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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

25

Aug

Minnie Driver is Pregnant in a Bikini of the Day

6 Comments »

I had an argument with a friend of mine about whether pregnant chicks are sexy. I was arguing that it is nice to see a girl doing what she’s supposed to in a generation where they think they have the right to be doctors and lawyers and career women, and a lot of chicks seem to be neglecting that they are built to make babies not make money, and he was arguing that it is creepy like she’s got an alien growing inside her and in the event he ever got a girl pregnant, he’d join the army to not have to deal with the pressure of her trying to fuck him while she’s all hormonal and bloated.

I guess these Minnie Driver pictures don’t really prove either side of the equation considering she wasn’t hot before she was pregnant ad sure as hell isn’t hot while pregnant, but she’s wearing a bikini and that’s good enough for me to overlook things like disgusting growths inside her disgusting, cum filled pregnant body.

Posted in:Bikini|Minnie Driver|Pregnant

2008

25

Aug

Sienna Miller is on a Yacht in a Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

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So Sienna Miller and her homewrecking self was out on a yacht in a bikini the other day. I know she’s usually a little more liberal about her tits and lets them out every chance she gets but even the oldest, sloppiest and digusting nudist has to put their pants on sometimes. I am not really feelin the whole Sienna Miller thing right now, I went through a phase where I liked her skinny, cokeslut, partying ways because she looked like she took loads on her face, didn’t shower and didn’t believe in condoms, but like everything, good things come to an end and I am bored of her.

What I am not bored of is the life of luxury she’s livin’ and have decided that I want the same kind of lifestyle and just haven’t figured out how to pull it off, but I guess like anything, it’s best to start with an attitude. Just the other day, a woman was raising money or Filipino kids and was standing outside a pharmacy asking for anything I could give. You know, trying to make me feel guilty by showing me a picture of some starving kid who looked like it had a better lifestyle than me, so I told her that I don’t mind helping out because it feels like I am investing in my future house keeper. She didn’t laugh, but I still gave her a dollar so I feel it was my right to be an asshole. It was like I paid for the opportunity to be an asshole. So if you don’t want to deal with pricks, don’t approach random homeless lookin people asking for money for a stupid cause.

Either way, I save lives and Sienna Miller wears bikinis on yachts and here are the pics.

[ Images removed in compliance with DMCA Notice ]

Posted in:Bikini|Sienna Miller|Yacht

2008

22

Aug

Nicky Hilton in her Bikini Bottoms of the Day

6 Comments »

Sometimes when role playing with my wife, I like to pretend I am Nicky Hilton and she pretends to be the badly dressed asshole no one cares about that she’s dating at the time because my wife is about as worthless as him, except for the fact that she pays my rent and I am about as boring and sloppy lookin’ as Nicky Hilton. So I ask my wife where she got her stupid board shorts and she asks me why I am not as relevant as my sister and asks if I want to make a sex tape and I blow it off by telling her she’s no Rick Solomon down there and I dont want to admit I let such a small dick inside my barely there ass, and I then I tell her that I have to go shopping and I’ll be taken my Benz and storm off only to jump into my stepdaughter’s boyfriend’s 87 Hyundai and my wife goes to the bedroom to masturbate because she finds playing useless rich kids who have done pretty much nothing with their lives so fuckin’ hot she can’t contain her over-sized labia.

Here’s some Nicky Hilton in a bikini bottom.

Posted in:Bikini|Bottoms|Nicky Hilton

2008

22

Aug

Adele Silva in a Bikini With Hot Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

Here’s some hot bodied British chick named Adele Silva in a bikini, showing off her hot body and horrible face that I’d still cum all over if I had the opportunity to, but I am the kind of guy who doesnt discriminate where I cum, like if I have to roll over and bust into a half empty can of coke, or all over the feminine products in the Pharmacy, I am going to….

I was at the stripclub yesterday because I just randomly walked in around 8 pm, which turns out to be the worst time to go to the stripclub. Shit has one ambitious girl working and over the course of the next 2 hours sluts slowly trickle in, already jacked on coke and ready for the night ahead but not ready to get on stage while I am there. Yesterday’s ambitious girl had the tightest body, one of a fuckin 18 year old model or some shit, with some implants that she probably should have never got but I could totally see past because her ass was something you’d chip a tooth on. She came up to me to get a dance and I was face to face with fucking hell. She looked like she was a fuckin’ victim of somekind of genocide shit in Rawanda, like this cashier at the grocery store near my house who was missing 80 percent of his fingers and had burn scars all over him and who I told to keep the change because I didn’t want to touch and because I felt he deserved a tip after the circus performance he put on trying to put my shit into a plastic bag cuz I like killing the environment every chance I get.

Either way, I didnt go for a dance, her body wasn’t good enough to take away from the fear she instilled and instead took a piss in a bathroom that smelled worse than my wife’s pussy after a week of not showering or changing her underwear as she tends to do…..

The point is that Adele Silva’s not quite ugly enough to ruin these bikini pics, but she’s got no business calling herself a fuckin’ model.

Posted in:Adele Silva|Bikini

2008

22

Aug

Jessica Simpson’s in Some Farmer’s Hat and a Bikini of the Day

5 Comments »

Here’s Jessica Simpson continuing her obnoxious quest to be the next big thing in country by rockin’ some weathered farmers hat you’d see on a grandpa milkin’ cows or some shit, when the only cow around that needs milking is Jessica Simpson, but she’s in a bikini meaning that she hasn’t fully given up on her hollywood lifestyle.

The truth is that shit looks more like a bra at a teenage hot tub party and her face looks like she’s getting her fleshy pink shoe ravaged by the hot tub jets because there’s no man around to satisfy her since they are all scared to commit to her and that’s the kinda shit that turns me on.

Just last night I was talking to a girl about the best orgasm she had in her life and she went on and on about her shower head and the jet in a pool or a hot tub and it was nice to see that the men still don’t give a fuck about making their girls cum and that girls are still faking their shit to make their men happy, the way it’s supposed to be. None of this pussy satisfying their women shit I’ve read about in drugstore romance novels that is meant to remain total fantasy. Here’s Jessica.

Posted in:Bikini|Jessica Simpson

2008

20

Aug

Keely Shaye Smith is Too Fat for a Bikini of the Day

16 Comments »

So this is Pierce Bronson’s wife, who I am not sure looked like this when they got married, but I assume she didn’t because she’s the kind of fat chick that only losers with no fuckin’ options marries, you know someone like me or like this dude I knew who was about 120 pounds and 6 foot 6 who would walk around with a braces and harnesses on over his ill fitting clothes because his joints were too weak to support his little frame, which was pretty fucking awkward considering he weighed 120 pounds, but he found love in some obese woman he met in church and even she was too good for him so jumping on this opportunity made sense….despite how gross she probably looked naked.

But Bronson is a fucking actor with money and this bitch may not be as fat as my wife is fatter, but I can still say that she’s got no business being married to a Hollywood actor just as much as she has no business wearing a fuckin’ bikini. I am offended by these pictures and feel for Bronson because he can’t leave her now, it’ll make him look like a superficial asshole and the media will rape him and he can pretend that love can move mountains, but I will bet money that it won’t move this sack of shit of a woman….

At least there are always hookers…

Posted in:Bikini|Fat|Keely Shaye Smith

2008

20

Aug

Audrey Tautou is in a Bikini of the Day

7 Comments »

Here’s some French actress I don’t give a fuck about in a bikini, which is pretty upsetting considering French girls are supposed to be all sexually liberated and topless all the fucking time but that’s just false marketing. I live in a French place and the girls here are never fuckin’ topless, they just take it up the ass on the first date. I know I’ve said that before but there are hardly any nude beaches and the ones that are nude are all fuckin’ fat old married chicks who you wouldn’t want to see naked even if you were desperately in the mood to see some tit. It’s the kind of thing that pretty much ruins a nude beach.

Even in the bars on wet t-shirt night, all the contestants are always the English girls trying to prove that they are just as down as the French girls who just sit and laugh, knowing that society already knows they are sluts and they don’t have to publicly demean themselves like that or some shit, but always make up for it by taking it up the ass on the first date.

Here’s Audrey Tautou and her 30 year old body for anyone out there who is a fan of hers and can’t wait to see her next movie “Coco Avant Chanel” because you’ve always wanted to see the brain behind the French Fashion house before it was a French Fashion house. You fucking homo.

Posted in:Audrey Tautou|Bikini

2008

19

Aug

Nicole Scherzinger’s On a Yacht in a Bikini of the Day

7 Comments »

Nicole Scherzinger is in a bikini and reminded me of a conversation with an older stripper who gave me some discount dances because keeping up with the young girls wasn’t really doing good for her bank account. She tried to claim that there are dudes who go in there and who want 45 year old mom tits in their face, but I knew she was just trying to lure me into a dance and it was a sales tactic to make me think that there was something wrong with me for not wanting 45 year old tits in my hands for 10 dollars a song, it’s something I feel isn’t too hard to make happen in real life for free, so I’m better off going with 18 year old sluts.

Either way, she won me over with her obvious desperation, something I could relate to and we got to talking about the next step for her career. I told her she should start a pole dance class for suburban moms because they eat that shit up and she could make a killing doing it since stripping has pretty much dried up and she laughed at my idea….I haven’t figured out where I am going with this, but I do know that Scherzinger and her Pussycat Dolls are just lucky strippers who don’t need to get naked, which is a real waste considering how good the black light and smoke machines would make her haggard face look.

Posted in:Bikini|Nicole Scherzinger|Yacht

2008

19

Aug

Kate Beckinsale’s Snorkeling of the Day

5 Comments »

I know that Kate Beckinsale has a huge fan base and that fan base is probably so excited to see her in her bikini that they have already jerked off to these before I’ve even posted them, but in their defense, I am pretty slow moving on posting new content.

Well here she is going for a little snorkel with some dude I assume impregnated her, I guess it’s a nice change of pace for her to have something in her mouth, instead of in her vagina, proven by the fact that she has a kid. I guess she wasn’t aware that if you finish a dude with your mouth these kinds of things don’t happen, or she just totally disregarded that and got to into it, begging him to cum inside her without realizing the consequences…..

Either way, She’s got a great body for someone who has a kid, it’s like a rare phenomenon that rarely happens unless the person pumping out the baby has them before they are 20, or if they have an eating disorder or budget to hire personal trainers to get in shape like shit’s a full time job. Another rare phenomenon – me being funny when tryng to write about some chick I don’t care about in a bikini….

Posted in:Bikini|Kate Beckinsale|Snorkeling

2008

19

Aug

Audrina from the Hills in Another Bikini of the Day

8 Comments »

Audrina may not be smart, or very good looking, unless of course you are the kind of guy who volunteers at institutions designed for handicapped people because you find them so fuckin’ sexy with their chronic masturbations and glassy eyed, drooling smile, but she does have a rockin’ body and I am all for girls who lack substance and beauty making up for it through working out, eating disorders and even a good set of fake tits, even if I hate fake tits, they are sometimes nice to look at if done right and despite hating everything this fake bitch stands for, I can’t dis the boob job cuz she was done proper and it’s not like I’m fucking her or paying her for lap dances and forced to suck or grab at the hard weirdness implants feel like. I’m just window shopping….

Speaking of shopping, it’s nice to see that Audrina has taken some time away from wasting her life and filling her days with spending ridiculous amounts of money on designer clothes to fill her empty life and has got into her bikini, because when you have pretty much nothing to do with your days except star in a shitty reality show I want to see hit by a terrorist attack, you might as well do it half naked.

I guess her life is one that should be envied, but that’s not saying much coming from me because I envy the weirder shit life has to offer, like the other day when drunk, I went into a gas station to grab some candy at 5 am and saw some cracked out hooker walking around in bare feet, screaming at the clerk and trying to be lead back into the cab she came from by her John and the cab driver, only to end up pissing herself and making a mess all over the floor and being abandoned by the cab. It was nice to see that she was so fucked up she had no concept of anything going on around her, the world was her to do what she wanted, when she wanted, with no fear of getting raped or killled and the conventions everyone else has to follow like having a job, being civil and wearing shoes. The whole time I was thinking to myself how much better her life was than mine, so I guess my expectations are pretty low.

Here’s Audrina in that bikini.

Posted in:Audrina|Bikini|The Hills