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Archive for the Bikini Category

2008

13

Mar

Sienna Miller’s Ass Crack in a Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

I didn’t feel like posting today, I don’t know why. Maybe because I was tired and sick or maybe it is because writing about the same useless people day after day leads any normal person into a depression, but I realized that I have nothing better to do and that I was depressed before starting this site, so here are some pictures of Sienna Miller in a bikini.

She’s the kind of celebrity I like, I don’t know why because her body isn’t really all that, sure she’s skinny, but her ass lacks personality and her tits are just standard at least she’s not fat and there’s something about that way she carries herself that makes me just want to fuck the shit out of her. That’s really not saying much because I was just at the bank applying for a credit card and this old lady in the senior citizen line tripped and fell and I totally saw up her old lady skirt and saw her old lady support underwear and my first reaction was to bone her while she was down….unfortunately, one of the bank employees decided to be a fuckin’ hero and helped her up, ruining the fun for the rest of us and by rest of us I mean me.

The good news is that I didn’t get the credit card because I have really bad credit, but at least I spent the last 3 hours there to find that out, I couldn’t have used the time for anything better. No seriously, it gave me something to do and here’s Sienna Miller’s Ass.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Sienna Miller|Tits

2008

12

Mar

Selma Blair Bikini Action of the Day

7 Comments »

I am all for girls with small tits, so here are some pictures of Selma Blair in her bikini playing with her non existent tits.

She reminds me of the 45 year old whore last night who was built like a 12 year old boy and who for some reason had all the guys makin’ it rain on that ho. A guy I was with wanted to see why she was so popular because she looked like a budget stripper that would affordable to poor people during the recession but figured that she had some secret moves….He left me alone for about 5 minutes before coming back with a disgusted look on his face.

I asked what happened and he told me she stuck her ass in his face and it smelled like shit. I decided to take it up with the management because I am self-serving and wanted to get a free drink out of my friend’s traumatic experience, but the manager just told me that was her trick, she wouldn’t wash her junk because that’s what her clients want. So this 45 year old mother, who probably gets fucked a lot both for money and for the feeling of being wanted, doesn’t wash her fucking vagina and that is how she makes all her money….and I got jealous because it seems like a pretty easy gig.

I guess the real question is what Selma Blair’s ass smells like…because I know that’s what you’re into….

Posted in:Bikini|Selma Blair|Tits

2008

12

Mar

Pink in a Bikini on a Boat of the Day

3 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Pink celebrating being recently single by going out on a cruise alone and taking pictures of herself alone and getting her little hired homie to take a couple for her, because that’s what you do when you don’t have a husband to take pictures of you or with you anymore. It’s kinda like watching a recent widow accidentally buy two coffees at the coffee shop by force of habit…You do the same things you always did only you do them alone, like a self sufficient, empowered woman, who needs men kind of thing, even though Pink is kinda cheating the whole feminist movement by having a penis.

The good thing about Pink is that she can be your thinspiration. I went to the strip club with him last night and this anabolic fitness bodybuilder chick got up on stage. I am immediately disgusted by her 3 inch long clit that is bigger than your limp dick, but my friend tells me that she’s the reason he comes here 3 times a week because she has the body he’s been trying to get at the gym, so he takes her into the lap dance booth and she gives him work out tips.

I asked him if he’s going to get the implants by summer too, because grabbing her broad shoulders and chiseled biceps is pretty homo and getting implants would be the logical next step. He didn’t laugh, but between you and me, I hope he does because I’ll get to touch them whenever I want for free and even though touching my male friend’s fake tits seems gay, it’s way more fun than giving each other high fives or bro-hugs.

Either way, she’s in a bikini and some of you may dig that. It doesn’t make you gay, it just makes you weird.

Posted in:Bikini|Pink|Tits

2008

11

Mar

Liv Tyler in a Bikini When She Shouldn’t Be of the Day

9 Comments »

Here’s something you’ve all been waiting for, Liv Tyler showing off her post pregnancy body in a bikini on the beach. She’s the pasty kind of slut you like cumming on because shit turns invisible against her white skin and that makes you feel like some kind of super hero, something you’ve wanted since you were a virgin with a huge comic book collection and an affinity for wearing tights in front of the mirror, because it gave you a boner.
I guess the closest you’ll get to fuckin’ her is jerking off to the high quality print outs on that expensive printer you bought for occasions like this. You’ve had a thing for Aerosmith, since getting down to “Dude Looks Like a Lady” because you used to lay in bed imagining it was written about you while squeezing your nipples, and wondering if you’d ever meet someone as sexy as Steven Tyler, but since that makes you gay, you’ll settle for the bi-product of an Aerosmith one night stand….
Either way, her sister is a plus sized model, I guess it’s genetic and I look forward to her future rolls in movies playing the Wal Mart cashier or maybe if she’s lucky, Roseanne in her biopic…it could be the role of a lifetime….

Posted in:Bikini|Liv Tyler|Plus Sized

2008

11

Mar

Patricia Heaton Puts on a Shirt of the Day

6 Comments »

The good news of the day is that Patricia Heaton decided to put on a shirt at the beach like a fat teenage girl on summer vacation. After seeing her over-tucked tummy tuck that amputated her belly button, I think it was a good beach fashion choice, not that I know anything about fashion. She also decided to put on a pair of better fitting bikini bottoms that offer a little more support to her saggy vagina and I am all for girls strapping up when shit is clearly needed.

Kinda like the time this girl was acting up in my apartment, so I strapped her to my bed….it made having sex with her a hell of a lot easier because it took very little convincing and the sock I stuffed down her throat made her cries for me to stop sound a lot more like whimpers of pleasure, like she was actually enjoying it. I figure if I don’t hear “No” or “Stop” clearly, then it’s all fair game….or maybe like the time my wife put on some kind of corset and pantyhose to make her look skinny, when what she really needed to look skinny was a year membership at the gym and a serious diet.

Either way, here’s Patricia Heaton in action….

Posted in:Bikini|Nipples|Patricia Heaton|Shirt

2008

10

Mar

Patricia Heaton Doesn’t Have a Belly Button of the Day

38 Comments »

Here are some recent pictures of old lady Patrica Heaton in a bikini, something I could have died without never seeing, but that’s just because you all know how I feel about a bitch in a bikini who has no business being in a bikini, even if you’ve jerked off to her a few time when the only show on late night TV was an Everybody Loves Raymond re-run, because we all know that was just an act of desperation.

I know you are used to just staring at a girls vagina when you see her in a bikini, so if you just take your eyes off whatever the fuck she’s hiding in her bikini bottoms that make her pussy-sag, you’ll see that bitch doesn’t have a fucking belly button. I have no idea what the hell that means, maybe she’s a robot or maybe it’s some tummy tuck bi-product but whatever the fuck it is, it scares me. I guess the unfortunate thing for her is that they couldn’t have had the same disappearing effect on the rest of her sloppy body….I guess those advancements in medicine haven’t been made yet….but I am sure these superficial celebrities are pumping all kinds of money into it, why bother finding the cure to cancer and aids when you could invest in finding a way to make your ass look good enough to fuck….

Posted in:Bikini|Patricia Heaton|Saggy

2008

06

Mar

Kim Kardashian is a Fat Chick in a Bikini…of the Day

43 Comments »

You motherfuckers are crazy. I constantly get Kim Kardashian supporters bitching me out for saying that she has a fat ass because she eats too fucking much and doesn’t exercise, and that all you fuckers are just confusing sloth lazy over-eating fat with sexy natural booty bullshit because she doesn’t have cellulite because her fat is so compacted that the skin looks smooth, when really it’s just tryin’ to hold it all in there without exploding all over the place. It is the same reason your 300 pound beer belly is harder than Reggie Bush’s 6-pack and I think it needs to stop because I think it’s giving her an ego.

Most fat chicks swim in their t-shirts, but this bitch seems to think it’s ok to wear a bikini. She also thinks it’s ok to pose for Playboy. What bitch needs to do is spend some time with her boyfriend’s personal pro-athlete trainer, not more time thinkin’ her body is good enough to flaunt, even though I’m still checkin’ it out, but I am a easy to please. If you’ve seen my wife you’d know why.

Either way, if she doesn’t put an end to this shit now, I can guarantee 5 years from now, things are going to be fuckin’ messy, and I am not just talking about her shit stained designer panties because she can’t reach around her stomach far enough to get in between her ass and wipe properly, I am talking about her whole fuckin’ body is going to be consumed in disgusting. I guess the good news for her is that she is rich enough to hire someone to wipe for her, and I would rather be doing that for work, than doing it here on my wife for free a couple of times a day.

I guess there will always be dudes who like fat chicks and fat chicks in training and here are the pictures to look back on when you see her being craned out of her house for an episode of Oprah in a few years while she’s pushing 700 lbs and some of you will still be jerkin’ off to her big ol’ ass, but that’s because you’re a sick fuck.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Fat|Kim Kardashian

2008

03

Mar

More Kate Hudson in her Thong Bikini Pics of the Day

11 Comments »

I already did a post on Kate Hudson in her bikini today , but here are the thong bikini pics that are doing the rounds. Don’t ask why I bothered doing another post on her today, I feel like it was easier.

Either way, she does look a little fat in the uterus, but my expert opinion is not very expert since I have never knocked a girl up either because I am shooting blanks or I just never heard back from the girl since pregnancy and abortions were all part of her job description and were a cost of doing business, so even if she did get knocked up, she still wouldn’t have called me to let me know because she got with so many men in any given day, anyone could have been daddy….

All I know, her uterus looks fat, but it could be because of her period or maybe it’s just the way she’s standing or maybe she’s drank one too many beers and eaten one too many plates of nachos. Who knows or cares, what you should know is that despite finding her ugly and not worth a fuck, I had no idea that her ass was this fuckin’ great….so pregnant or not, she’s worth a round as long as she’s gettin’ it from behind….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Kate Hudson|Pregnancy|Thong

2008

03

Mar

Kate Hudson is in a Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

Kate Hudson never got arrested for attempt of murder for driving her boyfriend Owen Wilson to suicide. Everyone says he did it because she left him and he was in a coke rage, but based on these pictures, I think it’s safe to say he did it because he had sobered up and realized what the fuck he had been stickin’ his dick in all those months.

I guess he’s back on the drugs since they’re back together and it’s the only way he can get hard for her. She’s rumored to be knocked up again and based on her chin and her covering up in her sarong, I can only assume that’s true.

I guess when you look like Kate Hudson, you take all the load you can get, while you can get it….

Posted in:Bikini|Kate Hudson|Tits

2008

03

Mar

Drew Barrymore and the Mac Guy on the Beach of the Day

19 Comments »

These pictures hit the internet last week when my website was being hacked and I couldn’t update it, not that I would have, because I kinda hate all you fuckers for trying to bring me down, even if you didn’t have anything to do with it. I still feel like my English teacher who we all hated because she was a cunt and figured the best revenge we could get on her is convince the weird got chick before got existed to dump some chemical we stole in chemistry class into her cranberry juice. If you’re wondering why she was drinking cranberry juice, it was probably because she had a UTI from doin’ some ass to pussy fuckin’. The juice ended up having a chemical reaction with whatever the goth chick dumped in her drink and when the teacher went for a sip, she noticed it had turned green and chunky, so she didn’t drink it and reality is, I probably wouldn’t have let her. I am more into bitches on all fours naked then poisoned, call me crazy.

Speakin of all fours, here’s Drew Barrymore in a bikini, when she really should be wearing more clothes. Bitch has no business showing off her uneven tits and when I look at these pictures all I see is cunt and not the kind I like, more like the kind I would convince a goth girl to drop some mystery powder in her expensive cocktail, but that’s just because she annoys me and likes getting high. I guess the good news is that 2 people destined to die alone because everyone hates them because they are ugly, found each other and can now frolic in the surf so in love, like starring in their very own shitty love story no one cares to watch.

I guess the good news for you is that a Zach Braff muppet lookin’ mac guy can still get laid, because let’s face it, Drew Barrymore may not be hot but a lot of guys will still fuck her tattooed ass, while Mac Guy is just one ugly fucker who, like you spent most of his 20s not getting laid from anyone. These pictures bring hope….

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Drew Barrymore