2009
30
Mar
Jennifer Garner has holes in her underwear, not because she’s poor, but because she’s a fucking slob. Rumor has it that her new baby was trying to bite his way back inside her womb, but I have a lot of trouble believing that, it probably has more to do with Afleck’s irish drinkin’ fists and prison rape fantasies, and really who cares.
Posted in:Jennifer Garner|Panties|Slut
2008
09
Dec
There are at least 15 of these asian manicure places around the shithole I call home. I could never figure out why the Asians were so into this manicure business and why no other culture owned these sexy nails type stores. This one time, I walked in asking if it was a full service pedicure, you know one with a happy ending and the little Asian women looked at me like they didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about, but before I could run away like a stupid high school kid doing a stupid prank at the drive thru window, they’d circle me and try to walk me into their special massage room and next thing I know, I’m getting jerked off for 40 dollars by these little asian hands and that is when I figured out that this pedicure business was actually a handjob front so I wasn’t surprised to see this Asian pedicure shit isn’t something exclusive to my city and was even less surprised to see a pregnant Jennifer Garner running to the back room, escorted by ten little Asians, to get rubbed off…how naughty….
Posted in:Jennifer Garner|Pedicure
2007
30
Aug
So may token gay blogger looks like he is going to be a fixture and I hope you all enjoy it because that’s the whole reason he is here. I am all about helping you come to terms with your underlying homosexuality, while giving the homos on the site a man to fantasize about. I am trying to make myself famous and this is the best way.
The only set-back is that Julien isn’t an inflated, blue haired faggot that looks like a circus clown who got lost and ate all the elephant feed, but maybe the internet will move from having disgusting looking idols to just having disgusting sexual deviant idols. Only time will tell and here’s his post for the day….Cocksuckers….
I have been going on gay chat sites for a quite a while. It’s a really great place to meet “straight” guys who want to suck to dick but who are too afraid to go the gay bars. I prefer these kind of guys because they are all about the sex and are not looking to spoon afterwards.
So I was talking to this guy and he decided to send me a few of his pics. One of them was his “O face” (or “orgasm face”) and it was horrifying. His eye was all squinty and he was doing this thing with his mouth and it made him look like a retarded rabbit. He must of thought it was sexy but it really wasn’t. He might as well have sent me a picture of his last bowl movement.
Here is a picture of Jennifer Garner making what looks to me like her O face. Now she doesn’t look as bad as my guy did, but she still looks a little downsy. But just because it doesn’t work for me doesn’t mean some desperate straight guy (you) isn’t going to print this out, put it on his pillow and then fuck a plastic pussy pretending that he is making Jennifer Garner cum. Well, I’m all about fantasies but believe me even if by some magical turn of events, Ben Affleck died and you managed to fuck Ms. Garner, there is no way you would make her cum.
Smooch!
Julien
Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfs in Bikini Bottoms
Mom’s in Thongs
J Lo’s Fat Ass of the Day (since Afleck Fucked Her)
Christina Aguilera’s Orgasm Face
2007
30
Aug
So may token gay blogger looks like he is going to be a fixture and I hope you all enjoy it because that’s the whole reason he is here. I am all about helping you come to terms with your underlying homosexuality, while giving the homos on the site a man to fantasize about. I am trying to make myself famous and this is the best way.
The only set-back is that Julien isn’t an inflated, blue haired faggot that looks like a circus clown who got lost and ate all the elephant feed, but maybe the internet will move from having disgusting looking idols to just having disgusting sexual deviant idols. Only time will tell and here’s his post for the day….Cocksuckers….
I have been going on gay chat sites for a quite a while. It’s a really great place to meet “straight� guys who want to suck to dick but who are too afraid to go the gay bars. I prefer these kind of guys because they are all about the sex and are not looking to spoon afterwards.
So I was talking to this guy and he decided to send me a few of his pics. One of them was his “O face� (or “orgasm face�) and it was horrifying. His eye was all squinty and he was doing this thing with his mouth and it made him look like a retarded rabbit. He must of thought it was sexy but it really wasn’t. He might as well have sent me a picture of his last bowl movement.
Here is a picture of Jennifer Garner making what looks to me like her O face. Now she doesn’t look as bad as my guy did, but she still looks a little downsy. But just because it doesn’t work for me doesn’t mean some desperate straight guy (you) isn’t going to print this out, put it on his pillow and then fuck a plastic pussy pretending that he is making Jennifer Garner cum. Well, I’m all about fantasies but believe me even if by some magical turn of events, Ben Affleck died and you managed to fuck Ms. Garner, there is no way you would make her cum.
Smooch!
Julien
Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfs in Bikini Bottoms
Mom’s in Thongs
J Lo’s Fat Ass of the Day (since Afleck Fucked Her)
Christina Aguilera’s Orgasm Face
2007
06
Jul
Here are some pictures of Jennifer Garner surfing in Hawaii on the 4th of July. I think she’s been in Hawaii surfing for a couple of weeks now and I am a little jealous. Not because every piece of white trash in America’s dream vacation is Hawaii, but because surfing seems pretty cool.
I keep telling people that when I stop doing this website I am going to move somewhere and surf all day, just because people who surf look relaxed, healthy and like getting fucked up. They also have chicks flocking to them in bikinis. The only problem with my surf dream is that I weigh about 300 lbs and although being fat and pasty isn’t stopping Jennifer Garner, it will stop me because I am considerate to other people. Sure, she had a kid and she’s really not even that fat but she isn’t hot and that’s just as bad as being fat, maybe even worse.
Chicks who have kids like use the kids as an excuse for being fat and it seems to be accepted as fact. Reality is that the bitch is just lazy and decides to never go back to their pre-birth weight and would rather sit at home eating donuts until their husband leaves them for the secretary at their office jobs. Sometimes dealing with the wife crying about how she’s devoted her life to you, worked so hard for the family by watching Soap Operas all day and never getting off her fat ass to work at having any sex appeal for the husband to want to stay with her is worth going through to have some fun.
Either way, I also hate the water, never travel and I am too broke and lazy to make a move to get to a surf spot, but it’s still a nice dream….one that keeps me going….
Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Garner|Surfing|Uncategorized|Unsorted
2007
21
Jun
These are some pictures of Jennifer Garner doing something that I’ve never heard of before but I am not really well versed in celebrity beach activities. It’s called paddle surfing and it sounds as stupid as it looks, I don’t really understand why you’d want to be Tom Sawyering when you could be on a Yacht or canoe or if you wanted the rafting experience, you could hire some Native Hawaiian dude to do the paddling for you because you’re rich. But I think the bigger issues is why you need lessons in this “sport” because shit looks pretty fucking straight up. It’d be like taking lessons in floating in the pool on some blow up toy.
I don’t like this bitch, I never did. I don’t think she’s hot and I think Ben Affleck got stuck with her because bitch told him she was on the pill or some shit, forcing him to shotgun marry her and live this bullshit family life, because it was the responsible thing to do. You know waking up everyday telling himself that there’s new fresh pussy that wants his dick, while staring at her post pregnancy ass but realizing that he has to stick it out with this bitch, even though she only landed him by not being honest because it’s the right thing to do. I guess I could be wrong, but that’s the only way I’d end up with her and I’m pretty poor, desperate and a straight up disaster….
I like that this bitch is staying fit and wish that I had that kind of drive, but I am one of those guys that feels that watching girls work out or fuck around in bathing suit bottoms is exercise.
I woke up today feeling like I had raped myself up the ass with a liposuction vacuum set on blow not suck. I know feeling fat is supposed to be a chick thing but I got drunk last night snuck into a gas station at 4 am and stole a ton of shitty gas station food and ate it all. That may not sound like a big deal to some of you obese American readers who do that everynight, but I don’t want to turn into my wife and more importantly my sweat pants are starting to be a little snug, and not in a good way. In case you missed that joke, because it sucked, I was talking about my dick because getting hard in sweatpants is always offensive but welcomed when you haven’t been hard in what seems like years.
Either way, look at the fucking pictures and leave me alone. I am hung over or still drunk. I haven’t figured it out yet.
Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Garner|Sport|Uncategorized|Unsorted
2007
08
May
I am all for girls rocking cleavage shirts because I am a pervert and this site has given me a keen eye for spotting nipple slips. I was standing outside a bar, hoping a drunk guy who came out for a cigarette and accidentally drop his wallet the other day, and a group of hot chicks walked out with low cut shirts on, I guess it’s in style to show off your rack and I am not really complaining. One of them conveniently dropped something and when she went to pick it up her shirt dropped and I saw full fucking massive tit, while the other guys next to me missed it. It reminded me of when I was 12 and my foster mother used to come give me talks about God before I went to bed. She’d be in her night gown while I’d be lying in bed. She’d bend over to tuck me in, full tit exposed and I’d totally get a boner and jerk off to it the second she walked out. I always got scared that God was watching me, then I realized that if he was, he was a total pedophile and I might as well give him a good performance, because let’s face it, if I get him to get off when I was 12 only good things would be coming to me….I was wrong…
I am guessing that these celebrities are thinking the same thing, they are advertising their tits at some exclusive black tie event I wasn’t invited to, so that people like us fall into their booby trap…get it..I am so witty and that is good enough for you to start your day to….you’re welcome…
Jessica Simpson May Be Busted But Her Tits are Fucking Huge
Lohan May Be Distracting Us From Her Cocaine Video, But At Least She’s Doing it Properly, this shit will even get Disney to Sign Her Again
Salma Hayek is Pregnant and Full of Milk and That’s Pretty Much What I Wish All My Diet Consisted Of…
Jennifer Garner is Post-Pregancy and Her Tits Have Dried Up, But I’d Still Try To Get the Last Drops Out of Her
Rose McGowan has Always Had Hot Tits
Christina Ricci May Look Old and Beat Up and Her Tits May Have Been Reduced But She’s Still Packin’ Heat.
Scarlett Johannson Still Has Tits and I am Still Lookin’ At Them
Julianne Moore is the First Fire Crotch I Ever Saw in a Movie and Will Always Hold a Warm Place in My Heart for Proving that Myth Isn’t a Myth….
Rosario Dawson’s Tits Look Small But Small Titis are Tits Too…
Juliette Lewis is a Crackhead and Crackheads Don’t Have Tits, But She’s Still Trying…
I Don’t Really Give a Fuck About Mischa Barton But Whatever This is Still Cleavage…
Alicia Keys Has a Hairy Chest, So I Don’t Know If She Counts, But Even Men With Tits Count in Your World, Cuz You Are Desperate…
A few new ones…
I think Ivanka Trump Looks Awesome….I’d wallet-fuck her…
Karolina Kurkova Models Bikinis and I like Bikinis, Especially when they are on me, I feel so pretty…
Gisele isn’t with Victoria’s Secret Anymore, She’s Not a Hot as She Used To Be, But She Has Done A Lot in Her Panties and That Pretty Much Redeems Her….
Posted in:Alicia Keys|Christina Ricci|cleavage|Gisele Bundchen|Ivanka Trump|Jennifer Garner|Jessica Simpson|Julianne Moore|Juliette Lewis|Karolina Kurkova|Lindsay Lohan|Mischa Barton|Rosario Dawson|Rose McGowan|Salma Hayek|Scarlett Johansson|Uncategorized|Unsorted