DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2020

28

Apr

Jordyn Jones Workout of the Day

Jordyn Jones is not Tom Jones’ daughter. She’s not Jenny Joness daughter. She’s not Tommy Lee Jones’ Daughter….give me more celebs with the last name Jones….JAMES EARL JONES…not his daughter either….I’ve gone down this route with this one before. My goto wtf am I going to say about a hot blonde chick from instagram showing off her workouts, which by default means she’s showing off her tight body in motion, because that’s what working out is for most people who aren’t 300 pounds and pretending to workout to justify eating the entire cake, or to appease their doctors, or to not die of COVID cuz a lot of the death are us fat fucks who don’t take care of ourselves…because why bother when slutty girls like this can do it for us.

I mean if we were to go to Gyms like we lived in Georgia, we couldn’t get the full experience if a girl like this was there squatting, because we are decent in our perversion and try to be discreet…

But on the internet…I can zoom in on where she shits from…and target just the pixels I want to cum to…asssuming I could still cum…I’m old and fat and that all ties back to the obesity-related diseases…

So who Jordyn Jones is doesn’t matter…who fucking cares…she’s got a rocking body…she shows off in ways she can pretend are wholesome….leaving me with questions…life changing questions like….where are the nudes…if we are all going to die…give us the damn nudes…before it is too late..

Posted in:Jordyn Jones|SFW

2020

28

Apr

Dascha Polanco Zoom Meeting Panties of the Day

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Dascha Polanco is your kind of woman…as she is getting a taste of that CAM GIRL life…as she sits on her ZOOM MEETING with her pants off, like so many talk show hosts and tele conferencing jokes before her….

I think the whole “I’m not wearing pants” joke is beyond played out, but I could just be hating on it because she’s the kind of girl I’d rather see in her pants, trust me, I know played out jokes, I’ve played them out so hard that people don’t even know this site is a “Comedy Site”….they are just like “what is this weirdness”….and not in a good way.

Either way, the 37 year old, mom of two, Dominican….is probably your kind of girl, you know the Chambermaid you hope walks in on you masturbating so you can be like that porn dude who jerks off to chambermaids when they come in to clean the room.

I am not saying that all Domincans are chambermaids, but those in the Domincan probably were before COVID killed the tourism business.

She’s from Orange is the new black…she’s got cankles…this is the opposite of sexy…it’s when a fat girl imitates a hot girl…and you still have to fuck her cuz you’ve gone to far level of zero sexy..

ALl this to say, Pants off on a Zoom Meeting, as if you have meetings, GOOD ONE.

Posted in:DASCHA POLANCO

2020

28

Apr

Jojo Nude Video of the Day

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Jojo has been trying to put herself back on the map for a while.

I’ve seen her comeback tour and I’ve watched her titties be used as much as they can be used while she discovered that big tits get hits and since she doesn’t maybe they’d be a help, you know since she’s the host body.

THE IS THAT TITTY FLASH

Then she flashed her full tit in a staged accident, we’ll pretend was an accident, because it could have been, it’s just convenient since she was doing the titty content prior to the titty slip, but who says convenience is a bad thing…not anyone who’s still fucking the old mop of a chick you started fucking years ago…

ANYWAY…this is her post titty flash music video in her comeback tour…that she wants to see become a hit…because hits keep them living well, and keeps her mom out of working as a maid….exciting….

Here she is in her bath robe

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Posted in:JoJo|Jojo Levesque

2020

28

Apr

Tia Mallia’s Hot Bathing Suit Shoot of the Day

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Here’s a bathing suit model with some rocking tits because Americans love tits, they love tits so much it doesn’t fucking matter what the tits are attached to, so long as there are tits. I have seen countless models and actors get hype for having big tits alone over the last 20 years. These are people who would otherwise not exist, but thanks to the tits they matter….go viral…and not in a herpes kind of way…but in a making fucking money like a RAT COW would….

So we don’t know Tia Mallia, at least not that I know of…but she’s got tits…she hasn’t gone viral with only 47k followers…she’s apparently from Australia which means she gets drunk and fucks…all Australian girls do…it’s a fact I learned watching Crocodile Dundee….

I don’t know what this shoot is for, but does it really matter, she’s holding her tit in it, which is all that matters in this moment….her and now..that we are sharing…together…but apart so poetic.

Her instagram is HERE if you want to jerk off to more of her…and you do.

Posted in:Tia Mallia

2020

28

Apr

Jaime King Nipples of the Day

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Jamie King is some trash who is out there facing COVID with her tits out in a tight bathing suit looking outfit that may remind you of your elementary school swim class…because the tits are very 40 year old in the 90s….

She’s out here for the paparazzi so that they notice her and feel she’s worthy of a pic in these times of celebrities not producing nearly as much paparazzi clickbait….so they’ll shoot pics of anyone…assuming she didn’t call it in…but she probbaly called it in…maximize that trip to the outside world…since the coverage is the only reason she’s on a trip to the outside world…

I am sure she’s not scared of a bullshit virus, she was tying up and spiking her veins with street heroin back in the 90s…when AIDS was a thing. Her boyfriend died of an overdose that I am sure she was there for and she didn’t save him because she was likely having the best high of her life at the time….and because she’s the kind of cunt who lets you die on her watch….

She managed to swap out her career of being a heroin addict model who had her tits out, to an acting career that hasn’t been significant, but that have clearly taken some of the same tactics her modeling career did of having her tits out….because showing off the tits to get people interested in her is one of the most primitive tactics a woman can use and have been using since we were primitive apes…

Either way, 50 year old ex heroin model tits in a face mask isn’t my fetish.

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Posted in:Jaime King

2020

28

Apr

Bella Thorne Braless of the Day

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The only thing anyone I know every asks or cares about when it comes to Bella Thorne, because most don’t even know why they know who Bella Thorne is, because not all of us have the Disney Channel…or care about loud mouths with bad skin talking about their vaginal discharge on the instagram…no matter how hard they are polarizing her Disney puppet training to be some “edgy” artist to keep manipulating the audience Disney has been trying to brain wash from birth…this is all part of the process..

But the only thing anyone ever asks is “are the tits real”.

I don’t have that answer, but I usually lean towards probably not because she’s florida trash, and florida was build on swamps and silicon…HOWEVER they could be and that’s all I have to say about this trash that looks like it smells like shit, even if it isn’t into shitting on things sexually….because that’s her real skillset….speaking to scat fetishists without any scat…easy clean-up.

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Posted in:Bella Thorne

2020

28

Apr

Serinda Swan Underwater Tits of the Day

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Serinda Swan doesn’t only have a stupid name, but she’s also an actress from CANADA>

She is from West Vancouver, which I’ve been told is a very rich part of Vancouver, but I wouldn’t know, it’s the same country but another world I don’t really bother with.

It would mean that she’s just another rich kid being and actor because why the fuck not…..Shay Mitchell was also from West Van, who knows, maybe they are sisters…or neighbors who fucking cares…..

Like other rich kids, even if she wasn’t one, she was able to realistically do the acting thing since there would be no real “starving artist”…who cares…

I guess she’s been on Ballers and smelled what the rock was cooking, some other shit, still on a Canadian show called Coroner on the CBC, which is what gave you Americans Schitts Creek…who cares…she’s 35 at this point there’s gotta be more interesting shit than her IMDB reworded….

She posted up these pics of her…with this caption:

Nothing is more important than our relationship to the truth. It might temporarily demolish us. It might rip from us the false comfort of our delusions. It might knock us off the pedestals we’ve been unfairly placed upon, but it will never let us down.

She’s one of those…fake artist hipster hippie into yoga, kambucha, green juices self care and living the bohemian life watching sunsets, listening to drum circles, doing breathing exercises, but wants to fly private whenever she can…and wants the 5 star vagabond experience…you can tell….phony.

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Posted in:Serinda Swan

2020

28

Apr

Lily Allen’s Shitty Nude Selfie of the Day

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No one wanted to see Lily Allen naked at the height of her one-hit-wonder career that lasted a few years and that I am sure made her a shit ton of money. She was very relevant before being TOTALLY forgotten.

I remember she flashed her tits back in her peak and thinking they were bad, but that could be Nicole Richie’s tits I am thinking of, for some reason I confuse those pics.. they were bad…but I guess not Nicole Richie Bad..

These are the pics I am referencing….

Anyway, since her one hit wonder rich kid who scammed the industry with a viral hit before viral hits were the only hits, has gone onto have a dwarf looking / midget looking/ retard headed baby….maybe all the drugs she did.

I used to get hate mail for shit I wrote about her abortions while mocking her miscarriage, because I guess people don’t like miscarriage / abortion jokes…and that’s really all I got about Lily Allen and her nudes 10 years after we didn’t want them in the first place.

Boring fucking nude for an attention seeking scam.

Posted in:Lily Allen

2020

28

Apr

Support the Frontline Workers of the Day

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It’s pretty clear that people have given up on the whole COVID fight, at least where I am, because everyone seems to be on top of each other, every one is starting to question the government, everyone is reducing the virus to a Flu that has been around forever, I mean when has the government been so quick to do anything before it was too late…the whole thing makes no sense…

Then there’s the whole releasing UFO footage today, knowing people are at home, in what is some icing on the cake to keep the strong hold….whether it is Deepstate shit, or Pizzagate Shit, or just the voices in our heads from being stuck in the house with the government we were trained to not trust…taking our jobs and making us stay in the house…it’s a fucked situation.

The frontline workers or the healthcare workers are being celebrated and they are taking it upon themselves to try to bask in that glory, or release that stress, who really knows what’s going on but bitches be getting naked for whatever reason in their scrubs and it’s topical…

I’ll be over the sex workers in the hospital system when this Pandemic ends…not that it will end…but when we’re all microchipped by Bill Gates like we aren’t already. Iphone / FB / TikTok yo.