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Archive for the old Category

2009

19

Feb

Pam Anderson’s Old Ass for Some Gay Club Kids of the Day

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I don’t know what it is with Pam Anderson, but she’s one of those girls that gay dudes seriously relate to. Maybe she’s a dirty fag hag, but I think it’s most likely got to do with the hope she brings them by being living proof that all you need is a lot of money for surgery to be an accepted sex symbol to straight men everywhere, that or because she brings all the coke to the party and free coke is the best kind of coke.

So when clubkid Richie Rich and his clothing line had their fashion show, I wasn’t surprised to see Pamela Anderson there, especially now that her ass hit menopause and is jacked with testosterone and slowly lookin like one you’d find on a tranny on estrogen therapy, seeing this bitch is like taking a human biology class and like I am just as confused as I was when I took it in the ninth grade because I don’t know if getting off to this makes me a faggot. Enjoy.

Tranny Amanda Lepore Showed Off Her Finally Better than Pam Anderson Body

Slut Aubrey O’Day Was There With No Pants On and Brought Her Playboy Cover So People Won’t Forget Her High Point….

Coco Kept the Whole Event Classy

Posted in:Ass|old|One Piece|Pam Anderson|Saggy

2008

29

Dec

Elle Macpherson Rocks a Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

Elle Macpherson is like an old friend to me. One I haven’t spoken to in a long time, but who’s pictures I like to revisit every chance I get. I could say I’ve done coke off her tits while vactioning on a yacht, during a break from plunging my dick in her plump meaty australian pussy, like a plumber trying to unclog a toilet that my wife has assaulted it in some kind of shitting fight to the death that the toilet sadly lost, but I don’t like bragging, especially when it is of romance novel style masturbation fantasies because those are meant for girls, but here are some pictures of Elle showing off that body I wanted in 1988 and after 20 years of failure on my part later, she still keeping up her end of the deal, on a side note, in 3 days, we’ll have to make that 21 years of failure on my part. Either way, here are the pics.

Posted in:Bikini|Elle Macpherson|old

2008

02

Dec

Helen Mirren’s Hot Ass on the Beach of the Day

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I made the mistake of going to an old folk’s home for lunch the other day, because my friend hates spending time with his crazy mother and because I like free food and the opportunity to meet some decent old widows who have enough money to support me, like I was Anna Nicole Smith or some shit.

I worked in a ghetto Old Folk’s home many years ago, cleaning up old person shit and piss but never made it into the dining room to hang out with the Old people, I didn’t pass the psych test, so I wasn’t allowed to be near the residents, so I figured I was working my way up the ranks of society.

For some crazy reason, I didn’t think about the shit hole I worked at, because I assumed the government shut those fuckers down, but instead imagined some classy old person retirement community you’d see in Florida, where they ride around in golf carts and fuck each other because there’s really no reason not to, since they are all about to die and don’t really have much else to fill their days.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t this happy place you see on the commercials, but a place that smelled of death, where people were being carted around in their wheelchairs, where I’d hear screams of pain from the hallways and where the staff looked suicidal.

I walked to the dining room, where these women ran to me, probably trying to get me to help them escape and I’ll admit, I felt like a star, and liked the attention unfortunately, they were all grey skinned, their dentures on the table while eating Oatmeal and I almost lost my appetite.

I saw a tit fall out of it’s nightgown, I saw a woman who pissed herself getting her diaper changed, I had great conversations with what seemed like insane people, I was flirted with, in a way that only a lonely woman on her deathbed who had a few strokes but who wants one last cock would, and realized that despite the dryness, old pussy is amazing. So I ate my free sandwich and plan on going back next week, maybe I’ll even organize an Old Folk’s home tour, because they don’t seem to have any standards, and that’s something that works for me…

Here’s Helen Mirren in her bikini, showing off her hot body to celebrate my new love for grandmas.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Helen Mirren|old

2008

31

Oct

Suzanne Somers is a Hot Old Lady of the Day

6 Comments »

You know you never hear dudes brag about how dry their girl’s vaginas are. Like you never here shit like “My girl never gets wet, her pussy is like a cold platter of deli meat, and every time I try sticking my dick in it, it’s like fucking sandpaper”, but that was before I saw these pictures of Suzanne Somers, because despite knowing that she’s in her 60s and has a pretty hot body for a 60 year old, despite the whole gunt she should try to thighmaster off a little more aggressively, you know her husband is bragging to all his friends about her. You know he’s totally down with her menopausal old lady lack of natural lubricant pussy, because of what it’s attached to, and I guess I am posting this to give all you girls who don’t even look this good now, some genetic evidence that maybe it is time to kill yourself, because it’s only going to get worse for you while women like this roam the planet and you can really only blame your parents for bringing you into this cold dark world….not that I think suicide is ever an answer, I am just throwing another reason to your list of reasons you should do it when you run throuhg the whole pros/cons in your head every night. Suicide is really only encouraged if you are the cast of The Hills or Paris Hilton and the truth is that there are a lot of ugly people out there who get by in this superficial world because there are a lot of desperate dudes out there who will fuck anything, even you, so maybe you should take on a job at a call center or behind the scenes somewhere, because we all know people are nicer to you when they don’t have to see that wretched face and you can save that money for plastic surgery or nice things to distract yourself from the fate that is your life…

Posted in:Hot|old|Suzanne Somers

2008

13

Oct

The Meth Catches Up With Fergie of the Day

5 Comments »

Fergie is looking old and haggard a little pre-maturely and it’s all thanks to meth addiction and not a math addiction, because Fergie doesn’t know how to count.

Either way, we all know that despite how bad drugs are for us and how they make our skin fall off our faces, they are a hell of a lot of fun and in Fergie’s defense, she’s managed to get out of it and make all kinds of money before the shit showed up on her hardened face. So even if she did bow down because none of us want to bend her over our stained couches and eat her stained asshole for days, she’s pretty much set for life and can head back to the pipe to deal with the loss that was people jerking off to her when performing, and the real tragedy is that she will never end up on the stripper circuit where her performances would be a hit and where real addicts belong because she made it to the big screen, when it should have been left on the street corner, if you know what I mean. Because I don’t.

Posted in:Fergie|Haggard|Meth|old

2008

26

Aug

Pam Anderson and her Old Lady Fake Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

So Pam Anderson is a aging inspiration to sluts rockin’ the pole everywhere. It is hope that their Playboy tattoos will end up paying themselves off many times over by leading to a centerfold that leads to a shitty acting career that makes them enough money to be luxurious sluts on an international level instead of their local town and trailer park they are from. She is also an inspiration as a pioneer to people like Paris Hilton and every girl with a digital camera that they too can find success with homemade porn.

I was sitting at an intersection today, not in the intersection the way you’d want me to be sitting in hopes that the pain from this site ends, and this car pulls up with a decal that read “Life Coaching” next to a scenic mountainscape or someshit. I looked the car over and shit was a beat up Hyundai from the early 90s, the dude driving the car was bald, in glasses, about 60 years old, in a cheap fucking suit and about 250 pounds and I thought that that’s the kind of guy that could really help me achieve the life I want because he’s fuckin’ livin’ it.

I guess in a lot of ways, I’m just a bleached blonde, fake tittied slut, and he is my Pamela Anderson but I forgot to write down the number so I guess I’ll just have to coach myself through this life. Oh well.

Posted in:Fake Tits|old|Pam Anderson

2008

11

Aug

Cindy Margolis Has Big Old Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

Cindy Margolis claims to be the most downloaded girl on the internet, because she was one of the first sluts not get naked and use the internet to promote herself and I just don’t believe that there is much truth to her claims, but she does have big tits so I could be wrong.

I met a pretty ridiculously downloaded girl the other day and I had trouble making eye contact with her because her upper body was that of an anorexic and her hips, ass and legs were so fuckin’ big that when she bent over I thought I was lookin’ at my wife. She was obese from the waist down and normal from the waist up and it looked like some kind of mythical creature I didn’t want to fuck. I was telling people around me that she had bad genes, but not the Levis kind, because whatever pants she had on had to be magical to fit that insanely disgustingly big ass. It was a funnier play on words when I said it, but since I hate that kind of humor, I’ll end my story about the downloaded girl I met here….

But I will tell you a story about being the biggest creep on the internet, almost officially. Sure I am not a sexual predator or anything, but with my 12 readers, I like to think I’ve made progress in sexualization of women and making them feel like pieces of meat. I even carried it over into my everyday life the other day when I was sitting down for a coffee and unintentionally chose the seat facing two hot teenage girls in low cut shirts, despite there being about 50 open places in the coffee shop that didn’t face the girls. It’s kinda the same situation as when a fag walks up next to you in the public bathroom and pees next to you, when there are 8 other urinals available. Anyway, as I was staring at their teenage tits, they got all uncomfortable and left before I had a chance to expose myself to them. It was a real disappointment, Oprah told me teenagers are sluts, but the truth is they are just cock teases like they always have been.

Speaking of cockteases, here’s Cindy Margolis, a woman who made her career by cock teasing guys into registering to her site in hopes she would get naked…and who never did get naked, until she was the least downloaded girl on the internet and had to Get Naked In Playboy to make an attempt at a comeback despite it being long past her expiry date……Either way, Look at her tits.

Posted in:Big|Cindy Margolis|old|Tits

2008

04

Aug

Ashey Tisdale is Older than She Says She is of the Day

4 Comments »

A source close to Ashley Tisdale emailed me telling me that she lies about her age. I was told that she’s actually 5 years older than she claims she is because she wanted to play teenage girls and didn’t think she’d make the cut if people knew she was 5 years older than she is. That’s the same kind of false advertising you use everytime you tell a girl that you have a big dick or that you are rich or whatever other lie you use to get laid, only in her case it worked.

I am really never against a girl lying about her age, I actually really support it when I meet girls in bars and they tell me that they are 18 or 20 when I know they are 15 or 16, it makes trying to fingerbang them a little easier to live with and a lot less illegal.

All this to say, that whether Ashley Tisdale is 28 or 23, she’s still a fucking dog of a girl and her lies about her age are the least of her concerns and reconstructive surgery is a priority.

Bonus That’s Not Really a Bonus – Here are Some Pictures of Her Leaving the Gym in Effort to Keep Her Youthful Physique

Posted in:Ashely Tisdale|old

2008

28

Mar

Pam Anderson is a Slut on Late Late Show of the Day

2 Comments »

I always wondered what that shit stain on Pam Anderson’s arm was. It looked like a hand print from rough sex with a rockstar and just figured it never heeled because bitch has hepatitis and her immune system is too busy trying to keep her liver alive to heal battle wounds from being a slut, but it turns out that she was attacked by leeches when she was a kid.

I still think that line is a fuckin’ lie and the only reason she brought it up and made an excuse about it is because she is defensive and knows we all know she got it from sex but for some reason doesn’t want us knowing that she’s some kind of pornstar than doesn’t do porn professionally, because she’s a mother and needs to maintain some kind of wholesome image, proven by the tame outfit she’s wearing, her retarded fake tits, bleached hair and her gaping vagina.

I can relate to her trying to cover shit up. I remember when child services, the police and my wife’s doctor confronted me about the bruises all over her body and I stuck to my story she fell down the stairs. I know it wasn’t all that creative and that every wifebeater uses that line, but figured that they’d buy it because any real wifebeater would come up with something more believable. I made sure my wife backed up my story otherwise I’d never let her live it down and it worked so we lived happily ever after, except for the happy part.

Watch the video and try not to focus on her plastic face falling off because that’s what her tits are for.

Posted in:Leeches|old|Pam Anderson|Slut

2008

04

Mar

Tara Reid Never Looked So Good of the Day

5 Comments »

These are some pictures of Tara Reid from this past weekend, I think it’s safe to say that she’s drunk and lookin’ her age as her face slowly falls off her face as fast as the cocaine got sucked up her nose off the club’s toilet seat for the last 10 years.

I know when I am drunk I don’t really look my best, actually in my mind I do but when the pictures surface and I’ve sobered up a bit, I realize that I actually look like a greasy rapist on some kind of rapist mission to creep out every single girl I cross paths with.

Either way, she reminds me of some kind of office Christmas party gone wrong , which is fine when it is your office Christmas party and it only goes down once a year and she’s the receptionist you’ve wanted to shove your dick inside the last 9 months she’s been working there, but it isn’t a very good look to be hustling every fuckin’ weekend when you’re old enough to be a soccer mom. At one time she was the all american poster girl for College Spring Break parties and now she’s working on being the poster girl for why you gotta stop partying so hard after college because it will rape you harder than the frat boy did that night he took you on a date and slipped roofies in your drink…you can’t hate him though…at least he took you out for pizza and a movie first.

Posted in:Disaster|Drunk|old|Tara Reid|Wasted