SFW Archives - Page 1155 of 1169 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2015

01

Jun

Jessica Alba’s 200 Million Dollar Humping of the Day

A video posted by Jessica Alba (@jessicaalba) on May 21, 2015 at 6:27am PDT

Jessica Alba was a hardly talented, but hot, actress who never got naked but who people fucking loved, probably not because she’s a Mexican, since no one likes Mexicans…who trapped her boyfriend at the time, who had just dumped her, Cash Warren, by getting pregnant and forcing him to do the right thing and be a dad to the kids…which worked out nicely for him, because he linked her up with some tech geniuses who were able to build a brand off of her, and all she had to do was promote it…

Sure, part of the marketing campaign was that she worked 86 hours a week and built it from the ground up, but I have people who know people, who know people, and apparently, she was definitely present at the office, but she never really handled anything, or made any decisions..

It was just a spokes modeling contract that worked in this dot com tech wild west where anyone can become a billionaire…with the right team and 20% equity in something…

I am not saying she doesn’t deserve to be worth 200 million dollars, at least she took her celebrity and followed the american capitalist dream to make stupid fucking money…like she was Ashton Kutcher…

I am just saying, who the fuck cares…the real discussions should be “where are her tits!!”…billioare or not..I want to see her tits…because I’m old..and remember when she actually mattered…

I’m not impressed by any of this, it doesn’t matter to me..or really to any of you….great, you’re a fucking evil billion dollar corporation that manipulated idiots into her lie…now where are the tits?

She was already rich and living the rich life…before this…not to mention, why isn’t the Brian Lee…the founder of LegalZoom and ShoeDazzle, who runs the fucking company….oh probably worth more than Alba’s 200 million take….why isn’t he on the cover? Oh right, because that would fuck up the marketing campaign that involves Alba being the face…now where are the tits?

All this to say, this is more interesting than Kim Kardashian’s second pregnancy, unless her second pregnancy ends with complications that leave her dead….

Posted in:Jessica Alba|SFW

2015

01

May

Miley Cyrus’ Armpit Hair is Red of the Day

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I have a friend who used to fuck girl’s armpits…like he would only be able to get off if he was fucking an armpit…and he would even pay regular girls to let him fuck their armpits and most girls would go along with it because they never had their armpit fucked…and figured why the hell not do it like a hooker….

I have been in different sexual situations where I find myself licking a sweaty armpit, not because I love armpit but because it is there…

So I am not against armpits…I mean I am not against anything on a girl…but really not against armpits…even if I am not into armpits like my friend is….

I am also into bush, unkempt huge fucking bush…But for some reason, when the two come together…and are dyed to bring more attention to them….I get repulsed…

Miley has a great body, is a lot of fun, but I just can’t fuck with that hipster feminist trend…even if it is just hair and not a huge deal…I don’t think liking a hairless armpit means I want to take away a woman’s right to vote….it just means red armpit hair freaks me the fuck out…

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|SFW

2015

20

Apr

Rihanna Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

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Rihanna did a little self produced bikini photoshoot for social media…because Rihanna loves being half naked in pictures…it is a good kind of attention that must remind her of when she was prostituting herself in barbados at the Karaoke bars the rich British men went….before miraculously landing a record deal and becoming Rihanna….

There’s a back story here…I just don’t know what it is…but at least in the mean time she gives us glimspes into her core personality…that of a girl…who likes being watched….while half naked…and as a guy who likes to watch half naked….that works for me…unfortunately…Rihanna doesn’t…because if she did….I’d probably not be wasting time posting on her bikini pics for instagram…but instead spending all the money she makes me…

Posted in:Rihanna|SFW

2015

20

Apr

Katie Cassidy in a Bikini of the Day

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I don’t know anything about Katie Cassidy …other than that she’s David Cassidy’s daughter…which means she probably has a lot of daddy issues, you know because her daddy was some teen idol in the 70s, which would theoretically make him some kind of self-involved, egotistical, drug fueled asshole who is still stuck in the glory days of the Patridge Family, leading to a very fucked up upbringing…

But then again, maybe she’s normal, but there is no fun in that…and I guess there is no fun in her getting into the entertainment industry either, considering her dad, her grand parents, her uncles were all in it…and if she was to become a doctor or lawyer, she’d be more interesting..

The good news is that her in a bikini makes none of that matter…because at 29…she still looks good in a bikini.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Katie Cassidy|SFW

2015

20

Apr

Selena Gomez is a Mexican Pot Bellied Pig of the Day

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Selena Gomez was just in Mexico, possibly recording a video, or a song, or just having a break from the vacation that is her life, with a couple of black music producers, who either made her some beats..or beat her fucking pussy until she couldn’t watch, which actually would take a lot, thanks to being her size and ethnicity…not to say Mexicans have big pussies…but ya know…they do.

Well she got back to her house in Calabasas that is probably more of a resort, or luxury hotel, staffed by Mexicans…where she had someone take a pic of her by her pool…with her gunt hanging out..

I mean girl has gained a solid 20 lbs and is owning it…which is wrong. Sure fat girls everywhere want to bring her over to the dark side by shaming her for being skinny…and celebrating her when she is fat….but a fat Selena is a bad Selena…no one wants to look like the Mexican working the taco stand…not even the Mexican working the taco stand…she’s just happy she’s got a green card…

All this to say…I prefer emotional starvation to emotional eating…and here’s her pot belly…for you to jerk off to…because you’re a Selena Gomez fan and she can do no wrong.

Here she is for Mario Testino’s Towel series…

Here she is still in Mexico…Rocking a Massive Fat Girl Cameltoe…

Posted in:Selena Gomez|SFW

2015

20

Apr

Kylie Jenner and her Black Boyfriend in a Stripper Bikini of the Day

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I like that 17 year old Kylie Jenner realizes that now is the peak time based on historical evidence, for her to make as much noise as fucking possible, because America loves girls when they are 17, about to turn 18, acting slutty…even though we were all 17 once and probably fucking slutty 17 year old girls who had been fucking older guys since they were 14…at least I was…It’s not like teens don’t jerk off or watch porn, especially in this era fuck…they’ve been watching porn since they were 5. Thanks Internet.

But for some reason, a reason I call programming…the media loves saying “OMG THIS 17 YEAR OLD FUCKS”…or “WEARS STRIPPER BIKINIS”…or “HAS ASS IMPLANTS”….it’s like they forget that you can be a whore at all ages…especially when your mom forces it on you…and focus on a dated law that doesn’t reflect the fact that 17 and 18 is pretty much the same fucking thing…only this is illegal…and won’t be in a few months, even though it is being treated like it is not illegal, because the government can’t decide when a girl’s ready or not…

Here’s some pics of her from instagram…

Here’s a video of a girl doing the “#kyliejennerchallenge”….which is a tactic to suck on a jar to make your lips fuller…and it is amazing to see the positive impact she has on the youth:

Here are some pics:

Posted in:Kylie Jenner|SFW

2015

17

Apr

Selena Gomez Bikini Recovery of the Day

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Selena Gomez responded to everyone calling her fat, because she is fat, with a “More to me to love”…positive message of “I eat a lot”…that has got a lot of fat girls through being fat and allowed them to continue being fat…and even getting fatter…only to die of heart disease and stroke…since that kind of “I don’t give a fuck”…”embrace yourself”…”this is me”…is actually really fucking unhealthy…despite what the people putting sugar and hormones in everything are telling you…

The good news is that she’s rolling with black rapper dudes…which could either be the cause or the effect of Selena Gomez being this size….you know because so many fat girls before her have found confidence when an athletic black guy with an 11 inch penis destroys them…and tells them how hot they are…because that’s what they are into…

Either way, as long as the bikini is happening, girl doesn’t need a model body…hell, she doesn’t need any body…just tits and a pussy..and we’re good….

So Stop fat Shaming…and start jerking off to her…because this is Selena Gomez…chubby….and slutty….like chubby girls are…and I think she looks good to grab..

Posted in:Selena Gomez|SFW

2015

17

Apr

Miley Cyrus Headstand with a Leotard Wedgie of the Day

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I used to know and party with girls who were just into being weird for the sake of being weird. They were actually normal as fuck, and I guess that’s why they did it, it gave them something to get noticed for or to talk about…whether it was with costume…or whatever….

They were the kind of girls who would go to the gym in a snowsuit…or bikini or really anything to get a laugh…out of boredome or whatever…

They’d be the girls you’d go to their houses or on a trip with and they’d just be dressed crazy in leotards or whatever for the sake of being crazy and in leotards…it made no sense…but it all stemmed from boredom…which I can assume Miley is all about…

It’s like she’s chilling at home, figures “I’ll put on this silly crazy thing”….gets high…cuz it’s almost 420 and tthat what people do…and thinks it’s so great that she should do yoga poses…all her little leeches laugh at the joke…and snap pics and since it was the highlight of her boring, secluded, alienated life…she posts it to the internet…

So her getting weird identity crisis, is really just her being bored and sad…but at least it comes with leotard jacked in ass crack…which happens to be the kind of Gets weird…I like..

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|SFW

2015

17

Apr

Chrissy Teigen Stretch Marks of the Day

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Chrissy Teigen is the fucking worst. I am not just saying that because she targeted me on her blog and called me a rapist..I am saying that because everything about her, from career, to social media comedy, to weird freakouts to her realtionship and marriage is a fucking joke….the only thing I wish wasn’t a joke was when she mentioned her suicidal thoughts…because maybe they’d get the best of her in a drunken, bloated rage…

People in the mainstream, I call them suburbanites, or peasants, are buying into her nonsense..and last night I even saw people celebrating and commedning Chrissy Teigen for being so brave by posting a pic of her stretch marked thighs…likes it is revolutionary to be disgusting…

Girls have stretch marks…and I think it is safe to say based on even her photoshopped pics that this pig faced, pot bellied, obscure ethnicity was imperfect…a photoshop lie…that wasn’t even that great, but good enough to secure her funds by gold digging smart, with a guy right before he got super fucking rich…so that he thinks it’s true love…

She’s high maintenance, high strung, irritating, and shouldn’t even be on anyone’s radar…

So only models because she’s positioned herself properly and her rich as fuck husband likes it for his ego..and she’s just doing this for attention…because she sucks and loves attention…and pparently so do her fat inner thighs.

All this to say…I think she’s got a dick…no, that’s not what I wanted to say….what I wanted to say is stop encouraging her…there is nothing good about this oversharing, look at me “fans”…”it’s like you’re in my room with me as we drink because I have no friends, let’s talk about our insecurities” behavior…it’s the worst.

Posted in:Chrissy Teigen|SFW

2015

17

Apr

Eliza Dushku and her Ass Eating Dog of the Day

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Eliza Dushku posted this picture of her dog sniffing her ass…which I guess is because she’s on her period…

I know, I through she’d be too old to get her period too. It seems like it was 20 years ago that she had a 6 month career making movies as the hot chick…

I wonder what she’s up to, I mean with her promoting herself in obvious ways that scream “i want you to ask what I am up to, so I’ll put up some me with my doggy erotica weirdness”…but luckily not too weird…she clearly left the peanut butter out it this time…

All this to say…she apparently dropped out of Hollywood, moved to Boston because Hollywood is shit, and is actually in college following her dreams of doing whatever it is she put on hold to do this hollywood nonsense…before realizing that it is just that…nonsense…so good for her…and keep the dog in ass pics coming…cuz I don’t care if she’s over 35…or that she fucks black guys…she’s still Eliza Dushku to me and I’m all about letter her sit on my face….to celebrate that…l

Posted in:Eliza Dushku|SFW

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