little behind schedule of all the great things I have planned today, like sitting on my couch. Watching my friend the spider make a nest in the corner of my living room and then watch Youtube dance videos to practice my moves so I become the star of every wedding, bar mitzvah and sweet sixteen I get invited to, which to date have been none, but you can never be too ready.

Word on the internet is that his Jenna Dewan chick is a dance instructor or professional dancer or some shit and with a body like that, I am sure she’s had a solid career as the entertainment at some all inclusive club that I am not on right now, where the local girls dance like fucking pornstars and bend down with their asses in the air for the local dudes to mount them and hump them for everyone to see from every fuckin’ angle, grinding harder then I grind my teeth at night when I get nervous while I try to chime in with my mocking moves that offend the locals because I can’t dance if I wanted to all in hopes of getting some tight spanish ass up against my crotch….

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Posted in:Bikini|Jenna Dewan|Uncategorized

2008

05

Sep

Brody Jenner’s Mom is in a Bikini of the Day

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Brody Jenner has some old, plastic surgery ridden socialite of a mother and here she is in a bikini. Now I am not a fan of plastic surgery abused rich women who spend their lives attending social events, but I am a fan of bikinis so I was torn yet still forced to post it. I don’t know anything about Brody Jenner or his background and I think there’s a good reason for that and that reason is that motherfucker is useless and lame as fuck and it would give me so much satisfaction to give his mom herpes and send him the pics, but I am sure it wouldn’t be a first for him, since she’s probably always been a slut and this look is not something she’s grown into, but something she’s paid in efforts to maintain her key to the good life.

Speaking of the good life I saw some rich chick in the backseat of her Benz with her filipino pull up to a store and as she sat there, the filino ran inside, got the manager and dude came out with a selection of designer sunglasses to try on while she sat there with the window down being served more than anyone, no matter how good a customer she is, deserved to be served. It was extreme rich laziness that probably makes her shitty in bed because she’s too jacked up on valium to thrust her hips that got her rich in the first place, and when she was done she yelled at the filipino to hurry up. I tried chiming in to get her to take me on as her sex slave, but she didn’t even acknowledge me no matter how many times I whipped out my testicles from about 10 feet away. I guess she thought she was too good for my kind and she was probably right.

Either way, here’s Brody Jenner, I am sure she’s just as much of a cunt as the obnoxious shopper I saw yesterday…but at least Jenner’s mom takes her clothes off. I haven’t figured out if that’s a good thing, but I am pretty sure it isn’t especially considering the STD that dripped out of her to form what the world knows as Brody…..

Posted in:Bikini|Brody Jenner|Mom

2008

04

Sep

Abi Harding is Someone You Don’t Know in a Bikini of the Day

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I was just in a coffee shop getting a coffee because I am lazy and sitting behind a table was a girl with a low cut shirt and amazing fucking posture. Her tits were just poppin out perfectly because her shoulders were pushed back so hard it was unnatural and reminded me of a teenage girl trying to pretend she actually has tits by stickin’ out her chest like a chicken about to lay an egg or some shit. The truth is it was impressive to me because I live with a dumpy sack of shit of a wife who can’t sit up straight no matter how hard she tries because she doesn’t have the strength to hold herself up and push her shoulders back, but in her defense either does any living man because she’s just that sloppy, but it’s still really unattractive and lazy lookin.

So I decide to tell this girl how impressed I am that her back is straighter than Justin Timberlake pretends he is and I say something along the lines that it looks like she’s got a steel fucking rod for a back and that is some serious talent and go on with my coffee drinking at the table facing her. About 5 minutes later, she packs up her back and rolls the fuck away in a wheel chair that I didn’t know she was in and I felt like a bit of a fuckin’ asshole because she probably did have a steel rod in her back from some injury that left her paralyzed from the waist down and despite not being able to jog, feel sex or walk up a flight of stairs, that girl could sit up straight and sitting up straight does things to tits that may make a gay man wish he was straight.

These pictures on the otherhand, may make a straight man wish he was gay, because they aren’t hot and are of Abi Harding, who is in some UK Indie Band that I’ve never heard of. She plays the saxophone because she has an oral fixation and here she is in a bikini showing off some small tits and a disgusting stomach scar and I’d say that all bitch needs to do is kick her shoulders back a bit to make it look like she has tits, or that she could use a good back injury to force her to sit up straight but it turns out that the scar is from a car accident where she coincidentally broke her spine but managed to walk again and that throws my back injury theory out the window. Thanks Abi Harding for making me look bad in front of my friends. Bitch!

Posted in:Abi Harding|Bikini

2008

04

Sep

Selma Blair Rocks a Bikini of the Day

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I went to get a sandwich at my regular sandwich place because shit’s cheap. I am not sure the quality of the 3 dollar sandwich but I still haven’t died yet so I keep going back. One of the girls who works there is disgusting lookin’ and I hate when she gets down to making my lunch. She’s the kind of girl who looks worse than my wife, is greasy, unshowered and never uses gloves when working. I usually try to ignore the shit and eat the sandwich regardless, but today she walked out of the employee bathroom, told the boss she just used the last of the toilet paper and they need more. She walked up to the counter as I was screaming “please serve someone else first, don’t do this to me, please no” in my head and that’s when bitch started up on my order. Her bare fresh from the bathroom hands all over the little food I could afford. I paid, walked out and contemplated throwing it out, but realized it was probably my one meal of the day and people have probably eaten worse, so I ate it and with every bite gagged a bit as I fought to swallow it down. I just hope she wasn’t in there taking a shit before making my lunch, because I deal with piss a hell of a lot better than I do with shit, but it was still fuckin’ disgusting and reminded me of a time some obese dude got a nosebleed while making my Subway and didn’t offer to give me a new sandwich as his blood covered hand made my food, only this time I didn’t throw shit out the second I walked out the door.

Speaking of disgusting here are some pics of Selma Blair in a Bikini.It’s not so bad, considering she’s almost 40, but it is definitely not very good. Enjoy…

Posted in:Bikini|Selma Blair

2008

03

Sep

Christina Ricci in a Bikini of the Day

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I liked this bitch better when she had an eating disorder and cut off her tits to make the scale drop by 10 pounds and help her feel the success of her eating disorder more dramatically because having C-Cup tits just wasn’t conducive to skinny. Sure I find it a great tragedy to take away something so spectacular like breasts, that’s the main reason I’m not down with breast cancer, but I am down with girls with issues especially when they have money to go with those issues, it’s fun to partner up with them on their self-destructive path, because they usually don’t care enough to say no to any of your requests. Yes, I am talking about anal.

Here she is in a bikini.

Posted in:Bikini|Christina Ricci

2008

03

Sep

Michelle Hunziker’s Got a Hot Ass of the Day

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Michelle Hunziker is pretty much a nobody at least I have no idea who she is, but I have never been good with names. I do know that she’s lookin’ pretty good in her bikini this past weekend and that’s all I have to say about that, I figure if I spend more time on this shit, I’ll be reminded that my wife and pretty much no one I know looks this decent in a bikini and I have enough disappointments to get me through the rest of the day, like the fact that my wife ate my box of Cheerios and she won’t give me more money to buy more, or that I won’t be getting drunk tonight because my wife is taking me to an AA meeting, but enough about me, just look at this ass.

Posted in:Bikini|Michelle Hunziker

2008

02

Sep

Suzan Hughes is Mangled in her Bikini of the Day

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Her name is Suzan Hughes and she’s some kind of Fitness Guru or some shit who was married to the inventor of something called Herbal Life who died of a drug overdose. She looks more like a plastic surgery out patient or someone attacked brutally by a plastic surgeon in a back alley because not only is her face mangled to shit but so is her stomach leading me to believe the 60 year old rich man’s wife who I saw in spandex reading her yoga book earlier today in the park is a far more credible person to go to for fitness advice but she didn’t appreciate me asking her if she was flexible and if she minded doing a little demo for me because I took a serious liking to her cameltoe and hard nipples in her sports bra, leading to believe that maybe you’re better off just turning to Google.

I guess the other sad news is that with the summer coming to an end, so will the everyday girls in bikinis which was depressing but with ending comes new beginnings and I stepped outside my house to see herds of school girls in school girl outfits that were shorter, tighter and more unbuttoned and cleavage exposing than last year, leading me to be reminded that the dude who invented these is just as perverted as the school faculty who enforces it and of course as every single man on the street who looks at the shit in amazement and that is exciting to me, more exciting than I can legally admit or videotape. So I like to think of Suzan Hughes bikini pictures as my out with the old and in with the new, right of passage from summer into fall as the leaves change color and a horrible winter approaches. Enjoy this if you can, because shit’s straight out of a horror movie.

Posted in:Bikini|Suzan Hughes

2008

02

Sep

Caroline D’Amore in Some Staged Bikini Pics of the Day

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I had the pleasure, and I use that term loosely, to meet Caroline D’Amore. She happened to be badly DJing an event here that I randomly went to and after laughing at her and making her feel insecure about her shitty skills and Paris Hilton dance that I was convinced was a comedy routine, but was actually her life work, leading her to stop her set and having bouncers surround me, trying to kick me out, I managed to call her over and introduce myself and apologize for laughing at her because I thought she was joking around and wanted us to laugh at her and she went into a whole explanation about how she may not be a technical DJ but she loves what she does and people like me ruin it for her, I told her I am an asshole and mentioned my site and her eyes lit up, because unknowingly, I had done a post on her cameltoe years ago and had no idea and she loved it. Now I don’t know if she reads this site, but I do know that she Googles herself and I guess she also knows that staging bikini pics will get her noticed, despite not having a very hot face with her no-lips and jagged features, but with a body skinny and worth seeing naked to ask if you can lick her fiances name tattooed above her cunt, but the real selling point for this bitch is the fact that she is rich from a family owned Pizza chain, leading me to believe that after you cum, she runs to the kitchen to whip you up a slice, even though the truth is probably more like her spoiled little Paris Hilton influenced voice whining about random things as rich girls do.

We did manage to exchange emails, but never maintained a relationship or had cyber sex or got any exclusive pics because I guess she thinks she’s too good to me and that’s okay because pretty much everyone thinks they are too good for me. Just about an hour ago I got to talking to this hot slut garbage woman who I was fascinated by because I had never seen a girl garbage man, let alone a hot girl garbage man and when I stopped in my tracks to watch her throw trash into the truck, I invited her over to come pick up the garbage that is starting to stink up my bedroom and that weighs about 300 pounds and my is wife, she just told me to fuck off and took her tight hot ass to the back of the truck and drove into the sunset and by sunset I mean to the next block and it kinda broke my heart

Posted in:Bikini|Caroline D'Amore