I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

14

Oct

Penelope Cruz Big Nosed Cleavage of the Day

I used to fight with this chick I was fucking about whether she was good looking or not, because she definitely wasn’t but she thought she was because a whole lot of dudes would tell her she was, when they were drunk.

I used to say that nothing on her was attractive, she had a wonky face, a shitty body, uneven tits, a meaty pussy and a flat ass, short legs, long torso, rash on her inner thigh, port wine stain down her back, a cancerous lookin’ lesion, acne scars, greasy hair even after she showered, two different colored eyes, and was missing a tooth, but she wasn’t fat and sometimes I guess that’s good enough, I mean it was good enough for me and all those drunk dudes who would try to get her home with them….

That said, if you were to meet Penelope Cruz’s nose, without the rest of her attached, you’d think shit this is one disgusting nose, and if she wasn’t Penelope Cruz, I’d be the kind of guy who wouldn’t be able to focus on anything but her nose, because it is so far from perfect. It’s like I’d stare at that shit when we eat, when we drink, when we fuck and when we sleep. I’d stare at it when we were at movies, and out tap dancing, it would take over my fucking life, but I guess for the rest of the world, they focus on the good and not that bad and they don’t judge a woman based on her imperfections, they focus on the entire package and personality, pretty much because they take whatever they can get and pretend to be happy with it, where as I take what I can get, and stay miserable with it…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:cleavage|Penelope Cruz

2009

14

Oct

Cheryl Burke and Her Pumpkins of the Day

Yes. That joke is old and tired. Like me. Get it, I’m making reference to her tits because she’s holding actual pumpkins where her tits are. This is next level comedy, motherfuckers should start referring to me as Dane Cook with this caliber of shit. I am ashamed of myself and I’m going to go drink the pain away, because I don’t drink to forget, I drink to remember to drink more. If that makes any fucking sense…..cuz I know it don’t make dollars.

I don’t even know who Cheryl Burke is…..I am bad at this game.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Cheryl Burke|Pumpkins

2009

13

Oct

stepLINKS of the Day

I just ate a jar of peanut butter because it’s all my wife bought this week grocery shopping and I was hungry. I think I must have developed a peanut allergy the last few months since the last time I ate peanuts because I feel like I am getting choked out or maybe my wife poisoned me. I guess it doesn’t matter, I’m probably just being a whining bitch from sitting on my couch all day and having little else to think about than my impending death and my stepLINKS…..

So here are my steplinks…..you’ll have to wait for my impending death.

Honestly, Seeing Lucy Pinder With Clothes On Would Shock the Hell Out of Me
GO

Sam Ronson’s Family Really Fucking Hates Lohan
GO

This Picture Would Be Hotter if the Mask On Her Face Was York Cum and She Was Eating Your Cock
GO

Jaime Pressly’s Hot Body in a Bikini of the Day
GO

Drunk Birtish Slut Panty Upskirt
GO

The Reublicans Are Striking Back at Will Ferrel or Something
GO

FORGET AUBREY O’DAY AND HOLLY MADISON’S BULLSHIT. ANGELICA BRIDGES AND HER FINE ASS TITS RULE LAS VEGAS!
GO GO

Untitled The Movie…
GO

AHHHHHHH Kylie Minogue!
GO

Get To Know 90210’s New Hottie
GO

In Honor of Marge Simpson, Here’s Some Rejected Playboy Cartoon Cover Girls
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart Causes Car Crach From Sucking Dick…of the Day
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

I’m Love/Hate With Kim Kardashian’s Ass, Today It’s a Love Type Thing
GO

I Forgot That Sophia Bush is Kinf of Sexy
GO

Carrie Underwood Looks Like Barabie But With Smaller Tits
GO

And a Little More Kim K
GO

Andrea Parker Gallery
GO

Cherry is a Russian Redhead
GO

Worker Falls on His Face – Video
GO

Karl Lagerfeld Never Ceases to Amaze Me With His Kuntness and I Love Him
GO

Amateur Fucks a Dildo
GO

Teen Slut Has Sex for a Bacon Cheeseburger
GO

KILL THE FUCKING SEAGULLS
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Avril Lavige Left That Troll Dereck Whibley for a Billionaire
GO

Rebecca Gayheart Topless Photoshoot
GO

Wow, Lucy Has Some Huge god Damn Tits
GO

Some Kiki Klement Will Make Your Day Better
GO

Josan Maran is Looking Alright in the Hot Mess Kind of Way
GO

Nellie is Open Wide
GO

Karla Spice Takes It Off
GO

Internet Communities Explain
GO

Jaime Pressly – Bikini Candids On Her Honeymoon in Mexico
GO

Miss Plastic Surgery – The Contest
GO

Nia Long is So Hot in That Girl Next Door Kind of Way and I Almost Forgot About Her
GO

Pussy Puncher
GO

Awhhh Roman Polanski is Depressed in Jail!
GO

Man on Man Blowjobs Are No Longer Gay
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2009

13

Oct

Elle Macpherson’s Makes Elementary School Hot for the Non-Pedophiles of the Day

When I was in elementary school, the only pussy I remember was one of the girls in my class asking me to watch her pee in the woods behind the school, and then there was lookin onto the stripclub beside the school that eventually burnt down, but before it did, we’d spend our lunch hours watching the strippers on smoke breaks in the parking lot, then there was the mother of one of the kids who was a total fucking whore, who doubled as our lunch monitor and wore all tight denim and leather in fuck me boots, with ridiculous bleached hair extensions before the world even knew what hair extensions were, and there was that one teacher who took an interest in the less fortunate male kids who taught us about sex using his ass as the vagina, but that’s not really where I wanted to go with this story, I wanted to say that no kid had a mom who looked like Elle Macpherson in these pics come pick them up, and if they did, I would have befriended them, provided they didn’t mind having a weird immigrant who spoke broken english as a friend, so that I could sneak in the mom’s room and play with her panties, I mean when I wasn’t getting molested by my teacher.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Elementary School|Elle Macpherson

2009

13

Oct

January Jones and Her Tits in Lingerie for GQ of the Day

My gay friend loves the show Mad Men. He watches the shit all the fucking time and is obsessed with the concept of smoking on drinking on the job, except when it comes to me telling him stories about me smoking and drinking on the job, which triggers him to take a motherly approach and lecture me about how I am killing myself because I don’t get a enough hugs leading him to start hugging me to which I reply “you’re killing yourself because you had too many hugs, and by hugs I mean unprotected anal with strangers that gave you AIDS so stop hugging me, because I don’t want to get AIDS like this and if I need to get it any way, it’ll be by fucking a dirty, hot pussy, not by accidentally drinking some of the tears of the overbearing gay man in my life crying over my self destructive ways”….and I am sure he doesn’t watch the show because of this January Jones bitch and her stupid calendar name, or her tits that are in GQ this month….

Posted in:January Jones|Tits

2009

13

Oct

Sofia Vergara and Her See Thru Shirt of the Day

Here is Sofia Vergara in a see thru shirt showing off a really big bra you’d expect someone of her age either wearing or buying at Wal Mart.

She’s some Columbian cocaine smuggler, actor and model who I’ve never heard of. But I have got a pretty sick love affair for vagina and all things vagina related and since her name is pronounced very wrong kinda sounds like vagina, it makes her almost worth caring about.

Serioiusly, if this were the Ancient Greek times, she’d have the women spread eagled and diddling to her image while chanting her name and the 4 % of the male population who weren’t getting railed by their male teachers jerking off to her fat tits and Vergara.

Wow. This is probably the worst post I’ve ever come up with and I’ve produced a lot of shit over the years, and even with references to ancient Greece, something you’d think everyone would find laughs in, I failed, but pretty glad I got to share it with you.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:See Thru|Sofia Vergara

2009

13

Oct

Marisa Miller Photoshopped Tits for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

Marisa Miller got in a bikini and heavily photoshopped for a recent Victoria’s Secret catalog. I am not trying to say that she’s not hot, or not worth fucking, or that she’s some kind of hag, but she is pushing 40 and does have a lot of sun damage and despite having an amazing fit body and me never letting a bitch’s sun damage, rough skin, stop me, seriously, I’ve cum on Aids lesions before, proving that I’m not that picky, but she just doesn’t do it for me, and I guess it’s because I know her tits are fake and I hate fake tit false marketing bullshit enough to discount a perfectly perfect girl because of them.

But here are the pictures.

Posted in:Marisa Miller|Photoshop|Tits

2009

13

Oct

Ashley Tisdale Stays in Shape Because That’s All She Has Going For Her of the Day

By some weird miracle, Ashley Tisdale has a career in entertainment, and not as the ugly awkward chick, but the hot chick, when I look at this bitch, I think someone with this face, should never get a job based on getting paid to be watched by people, not even in the stripper or porn world, I just see her as more of a phone type, maybe an office 9 to 5er and not someone won TV or in movies and I am saying this based on her face, even after she got her nose job. I guess that means she’s got a family member in the industry…but at least she’s focused on keeping in shape, because in the USA being skinny goes a lot farther than it used to, since most pussy is obese, making her almost the prize hen she wants to be….all while feeding her sweatpants to her anus. What can’t this bitch accomplish?! The answer….nothing.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Shape

2009

13

Oct

Bar Refaeli in Her Bikini of the Day

A Hebrew magazine in Tel Aviv just did a 6-page feature on me. Let’s hope Bar Refaeli is sitting in her luxury apartment by the beach, coming off a cocaine binge from last night, reading that magazine, because I think she should know about me and fall in love with my charming translated words, forcing her to masturbate to my pic then to haveher people call my people, even though I don’t have people, resulting in a first class ticket to Tel Aviv, where she will put her vagina on my face, to prove that Jewish girls don’t actually taste any different than non Jewish girls, unless they are smuggling money across borders in their vaginas during war, but I know if anything, she’ll probably ignore the article, making my whole Israeli takeover totally obsolete….and forgotten…..but what won’t be forgotten is her hot body in a bikini cuz pictures are fucking timeless and even in 20 years, you’ll be able to find these and jerk off and that’s kind of an amazing thing.

Posted in:Bar Refaeli|Bikini

2009

13

Oct

Mya on Dancing With the Stars is Getting Desperate of the Day

Here is a clip from what I assume is last night’s Dancing with the Stars because I don’t own a TV and if I did it wouldn’t be set to some dancing show not matter how much of a mail order bride cock tease who won’t fuck you unless you pay her enough and promise her citizenship on your Russian vacation Karina Smirnoff is but I assume they are trying to keep things fresh, because Mya was doing the Lambada and everyone knows that the Lambada is the forbidden dance and that means it’s meant to go down in small Brazilian town and not on national TV, not that I am that offended by its misrepresentation, or because the entertainment industry ruins all that is sacred to me, because the lambada is not sacred to me, but because where I always thought Lamabada meant dirty, condomless penetration to music, and now I’m forced to realize I was wrong.

Posted in:Dancing With the Stars|Lambada|Mya