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Archive for the Tits Category

2007

Jun

I am – Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures of the Day

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova in a bikini top and little shorts for you to look at while you sit at your computer thinking about how much you’d rather be at the beach looking a girls tanning but are too scared to leave your house….I guess you could also dream about how you always wanted to be Enrique because of his angelic voice and ability to be gayer that fucking bicycle shorts while still leading the public to believe he is slamming this Russian slag. I can only assume that any real man would never let the world know he sings the way Enrique sings for fear of being called a fag, I can also only assume that this motherfucker only sells records to the middle aged women and gay men because middle aged women like gay men and gay men like gay men. I can also assume that being born and named Enrique kinda type casts you as the cabana boy who is light on his feet and doesn’t really like wearing much more than spandex euro trash booty shorts speedos for everyone to see your package.

That doesn’t change the fact that everyone has had a thing for this Anna Kournikova whore for at least 10 years. I can only assume it is because of her athletic ability, at least that’s why Enrique is with her, I hear she’s in tight with all the pro tennis playing dudes like Serena Williams and hot chicks always attract men leading him to live out his homosexuality disguised as Male-Male-Female threesomes….

2007

Jun

I am – Natasha Hamilton Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

I know you probably don’t know who she is because I don’t know who she is and despite having no interest in these people and just use them to lure idiots like you into my site, I still have been doing it 2.5 years and that makes me a bit of an expert. I don’t think being an expert in identifying useless celebrities is something to be proud of, it kinda categorizes me into the worlds of virgins and people who cut out pictures of bitches from magazines to put in my magical box that I keep under my bed for lovemaking purposes. I am talking about the losers who identify with celebrity vagina because they can’t get vagina of their own and in their fantasy world the characters these bitches play in the movies are their dream girls and one day when they make it rich they will win them over and end up marrying them and living happily ever after. What they realize is that no matter how much money they make, they can’t erase the fact that they are socially awkward creepy chronic masturbaters and girls don’t like awkward creepy chronic masturbaters, not to mention you don’t get rich living in your mom’s basement playing role playing games and poking girls your don’t know on facebook. That said, I have no idea who this bitch is, but rumor is that she’s in Atomic Kitten and that’s some UK girl group you probably want to fuck….

The real reason I posted these wasn’t because of the white bikini, even though I love white bikinis because they get see through and everytime I’ve seen a bitch in you, I’ve been able to make out what her pussy looks like, and despite that sounding creepy as shit, reality is it’s not my fault a bitch is showing her junk to everyone at the public pool I sometimes sneak into..so stop judging.

I wanted to write about redheads and how I was always scared of them growing up. I was born in mexico and spend a solid 10 years of my life there. I had never seen a redhead before and when I did for the first time when I was moved to Texas, I thought they were the spawn of the devil. I admit I was living with crazy Jesus people and I thought that everything was evil because that’s what they beat into me, but these pale faced, freckle covered weirdos with fire colored hair made me feel fucking uneasy. Later in life, I became a little more obnoxious and started asking the redheads I knew if they had fire crotches, they never wanted to answer me so I just assumed they were. I think I probably traumatized them and gave them a complex, but I was 15 or some shit, I hope they got over it, because I don’t want a group of redheaded weirdos I once knew holding meetings on how they want to kill me for ruining their sex lives, because redheads are naturally really strong and could hurt me. I figure they are strong for the same reason retarded people are strong, their gene pool evolved over the generations to deal with dickheads like me who would tease them for being different, so that we couldn’t lock them in lockers and shit. Someone once told me that redheaded kids were left in the woods to fend for themselves as babies in the middle ages because having a redheaded kid was considered a bad thing. So the ones who survived were obviously the ones who could deal with the elements….making them a superior race of humans….

Either way, what I am getting at is that the though of these pale spotted people with bright red lips and what I assume big red cunts with orange fucking pubes used to make me fucking sick to my stomach and I couldn’t grasp why Archie from the Archie comics always wanted to get a piece of the redheaded girl…that was until I started seeing seeing hot redheads, ones who didn’t look like they were genetic accidents that would have been left in the woods in the middle ages. They looked like hot fucking pieces of ass that I wanted to go down on for fucking hours. Now it seems that every time I leave my house, I see at least one redhead I’d like to fuck, red pubes and all. Maybe it’s become a fetish because I’ve never had one, but I am thinking that for all those years I was just prejudice and missed out on fulfilling this dream and now it’s too late because I am married and can’t get boners.

This post was really long. I bet it was boring to read. Good thing you didn’t bother. Asshole.

2007

Jun

I am – Britney Spears Nip Slip of the Day

67 Comments »

Nothing says I let some dude bust a nut inside me a minimum of 2 times when we were married, knocking my fat unhygienic ass up twice like walking around LA with your tits hanging out. It’s like an open invitation for all of us fuckers to latch onto her with our mouths and start sucking for spoiled milk that her little babies left behind….

I’d write more, but what’s the fucking point, her tits are doing all the talking for me and no one needs a commentator when they are trying to stare at a useless cunt they’ll never meet’s tits…

Posted in:Britney Spears|Nipple|Nipslip|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Uma Thurman Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Uma Thurman in a bathing suit. I figured that the site is about bitches in bikinis and I have no choice but to post them. I have been getting a lot of hate mail from people saying that I’ve lost my edge, that I am not as funny as I used to be, that the site isn’t worth visiting anymore and that it’s going down hill. Reality is that it was never really good, it couldn’t go downhill and that I was always rock bottom. The only difference now is that you’ve heard all my stories, you’ve heard all my lame jokes and you’ve seen all the pictures I post on other sites a day before I get them up. I am actually shocked that I’ve been able to convince you 10-15 people to keep reading.

I ran into a guy I hadn’t seen in years the other day. He strapped down, got married, moved to the suburbs, stopped going out, gave up on life, sits at home and watches movies with his wife every friday night because she’s tired from the week’s work and spends saturdays going to flea markets or home depot to buy supplies to fix up their dream home….Either way, dude grabbed me by the collar and told me how he spends his days on the site and that my writing makes him really fucking horny.

I didn’t realize that I was turning people on, especially men I once used to hang out with and the fact that the only person I turn on with my writing is a 300 pound 45 year old dude kinda makes me feel awkward especially when he’s thanking me for changing his life. Reality is that I have never really turned anyone on in my life. I don’t write anything sexy and the girls I have been in bed with blame being drunk and dehydrated for their parched vaginas to be nice and not put added focus on my serious inadequacies.

If you want something to actually turn you on, think White Bathing Suit. These fucking things are always semi see through and revealing and designed for a good fucking time. I am not going to get into her wrist brace and how you’ve got medical restraint fetishes because injured vulnerable girls who are bound by casts turn you on, because that’s not the kind of show I am trying to run here.

Enjoy the tits, I am not even going to talk about her dumpy ass because I’ve already written too much that you won’t read. Asshole.

2007

Jun

I am – Joanna Krupa in Lingerie at the SpikeTV Guy Awards of the Day

1 Comment »

I don’t give a fuck about Spike TV. I don’t give a fuck about their shitty guy awards because I find that whole Men’s Market massively fucking gay and creating a Guy Awards isn’t empowering to men, it makes us look like a bunch of fucking cunts. Men aren’t supposed to care about awards we’re supposed to be too busy providing for our families.

This men’s market must be targeting 14 year old boys. It’s all about hot chicks you’ll never bang because they don’t like guys who watch shit like Spike TV. It’s also about cars, machines, sports, sex and UFC and it’s kinda insulting to me that they think guys are supposed to be into all that shit.

I assume that some of your faggots like to get drunk with your buddies and watch this shit while giving each other high fives and maybe even betting on who is going to win and the loser has to do something emasculating like wear women’s panties for a month or even let you and all your other friends jerk off on his face because it’s not gay when it’s about losing a bet or some shit.

Either way, I do give a fuck about hot girls wearing lingerie as party dresses and this is Joanna Krupa from Poland at the Spike TV Guys choice awards lookin’ pretty alright. She was the hired pussy to try to make the party less of a sausage fest. I always thought Polish people were into training circus bears to balance on balls, I guess I was wrong. I guess this isn’t really lingerie, but if you saw what my wife wears to look sexy you’d understand why I consider this shit lingerie, fuck yourself.

Posted in:Joanna Krupa|Lingerie|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Steve Aoki Does Montreal of the Day

59 Comments »

So I wrote a bit about my night at the shitty high end club with people who think they are high end because they have rich parents or good jobs and don’t mind spending 1000 dollars a night on bottles of Grey Goose for their friends and women who like to hang out with guys who spend 1000 dollars a night on booze because they to drink for free in what they think is a classy place because it costs 10 dollars a drink. What they don’t realize is that the staff and patrons of the bar and the music they go crazy for is all shit and none of them have a fucking clue.

The big disappointment of the night was when a girl in a really short skirt was dancing on stage with her ass hanging out and I thought I was recording it but turned out I wasn’t. I had 3 minutes of bitch’s ass cheeks bouncing up and down…but drinking made me forget to record…..Motherfucker.

Bonus – This Girl Made Me Delete a Picture of Her and I Hate When People Tell Me What To Do, So I Decided to Snap Some Pics of Her to Post on the Site as Punishment for Her Being So Rude to Me….I just made you famous bitch….

2007

Jun

I am – Danielle Lloyd in an Expensive Bikini for Cancer of the Day

58 Comments »

I use the Internet too much. I feel like my last love affair was with an emoticon banner on myspace and it was the best sex Ive ever had because all the slut would say is “hellllooooo” over and fucking over again and couldn’t get me hard by still whispered sweet nothings in my ear….So looking at anyone in a bikini is a total fucking relief for me. It could be because I live in Canada and I don’t see nearly enough bikinis in a year and when I see anyone rockin’ one it gets me goin like a virgin with a high trafficked celebrity blog that posts High Res pics to share my amazing find with other fucking virgins…or it could be because this bitch I’ve never heard of before last week is rockin’ diamonds and being a poor person I dig diamonds…it means she’s living the dream even though no one knows who she is…it could be because she’s dressed like that at a charity and I like women who get naked for a cause but I prefer girls who get naked for no cause, because you don’t need a reason to show me your goods…trust me, I have no standards and don’t get offended by much, not even when this downs syndrome faced slut does it….

I am slow on my posts today because I had to be somewhere all morning. Sometimes you can’t control that shit. I am back now but it’s the end of the day – so I am not sure if I should bother to even post, but I will anyway.

2007

Jun

I am – Petra Nemcova Hot Tits of the Day

143 Comments »

Tsunami Survivor Petra Nemcova is one of those girls who is pretty decent for an eastern European chick. I know most Eastern European chicks you hear about are either models, or pornstars, or mail order brides you dream of because your rich friend’s divorced father has one and she looks like a total slut.

But reality is that these rationed toilet paper using communist slags aren’t all sexy big breasted olympic gymnast bikini models. There are a lot of them with beards, and bellies, and the ability to wrestle bears while chopping wood and giving birth all at the same time. These are the bitches named Olga or Vaclav but they don’t ever make it big here in North America, because we don’t acknowledge serious talent.

I forget where I was going with this post, but since it’s almost 4 and I’ll I’ve posted are the breast feeding pics, I’ll leave you with these pictures of her preventing an upskirt and busting out of her dress like a hot slut I’d love to take a bath with, unfortunately she’s banged Stavros, who has banged Lohan and Paris and you know what both of these bitches have festering in their panties (when they wear panties), and that’s something that I don’t really want sharing my bath water and I’d bath in a fucking puddles of piss and dirt on the corner of the street like my friend who was trying to wash off the smell of a hooker he fucked before going home to his overbearing wife one night this spring.

Either way, here are the pics.

Posted in:cleavage|Petra Nemcova|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Maggie Gyllenhaal Breast Feeding Her Baby of the Day

72 Comments »

IMAGES TAKEN DOWN TO PREVENT A LAWSUIT

So it turns out that Maggie Gyllenhaal is one of those bitches who think they have the right to pull their tits out in public to feed their little babies. I have always been a fan of these kinds of bitches. I remember walking in the park last year and seeing some slut who I call a slut because she was knocked and had baby sucking her pregnant titty, meaning that she really liked to fuck and when she fucked she liked it internal cumshot like the porn fetish I support. I also saw breast feeding at the coffee shop and I’ve seen it in restaurants and in malls andit seems it’s a whole movement, that’s really picking up because prior to about 2 years ago, I never saw bitches doing this.

My theory is that they don’t give a fuck because being pregnant is such a fucking bitch. You are pretty much sprawled out for many people to see your goods for over 9 months, not that many people hadn’t see this Maggie Gyllenhaal sluts good before the baby, but you know what I mean, it kinda takes away all sexual focus on those lady parts I love, and turns them into tools for their baby that they are obviously totally fucking obsessed over. It turns out that once sexy parts become tools then the person isn’t really shy about showing them off, or other people seeing them. What they don’t realize is that people like you get off to this shit.

The only real issue that I have with this whole thing, is that Maggie Gyllenhaal is about as my last shit, which I don’t really remember looking at, but remember having to wipe a whole lot, which isn’t very hot, unless you’re into scat, which you probably are. Sicko.

IMAGES TAKEN DOWN TO PREVENT A LAWSUIT

Posted in:Breastfeeding|Maggie Gyllenhaal|Nipples|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Big Breasted Whores of the Day

50 Comments »

I am not sure how legal it is to videotape girls walking by you then putting it on the internet but I really have no choice with this one. We were watching these girls at a bar get chatted up by a lot of married “business men” who were probably in town looking for a “good time”. We got stuck in the elevator with them at the end of the night where they made some funny sex jokes and my friend thought they had a great personality, the kind of chick you’d want to marry. I was too busy looking at their insane bodies. They got off on the 7th floor with a group of dudes who were also in the elevator and who probably didn’t know what they were getting themselves into, but when a girl like this follows you back to your hotel room, you can’t be sending them home, if you know what I mean.

For the record I am not implying that they are anything but girls out to have a good time and if I was capable of it, they are the kind of girls I’d want to have a good time with…but when I was on the market, I usually got stuck with the lower grade meat you find on the street shaking and ratty and lookin’ for a dollar

The whole time I was watching them stand there and rub their tits and make rude jokes I thought I was day dreaming….it had to be a dream, but I was drunk and had this video to remind me they actually existed. Montreal is known for the hot girls, you should come visit. Cuddles.

Posted in:stepTV|Tits|Unsorted