Brit Gastineau is my overweight friend on twitter and I use the word friend as loose as the lips of her vagina, or the stretched out elastic waistband of her panties, because she only messaged me once to tell me off for making fun of how fat she was in Hollywood standards.

Seriously, I’d cast her to play my wife in my biopic that will never be filmed, but that’s only because I feel she’ll really channel the retarded talentless hack my wife actually is because she too is a talentless retarded hack and I guess none of that really matters because I think Kim Kardashian is the only person keeping her relevant and I am the only person who bothers posting pictures of her because I feel an emotional attachment to destroying her self esteem and leading her to either eat her way out of the pain, or starve herself into anorexia, and the whole thing kinda excites me …. just not sexually…because getting sexually excited by Gastineau is the same as getting sexually excited by a dancing gay man, it’s not very hetero….unless of course you are an opportunist and realize that she’s got a nice little trust fund you can prey on if you weren’t as socially awkward, weird, and living in the midwest as you are…but I guess that only works for people who can’t jerk off to naked women or porn anymore, it’s been played out, and they can only really get off to concept.

Who fuckin’ cares….

Pics via Fame

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