SFW Archives - Page 1008 of 1171 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2015

08

Dec

Lindsay Lohan’s Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

The most fascinating thing about Lindsay Lohan is that there was a time when she would tell the paparazzi to not take pictures of her and Kim Kardashian, back when Kim Kardashian was building her brand, jealous of all the white girls who made it, figuring out her tactics to become what has become a terribly famous and horrible brand that needs to get blown the fuck up as possible terrorist attacks…because they are clearly attacking our freedom…

Now Lohan tries to get her picture taken with Kardashians….to get in the media…

It’s just an interesting study all these insta models who think they matter should look into…someone like Lohan, who was a huge deal, is now some leathery, but moisturized leathery has been and she’s not even 30 yet….still living a good life with access and money…but still a broken drug addict with no more soul..

The point of my story is Lohan in a Bikini…is still LOhan in a bikini and that brings hope to us all…I’m just not sure how, but I’m thinking with her great fake tits..

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|SFW

2015

08

Dec

Britney Spears Stomach of the Day

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Britney Spears may have been hot many fucking years ago…before becoming relatively disgusting…fat…shaved head…cold sore scabbedut she looks like she’s

Well, she’s a near 40 year old mom of two, who is looking pretty fit as fuck, and I guess she’s proud of that…becuase when you’re a puppet owned by your parents, making the family money, all medicated and confused, there are only few things that can make a girl with everything happy, and one of those things is a thin, fit, midsection…that may or may not be photoshopped, but that doesn’t matter if it is or not, I’ve jerked off to Britney’s face cropped onto porn videos at least one time in the last decade…making real or fake Britney still Britney enough for me.

Posted in:Britney Spears|SFW

2015

08

Dec

Ugly Faced Ashley Tisdale Shows Her Goods of the Day

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Ashley Tisdale knows one thing…and that thing is that her face is pretty broken down, but her body is pretty banging, so as long as she crops out her face, things are fucking sexy and fit….maintaining her fans that I am surprised she has, but not really, dudes are weird especially when they are dudes who watch High School Musical…

I guess the life lesson is that if you’re not cute, but marketed cute, not hot, but marketed hot…even monstrous in your asymmetry…commit to the fit body…because even the hottest girls get old…but a toned stomach, face or not, is something even the most unimpressed pervert would want to cum on…

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|SFW

2015

08

Dec

Miley Cyrus is Amazing of the Day

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Miley Cyrus is Amazing…..

I mean she’s no Taylor Swift…

That was a joke..

Taylor Swift is a contrived, not in a good way, conservative, not in a good way, pile of shit with shitty accessible music…trying to get her shitty music across to the world because it get paid…

While Miley actually tries to be provocative and controversial, even if contrived bullshit…there’s nipples and nipples feed babies..and give people like me something to jerk off to, even if nipples are mainstream, they are still nipples…you know…

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|SFW

2015

08

Dec

Amy Hixson Posing with Porn for Glamour Italia of the Day

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Amy Hixson can suck my anus…no seriously, all these models are for hire, you just have to pretend you have a private jet…and they usually won’t even charge you…

That’s not to say Amy Hixson is quite like all the other models, I am sure she would never admit she’s like the other models, because with these models comes a level of delusion that involves not realizing that they are only into rich guys and famous guys..but are the first to call out other girls for being whores…or sugar babies…but never taking ownership

I guess what I am saying is that I love Amy Hixson and want to have her baby, after she marries a rich guy, so that I can mooch off her like she mooches off him…seems to the only way this love will work out…

In the meantime I’ll try to understand the “artist” statement of this silly shoot for Glamour Italia…

Posted in:Amy Hixson|SFW

2015

08

Dec

Winona Ryder for Marc Jacobs of the Day

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I never jerked off to Winona Ryder….but she is in one of my Favorite Holiday Movies…”Little Women”…

The most amazing thing about Winona Ryder isn’t that she’s fucked half of hollywood in the 30 years she’s been part of hollywood…but rather that she was considered an “it girl” for the longest time…even though we all know her best work was when she was robbing department stores…not modeling for brands sold in department stores….like this one for Marc Jacobs…

I never quite understood her, but then I found out that she had massive Jewish girl tits, and all of a sudden it made sense, despite those tits never been used in movies for good….but I guess saved for casting couches for evil…you know to manipulate the job….

And I don’t understand why they’re still not being celebrated, this is like shitting on 1990…harder than…Milli Vanilli..

Non tits, when you have big tits, especially at 44 when nothing else is really working out for her sex appeal…is a fucking crime she should be arrested for…like it was 2001..

My opinion of this ad is that it’s reminiscent of doing cocaine at Hollywood afterparties…off mirrored tables all these hollywood types have…

This has been a minute in reconnecting with Winona Ryder…

Posted in:SFW|Winona Ryder

2015

08

Dec

Bella Thorne is Working it of the Day

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Bella Thorne is working the 18 year old turned 40 year old…or who is 40 years old…pretending to be 18…it’s good for business…no one likes 40 year olds..but everyone likes 18 year olds…even if they look like 40 year olds..

I know this is confusing…let me break it down…

Bella Thorne was born in 1970….

Bella Thorne’s family decides they don’t want to work the traditional life, and figure, “can you pretend to be 15″…

So they spend a decade going to auditions, and eventually it works out for them, possibly because of plastic surgery, but maybe because of the power of conviction..because everyone believes the lie….and I guess she’s liking the attention and flashing body parts, as people do when they finally make it…the more aggressive the pic, the more famous the chick in the pic gets…#SCIENCE….

I guess what it comes down to is that like you, 40 or 18, 18 or 40, as long as there is a nipple peaking out of bra on snapchat, I’m ok with it..because I’ve never met a nipple peaking out of a bra I haven’t liked….

Here she is at an event…wearing a bra…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Bella Thorne|SFW

2015

08

Dec

Anna Tunhav in a Bikini for a Bikini Company of the Day

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Anna Tunhav is a Swedish model and she’s modeling bikinis for….wait for it…. a bikini company…

The problem with bikini companies is that there are too many of them…

The problem with bikini photoshoots is that they are all the fucking same…

The problem with models is that they don’t fuck me…

So when I look at these pics, all i see is problems..

Posted in:Anna Tunhav|SFW

2015

08

Dec

Madison Reed’s Booty Sniff of the Day

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Who is Madison Reed…..according to wikipedia, Madison Reed was an American cabaret and ragtime performer who worked with Eubie Blake among others….

This is Eubie Blake….

Seems about right….

She should probably update that…but she’s too busy getting her ass sniffed by art, in what we could assume is a young hooker, trying to be cute and funny about her craft, knowing very well, she’d like the execs at Disney…sniff her ass….

What I am saying is this “joke”…is more of a “planting the seed, to give the right person the right idea, to help launch her career”…since as of today – the only Madison Reed is an American cabaret and ragtime performer who worked with Eubie Blake among others….

Posted in:Madison Reed|SFW

2015

08

Dec

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Harper’s Bazaar Kazakstan of the Day

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If you’re interested in Kazakstan fashions…here’s Alessandra Ambrosio, a lingerie model, being as slutty as she can for these Arabs / Russian / Asia border…becuase you don’t want to offend the wrong person and have them go shoot up your planned parenthood….

I would make a Kazakstan joke, but I think Borat built a fucking career on that, so we can just stare at Alessandra’s old mom face and remember that all things die.

Maybe it’s better that she’s in winter gear…you know save the half nakedness for the youth who have replaced her…