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2009

09

Sep

Kourtney Kardashian and Her Pregnancy on the Beach of the Day

You know what the Kardashians need, another Kardashian to add to their pack and really convince the world that they are an actual rat infestation and not just pretending to be one. You know a group of rodents who have come to pollute and annoy our fuckin’ lives because as they stand now, there are only four of them and sure that is enough disgusting to really annoy a mother fucker, especially when you can’t poison or trap them, but it is not quite enough to make a motherfucker go completely crazy, they kind of just teeter back and forth on the cusp of a motherfucker’s sanity, but luckily Kourtney has taken it upon herself to change that by getting knocked the fuckup by a white dude, something as the third “K” in the family she had to do because she completely her dad’s plan of being the “KKK” girls and as the KKK you kinda need to avoid dick that isn’t your own, or some shit and here she is sitting in the bikini bottoms she shoulda left on the night this asshole knocked her up.

Pictures via Mavrix

Posted in:Kourtney Kardashian|Pregnant

2009

09

Sep

Audrina Does Maxim of the Day

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

Audrina may be a fucking idiot with fake tits who I can’t stand because she is on The Hills, who for the most part isn’t as hot as she is hyped up to be, but she’s got a pretty good body, especially after it’s been photoshopped to shit. I guess the real shocker about this bitch is that she didn’t end up in porn or stripping, something her fake tits at a young age would make you think was part of the plan, but instead ended up on mainstream TV. I guess her dad knows people who know people or some shit, because she’s really made for taking 3 dicks at a time, but then again as far as I am concerned, every girl is made for 3 dicks at a time, I guess it’s gotta do with some tribal evolutionary shit from happened in pre-historic tribes, but they especially look ready for 3 dicks at a time while whoring out with some strawberries and appliances half-naked in a photoshoot. The other shocker is that Maxim is still in business.

[IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT]

Posted in:Audrina|Maxim|Topless

2009

09

Sep

Khloe Kardashian and Her Big Black Boyfriend of the Day

Apparently the 6 foot 5 monster Kardashian, weighing in a 200 lbs, has finally found her match, and by match someone who’s penis she can actually feel inside of her who is no too picky about the pussy he sticks it inside, because up until now she’s only been able to attract real desperate losers, none of whom were 7 foot 2 with penis that even the biggest girls they got with couldn’t take, which really sucked for her, not that she deserved any better, considering she’s fucking vile to look at, but now that she’s on TV she’s been able to get her message out there and I guess someone came knocking’.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Boyfriend|Khloe Kardashian

2009

09

Sep

X-Factor Awkward Boner of the Day

I have no idea what the fuck is going on here. People are saying dude got a boner on X-Factor and as someone with a small dick, I don’t really see how this is a boner, I have a feeling it’s more of a colostomy bag or some shit because motherfucker has some kind of fucking disease and this is his make a wish foundation dream and the whole mocking him about the shit is actually just cruel, but you can tell Simon Cowell is wishing it is actually a dick or a boner, and not some kind of swollen ball or medical equipment, cuz it turns him on more than Ryan Seacrest does….

Either way I am slow on this shit, and it’s pretty obvious he’s the next Susan Boyle….

Posted in:Gay|Simon Cowell|X-Factor

2009

09

Sep

Taylor Momsen Dressed Like a 16 Year Old Genie of the Day

I have a story of a girl who reminds me a lot of this Taylor Momsen chick, only she wasn’t 16, she was 18 but looked pretty much the same as this Taylor Momsen chick, tall, skinny, fake blonde ratty hair and a fucked up scraggle face and it goes like this.

Close to 10 years ago, right before I met my wife in person, I was fucking around on a chatroom or forum, it’s been a while and my memory is shit, but I was talking to this young girl who kept complaining about her telemarketing job and how broke she was and it turned out she lived right down the street from me. Rent was due and she was desperate. I saw opportunity.

So after talking for a few days, I convinced her that she needed to become a stripper because it is easy money. She had never been to a stripclub, had no money to go to a stripclub but did have a bottle of rum she got on a family vacation to Cuba or some bullshit and I was thirsty and in the mood for an low impact adventure that I didn’t have to leave my house for. So I offered to teach her everything I knew.

So she shows up at my shitty apartment, hands me the bottle, puts her CD in and starts dancing her skinny body around. She sucked and was pulling weird hip hop moves but was getting naked, flashing me and the whole thing was okay, even if her skinny body wasn’t much to look at, and her face was even worse to look at, mainly because she was missing teeth. My theory was that at least she didn’t smell, even though she looked like she would….
Either way, the whole thing was so funny I had to invite my friend over to see this bitch and he stayed for a few minutes, but I could tell she was feeling awkward and we had so much more to get done, like lap dances, so he left.

I started to explain the lap dance to her, she started playing out what I was telling her to do and I ended up going down on her when she stuck her ass in my face, at that point I was pretty drunk and decided to bang her without a condom, figuring broke girls who never go to stripclubs ,who you meet off the internet because they want you to teach them how to strip are safe, especially when they are only 18. I think I even busted inside her and remember for at least a week thinkinghow much it would suck if I had knocked her up and had to hang with her raising the kid together until I pissed fire and razor blades from the STD she gave me cuz it turned out that 18 year olds you meet off the internet who are missing teeth and look unshowered who go to strangers houses to strip for free and let you bang them without a condom after drinking a bottle of rum, aren’t usually the safest people to have unprotected sex with…..at least it was only one of those anti-biotic STDs….

Here are some pics of Taylor Momsen reminding me of a dirtier time….dressed like a genie.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Genie|Taylor Momsen

2009

09

Sep

Lindsay Lohan’s Lookin’ Hot When Shopping of the Day

Lindsay Lohan is in New York, probably for fashion week, you know, to feed her fashion addcition, and chronic spending habits, that I don’t really know why I know about, but know that being the first up on the newest designs or some shit is probably a big deal to her.

Sure, I don’t fully understand because if I had my choice I wouldn’t wear clothes out of the house, unfortunately everytime I try that, I get stopped before leaving my building by either a neighbor or janitor or whoever the fuck is hanging around cuz we are a compound of degenerate, jobless bums…..so the whole concept of spending money on clothes is insane to me to begin with and even when I was working a couple decades ago, before the whole alcoholism really took a hold of my life and dictated my future, I never fell for that levis crap back when they were only 50 dollars, so I don’t really grasp how anyone fall for the new scam and spend 1000 dollars on a pair of jeans, even if you’re a bored ex-starlet who gets a nice risidual check on DVD sales from the last movie she did 10 years ago and can afford it. Those gays over in Paris and their Jewish financiers are screwing you woman….and based on these pictures, I wouldn’t fuckin’ mind if I was…you know walk up all secretly from behind and slip it in, trust me you won’t feel a thing, and I probably won’t either, but at least it’ll be a story I can put on my tombstone.

Jesus “Bonertown” Martiez
1970 – 2080
“Here lies a soul officially died in 2000 when he got married to his fat wife, but was revived for a few hours after he surprise-sexed Lindsay Lohan in 2009, She didn’t know it happened, thanks to his small dick/her big vagina but he did and That’s All That Matters”

Enough of that stupidity, here are those hot pics of her…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Breasts|Legs|Lindsay Lohan

2009

09

Sep

Miranda Kerr is Touching Her Tit of the Day

Victoria’s Secret / Sports Illustrated supermodel from Australia with the wide face that is better at catching cum that little faces, is in New York City for Fashion Week and she’s walking around in a tight strapless dress holding her tit so that it doesn’t fall out and crossing her legs so she doesn’t flash her panties, like we haven’t already seen her pretty much naked before.

I figure if you’re a whore and get paid to get half fuckin’ naked, it doesn’t hurt to give a little back for fuckin’ free every once in a while, playing the prude, shy bitch acting all coy and cute just doesn’t work, cuz we all know if we had 10,000 dollars an hour, we could book you’re skinny model ass I want to fuck, like the expensive whore you are.

Here are the pics.

Pictures via INFphoto and PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Miranda Kerr|Tit

2009

09

Sep

Not the Hottest Black Booty I’ve Seen of the Day

My black girl fetish continues, sure writing about htis shit at least once a day hasn’t lead to me getting any pictures or love letters from black girls, but it has brought out a lot of racist people who don’t seem to like black people and feel like all immigrants, including mexican, arab and asians are ruining their countryside, emailing me reason why I shouldn’t have a black girl fetish, then today I came across this video and these bitches aren’t disgusting enough to ruin a whole race of people for me, even though, they are pretty disgusting, and that concludes this post on a black ass that can’t ruin my black girl fetish, but that can make me give up on eating fast food.

Posted in:Black Girl Fetish

2009

09

Sep

Whitney Port’s Stupid Pinhead and Skinny Legs of the Day

Whitney Port has a little lookin pinhead of a head and I guess that may explain why she’s retarded, you know, not enough room for her brain to grow to its full potential or some shit, not that I know if she’s even retarded, I’ve never seen The Hills, I just know I hate it and I also know she gets paid big bucks to be on it, which is better than being a retard in life without getting paid and the whole thing just leads me to believe that maybe I’m the retard, despite my head being of normal size and from past experience most retards actually have really big fucking heads, so my logic is totally wrong, so maybe you should just look at her legs and masturbate, if you’re into skinny awkward lookin’ things.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Skinny Legs|Small Head|Whitney Port

2009

09

Sep

Jenna Haze Shit Herself in a Bikini of the Day

Jenna Haze is one of the more popular pornstars around from what I remember someone in the industry telling me and I guess it has to do with her having natural tits and possibly lookin’ young compared to the other haggared bitches who fuck on camera for money, but I like to think it has to do with her anal sex scenes, which as you can see have damaged her enough to lose all control of her bowels…..

Here she is in her fucking bikini, which none of you really give a fuck about because you’ve seen her have dirty fucking sex of all varieties.

What I do know is that she looks like a serious fucking crack addict and I am surprised she even has all her teeth or that she’s on the fucking beach in Malibu, when she looks like she should be on the beach in your hometown lookin’ for empty bottles drunk teens threw in the river, like a crafty crackwhore who doesn’t like going up against the old lady who has dibs on the recycling bins, and who doesn’t want to wait til sundown before being able to give 5 dollar blowjobs since blowjobs aren’t easy to sell during the day and it is all in hopes of collecting enough to buy another fucking hit,.

She looks horrible, her ass is horrible, her face is horrible, everything about her is horrible but I guess when it comes to finding girls willing to fuck on camera, the hot ones usually say no and get real jobs, unless they are Kayden Kross, in which case they just give me boners…Kayden if you’re out there baby, remember our marriage vows…ok enough of that.. here is Jenna Haze….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Janna Haze|Pornstar