DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2015

15

Jul

Jessica Alba’s “Flourish from the Inside Out” Campaign of the Day

Jessica Alba must have a huge stake of ZICO Coconut water, or ZICO has paid her a fucking lot of money, so much that they couldn’t afford a copywriter, or designer, good photographer, or really anything other than Alba…because they are pushing these pictures as hard as they can…it’s the same shoot we saw months ago…and now there’s a shitty slogan…

“Flourish from the Inside Out”…

It sounds like something digestive, or maybe sexually, like pink on the inside, tan on the outside…..or like her cervix is flourishing with excitement ready to make another baby to spend her stupid money on….before being shat out of her to further make us hate her life choices…

I am not being paid by ZICO…so fuck them and their shitty cum tasting garbage beverage…there are better coconut waters out there…try them…

Posted in:Jessica Alba|SFW

2015

15

Jul

Kyle Jenner’s Gratuitous Ass Pic of the Day

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I don’t know if watching, or documenting anything Kardashian Jenner is worth doing, but it is going on in pop-culture, and I’ve decided to write about this shit everyday, for no real reason, other than it just becoming a horrible hobby….

I do know that like Sinead O’Connor, I think this novelty act family is just representative of everything wrong in society. They are pawns who have positioned themselves to just push product, like this is a marketplace and these idiots are just the most shameless, and loud…

I am confident that everything horrible, and everything great has been written about these idiots…and trying to give it more attention is a waste of time, but when a 17 year old who fucks rappers, love rappers, and thinks she’s black because she has no identity as her family abandoned her and threw money at her when they were all caught up in themselves is almost sad…

But then she jacks her shorts up her ass and gets a shot from some sleazy vantage point of her on one of their expensive cars like this is a hip hop video…that I guess she aspires to star in…and I realize that in their failures and successes…this is a win.

A video posted by Kylie Jenner Snapchats (@kylizzlesnapchats) on Jul 11, 2015 at 1:34pm PDT

If you don’t like Kylie, because she’s too young and things she’s black video vixen….here’s Kendall, who thinks she’s a model..

Posted in:Kylie Jenner|SFW

2015

15

Jul

Gisele Bundchen, Lindsay Vonn, Misty Copeland for Under Armor of the DAy

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Here are some relatively unimpressive, even boring pictures of Gisele, a known athlete in the sport of underwear modeling….for Under Armor…but luckily unlike other brands, Under Armor was smart enough to recruit actual athletes for the campaign, because there is nothing I hate more than seeing models model shit that doesn’t make sense for them to model, like fitness gear, even if they’ve moved away from eating disorder to boxing or a daily pilates class, and even if they are strong or fit enough to compete, they are still fucking models, so keep them posing in panties…not functional gear….

I mean there’s very little erotic in this, but why not celebrate billion dollar bands who don’t give me money like an asshole, because American loves advertising campaigns, everything is a fucking ad for something, so why not participate and not get paid because I am a Canadian and we are non confrontational like that.

Posted in:Gisele Bundchen|SFW

2015

15

Jul

Brooke Candy in Nylon of the Day

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There was a brief period of time when Brooke Candy was supposed to be Iggy Azalea…

She was the stripper, turned rapper, that I guess Iggy Azalea pretended she was, in order to get street credibility..

I have seen her life, accidentally, and thought “She shoulda stuck to stripping”…but then I remembered the TERRY PICS OF HER TITS and thinking how vile her big areola was…but that doesn’t matter, who cares about areola when you can pay a girl to grind up on your dick, even though it’s too late for this Brooke Candy girl, now that she’s in magazines and reclaiming what is hers, as there is only room for one stripper rapper, but it is safe to assume that if you’re rich enough, once a stripper always a stripper logic will pull money out of your mouth with her asshole….

Posted in:Brooke Candy|SFW

2015

15

Jul

Jenny from the Block’s Hard Nipples of the DAy

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Where’s the fucking ass pic?

Not because I want to see Jennifer Lopez’s big ass in tight pants…you know, she’s a mom and old, and has been through a lot of different men when establishing her career…a career I was over and uninterested in when it was happening…

But I feel it is her obligation, as Jenny from the Block, you know the down to earth Puerto Rican from the Bronx who can’t speak Spanish because she’s a lie…just a pawn in a marketing campaign…to show her ass…

It is her duty…it is her life work…but I guess hard nipples are good enough, even if nothing she does is that good.

TO SEE JENNIFER LOPEZ WITH LEAH REMINI CLICK HERE

Posted in:Jennifer Lopez|SFW

2015

15

Jul

Selena Gomez Thick Leg of the Day

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Selena Gomez posted a picture of her upper thigh…and unfortunately…I can’t masturbate to it, because I am not a repressed muslim who is not exposed to the internet..Ramadan…I am not an inmate who has been in prison for a decade or more with no access to women or masturbation for fear of exciting the cellmate who’s got a little less self control when it comes to rape…but then again, maybe I’m just not into Selena Gomez subtle erotica, because I know that Selena Gomez…has more slut to give, more slut in her, and not just because she’s had Bieber in her, but because she worked for Disney and you know how those Disney execs train talent..but I’ll post the picture anyway…because why the fuck not…

Posted in:Selena Gomez|SFW

2015

15

Jul

Amy Schumer for GQ of the Day

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Amy Schumer brags about being 175 pounds…and still getting laid…generating some buzz, especially with fat girls, because fat girls love other fat girls who are owning being fat, because it makes them feel proud to be fat, and that they too can be loud and fat too, and not just fat an in an apartment with cats….

I will say that since the world is a lot fatter now, someone like Amy Schumer taking that angle is smart, it’s really the only stance she has for marketing…but the truth is that even if she was skinny, she’d still have a disgusting, busted up, car accident looking face, so the fat, gives her angle…rather than being skinny and ugly…so no one would listen to her…

That said, I am sure you’ve all been around fat girls in your life, some of us have even had sex with them when nothing else was around, some of us even married one because they said they’d pay our rent…so the loud, over sexual, trying to be funny fat girl is nothing new. I remember 30 years ago, in high school the fat girl was the horniest sex joke dropping inappropriate pig everyone fucked…it’s nothing new…but I guess it is familiar enough or refreshing enough compared to what else is out there…which is depressing to me, but not as depressing as her GQ shoot…

Stop encouraging her…or falling into the Star Wars for the Nerds, Gay Friendly, Knows her Market, Bullshit…

We get it…you’re fat…

VIA GQ

Posted in:Amy Schumer|SFW

2015

15

Jul

Eva Longoria’s Sex Tape Trial Run of the Day

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I like the attempted crotch shot…but dude’s holding the iphone wrong..idiot….We live in a world where the paparazzi are really just tipped off by these self involved celebrities who want to draw attention to themselves…

Unless the celebrity is leaving the hot spot, the hot club, or is working with the paparazzi as part of their promotional campaign, promoting themselves…the paparazzi doesn’t really get these kinds of up close and personal pictures…

So Eva Longoria, who I guess is playing it “I won’t let these camera people ruin my life, I am going to do what I want, like rub my bikini clad vagina on my boyfriend while tonging him..because this is my vacation”….even though it’s more of a “Hey look at me make out with my boyfriend, I hope it gets the cover of the tabloids, I need the press”…

It’s all lies, but I guess so is Eva Longoria’s first generation Mexican, but thinks she’s white, thanks to parents throwing her into Texan suburbia…detaching her from their cultural roots…in a no taco for you…save your taco for white man producer because they’ll need a white, accessible mexican to type cast…fascinating…stuff…

Oh – what a coincidence…she’s in InStyle Magazine….Exactly my point..she’s a s elf promoting cunt…we’re onto her…this making out is her version of a sex tape that won’t destroy her.

Posted in:Eva Longoria|SFW

2015

15

Jul

Drunk Woman in Restaurant Doesn’t Realize She’s in a Restaurant and Other Videos of the Day

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Another Public Masturbator…What the Hell is Going On in the World…This Time With More SNiffing…

El Chapo’s Prison Break

Autistic Singer of the Day

Cops Killing Unarmed Men in 2013

4 Old Guys VS Teenager

Drone VS Dude…

Garbage VS Garbage Can

Cop Handcuffs Kid to Bike

Naaked Kwik-E-Mart Customer

Naked Idiot VS SHower Door

Posted in:stepNEWS|Videos

2015

15

Jul

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

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I talk to a lot of girls on a regular basis, and along with asking them for anus pics, I balance out the creepy by giving them relationship advice and pretty much therapy..because I am a perverted hero…

It amazes me how dumb girls are when it comes to dudes, and it amazes me that more dudes don’t run basic game on these girls…pretend you’re romantic, pretend to be assertive and sweep them off their feet to fuck them, and then don’t answer them for a month…because these girls go crazy and say shit like “I will never fuck him, or talk to him” or whatever…but sure enough when dude hits them up a month later with an excuse like “my mom was sick”…or no excuse at all…these girls throw themselves at you for you to do it again…now if you have 30 girls on rotation, the sex is never ending…

Always be winning…Here are some stepLINKS in the Morning…

Police Shoot Unarmend Man
CLICK HERE

Girls Covered with Sand
CLICK HERE

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants to Teach you how to Yawn
CLICK HERE

Jenny McCarthy in Pink Hair
CLICK HERE

Nicki Minaj Leggings…
CLICK HERE

German Pranksters Build Brick Wall
CLICK HERE

One Direction is Having a Baby
CLICK HERE

Charlie Riina is Amazing
CLICK HERE

Girls in Hoodies…
CLICK HERE

The Duggars are Breeding
CLICK HERE

Eva Longoria in a Bikini
CLICK HERE

Puppy VS Cat
CLICK HERE

Posted in:stepLINKS