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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

30

Sep

Jennifer Aniston Wears a Bikini on Vacation of the Day

4 Comments »

Jennifer Aniston is still alone on vacation. It’s kind of a common theme in her life since she can’t keep a boyfriend, and the truth is who really cares what Jennifer Aniston does, as long as she’s doing it in a bikini, because bikinis, when in the tundra that is Canada are a rare and beautiful thing, like a unicorn.

I thought these pictures were funny because of the amount of food this bitch has in front of her. It’s kind of a lot for one person. I figured that maybe she was emotionally eating her way through the pain and as she licks one plate clean, yells at Miguel to bring her more gucamole. Or maybe she’s just showing off that her life of excess is better than mine, as I sit here finishing off a box of $1.99 Cheerios. Or maybe it’s her passive aggressive way of telling Angelina Jolie and her starving AIDS babies to fuck themselves for stealing the one true love she thought she had locked down.

Either way, who really gives a fuck, this bitch is old and boring and that’s probably the real root to her lonely existance and here she is in that bikini….

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Aniston

2008

29

Sep

Audrina and Her Sister’s Teeth are In Their Bathing Suits of the Day

3 Comments »

Audrina was out in a bathing suit with her sister’s teeth recently and I really have nothing to say about this family, other than that something really went wrong. I am thinking that they may have lived by power lines, or maybe there was lead in the water or asbestos in the walls or maybe their mom was an addict, but whatever the fuck happened it made both of them retards. I am pretty tired of ugly skinny chicks with fake tits getting way more love than they deserve because America is filled with fat chicks, so by comarisson they are hot, because when I look at Audrina, I don’t see anything attractive, but I do see something that should probably be wearing a bike helmet while standing on the street corner with a sign begging for change to feed her cat.

It is up to you to make these people from The Hills go away. All you have to do is stop watching the fucking show. I think now is a good time to start.

”’

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Bathing Suit|Bikini|Teeth

2008

29

Sep

Jennifer Aniston is So Lonely on Vacation in Her Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

Jennifer Ansiton is still on vacation, or back on vacation in Cabo because there’s really not much going on for her back home and living is tired of the only message she gets on her answering machine, after calling every guy in her black book, being her leaving a reminder that she’s out of milk. She’s tired of eating dinner alone every night in front of the TV watching re-runs of friends, realizing the irony of her life, because she has no friends. She is tired of hugging a pillow, pretending it’s a real person, or going to the movies and buying two tickets only to realize that there’s no one to bring in with her.

So she does what any lonely person does and that is hire the hotel staff to be her boyfriend and to stand guard and to protect her. I think this is a form of prostitution, but when a lonely middle-aged woman does it they don’t get criticized, but when I get caught with my pants around my ankles in a back alley in broad daylight, I’m considered a pervert. Double standards man…double fucking standards.

Due to the Paparazzi Being Total Fucking Cocksuckers Espeically the Company Who Owns The Aniston Bikini Pictures, I’m Going to Link to them Instead of Post Them, It’s Just Smarter than Getting a 10,000 dollar invoice I can’t pay because unlike Perez, No advertising executives support this site because they are scared of nipples, despite having hired 3 hookers to lick their assholes with their expense accounts on last month’s business trip.

If You Want to See Aniston in Some Boring Bikini Pics
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Aniston

2008

24

Sep

Brad Pitt Shot a Commercial in France With Some Hot Pussy of the Day

7 Comments »

So Brad Pitt shot a commercial in France because they probably paid him a lot of money and since he’s trying to make some ties in the country that his kids were born in and he did it with some old chick in a bikini.

Old chicks are pretty fucking amazing, despite being pretty fucking rotten to look at. They just have this “who gives a fuck” attitude that younger girls don’t have. It’s like they reach a certain age and they either give up on life, or try to hold onto their youth and the only competitive advantage they have to younger girls is that they aren’t scared to do it. They aren’t self conscious, they will get naked anywhere. They aren’t reserved, they will fuck you anywhere. They aren’t up to date on the trends, so you can fuck them without a condom, but the only problem is that when you fuck them, you just don’t feel anything but an empty hole and dry flesh that is comparable to a loose gripped masturbation session but the dryness doesn’t lead to a rash because there is barely any friction as you you hardly touch the walls of her vagina no matter how well hung you are…..It’s a lot like shoving your dick between your wife’s fat rolls only less moist, come on, I can’t be the only one who’s done that….

Posted in:Bikini|Brad Pitt|France|Grandma

2008

24

Sep

Jennifer Aniston in Some Loney Vacation Bikini Pictures of the Day

3 Comments »

Jennifer Aniston went on a lonely vacation recently, probably in attempts to get away from the hard truth that her life has a pretty depressing future alone and childless, and the good news is that she did it in a bikini, because despite being nothing amazing to look at, I’d rather be lookin’ at it in a bikini than clothed.

I have to say that she does look better than the Greek girls I know or the Greek girls who I have fucked, because I have fucked a Greek girl before and the whole experience was interesting enough to remember, because unlike non-Greek girls, I totally went ahead and shoved my dick in her ass and she didn’t even squirm or make a noise. Sure, I have a pretty small penis, but shit was like naturally lubricated and ready to go, like it was a second vagina and part of her Greek genetic code, leading me to believe that the stereotype comes from some truth….

So some advice to Aniston is that if you want to trick a dude into knocking you up, you gotta take him out of your ass, even if the anal is the only reason he’s in you in the first place. Everyone knows that’s the Christian girl’s answer to birth control and you can’t get pregnant like that….

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Aniston|Lonely

2008

24

Sep

Jessica Alba Takes Her Post Pregnancy Vagina to the Beach of the Day

5 Comments »

Jessica Alba brought her post-pregnancy body out to the beach recently. I have no idea who these pictures belong to or if they are new or not but I am going to post them anyway, because they are Alba in a bikini and people seem to like that shit. I thinks she’s seriously overhyped, but she bounced back from the pregnancy pretty fuckin’ decently and it is safe to say that her career probably won’t suffer as much as her vagina did. I’ll probably have to remove this pics pretty soon, so take them in while you can.

Posted in:Bikini|Jessica Alba|Post Pregnancy

2008

22

Sep

Doutzen Kroes is in a Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

Doutzen Kroes is a supermodel from the Netherlands, which is nice to see considering the only girls I know from the Netherlands are prostitutes, but the good kind of prostitutes who have certificates letting you know when they last got tested for STDs that they can show you before you fuck them, which is some forward thinking that I can appreciate because Aids sucks, but the truth is that I don’t actually know prostitutes from the Netherlands but some guy I know does and I was just trying to relate to this post, which I am having a pretty hard time doing. I am a hack.

Either way, she was in Miami because she’s just got hired as the new Victoria’s Secret angel and I guess that means she’s allowed to sit around on the beach doing nothing al day. My racist friend who was just over picking up something asked me what I was working on and I showed him her pictures and his first reaction was that she’s with a black dude and how disgusting that is. I don’t really feel the same way because I’ve been trying to connect with black people lately and I went to an all black club with a friend of mine because I like the way the girls get down, when in line, fearing my life, expecting to get shot, some thug pushed me pretty hard because I may have stepped on his toe and he was a little edgy because he was black and I ended up bumping into some tight bodied black girl who was trying to light a cigarette and in her classy demeanor she threw her cigarette on the ground and got in my face yelling and spitting and pounding her chest and I couldn’t help but laugh because it was some serious monkey shit. I was expecting her to fling her feces at me to teach me a real lesson, but didn’t stick around long enough to get to that level. Instead, I walked away, told the promoter who invited me that the place is insane and he told me I need to step my thug up, I turned back to see my new girlfriend and she was trying to salvage the cigarette she threw to the ground like someone more ghetto than me.

I guess that has nothing to do with this Doutzen bitch. I guess that’s kinda what I do.

Posted in:Bikini|Doutzen Kroes

2008

17

Sep

Danielle Lloyd’s In Some Staged Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

So British glamor model, Danielle Lloyd got in on some staged bikini pictures recently and I am posting them because like you, I have nothing better to do with my time, it’s this whole I post them while you look at them dynamic that makes us work. If only I could find this balance in my marriage, but have a feeling that the only balancing my wife knows how to do is the way she balances a plate of food on her gut while sitting on the couch complaining about why our TV doesn’t work, a skill I see in Danielle Lloyd’s future because she’s built like a fat chick in training, it’s just a matter of time before it happens, so enjoy these pics when you can because it’s not going to last forever.

Posted in:Bikini|Danielle Lloyd

2008

17

Sep

Chanelle Hayes Bikini Pictures of the Day

4 Comments »

I just got back from the Hospital, where I underwent further tests for the ass bleeding that happened last week. I expected it to be two hours and that I’d be back here by 10 am to start posting, but things never really work out the way I want them to. Even in Canada, with the whole free healthcare shit, it took closer to 6 hours.

I sat next to some tight bodied single mother who I assume was a stripper and she had a cute little half black or half something dark skinned baby and he entertained me with his funny cornrows and dances. I joked around with them because they were waiting next to me for pretty much the whole time. I wanted to ask the mom why she was seeing an ass doctor, but I thought it was a touchy subject, probably not something she wanted to tell a total stranger. People are generally shy when it comes to talking about shitting issues. When I walked out of the doctor’s office to get on my way the kid ran up to me, put his arms around my legs and said “Don’t Leave Again Daddy”, I wish I was joking, but I am being serious and it was sad. Almost as sad as being famous for being on Big Brother in the UK like this Chanelle Hayes pussy.

Posted in:Bikini|Chanelle Hayes

2008

16

Sep

Megan Fox is Just Like You of the Day

4 Comments »

So Megan Fox is jumping on this lesbian train because when interviewed by GQ she went off on how she used to date a Russian Stripper named Nikita and by date she means she’d show up at her work, buy lap dances, give her drinks while promising her a better life not stripping, sound familiar, you lonely fuck? She claims it happened when she was 18 and when her boyfriend dumped her and it’s really one of those typical stories that I call a fuckin’ lie trying to get guys to jerk off to her harder than they already do and because bitch is just trying to get on the lesbian train for attention. The main reason I know shit’s a lie is because she said she thinks Jenna Jameson is hot and is obsessed with her and anyone in their right mind knows that’s a canned answer from 5 years ago. This bitch obviously lives in a fucking bubble, a theory supported by the fact that she’s dating some heart throb from 15 years ago and still thinks he’s good enough for her box.

Either way, she got in a bikini for GQ and these are the pics….

Posted in:Bikini|Lesbian|Megan Fox