Tits Archives - Page 73 of 79 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

26

Jun

I am – Britney Spears Goes Out in her Bra of the Day

I don’t really know why I bother, but I do, and here is a second set of Britney pics, only this time bitch is rockin’ a bra out to some club….because she’s crazy and likes getting more attention than she deserves. At first I thought it was her way back into the scene after dumping K-Fed, now I think it’s some kind of weird punk rock rebel attitude where she’s basically telling all of us to fuck ourselves. I am ok with that because I like girls who show off their tits, even when their tits are ratty old dried up milk sacks that don’t look like they did when she was at her prime.

Rockin’ a bra in public deserves some respect as most girls I know need a lot of roofies to get naked, not that I encourage that kind of behavior, you just do what you gotta do in life, that’s all I am saying….not that I am really a date rapist, my limp dick is pretty non-threatening but I am sure some of you are, because getting pussy was never easy and 10 dollars and an understanding cab driver is all you really need to get ‘er done.

In reality it’s not even really date rape if you wear a condom. Condom sex is like shaking hands with a rubber glove on. There’s a shield between you and your friend so it technically isn’t even sex. That’s what I used to tell my wife when I used to cheat on her…I’d be like baby, I used a condom and condoms mean I didn’t even bang her, the condom did but reality is I never wore a condom and ended up giving her some HPV and she wasn’t impressed.

I guess lucky for her, Karma is a bitch and now my junk doesn’t work, but at least I have the memories and pictures of Britney Spears to remind me what I am missing, which isn’t really all that much. Cuddles.

Posted in:Bra|Britney Spears|Drunk|Tits|Unsorted

2007

25

Jun

I am – Brooke Hogan is Trash of the Day

1 Comment »

So it turns out that Brooke Hogan got fake tits. I figured that was the next step for her and you can tell by the scar in the armpit and from the fact that her tits are bigger than they were before. I remember when this slut was just a small breasted fat chick with a dream and now she’s pretty much no better than the whores I dream about getting lap dances from in my local strip clubs. The reason I call them whores is because they let you grab their tits for money and if you don’t have money they really want nothing to do with you and that would piss me off if I was lookin for love, but I am not, so I can handle the fact that they walk off pissed off when I tell them I have no money after making them chat me up for an hour. It’s actually one of the only things I find joy in these days. Because if I was a stripper I wouldn’t be working the loser in the corner who has been nursing one beer for the last 5 hours while wearing joggin’ pants….but I guess strippers aren’t known to be geniuses at least not at the places I go to.

The one thing that drives me crazy about strippers these days is their stupid legwarmers. The only reason I am posting these pictures is because of her fucking stupid pants. I got issues with these things and I see them everywhere I go. I don’t find them hot, I don’t care that a bitch is walking around with her ass hanging out and her legs covered up, I like full nudity or half nudity, but not no nudity, just annoying glimpses at what could be, from behind of retarded pants that distract me from wanting to see her naked because I am too focused on wondering what the fuck bitch is wearing.

I don’t care that Brooke Hogan thinks being sexy is being a stripper, it’s a pretty general mentality. A lot of girls and strippers think being a stripper is sexy and they all take notes from each other, making all girls run the same tricks. I go to fucking strip clubs all the time so I guess I partially feel the same way, but I like to believe the real reason I go to strip clubs is to try to figure out what drove these whores into becoming whores. What kind of daddy issues, broken homes, poverty and addiction did they face to resort to making a lot more money than they would working the checkout counter at the supermarket an to see some naked chicks, but not to be seduced by stuidity.

Either way, Brooke Hogan has access to money, comes from a big house with big cars and a big father, but for some reason she’s following her whore mother’s footsteps and taking this shit to the stage, big fake titties and semi-nudity, the only problem is that cunt isn’t showing her cunt and that to me is a waste of a stripper or someone who is so obviously inspired by strippers but is too pussy to take it to the level needed making her nothing but a failure to me…at least SHE’S been consistent on her quest to the pole….

2007

25

Jun

I am – Kate Moss is Fucking Skinny of the Day

1 Comment »

There was a time when I would post pictures of an obviously anorexic looking girl and say how she’s fat…It would always get a rise out of people. Then that got boring and obvious, so I would write shit about normal looking girls and say how they should stop eating to look a little more like an anorexic lookin’ girls who are so fucking hot.

I guess I was just saying it as jokes but I do like small tits and I do like skinny girls because my wife is fucking disgustingly fat and it’s one of those things where you want what you don’t have, like dudes who date small tittied girls and they go to strip clubs and get lap dances with huge tittied girls, or dudes who date a short girl and go to the strip club to get dances with the tallest bitch in there, or dudes who date waspy girls and get dances from the hot black/spanish/asian girls…it’s just what people do.

It seems like people also like fucking girls who are the opposite of them, that’s why anytime you see an obese chick, her boyfriend is the tallest skinniest motherfucker out there, or the other way around. As a fat man, I know dating a fat chick causes masses problems in the bedroom and I am not just talking about breaking bedframes for being too heavy a load for it, but I am talking about trying to get the dick past the deep ass cheek doors.

Either way, I know I love Kate Moss and find her fucking hot. But this whole Amy Winehouse crystal meth addiction skinny obviously made her feel insecure about her weight so bitch had to do something about it and this is the result. I hate saying it, but she looks kinda disgusting, but at least she’s drinking a beer to make up for how bad her ass, legs and tits look now.

2007

25

Jun

I am – Christina Aguilera at a Press Conference in China With Her Big Ol' Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

I was out of town all weekend, like Christina Aguilera, only she was in China promoting something with her fat pregnant tits and I was up in the woods with no internet connection.

It’s called a low cost family vacation and what you do is hitch a ride up to the country with your neighbor and set up a tent he provides in the backyard of the shitty trailer park camp ground he’s been going to for the last 25 years and spend 2 days drinking his beer and eating his potato chips but the most important thing is to leave your fat wife at home and not tell her where you are going because she’s fat and wouldn’t fit in the tent, or be able to bend down and crawl in, but also becaue she is annoying and would constantly want me to babysit her while I want to do other things like sleep all day, try to spy on other campers all night in hopes of listening to them bang.

I always hated camping, even though it was cheap. I just found the whole concept stupid and I like beds more than sleeping on the ground in the woods getting eating by mosquitoes. But I guess as time goes on you realize that being at one with nature while drinking free booze and watching young french girls in bikinis is a hell of a lot better than sitting at your shitbox apartment eating ground beef.

When I was a kid, I was sent to some bible camp by my “foster/adoptive” parents in texas. The fucking thing was a week of Jesus but on the second night there, I snuck out to wander the grounds and shit, I came across 2 of the councillors, who were probably 16 or 17 going at each other like rabid raccoons, bitch was sprawled on all fours and dude was slammin her like it was an order from god. He was committed to her shit, and I sat and watched as it was my first time seeing people bang and I was loving it. The rest of the week, when dudes told me to be good or filled me up with that religious propaganda I knew that they, like me, were full of shit….

I guess all these camping stories kinda suck, but so does the fact that Christina Aguilera is married and knocked up to some dude who may not be much of a looker, but is more successful than you’ll ever be, so I guess you can shit on him all you want or just accept that she is a wallet fucker and start earning for your chance in. Good news is that she doesn’t use condoms….

2007

25

Jun

I am – Christina Aguilera at a Press Conference in China With Her Big Ol’ Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

I was out of town all weekend, like Christina Aguilera, only she was in China promoting something with her fat pregnant tits and I was up in the woods with no internet connection.

It’s called a low cost family vacation and what you do is hitch a ride up to the country with your neighbor and set up a tent he provides in the backyard of the shitty trailer park camp ground he’s been going to for the last 25 years and spend 2 days drinking his beer and eating his potato chips but the most important thing is to leave your fat wife at home and not tell her where you are going because she’s fat and wouldn’t fit in the tent, or be able to bend down and crawl in, but also becaue she is annoying and would constantly want me to babysit her while I want to do other things like sleep all day, try to spy on other campers all night in hopes of listening to them bang.

I always hated camping, even though it was cheap. I just found the whole concept stupid and I like beds more than sleeping on the ground in the woods getting eating by mosquitoes. But I guess as time goes on you realize that being at one with nature while drinking free booze and watching young french girls in bikinis is a hell of a lot better than sitting at your shitbox apartment eating ground beef.

When I was a kid, I was sent to some bible camp by my “foster/adoptive” parents in texas. The fucking thing was a week of Jesus but on the second night there, I snuck out to wander the grounds and shit, I came across 2 of the councillors, who were probably 16 or 17 going at each other like rabid raccoons, bitch was sprawled on all fours and dude was slammin her like it was an order from god. He was committed to her shit, and I sat and watched as it was my first time seeing people bang and I was loving it. The rest of the week, when dudes told me to be good or filled me up with that religious propaganda I knew that they, like me, were full of shit….

I guess all these camping stories kinda suck, but so does the fact that Christina Aguilera is married and knocked up to some dude who may not be much of a looker, but is more successful than you’ll ever be, so I guess you can shit on him all you want or just accept that she is a wallet fucker and start earning for your chance in. Good news is that she doesn’t use condoms….

2007

22

Jun

I am – Lohan in Rehab of the Day

1 Comment »

Rehab for celebrities is like a fucking vacation from a life that is already a vacation. I remember when I was sent to state issues rehab the shit involved a cinder block shitty prison where we’d have to clean and do chores in the morning and meet for 3 or 4 group therapy sessions in throughout the day where I’d be forced to listen to other addicts talk about the depressing shit that’s happened to them over the years turning them into the addicts they are leaving me in desperate need of a drink. The only real benefit of this shitty facility was that the food was included and I guess where there’s free food and a bunch of people who hate themselves, there’s always a good fucking time.

In the rehab facility I went to, we weren’t allowed to leave for 5 weeks. I met people who made me want to try drugs I had never heard of and when I got out I was drinking within an hour. I guess I kinda bullshitted them when they went through the exit exam questions, if they ask you if you are suicidal say no, if they ask you if you love yourself say yes, if they ask you whether you’re going to drink again say no. If only school was that easy, I’d have my fuckin Doctorate and I wouldn’t be wasting my time going to to dictionary.com to see if I spelled spelled right, or is it spelt. I don’t fucking know, but I do know that a dry Lohan in a bikini makes for good times, but I am lookin forward to her falling off the wagon.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Rehab|Tits|Unsorted

2007

22

Jun

I am – Marisa Miller Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

2 Comments »

There’s pretty much nothing better than a bikini model in a bikini because these girls are pro. They get paid huge money to rock a bikini while every other woman in the world just works hard as fuck on her body so that wearing a bikini doesn’t embarrass them. So they sit in the gym every night after work, some of them save up their money to get breast implants, and when all is said and done, they look good enough for me, which isn’t saying much because I have no standards, but not quite good enough to make a living from it. So someone like Marisa Miller, who may not even work half as hard as some of you do to look good enough for the best body contest on your next springbreak trip, is pretty much there to tell us all that we aren’t even almost as close to as hot as she is.

There are people like this in everything, whether it’s the kid who always aces the exams at school, the coworker who the boss loves and always gives him raises to keep him around because he is substantially better than you, then sibling who your parents are proud of and not ashamed of like you, the good looking person everyone you know wants while ignoring you, the guy with more money than you who is always showing you up whether in houses he owns, cars he buys, vacations he goes on or even nights at the club. There will always be girls with bigger tits than you, guys with bigger dicks than you, people who are cooler than you, people who are funnier than you, people who sing better than you, people who everything just works out for while you’re on your struggle….

The point is that you have to embrace the fact that you aren’t good at anything, that there will always be people who look, act, smell and perform better than you, and love you mediocrity, even if it means you’ll have a sad and lonely existence, or one spent with other mediocre people, because envy is a bitch and while you wish bad things upon the people that make you feel like shit about yourself, you can turn to the internet a rub one out to a bikini model, like she was on all fours on your dining room table, because fantasy is a hell of a lot better than your reality.

2007

21

Jun

I am – Dita Von Tease Doing Her Routine in Tokyo of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are pictures of a half naked Dita Von Tease doing her stupid Burlesque show. It always involves her in a champagne class with nipple covers and a thong and as good as that sounds on paper, shit looks pretty fucking boring, not because she does the same routine over and fucking over like bitch is in Groundhog Day, but because she doesn’t show the world her box that Marilyn Manson shot his satan seed up inside.

I don’t really get the whole pinup girl craze that’s been going on the last couple years. It seems like only fat chicks really respond to the whole movement, because it gives them a false sense of sexiness and they wear corsets and show off their fat tits everywhere they go to celebrate that sexiness they never knew existed while they emotionally ate their ugly fat hearts out through high school when no one would slam them.

I also don’t understand the whole alternative model movement that is a lot like this 1950’s burlesque pinup shit, because these fat chicks in corsets get tattooed and pierced decide that they can be models and people will get off to their naked inked fat asses. The way I see it, they shouldn’t be allowed out of their ratty homes and jobs working as a cashier at the pharmacy and into the photo studio where they get naked, but guys like you, who aren’t into hot chicks, buy memberships to these Suicide Girls sites, fueling this whole fucking industry and making more and more ugly girls get tattooed to feel wanted. I guess you’re a fucking charitable organization and you at least get off because of it, which is more than I can say about people who donate to AIDS Babies in Africa Charities.

2007

20

Jun

I am – Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

No Comments »

So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, it’s almost as bad as working the local car show, but she’s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and that’s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasn’t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So here’s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45… And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46… And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didn’t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because it’s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least that’s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

2007

20

Jun

I am â€“ Pam Anderson Breasts Do Magic of the Day

135 Comments »

So here are some pictures of Pam Anderson and her retarded magician friend on the TODAY Show performing their act. His biggest magic trick is foolin us into thinking that Pam Anderson still has a career after Hepatitis.. Proving that a career based on big tits does have staying power, even though, this shitty gig is less status than being a Price is Right girl, itâ€™s almost as bad as working the local car show, but sheâ€™s doing it in a one piece bathing suit and thatâ€™s good enough for me because lookin at her obscenely huge cans and weird discolored rash/scar/birthmark reminds me of what dreams are made of.

I am posting a post that a girl sent into me. I wasnâ€™t going to post it but she bribed me with pussy pictures of herself and I am all about box shots. So hereâ€™s her post on some cunt named Scott Baio and his new reality TV show that no one will watch. The tie in is that he slammed Pam Anderson.

I am – Beating a Dead Horse Named Scott Baio with My Clit Ring of the Day

I don’t know about you, but when I used to turn on the TV to watch some music videos, you’d turn on MTV or VH1. That line of thinking is apparently wrong. VH1 has decided that Scott Baio would be their newest edition to the already overpopulated laundry list of shitty reality TV shows starting in July. Chaci is now 45 years old and single. The difference between you and Baio is that he didn’t have to jerk it to Pam Anderson, he actually got to fuck her (pre-tit job) and they were once engaged. Baio lost his virginity to Erin Moran, his co-star on Happy Days, fucked Charles in Charge and future Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert. Denise Richards and Heather Locklear have both slept with Baio as well as Brooke Shields. Even Liza Minnelli wanted his sperm. Weird. Erika Eleniak, Nicolette Sheridan, Beverly D’Angelo and Natalie Raitano have all been slammed by the native New Yorker along with countless other playmates. Chaci has been a staple at the Playboy mansion for the last few decades. The only thing you could possibly relate to in Baio’s reality is that he’s forty-five and single and if you’re not there yet, you will be.

During the show, Scott Baio is 45â€¦ And Single!, Baio asks the question, “How can I have been with some of the hottest women in Hollywood and still be single?” Well, probably because boinking all those sluts left his dick looking like it went through a meat grinder and sprinkled with parsley. Next year,Scott Baio is 46â€¦ And Dead!

Unfortunately this post reads like a fucking wikipedia entry, and this bitch has more business writing press releases for VH1 than she does for me. It didnâ€™t make me laugh but I have been known to be a bit of a joke snob, not because I think I am the funniest motherfucker out there, but because itâ€™s hard to make a broken bird laugh. At least thatâ€™s my theory as to why I find every obvious joke I read offensive.

On the positive side of things, it does prove the things I will do for pussy. I am pretty fucking easy, some would call me a whore, others call me a creep but above everything, I am a pervert.

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