2009
13
May
Cindy Crawford is 43 years old. She did a bikini photoshoot. I have seen her in person. Recently, when she was promoting some furniture shit here at some discount store and I tried to get her to sign my penis, only to be escorted out of the store before actually meeting her because security caught onto my plan, mainly because I tipped them off in my excited state, litterally, but shit, she looks fuckin’ good.
Posted in:Bikini|Cindy Crawford|Photoshoot
2009
13
May
Holly Madison was out in a bikini with her fake tits, rockin’ her Ed Hardy hat because she’s a cheesy Playboy cunt. I figured Ed Hardy was dead by now but for some reason, these bitches can’t let go and move on, because I guess they have no idea what the fucks up, don’t move onto new trends too quickly, maybe because their lives are so fucking awesome, that paying 200 dollars for a shitty hat makes sense as does rockin’ the bottle service with jacked up gym-bo boyfriends dancing on bars to Bob Sinclair. I hate them, but I’d love to hate fuck them.
Some Other Model was there, I have no idea who she is, but you probably do, because you are weird or use Google. Her name is Sarah Ashley Barker.
Posted in:Holly Madison|Vegas
2009
13
May
I have no idea where Marilyn Manson finds these goth bitches, I’ve been wondering the streets for fuckin’ years and there’s been a steady fucking decline in pasty faced, red-lipped, black haired cunts who sacrifice animals to their dark lord, but he manages to pull it off. Maybe he hits his fanclub, or maybe he travels to the midwest, the only place these bitches live and cut themselves, or maybe, just maybe, these bitches dress goth to get up with this motherfucker because he’s rich, I’m thinking that’s the secret to finding goth’s. Either way he’s weird lookin’
Posted in:Goth|Marilyn Manson|Pussy
2009
13
May
Beyonce is on some vacation with her mom because her husband is back home going on dates with Rihanna and when he’s not jerking off on her tits, he’s jerking off to the pictures of them that were leaked last week, mainly because he likes the dollar signs them shits come with, but also because anything is better than his cunt of a wife.
The good news is that she’s covered her fat ass up in a men’s shirt so that we don’t have to see it. Maybe it’s to give us the illusion that Jay-Z is her man and he owns her, like the cheerleader with the quarterback’s team jacket in those highschool movies, but the reality is that the rocks on the shoreline are the only hard thing in these pictures. She Sloppy.
Here she is at the airport in heels that can’t be any higher in a last attempt to look tall and lean….
2009
13
May
I have a friend who is obsessed with midgets. He watches midget porn. He watches that Little People Big World TV show. He talks about midgets all the fucking time. It’s actually fucking uncomfortable how much he is drawn to midgets.
I thought he was joking at first, but as months turned into years, I realized that he’s for real and he’s even saved up money from collecting cans to get his ass to Orlando for the Little People convention this year, he’s supposed to get me video, so brace yourself for good midget content.
His logic is that fuckin’ them is like fucking a 5 year old, which to me isn’t a good thing, but to him, excites him since his dick looks porno sized, and he can flip them in ways a normal sized person can’t be flipped. He also figures they don’t take up too much room so they’d fit perfectly in his studio apartment, they probably don’t eat too much, making them affordable, and the whole thing works for his modest lifestyle.
So I am posting this Debbie Lee Carrington for him, because a successful Hollywood midget is better to get off to than the local midget in leg braces with bucked teeth who he terrorizes, but can’t manage to convince to fuck…so this midget in video is the cream of the midget crop for a midget lover. Good times.
Posted in:Debbie Lee Carrington|Midget|Tit
2009
13
May
I don’t really understand the message that Pepsi is tring to send out to the kids. Not because they have her dressed in PVC with her tits hanging out of the shit, but because they sponsoring an amateur porn whore. Her major claim to fame was having a sex tape released starring her, her big tits, her fat ass and her bald pussy all getting ravaged by a black man.
That’s pretty much telling white girls everywhere that if they want a career, they just need to videotape themselves fucking a black man and next thing you know, they’ll be on TV, they’ll make lots of money, they’ll get corporate sponsors and it’s a hell of a lot easier than having actual talent.
I guess in their defense, it’s only fitting for a junk food company to sponsor and girl who has a junk food addiction and a body that has been affected in a good way from a junk food diet, instead of sponsoring my wife on her sleep apnea oxygen tank, with her insulin needle in arm, sweating while clumps of her hair constantly fall out as she struggles to the bathroom to take a disgusting shit I’ll be forced to clean off the fucking walls….
Posted in:Fat|Kim Kardashian|Tits
2009
13
May
I guess with the success of the leaked Cassie pics, you know with the increases in her twitter followers, itunes downloads and the whole becoming an overnight household name, Khloe Kardashian wanted in on that shit, so she leaked these pictures of herself on twitter, not that they are erotic in any fuckin’ way, but they are of her in a mermaid costume covering her little tits, and we all know that when you’re built like a fucking ox, little titties fuckin’ suck, they almost just reaffirm how much of a waste of space you are, not only to the guy sitting next to you on the plane, trying to squeeze the fuck in between you’re shoulders and those of window, but to the rest of the fuckin’ world. Maybe these topless pics of yourself should be used for good, like motivation to kill your family then yourself. Just a suggestion. You fucking beast.
Posted in:Khloe Kardashian|Topless
2009
13
May
K’Naan is an African rapper who’s been living in Canada for a while and dude is amazing. I was up on his first album and got hooked on a song called “Strugglin'” that I’d turn on pretty much every shitty day of my bloggin’ life, when she was down, when the wife was annoying, when the site was getting sued and no readers but I put hours of wasted energy into it.
He dropped a new album a while ago and I checked my Twitter and Lindsay Lohan is up on his shit. Kanye is up on his shit. Everyone is up on his shit and this is his new song.
You need to check him out cuz he’s a fuckin’ talent. True story.
Posted in:K'Naan
2009
13
May
I remember trying to convince a girl I was dating to get herself an IUD, or to get on the fuckin’ pill, because we don’t want to get her pregnant and I always cut holes in the comdoms so that they’d accidentally break, because she was the kind of girl who always insisted on using condoms, even after dating for 4 months monogamously, and I’d want that natural feeling. At first, I’d only do it on special occassions, like on my birthday, or on Saturday nights after drinking or getting high, knowing the sex would be awesome and she’d be in good enough spirits to no notice, but then I got hooked ont he skin on skin feeling, so was staging the broken condom shit every second day, until one day, I got sloppy and she walked in on my tampering with the fuckin’ goods, only to freak the fuck out for me “jeopardizing” her pussy, and she never spoke to me again, except for the time she called me threatening my life because she failed the papsmear and I’d given her HPV. The “these things happen” rationale didn’t really go over very well.
That story has nothing to do with Hayden Panettiere.
Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Nipple
2009
13
May
I don’t know if this is Fergie’s nipple, but I guess it could be.
Lookin at this picture brings back horrible memories of high school, where on days we’d be forced to do Gym class outside on fall days, in my pair of short jogging shorts that I got at the second-hand store 3 years earlier and that were a good 3 sizes too small for me, where the girls in the class would rock out with their nipples out in their tight t-shirts, forcing my pubescent, embarrassing-sized, mini-cock to harden into an even more embarrassing sized erection, because I couldn’t lie that it’s just small when flacid, once I came myself, and shit dripped down my leg, only to get called out by the teacher, other times I’d just get laughed off the football field or sometimes, if I was lucky, sent to the principal’s office for being the inappropriate, horny immigrant, where my foster parents would be called in and I’d be lectured and sent to confess my sins, all because of one fuckin’ girl and her amazingly hard teen nipples.
Either way, here’s Fergie, showing what I assume is nipple, but may not be, but is good enough for me, because sometimes, nipple is all it takes….
