Tits Archives - Page 72 of 79 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

29

Jun

I am – Maria Sharapova Down Shirt Tennis Post of the Day

I figure that a lot of you fuckers like sports because otherwise athletes wouldn’t be making millions of dollars. If the whole world worked the way I work, then strippers would be the main attraction at arenas and these bitches would be makin way more money than Hollywood Stars and people in sports combined, but I guess that doesn’t really matter to you.

What does matter is that as long as there is a sport that allows women to maintain some level of sex appeal, whether it be by not being bulky as fuck, whether it be by not being lesbionic as fuck, whether it be not having cocks taped to the inside of their legs because they are really dudes trying to excel like in every shitty cliche movie, then I am all for posting pictures of the girls involved bending over, showing their asses, wearing little tight shorts and rockin’ camel toe.

These are pictures of Sharapova, a girl you all want to throw a ball at, but you’re ball would be attached to your dick and your game would last a lot less that a normal match she’s used to because you have premature ejaculation issues and vaginas are like to forbidden fruit you’ve never seen so you’d get overwhelmed with the hole thing and blow it.

I snuck into the professional ladies tennis match that happens here every 2 years last year and I couldn’t really follow the game, their squeals distracted me, on my way out I say Sharapova in person, she’s really not that hot, sorry to break it to you, but she’s a pro athlete and she may look good compared to the people she is up against like the Williams sisters, but that’s like saying my gonorrhea discharge is sexy because it’s not herpes – ya heard?

Posted in:Athlete|Maria Sharapova|Tennis|Tits|Unsorted

2007

29

Jun

I am – Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Naked of the Day

15 Comments »

These pictures were taken by photo agency FAME and they are of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo naked. Unfortunately the fuckers sold the picture to Life & Style magazine and the uncensored version hasn’t hit the internet yet. I emailed x17 asking them to send me the unedited version, which could have been a mistake since those fuckers hate me and sites like me and sue all of our asses as often as they have to to protect their really lucrative, yet sleazy business of taking pictures of celebrities naked. The reason I am posting these is in hopes that one of my 12 readers, that means you, works at this magazine and has a copy of the original.

I always was fascinated with pubic hair and pussy and always wanted to know what bitch is rockin’. I remember when I was in school I used to ask all the girls to tell me about their pubic hair. I’d want to know what color shit was, I wanted to know how shit was maintained, was it bald, was it rectangular, was it triangular, was it dealt with by using scissors, wax, Nair or a razor or was it full blown bush. I never got kicked out of school for sexual harassment, only because it was a different era, no one ever complained and the teachers were probably just as into the shit I was doing and the information i was trying to get as I was, that’s why they were highschool teachers and didn’t have real jobs.

If that happened today, I probably would have never finished the ninth grade. They would have kicked me out and sent me to therapy or an all boys school or some shit good thing they didn’t because an all boy’s school would have given me little information for my autobiography that I will never write that is going to be called Life as a Pervert.

If you’re bored find me a contact at this agency…

2007

29

Jun

I am – Rosie Perez Big Stretch Marked Titties of the Day

4 Comments »

Mom, is that you? I know that I am pretty slow moving today and that you’ve already left your shitty jobs to go home to spend you shitty weekend with your shitty friends and your shitty family and maybe if you’re lucky you’re shitty girlfriend will put out but reality is that you probably don’t have a shitty girlfriend you just have a shitty sex drive that isn’t shitty because it’s not raging, but shitty because you can’t do anything about it so that it hangs over your shitty head like a fucking demon you can’t get rid of because jerking off bored you and you already do it 3 times a day.

Rosie Perez was never a woman I wanted a piece of, I am only throwing this pictures up so you can see what aging does to a face as well as what it does to a set of big ol’ titties that are hanging so hard they are stretching the shit out of her skin leaving stretch marks, like a teenage girl who has grown up on genetically modified food who’ grew to a D-Cup overnight, only the opposite, because a teen with a new set of natural D’s is a beautiful thing, where as an older mexican slag with big fat tits hanging off her frame like an anorexic girl’s uterus hangs out of her box isn’t.

As the only mexican blogger, other than Perez, but he’s gay so he doesn’t count as a real person, I feel it’s my duty to properly represent my people. I know that won’t stop you from doing whatever it is you do to these pictures because you’re a pervert and these pics are the closest thing you can get to pussy.

Posted in:Rosie Perez|Saggy|Stretch Marks|Tits|Unsorted

2007

29

Jun

I am – Jodie Sweetin Goes to the Pink Taco Opening Party of the Day

16 Comments »

So this is that meth-head Jodie Sweetin who was Stephanie Tanner on Full House when she was a kid. She always took the backseat to the Olsens and from the way I see it, she was just an accessory to making them billionaires, while leaving her in the corner hating herself so much, unable to get work and turning to smoking meth. Think about it, you’re on the same show as these cunts and they don’t even have a fucking talking role because they are still in diapers, but for some reason they still build a fucking empire out of it, while you just fizzle off into nowhere, living in your parents shitty house they bought with your money, your big tits and all, you’d be hurting too…

Reality is that her tits are so fucking stacked that there is no way she was ever really addicted to meth. The way she can barely fit into her jeans makes me think it was some E! True Hollywood lie to get her back into the public eye, land her some interviews on TV and in Magazines and give her the opportunity to show the world she’s still around and by still around I mean her massive tits. This Bitch is all big and bubbly and trying to make a comeback. all the meth addicts I’ve known have had ratty fucking skin, emaciated meth bodies, no tits, yellow meth eyes and have been shaky, speedy, itchy anxiety ridden. I don’t think there is anyway that this bitch was on meth, I think it’s a way to launch a K-Mart product line and series of children’s books.

Either way, she is at the opening of Retard Harry Morton’s restaurant/club called Pink Taco. He’s Lohan’s ex boyfriend, son of the owner of Hard Rock Cafe, Grandson of Morton’s Steakhouse and I am assuming that dude wasn’t inspired by Lohan when he came up with this fucking stupid name, because if he had the place would be called “The Big Spotted and Scabby Red Cunt That Smells Like Shit From Rotten Cum From Other Dudes She had Raw Dog Sex With and Let Drop Load in Her and a Tampon She Forgot in there a Month Ago when She Was Drunk”, I don’t think that would have been so good for business, but he’s a rich kid, he doesn’t need the business to make money, it’s just his dad’s way of giving him something to keep his son busy with…

That Lohan Vagina joke was probably pretty obvious, but I am hungover again and just trying to get through the day….

Other People in Attendance of His Big Opening:

Jessica Alba With Her Extreme Face Close-Up

Some Chick Named Nikki Griffin I want to See Naked

Kristen Cavallari With Her Weird Tattoo

Summer Altice and her Muscles

Kimberly Stewart And her Stupid Outfit

Mary Carey and her Busted Face

Amy Smart

2007

28

Jun

I am – Leelee Sobiesky’s Big Tits and a Bow Tie of the Day

56 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Leelee Sobiesky’s big old tits at some black tie event wearing a bow tie like she’s a fucking clown at a kids party, or maybe even a Chip and Dale male stripper working horny bachelorettes and their horny single friends. I think that’s one of the things I love about women, they give us slack for going to strip clubs and being relatively tame, drinking our beer, trying to act on our best behavior in hopes of getting the strippers to fall in love with us, because we know we can provide them with a better life where they don’t have to get naked for dirty old me, or because we are the dirty old men but we don’t want them knowing we’re dirty old men because if they did they’d stay as far the fuck away from us as they could…But when girls go to strip clubs, they go fucking nuts. They get on stage, they lick whip cream off the dudes, they grab at them and become the whores we want them be in the bedroom, but we don’t get to benefit from it….

It’s like when you bring a hot chick home and she runs to the bathroom and all you can hear is her farting and shitting and stinking up your apartment. You try to think about how bad you wanted to eat her out because she’s so fucking stacked, but that was before hearing how bad her bowels wanted to get the fuck out of her. You fuck her anyway, because you’re desperate and pretend that you never heard her colon problems from the other room, but that shit keeps haunting you, and all you keep thinking to yourself is how such a hot piece of ass can make you so fucking sick to your stomach.

I guess that’s really not at all the same thing as Leelee Sobiesky taking her tits out to play in costume, but I’ll leave that story in anyway, because Leelee Sobiesky shits too.

Posted in:Leelee Sobiesky|Tits|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Leelee Sobiesky's Big Tits and a Bow Tie of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Leelee Sobiesky’s big old tits at some black tie event wearing a bow tie like she’s a fucking clown at a kids party, or maybe even a Chip and Dale male stripper working horny bachelorettes and their horny single friends. I think that’s one of the things I love about women, they give us slack for going to strip clubs and being relatively tame, drinking our beer, trying to act on our best behavior in hopes of getting the strippers to fall in love with us, because we know we can provide them with a better life where they don’t have to get naked for dirty old me, or because we are the dirty old men but we don’t want them knowing we’re dirty old men because if they did they’d stay as far the fuck away from us as they could…But when girls go to strip clubs, they go fucking nuts. They get on stage, they lick whip cream off the dudes, they grab at them and become the whores we want them be in the bedroom, but we don’t get to benefit from it….

It’s like when you bring a hot chick home and she runs to the bathroom and all you can hear is her farting and shitting and stinking up your apartment. You try to think about how bad you wanted to eat her out because she’s so fucking stacked, but that was before hearing how bad her bowels wanted to get the fuck out of her. You fuck her anyway, because you’re desperate and pretend that you never heard her colon problems from the other room, but that shit keeps haunting you, and all you keep thinking to yourself is how such a hot piece of ass can make you so fucking sick to your stomach.

I guess that’s really not at all the same thing as Leelee Sobiesky taking her tits out to play in costume, but I’ll leave that story in anyway, because Leelee Sobiesky shits too.

Posted in:Leelee Sobiesky|Tits|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Spice Girls Back Together of the Day

49 Comments »

I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want, I want to see the Spice Girls the way they were and not the way they are. They are getting back together and these are pictures of them at their photoshoot or whatever the fuck a photocall is, letting us all know that no talent can take you to the top and keep you in the public eye for a long fucking time. It can also lead to a new record deal even after they’ve all grown up, got ugly and haggard and had a bunch of kids between them, some illegitimate.

I am sure they aren’t doing this for their die hard fans, because they can’t have die hard fans. The girls raised on the Spice Girls have gone through puberty and are probably in college now, busy doing shit like keg parties and fratboy gang bangs, embarrassed that they used to want to be these cunts and do dance routines to their songs at family functions, and the only time Spice Girls hit their iPods is when they are trying to be funny and think that listening to shit they used to listen to makes for a good fucking laugh.

Either way, I am happy that Posh Spice makes these pictures worth posting. She is the only one who has aged proper with the solid use of plastic surgery and a fear of her husband leaving her for some slut in spain with big tits. Her dominatrix outfit and big fake titties lead me to believe that you’ll be jerking off to their new video like you jerked off to their old videos, only this time you’ll be doing it to Posh, because the other bitches are going to be hidden in the back wearing masks because there’s no way they’ll make the cut, at least if it was my video they wouldn’t.

Posted in:Implants|Spice Girls|Tits|Unsorted|Victoria Beckham

2007

27

Jun

I am – Michelle Marsh Has Huge Tits of the Day

6 Comments »

I saw these pictures of Michelle Marsh trying to cover up her tits while running down the beach yesterday, I was going to post them, but realized that I never break stories, no sites link me, so why bother rushing it. I woke up today and saw them all over the place, so maybe it was my big break, but I doubt it.

Michelle Marsh has retardedly big tits. I am not really a fan of huge tits because they are usually either fake and remind me of dudes who get off to Anime cartoons and those guys make me feel uncomfortable, or they are on a fat chick and fat chick tits are fat tits and fat tits are usually pretty dumpy. I also like living in the future, you know thinking about where the fuck things are going, instead of just enjoying shit for what it is today and every time I look at these fuckers I see a 80 year old woman with the biggest fucking hangers around. But I guess I shouldn’t be so against this bitch just because she’s stacked. It’s not her fault that she feels like having basketball tits is a good thing, and so do you and that’s why bitch has a career, so who I am to really say anything….

I was on the bus the other day because I take the bus sometimes when I have places to go which is pretty much never, but I was bored and thought it would be a good 2 dollars of entertainment. You see in the summer bitches wear less clothes and some days while lookin for inspiration, I like to get it out of everyday people. Anyway, this one girl, who must have been a stripper, but a bad stripper, because real strippers have black drug dealing boyfriends drive them around, had these insane set of tits. Her face was busted up bad enough for me to think she shoulda invested a little less on the tits and more on a new face, but that’s not the point because no one was looking at her face. These things were half exposed and everyone stared, so I guess if you’re a chick, you can get all that attention you’re craving by exposing your tits. It’s a pretty simple life lesson. You could also get attention by not wearing panties an short skirts, by fingering yourself in public or by talking about how badly you like taking it in the ass.

Michelle Marsh does it well, take her lead and send me pictures.

2007

27

Jun

I am – Geri Halliwell's See Through Outfit of the Day

1 Comment »

Ginger Spice is a little washed up. I think that she was even washed up when she started in the Spice Girls many years ago after being a stripper and amateur nude model so I guess this attempt at being sexy is expected from a girl who’s tits brought her to the top. She also just had a kid and as Britney Spears proves everyday, having a kid means months of being sprawled out on the doctor’s table for everyone to examine your box. It also means months of pulling your tit out where ever you are to make your baby stop crying. So when you have a kid, you usually forget what your lady parts were made for, well maybe that is what they are made for, but to every dude out there, they are made for other things like not having babies and only being sucked by them for the 15 minutes they last. That said, I guess a lot of pregnant chicks and post pregnant chicks never fully bounce back to where they were before their bodies were ravaged, so the day they look in the mirror and think to themselves that they’ve got it back, they want the world to know it and dress like this.

I am not really complaining, I am just too distracted by her clown hair, I feel like I am watching some new age kids show and I’m just waiting for bitch to start juggling.

But celebrities in bras are celebrities in bras and it’s my job to post them so here’s a little more Ginger Spice than we’ve seen in a long time and I guess that’s a good thing to some of you.

2007

27

Jun

I am – Geri Halliwell’s See Through Outfit of the Day

1 Comment »

Ginger Spice is a little washed up. I think that she was even washed up when she started in the Spice Girls many years ago after being a stripper and amateur nude model so I guess this attempt at being sexy is expected from a girl who’s tits brought her to the top. She also just had a kid and as Britney Spears proves everyday, having a kid means months of being sprawled out on the doctor’s table for everyone to examine your box. It also means months of pulling your tit out where ever you are to make your baby stop crying. So when you have a kid, you usually forget what your lady parts were made for, well maybe that is what they are made for, but to every dude out there, they are made for other things like not having babies and only being sucked by them for the 15 minutes they last. That said, I guess a lot of pregnant chicks and post pregnant chicks never fully bounce back to where they were before their bodies were ravaged, so the day they look in the mirror and think to themselves that they’ve got it back, they want the world to know it and dress like this.

I am not really complaining, I am just too distracted by her clown hair, I feel like I am watching some new age kids show and I’m just waiting for bitch to start juggling.

But celebrities in bras are celebrities in bras and it’s my job to post them so here’s a little more Ginger Spice than we’ve seen in a long time and I guess that’s a good thing to some of you.

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