I remember the day I found out about Alanis Morisette. I was visiting a high school friend of mine who had moved away for college, while I was mooching off him and his parents and lived on his couch for a couple of days, in hopes of fucking all the college girls, which never seemed to happen.

He was out for the day and I went over to his CD Player and pushed play because I was drinking and wanted something to set the mood. That “Isn’t it Ironic” song came on from her album jagged little pill, and within about half a second I was dying of fucking laughter.

This hood motherfucker who used to sell me weed and introduced me to amazing punk bands and hip hop artists was listening to Alanis Morisette. Amazing.

When he got back to the apartment I had no choice but to get to the bottom of it, I asked if he was dating a girl who may have left her music in his CD Player, he said no, when I pulled out the Morisette, he didn’t even try to cover it up, he just said that shit spoke to him. I called him a fag, laughed at him about it, told some of our mutual friends and got on with my life, knowing I could never be friends with someone who listened to Alanis Morisette, and last I heard, as I had expected, he is happily gay and living in an arist loft somewhere.

Since then, Alanis has come in and out of my life a few times, all of which were uninvited. I always found her disgusting to look at, and knowing that not only did she turn my friend gay, but also every single man who has ever slept with her, except maybe Ryan Reynolds, who went on to marry Scarlett Johansson, who for the rest of her life has to deal with the fact that her dick was inside of this fuckin’ pig. Let’s hope it was for a career move.

Here she is at the beach.

Posted in:Alanis Morisette|Beach|Disgusting