Girls who go out of the house lookin’ like shit, with their hair all crazy and covering their face are girls who don’t mind getting dirty in the bedroom and I’m not talking about STD dirty or smelly pussy dirty, although that is likely, I am talking about the kind of girl who lets you fuck her ass while she’s on her period then begs you to shove your shit covered dick down her throat while she fingers her period pussy and smears the shit all over your wall, only to take a load on her face and not bother showering before leaving…I mean that’s what I imagine she’s like when she’s not all caught up in this lesbian pussy grinding bullshit….and imagining is enough for me because I am kinda scared of the real thing.
Here is some Lindsay Lohan shopping, because that’s all she does since she’s got all kinds of money and nothing better to do with herself, and she’s wearing a tank top, while covering up her tits, because her nipples are hard and she’d hate to accidentally turn on a dude, because it’s in her nature to jump on the shit and fuck it, and that doesn’t really work for her whole lesbianism.
There was a time when me and Lohan were homies. Sure it was just for half a minute and I’m not even entirely sure if I was being emailed by her, but I like to think I was, because it adds meaning to my already useless fucking life, so I reached out to her in the last week or so saying she’s a bitch for droppin me on twitter like I was hot, while we all know I mean temperature and not sex appeal, and she actually wrote me back saying she’s insanely busy and has no time for our internet love affair anymore, so if you, like me are wondering what she meant when she said she was too busy to write me an email, here is a little taste of what she’s been up to….
Firstly, here she is pretending to drink a milkshake for publicity at the milkshake shop owned by a fuckin’ paparazzi…..
And here she is not in a bikini at the Malibu Beach House….living her too busy to follow me on twitter busy fucking life….
Overall, she makes me feel way more useless and irrelevant than I already do feel. I mean is there even a point in doin what I do….If you’re wondering the answer, it is no, but I’m gonna keep on doin it, for lack of better things to do…
If I was a scientist, this would be my research topic of choice. Just thinking of all the things this tongue has come in contact with is enough to write a fuckin’ text book and coordinate a class at the University level. Shit would be part of the biology faculty, but could probably even be a Major of its own, and you could even have Lohan Tongue study groups and Lohan Tongue parties, and even Lohan Tongue departments with jackets and hats, maybe even it’s own Lohan Tongue library. Shit is just that interesting of a subject.
Unfortunately, I’m no scientist, I’m just a pervert, so I’ll just sit here and think about her tongue and all it is capable of, despite being scared of dirty girls, I have a sick fascination with them and here are some pictures of her dressed nice and wholesome….despite the opposite story her pussy is tellin’ us….
So I emailed Samantha Ronson asking for her BBM because I was given a Blackberry last week, she told me she didn’t use BBM, so I’m on facebook and her status is asking whether she should download the new BBM 5.1, so not only does bitch use BBM, she also knows the fuckin’ version of software she uses, and when I called her out on it. she just ignored me…..Lesbians….They are such penis haters….If I had a pussy, she’d be all up on this like she was all up on Lohan back before she was famous.
Here is Lohan and her legs lookin’ happy to be alive, look at the smile on her face, the same face that lets vagina get smeared all over it, and for some reason I find that such a hard thing to visualize, despite Lohan’s sexually history, I just can’t see her fuckin guys or girls, she’s more of the passed out in the corner puking kind of girl….
I wonder why she is so happy, I guess she got her STD tests back and she passed, because it is hard for lesbians to transmit the HIV virus to each other unless they have cuts in their mouths.
Lindsay Lohan went undercover for some photoshoot, because I guess her new strategy to the tp is to be disguised so no one recognizes her as that crazy teenager who liked to party a little too much and fuck a few too many dudes to fill the void her parents made in her soul, so not only is she denouncing her past by being a “lesbian” but she’s also wearing wigs so I don’t know what the fuck is going on, and it is a lot like this girl I used to know who had a gambling problem. She was forced to work weekends as an escort to pay off her debt because her 9 to 5 job wasn’t cutting it, and to live with herself she’d put on a costume, so that when the costume was on she was this total whore, but the second it came off she was a mom and wife again. It was fucked and I doubt way more complex than Lohan in these pictures, I think the truth is that she’s supposed to be pullin’ some Marilyn Monroe shit, because her and Monroe have so much in common, like their dead vaginas.
On a side note, I like Lindsay Lohan again. She has redeemed herself and I plan on helping her get her career back, at least more than a shitty Vogue Magazine. I’d tell you my secret, but then you’ll just snake her from me, leaving me forced to listen to my fat wife panting until one day I give up and jump off the balcony, only to become paralyzed because along with everything in my life, I am not good at getting things I set out to do accomplished and I can only assume that luck will spill over into suicide.
I heard Lohan was shooting an afterschool special like it was ’82 in hopes of bringing her career back to the great heights it once was at, or some shit but I could be wrong, because she ignores me and she is not answering my texts, like she was the Queen of England who doesn’t really grasp technology or someone who is at the top of her fuckin’ game which clearly she isn’t and should be nice to everyone because when she ends up on the street corner begging for change, she won’t want to be ignored.
Here is some pictures she did for GQ, I know I’ve seen them before, but I couldn’t find the shit on my site, so figured why not re-post them if I had. I figure we should celebrate her before she totally falls off the map….
The other day, I was talking to a girl and the conversation turned to porn, as it often does with me. Not because I actually like porn, but because people just assume I am the worst porn site on the internet and label me as a porn site, because porn is the only thing that supports what I do, while mainstream is too pussy to show me some love.
We were talking about what porn that I would produce porn would be like and one of us suggested that I do Hannah Montana porn starring her, and I thought the whole thing was a great ideal, until I realized she was 14 and creeped the fuck out because some random dude started chatting her up allegedly asking her to star in Hannah Montana porn, but from what I remember it was all her doing, but try convincing the cops of that….
Either way, Hustler beat me to the parody shit and produced this Lohan/Ronson shit that isn’t really believable, but still pretty fuckin’ funny.
Here’s the hardcore Trailer…..
I believed this sex parody up until the second I saw Sam Ronson in a pair of women’s panties, everyone knows that she wears boxers so all credibility went to shit, not to mention the “real” Lohan’s tits are far better than this slut, her vagina is far more weathered and used, her eyes are more glassed over/high, and her face isn’t so fresh faced which is kinda depressing when you’re being compared to a ghetto porn slut, but other than that I feel like I’m in some kind of other dimension where I can’t tell who is the real Lohan and who is the fake one….and I guess we all know what Ronson’s gonna be masturbating to while on the road.
Here are some pictures of the “real” Lohan the other day….
I like tracking Lohan’s whereabouts because I feel a connection with her, you know we both like pussy, we both have rancid genitals and neither of us have work or anything to do with our time, or anything going for us, I am a waste of space with no talent, while she’s just had her time to shine and the only real difference between us is I am broke and too lazy to wander the streets, so I turn to the internet to post random shit no one reads, while she goes out and spends all her child star money on useless shit.
I don’t give a fuck about Lindsay Lohan anymore. It was fun while it lasted but I think she’s pretty much dead now or at least a few hauls of her cigarette away from being dead…she doesn’t do anything stimulating anymore, you know like fuck dudes, or show off her suffocating pussy as she gets out of car, you’d expect the thing to have a mind of its own after all the dickhead it’s eaten, and make a fuckin’ move or plan a fuckin’ escape from her host body, but instead shit stayed boring, something I am accustomed to.
On a sidenote, I am just bitter she stopped following me on twitter, her follow really validated my life, like a cosign from a fellow addict,
