DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Jessel Pena is the Instagram Of The Day

Heather Graham’s Old Flat Ass in a Bikini of the Day

Em Rata Gets Called Out for Being a Titty Whore of the Day

Brie Larson in the Great Outdoors of the Day

Sloppy Katy Perry is Rehearsing her Awkward Dances of the Day

2011

Feb

Miley Cyrus Bloated Face, Leather Shorts of the Day

1 Comment »

I am not sure what’s going on with Miley. One one hand she’s wearing a pair of leather shorts over pantyhose like she’s the Asian girl I enjoyed watchinkg walk down the street…and on the other hand…her face is bloated as fuck. I’m wondering if it’s from over-eating…you know one too many millions of milkshakes to satisfy her broken home she blames herself for….you know emotionally sucking that shit down like my pig wife…or maybe it’s from dental surgery, but there’s no fun in that….so I’ll just think it’s from aging badly, you know her head just keeps growing and growing until puberty closes out, or even better that she’s just addicted to meds or drugs that make her swell…like cocaine or anti depressenants…I guess it could always be a medical condition…who fucking knows…maybe you have a better idea of what’s going on, I just know that at 18, she turned boring…I’m ready for an official breakdown…It’ll happen…I can tell…

On a sidenote, I’d totally fuck her mom’s groupie pussy if I was Billy Ray too….but I’d never fall in love with a groupie, cuz it’s their nature to move onto more important people….and when you’re Billy Ray, that’s an easy thing to have happen…not that I have those problems…considering the last thing I had sex with was expired luncheon meat…I have no standards….I have no shame…

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2011

Feb

Some D-List Bitches at Some Event I Wasn’t Invited To of the Day

No Comments »

I normally post on the hot pussy that attended one of the many events I wasn’t invited to, you know cuz I’m insignificant, but I figured where’ teh fun in that, it’s much more entertainging and abusive when I psot about bitches I consider totally fucking irrelevant in the world at events I wasn’t invited to, just to remind me how unimportant I am in the world of entertainment. You know in a rub it the fuck in kinda way….

It’s a lot funnier when mocking people who the world recognizes as more important than me, who I think don’t matter, cuz clearly they do, I mean they were invited to this party and I wasn’t…that must mean something…

Not sure if that makes sense, but it does to me…

Either way, here’s the irrelevant, yet more important than me pussy….

Mary Hart – I think the paparazzi fucked up this one. They said this is Mary Hart when I’m pretty sure it is Mary Cary….Unless Mary Hart got rebuilt….

Carmen Electra…..who doubles as Carmen Sandiege…or at least her career does, cuz where the fuck is it?

Malin Akerman Showin Some Cleavage…even if her tits can’t stand up to the task

Charlotte Ross who I’ve never heard of before, but who is obviously more important than me…despite being kinda scary as fuck in her red one-piece outfit….

Lisa Loeb is and the Glasses you all wanted to jerk off on, a decade later and far less appealing…thanks to the accessibility of porn that made most average at best entertainers not worth jerking off to….

Mena Suvari brought her massive, weird head that is aging in a massively weird way..unless she’s just medicated…cuz she likes to go massive…

I guess it was an American Pie Reunion cuz Shannon Elizabeth was there… alive and covered up cuz she must be 40 by now…in what m

Despite their uselessness, they’re all more important than me, even though they really don’t matter which means I really don’t matter so why are you reading this…

Posted in:Rock of Ages

2011

Feb

Maxim Bottom Feeds with Michelle Trachtenberg of the Day

4 Comments »

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

This is funny to me on a few levels. Firstly, I hate Maxim. I think the magazine is shit, itt’s struggling, they can’t get a decent bitch in a photoshoot, but more importantly, they are fucking assholes. Their vice president emails me consistently acting like a total cocksucker…

So when I saw this Michelle Trachtenberg shit, a bitch who people only found hot cuz she was Buffy’s underage sister on a show that lured in the perverts, over a decade ago…

So when I saw them trying to make her doughy, uninteresting ass sexy, I realized, this was one of the final nails in the coffin of a magazine you’d think was innovative, if you were an idiot frat boy with no grasp of reality…which I am pretty sure you are…

So here is their promo video 10,000 people watched in the last 5 days, cuz Maxim is a sinking ship….

And now I wait for their idiot marketing executive to email me to take this down, when he should be hiring me as his replacement, cuz clearly he fucking sucks and this is all his fault.

No offense to Michelle Trachtenberg, I’m sure she’s a decent person and all that shit….She’s just not meant for Maxim and is the victim in all this…

Posted in:Michelle Trachtenberg

2011

Feb

Rebecca Romijn Stamos Guy from My Secret Identity’s Last Name Legs of the Day

1 Comment »

I have no idea why I am posting this shit. Maybe it’s to address what a slut she is you know having married so many dudes. Maybe it’s cuz we all used to find her hot. Maybe it’s my inner muslim hot and bothered by the little skin she’s showing, inspiring me to rape and beat her senseless like she was a CBS reporter, maybe that was too soon to make a joke about as the CBS reporter still has stitches in her vagina holding her together after her Egypt incident I have little sympathy for, only because throwing yourself amongst crazed Arabs is kinda stupid, I mean look what they did to the Twin Towers…there’s no doubt they’d do it to a vagina if it was wearing a skirt and they knew they’d get away with it…not that that has anything to do with “Rebecca Rominjn Stamos Guy From My Secret Idenity’s Last Name”….but I feel like maybe it does…cuz pics like this only turn on her obsessed virgin loser fans who can’t get over their love for her…and sexually repressed muslims…Don’t drive your plane into my house please, I’m just stating the obvious. No Racist.

Posted in:Rebecca Romijn

2011

Feb

Izabel Goulart Body Painted Ass Crack for SI of the Day

1 Comment »

I’ve already posted some bitches from SI 2011 in bikinis ….I’ve also posted this year and last year’s cover girls ….but I figured Izabel Goulart deserved a post of her own…

I figured this Brazilian bitch needed a post of her own, cuz she was in SI body painted in the thickest body paint available on the market, that is pretty much liquid fabric that covers all pussy lip, nipple and pubic hair stubble, but at least we got to see ass crack…so at least everyone’s trying to step it up a notch…cuz in previous years they didn’t even give us that..

On a side note, Izabel Goulart’s got some kind of crazy face I never noticed and I’m not sure why I’m noticing now….Maybe it’s due to a recent obsession with nose jobs and cosmetic dental care….or maybe cuz she’s always half naked and half naked usually erases faces….except for today…for some reason…maybe I’m gay…but gays generally don’t mind ugly faces…just watch Glee and look at pics of Gaga for the proof on that…and that’s all I gotta say about that.

Posted in:Izabel Goulart

2011

Feb

Some More SI 2011 Bitches in Bikinis of the Day

1 Comment »

I assume there’s a fuck of a lot more bikini pictures at SI.com, but I figured I might as well steal some of their pics, put them on my site, for those of you too lazy to go searching for the shit on your own. That’s just the kind of blogger I am. I risk lawsuits and alienation, criminal records and being hated, all to get you pics I didn’t take of girls I’ve never heard of in bikinis…I’m on some Robin Hood or Peter Pan shit…a hero, with no real cause or purpose..

Either way, SI delivers every year, girls who have big tits, hot bodies that I like to see half naked, body painted in the thickest paint that might as well be a bikini, erasing nipples in photoshop before putting the pics to press, but I’ve been onto this shit since 1989, and it doesn’t get boring like Victoria’s Secret does…It just gets better…They should be paying me for this positive plug…

Here are some bitches living the hot body dream, validated, with the SI stamp of approval….

Here’s Kate Upton, a model with big tits who likes showing them off who I’ve never heard of…but who I assume isn’t this Kate Upton…

Genvieve Morton who must be tied in with the publisher, cuz she’s not that hot, but still half naked…and from South Africa, the home of Aids, Racism, Blood Diamonds and hot mixed up genetic pussy…

Cinta Dicker for people not scared of freckles and orange pubic hair….

Kenza Fourati

Julie Henderson

Esti Ginzburg for Israel……..

I am gonna stop posting this shit – It’s all available at SI.com, with exclusive video and shit. Me putting it up is a huge waste of time….

Posted in:SI Swimsuit

2011

Feb

Diane Kruger Does GQ Naked of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t really know who Diane Kruger is. I just know she’s German and Germans like to get intense, agry, emotionless, demented sex with good engineering.

You know these are the people who just 65 years ago were doing tests on humans they deemed subpar because they were told to, making me assume they are a people that are pretty easy to get to convince to lick you’re asshole while you shit down their throat, you just have to tell them something convincing….like that if they don’t do it, they’re bad Germans….

Sure I don’t know much about the culture, but I’m working off logic here, and now their biggest crossover star from their world to ours since Heidi Klum, but then again I’m just saying that cuz I don’t know any other German’s off the top of my head, and this one is rockin’ GQ naked and amazing…and that’s good enough for me…

I don’t really know who Diane Kruger is, but here she is in some movie called Inhale – Naked….

To See The Rest of the GQ Pictures Follow this Link
GO

Posted in:Diane Kruger

2011

Feb

Some Immigrant Short Skirt Video of the Day

6 Comments »

Here is a horribly shot video of some immigrants at some fast food place laughing at what could be a very hot girl in a skirt short enough to show off her ass cheeks…it’s possible that this short skirt wearing ass has an ugly as fuck monster face attached to it…or maybe even a penis…you know cuz its hard to make out in this shit….but the good news is that with a body like that….penis, bad face or not I’d eat that shit like it was a Big Mac…special sauce and all…..at least that’s what I tell myself while watching this shit from the safety of my soiled couch…I’m all talk…

The important message in this video is that all girls should wear skirts this lenght, including/especially school girls. Let’s start a trend that makes life a better place. It’s up to us.

Posted in:amateur

2011

Feb

Karolina Kurkova at Some Fashion Week Bullshit of the Day

1 Comment »

In some fascinating bitches who get paid to pose in their underwear news…Karolina Kurkova is fucking tall, which is so shocking considering she’s a fucking model…and Max Azria, the designer/fashion billionaire she’s next to is short, which is shocking considering he’s a rich as fuck old man….It just makes for a pretty funny picture…one that allows us to really apprecaite just how much of a fucking freakshow these model bitches are, large fucking humans who if you were to encounter them off the stuck together pages of your Victoria’s Secret catalog, from an era before she got fired for being fat, before developing this eating disorder, you’d probably be less inclined to want to fuck her…you know cuz your dick is already small as is, sticking it next to a super-sized human’s vagina will just make you realize how lacking you are as man….

Either way, funny pics, that’s why I’m posting them

Posted in:Karolina Kurkova

2011

Feb

stepNEWS of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s the latest news with my amazingly lazy commentary attached cuz I know you really care about my opinion on world affairs and idiots doing idiotic things…I mean if you didn’t why would you be here? Oh right, for further reason or justification as to why you should kill yourself….That’s sad. Smile friend. Don’t let the world get you down. It can’t be that bad….Brighter days are just around the corner…stop being so serious….

Here’s the news…

Irving, TX police dashcam video shows the dramatic measures one officer took to stop a wrong-way driver on Loop 12…..

Desperate, Probably Fat, Definitely Pathetic Woman Traveled Overseas to Marry Inmate cuz she scared to be alone…and cuz she’s clearly unstable…and dude clearly has nothing better to do with his time than hustle crazy puss giving him attention….

Houston Pastor Accused of Groping Teen and when you are God’s representatitve, it should be legal, cuz God is above the law…and God Told Him to do It. Don’t you know that America…

CBS News correspondent Lara Logan was recovering in a U.S. hospital Tuesday from a sexual attack and beating she sustained while reporting on the tumultuous events in Cairo. That’s the price you pay to get the exclusive career woman…maybe you shoulda been a housewife…little miss ambition…I call this a publicity stunt…maybe she should have been respecting the local customs in a burka…maybe this proves Arabs are insane.

Video: Snowmobiling Down Detroit Highway
While many of us chose to stay inside during this month’s big snow storm, others went out to play. However, cruising down the Lodge on snowmobiles is not only dangerous, it’s against the law.

Pot Can Affect Sexual Health
Dr. Steve Salzman joined us once again to talk about medical headlines and answer some of your questions. We talked about energy drinks and new findings about their dangers and marijuana’s effect on men’s sexual health.

Italian Prime Minister ordered to stand trial for paying for underage prostitute
http://www.redlasso.com/ClipPlayer.aspx?id=041dd257-af6f-4ada-9790-8d3572aa72cb

Off duty Memphis cop arrested for pulling gun on wife and her boyfriend cuz she was being a whore wasn’t enough of an excuse…He probably shoulda just killed them and used his cop knowledge to cover it up.

Posted in:stepNEWS