Unsorted Archives - Page 82 of 511 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

30

Aug

I am – Audrina Partridge from the Hills in her Bikini of the Day

Comments Off on I am – Audrina Partridge from the Hills in her Bikini of the Day

I have never watched The Hills, mainly because I have a penis…and because I am not a 13 year old girl or some kind of homosexual, even though homosexuals seem to be popping up everywhere. It’s like it’s really cool to be gay or someshit. When I was younger, faggots would stay in the closet for fear of people hating them or bashing them, so they’d get married have kids be miserable through the 90s, sneak out on “business trips” and brokeback mountain camping trips, give their wife AIDS then by the time the year 2000 hit, Gay becomes cool, Tom leaves his wife for some dude, she’s devastated and has AIDS, his kids get all fucked up, his daughter disowns men and starts eating box and his son becomes a tranny and the gay movement continues because all these gay kids have gay fathers and it becomes one big “Gay is Okay and socially accepted and it’s wrong to beat up fags and drag them behind pick-up trucks or leave them in ditches to die because we hate gays” party and I guess that’s okay because it’s natures way of population control and because without fags we wouldn’t have bull-dykes and I love getting dirty looks from bull-dykes who hate me for having a penis, it makes me feel like I am an animal in the jungle and she’s about either going pounce and rip my penis off and shove it down my throat, or invite me to go camping at the Vegan conference…

I went to a bar the other night, that used to be a dive and I hadn’t been for a while. I got drunk and realized that 80 percent of the men were poofters, and although the place was filled with chicks who were obviously too good looking to talk to me, they were all dancing on their tables and shit with dudes who thought they were Britney Spears and I felt like the place had turned into a gay bar. so I got drunk because that’s really the only time I feel good.

The point of all this is to say that I don’t watch The Hills….it’s about rich sluts from California that everyone fell in love with when they were in high school, it was scripted reality TV and this bitch Audrina Partridge, who I’ve never heard of, is one of them Now she’s on your screen in a bikini….have fun because her body is pretty tight, her razor burn hot and I’d totally do her.

Related Posts:

Kristen Cavallari’s Facebook Pictures
Kristen Cavallari Lasik Eye Surgery
Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pics

Spammers were Killing the Site By Hammering Me With Spam …
All Old Comments had T Be Deleted…
All New Comments Are Now Moved to the stepFORUM…
To Comment on This Post
GO

2007

30

Aug

I am – Elizabeth Hurley in Some Photoshoot of the Day

Comments Off on I am – Elizabeth Hurley in Some Photoshoot of the Day

Elizabeth Hurley

These pics of Liz Hurley are from some fashion shoot which may or not be new, and I don’t know enough about fashion to be able to tell or not, and in the end neither do you. What I do know is that when you get as little action as you do, hot women are hot women, and as much as you would like to hold out for that blonde bikini model who lives up the street from you, we both know thats not going to happen, ever, and it makes more sense to beat off to these photos, old or not.

I’ve always liked Elizabeth Hurley because when you here her formal British accent everyone automatically pictures her sitting at home in a formal floral dress, drinking Earl Grey Tea with her pinky in the air. Truth be told, she’s actually from a pretty shitty neighborhood in Britain and had it pretty rough growing up. She’s filthy rich now, especially since marrying that Hindu rich guy. So I guess on some days she probably does sit at home in a floral dress, drinking Earl GreyTea with her pinky in the air, or she just gets naked and rolls around in all her money. I prefer to think of the latter.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

Related Posts
Elizabeth Hurley’s Shitty Nip Slip of the Day
Elizabeth Hurley Showin Off Tit of the Day
Elizabeth Hurley’s Still Hot of the Day
Spammers were Killing the Site By Hammering Me With Spam …
All Old Comments had T Be Deleted…
All New Comments Are Now Moved to the stepFORUM…
To Comment on This Post
GO

Posted in:Elizabeth Hurley|Model|Tits|Unsorted

2007

30

Aug

I am – Elle Macpherson Pure Hotness of the Day

Comments Off on I am – Elle Macpherson Pure Hotness of the Day

Elle MacPherson

I was the bar last night and saw a bitchin’ cat fight on the street as I was stumbling home with the random I met who’s name I can’t remember right now. I was pretty drunk, and was paying more attention to the hand up my skirt then the words being spat back and forth as fists were flying and high heels were being removed for weapons purposes. Therefore I have no idea what the fight was about. I’m guessing something really stupid tho, because normal, sensible grown women don’t fist fight on crowded rainy streets at 3am.

I think it’s funny how women hate other women for no other reason then the fact that they are women. Feminists will go and and on about how men purposely turn us against each other in a way to keep us more pre-occupied in our problems with each other versus the problems in regards to how women are treated in this world. It makes sense in some ways, but it always forgets the most important fact which is that women are catty bitches who more often then not need to step down off thier high horses, cut the jealousy, and as I always like to say, get the sand out of their vaginas. I’d like to see that in the next piece of feminists literature some hippy chick that doesn’t shave her legs hands to me.

The reason most women hate women like Elle Macpherson however, is that they are bored house wives with fat asses who spend way to much of their husbands money on make-up and Oil of Olay in hopes to make themselves attractive. Elle Macpherson on the otherhand jet sets around the world being naturally thin with no make-up, unbrushed hair and giving guys around the world everywhere boners that rip their pants.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Related Posts
Elle MacPherson Surfing of the Day
Cindy Crawford Being a Hott MILF of the Day
Bar Rafaeli in Wife Beater of the Day

Spammers were Killing the Site By Hammering Me With Spam …
All Old Comments had T Be Deleted…
All New Comments Are Now Moved to the stepFORUM…
To Comment on This Post
GO

Posted in:Elle Macpherson|Hot|Model|Unsorted

2007

29

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

No Comments »

I left my house today only to find a ton of college girls in town. I guess it’s that time of year, summer is over, even though it’s summer vacation everyday for me. I was faced with so many half naked young girls with their tits all hanging out and shit and so many of them were running into the pharmacy, I could only assume they were buying birth control because it’s always to have raw dog sex responsibly, otherwise the herpes wouldn’t be as fun as they are supposed to be when you’re all pregnant and shit….

I then walked by a group of street kids who looked dirty as fuck, I am talking no showered dirty not ass to mouth dirty and one of them was pregnant. I could only assume the dude with the squeegee was the dad and the other girls were her entourage but when she lit up a smoke and asked for money for beer and an aborition, I couldn’t help but give her what I had because the though of her nasty box and the smell it probably has getting knocked up was so disgusting that it was exciting to me….

Your life may not be as good, but here are my links..Click Them….

Some Fat Chick Who Sucks Dick on Camera is Beggin You To Help Her Get New Tits
GO

Nipple Slip at the Ed Hardy Fashion Show
GO

I think it’s time for a Pogo Stick Back Flip
GO

Some Japanase Martial Arts Bitch Could Kick Your Ass…Which Isn’t Saying Much…. Video
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Nick Hogan is in deep shit Because He Got Caught Jerking Off To His Sister’s Bikini Pics or Something Like That….
GO

Glenn Twins Are a Couple Sluts Who Are Half Naked
GO

Britney Spears Showing Off Her Ass In Public
GO

Whose Boobs are These? The Miss Teen USA Edition
GO

Some Naked Beer Run is Pretty Hysterical…
GO

Some Not So Subliminal Print Ads for an Alcohol Company
GO

Some Hayden Panettiere Look-ALike Naked….
GO

Naked Chick at the Beack Video
GO

2007’s Best and Worst Celebrity Beach Bodies
GO

This Tennis Player has Huge Fucking Tits…For a Tennis Player….
GO

I am Always Offended When People Sing Duets with Dead Singers…I am Even More Offended When They are American Idol Starlets….This is Dean Martin and Paris Bennett
GO

Here’s a Little Celebrity Photohunt to Pass Your TIme
GO

Cindy Crawford is Stacked
GO

Bobby Brown is living in a fabulous new house
GO

Some smart kid figured out how to unlock the iphone, but I really don’t care cause I can’t afford one anyways
GO

Sheryl Crow in a see through top
GO

Japanese Bondage gameshow, because Japan gets weirder by the day
GO

Cindy Crawford hot tits
GO

Keeley Hazell in a wet, see through bikini
GO

Because you area virgin who still plays video games
GO

Aiesha Tyler’s dress is stupid, but she is hot and funny as hell, so who cares
GO

More Asian pointlessness
GO

Some old hag leaves $12 Million to her dog. Can someone fucking explain how that is possible please?
GO

That loser kid from Transformers is poking Rhianna
GO

Mandy Moore and Wilmer Meet Again…
GO

Porn Star Belladonna calls it quits
GO

Lohan rehab drama
GO

Just another night on the South Side of LA
GO

Some Hayden Panettiere photoshoot
GO

Some Cam Girl Gets So Hot She Wants to Take Her Clothes Off
GO

Snake in the toilet
GO

Some new Jessica Alba photoshoot
GO

CBGB founder dies at 75
GO

More Britney drama, this time in the form of freaking out on video
GO

Filthy phone sex in an elevator
GO

Bjork is a bit of a nutter
GO

Girls in the tub
GO

Charlie Sheen throws a temper tantrum
GO

Alyssa Milano modeling clothes from her “clothing line”
GO

Gemma Atkinson in white cotton panties
GO

Tom and Katie’s body guard tells all
GO

Planet Asia is Some New Rapper You’ll Probably Like Cuz You Are Jiggy…
GO

Kate Bosworth in Some Dress
GO

Pete Doherty and Kate are back on again
GO

Mom and Daughter Porn Prank That Will Make You Laugh – NSFW
GO

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren Back Together….Love is So Sweet
GO

The World Doesn’t Have Enough Siamese Twins…..Video
GO

Hayden Showing Off Her Tits A Bit
GO

Don Vito is in Trouble Again
GO

A Pretty Fucking Hot Carwash
GO

This Site’s Been Around forever Give it Love
GO

Probably Some of the Weirder Nudes I’ve Seen on the Net
GO

Heather Graham Red Sox Tit Video
GO

Lohan Posing all Hot and Shit
GO

This Spray Will Get You Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

29

Aug

I am – Keira Knightly Is a Skinny Bitch of the Day

4 Comments »

There was a time when I had a pretty rude gay, black , Jewish blogger working on the site, but he became some kind of drug addict and only delivered a couple posts, so I hunted down Julien to be the next gay to take this site to Perezdom…because it turns out people are fags. Since Julien is a sex addicted drug using freakshow he wrote a pretty intensely gay post…I think he miss understood when I said be bitchy with write about having a dick in your ass like you’re a bitch…anyway this is what he wrote:

This guy was fucking me last night and after he came, he fell asleep, like right after. It was like someone had hit him over the head and he passed out. I mean he was still inside me and he was fucking snoring. In my younger years, I wouldâ€™ve just pulled him off of me and rolled over and went to sleep, but Iâ€™m older and wiser and empowered or some shit. So instead of just lying there I decided to help myself out. I figured I might as well get something out of this night. So I jerked myself off with the guy still lying on top of me. The guy finally woke up after some of my wad shot on his face. He completely flipped out and kept on saying he hadnâ€™t been so insulted in his entire life and blah blah blah. So he got his clothes on and stormed out of the apartment. I donâ€™t understand what the big deal is, I mean itâ€™s just cum, itâ€™s actually good for the skin. Itâ€™s better than a facemask. I should sleep with someone like Keira Knightly. I mean, she has such great skin, guys must cum on her face all the time.

Smooch!

Julien

I told him that that was by far too fucking intense for my readers since this isn’t a gay erotic site and the best case scenario some virgin in the mid-west probably got hard to that shit and is now driving around with a baseball bat that he is going to use to kill some local faggot because he thinks it’s the only way to reclaim his manhood…so Julien came back at me with this one….

A few months ago, some famous bitch said that gay men, specifically fashion designers, were to blame for all of the eating disorders and skinny women in the media because they have some unrealistic ideals of what a woman should be. Now if you look at a train wreck like whatever Jenna Jameson is turning herself into, I would agree with her. I mean have you seen her lately? She looks like the fucking creature from the black lagoon. But for every Jenna Jameson, there is a Keira Knightly. I mean this bitch is skinnier than a chopstick but she is fucking hot. If this is what a combination of gay men and eating disorders can accomplish, I have nothing bad to say. Hell, sheâ€™s the reason I only eat one meal a day. Sheâ€™s totally my thinsperation.

So when all those homophobes are saying that gay men should burn in hell and blah blah blah remember, we created Keira Knightly.

Smooch!

Julien

Maybe the gay thing’s not going to work so well, but I am sticking to it…so come back tomorrow for more!

Related Posts:

Keira Knightley’s Erotic Comics
Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller Running Around on Set
Keira Knightley in a Bikini (ignore all the spam comments)

Posted in:Keira Knightley|Skinny|Token Gay Blogger|Unsorted

2007

29

Aug

I am – There’s No Way Kate Hudson Could Lead Anyone to Suicide of the Day

1 Comment »

I saw a girl drop the “just because I am blond doesn’t mean I am stupid” line at the local coffee shop and I wanted to throw-up on her because that fucking shit is retardedly played out and has probably been dropped more than her disgusting whore panties because let’s face it Blonds are sluts….at least that’s the rumor.

Speaking of Blonds being sluts, there is no way that this bitch has anything to do with Owen Wilson killing himself and failing miserably making him look like that pussy in your class who was crying for attention and this was the cool Goth way to get it.

Trying to kill yourself over Kate Hudson is like killing yourself over the ugly girl you went to high school with and never spoke to except on the day you realized her mom was a hot slut who liked to wear skimpy bikinis leading to you talking to her and getting yourself invited over until until you got caught peeping on the mom changing one summer afternoon….

What I am getting at is that this bitch isn’t worth shit, she’s already used up and has a kid, she’s got nothing good going for her and ending up with that dude Dax from Punk’d is pretty much a relationship I can respect because he’s such a waste of fucking space too.

I just realized that he could have tried to kill himself because of regret that he actually stuck it to her..you know like when you fuck a bitch that makes you question your sexuality and you don’t want to go on living life as a queer….I didn’t think of it like that because I am Mr Positive today, but I am still convinced Owen Wilson did what he did because cocaine makes you fucking crazy. I know kids who have turned bisexual on it, I know people who have tried to jump off buildings on it, nothing really good comes from it, except for a ton of blowjobs when you have it cuz bitches do anything for the stuff….

Related Posts

Kate Hudson’s Nipples are Erect
Kate Hudson Bikini and Paddle Surfing like a Retard
Kate Hudson Used Make a Wish Foundation to Get Where She is Today
Kate Hudson’s STD of the Day

2007

29

Aug

I am – There's No Way Kate Hudson Could Lead Anyone to Suicide of the Day

1 Comment »

I saw a girl drop the “just because I am blond doesn’t mean I am stupid” line at the local coffee shop and I wanted to throw-up on her because that fucking shit is retardedly played out and has probably been dropped more than her disgusting whore panties because let’s face it Blonds are sluts….at least that’s the rumor.

Speaking of Blonds being sluts, there is no way that this bitch has anything to do with Owen Wilson killing himself and failing miserably making him look like that pussy in your class who was crying for attention and this was the cool Goth way to get it.

Trying to kill yourself over Kate Hudson is like killing yourself over the ugly girl you went to high school with and never spoke to except on the day you realized her mom was a hot slut who liked to wear skimpy bikinis leading to you talking to her and getting yourself invited over until until you got caught peeping on the mom changing one summer afternoon….

What I am getting at is that this bitch isn’t worth shit, she’s already used up and has a kid, she’s got nothing good going for her and ending up with that dude Dax from Punk’d is pretty much a relationship I can respect because he’s such a waste of fucking space too.

I just realized that he could have tried to kill himself because of regret that he actually stuck it to her..you know like when you fuck a bitch that makes you question your sexuality and you don’t want to go on living life as a queer….I didn’t think of it like that because I am Mr Positive today, but I am still convinced Owen Wilson did what he did because cocaine makes you fucking crazy. I know kids who have turned bisexual on it, I know people who have tried to jump off buildings on it, nothing really good comes from it, except for a ton of blowjobs when you have it cuz bitches do anything for the stuff….

Related Posts

Kate Hudson’s Nipples are Erect
Kate Hudson Bikini and Paddle Surfing like a Retard
Kate Hudson Used Make a Wish Foundation to Get Where She is Today
Kate Hudson’s STD of the Day

2007

29

Aug

I am – Anna Kournikova’s Bikini Top of the the Day

1 Comment »

I found gum on the street today that was still half wrapped and I was fucking excited because the first thing I thought to myself was that I didn’t have to brush my teeth today and anything that gets me out of boring hygiene practices that are totally outdated is fine by me. Enough with my good news….

I came across these pictures of Anna Kournikova eating in a bikini top and I didn’t know whether they were old or new, but figured I sure as hell better post them before my 2 readers who I hate lash-out on me…

I went to the strip club last night because there are serious deals on drinks on monday night, I always call it hurtbag mondays because the people in the place are just as fucking desperate as the girls working…I am talking the ugliest of the ugly strippers are there trying to make ends meet because the weekend didn’t work out too well for them because no one got a dance.

The most amazing thing happened when I got there. All the prime bitches were out working, the college kids were back in town and showing their new found friends what strippers in this city are like and that’s when I realized it was Tuesday, and that I missed hurtbag Monday by a day and that depressed me more than I thought it would. The only real hurtbags in the place were a group of fat chicks who showed up an hour before closing to land some already primed guys they knew were leaving blue-balled. I guess deep down inside I feel at home on hurtbag monday.

I can only assume your life is even more depressing because you read about mine so here is some Anna Kournikova emotionally eating her way into a size 14 for you.

Related Posts

Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures
Anna Faris’ Short Shorts Pictures
Serena Williams Lookin Like Jessica Biel in a Bikini

2007

29

Aug

I am – Anna Kournikova's Bikini Top of the the Day

No Comments »

I found gum on the street today that was still half wrapped and I was fucking excited because the first thing I thought to myself was that I didn’t have to brush my teeth today and anything that gets me out of boring hygiene practices that are totally outdated is fine by me. Enough with my good news….

I came across these pictures of Anna Kournikova eating in a bikini top and I didn’t know whether they were old or new, but figured I sure as hell better post them before my 2 readers who I hate lash-out on me…

I went to the strip club last night because there are serious deals on drinks on monday night, I always call it hurtbag mondays because the people in the place are just as fucking desperate as the girls working…I am talking the ugliest of the ugly strippers are there trying to make ends meet because the weekend didn’t work out too well for them because no one got a dance.

The most amazing thing happened when I got there. All the prime bitches were out working, the college kids were back in town and showing their new found friends what strippers in this city are like and that’s when I realized it was Tuesday, and that I missed hurtbag Monday by a day and that depressed me more than I thought it would. The only real hurtbags in the place were a group of fat chicks who showed up an hour before closing to land some already primed guys they knew were leaving blue-balled. I guess deep down inside I feel at home on hurtbag monday.

I can only assume your life is even more depressing because you read about mine so here is some Anna Kournikova emotionally eating her way into a size 14 for you.

Related Posts

Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures
Anna Faris’ Short Shorts Pictures
Serena Williams Lookin Like Jessica Biel in a Bikini

2007

29

Aug

I am – Megan Fox Getting Free Shit She Could Pay for Anyways of the Day

No Comments »

Megan Fox

I’m entering my first year of college in a week or so and had to go confirm my registration yesterday afternoon. I’m not looking forward to college to be honest, but if anything it will provide me with good writing in the form of sleeping with my professors, going to keg parties and lots of “experimenting” with drugs and members of the same sex. Although it’s not really experimenting anymore when you do it every weekend.

While most of my friends drove off to state college earlier this month in their new cars their parents bought them , o go live in apartments their parents also pay for, I am living at home, going to community college and don’t even have my license yet. If I was smart or good at sports I may have got a scholarship and since fucking people isn’t a highschool class (yet), I guess I’m shit out of luck in the area of financial aid.

This is the part where I would normally link the photos to what I just wrote about, and you would either laugh or write some cry baby comment about what I wrote, but I can’t think of anything right now, so here’s a shit load of Megan Fox pictures with her looking like a sexy student.

Go beat off. The End.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez