Ad agencies are taking viral videos that assholes made in their backyards and posted on Youtube and modifying them to become part of their multi-million dollar ad campaigns. So when I saw this video of 13,500 people singing Hey Jude in Trafalgar Square in the UK, I felt like the internet had been raped. None of these people were paid, they are just eager 9 to 5ers trying to be part of something outrageous, but let me tell you that someone out there is making huge money off this shit and it offends me. Keep the amateur viral videos to the amateurs. Motherfuckers.
In hating on this ad, I just brought more attention to it for free. That makes me an idiot too.
This is a hot fucking video of megan fox in her underwear, rolling around in her bed. Drinking beer in a bathing suit and I really don’t have to say anything more than that. It is pretty fucking amazing stuff and I’m wating anxiously for her to start dating Lohan instead of that dude from 90210. Get back to work you fucking slackers.
I was invited to some fashion school graduate party by a friend of mine. There is going to be free booze, so I put on my nicest soiled clothes and worked out my lines of false promises I am going to tell the hot girls to get them back to jerk me off in the bathroom. Like that I have celebrity friends and know people looking for designers at big companies and that I’d love to see their portfolio, you know false fucking promises to an eager fucking audience. Good times.
This is a funny video – skip to 2:15, where Britney is performing and some fan jumps on stage, scares the fuck out of her, makes her scream but miraculously, you can’t hear her because the Mic is off and singing isn’t her thing, despite being on stage in concert performing her album, and the whole thing throws her off while making me laugh. I guess watching people fail, even when they are huge stars with sold out concerts and huge album sales, makes me feel better about my useless self.
The best thing to come out of Columbia since cocaine has got to be Shakira. Not because she reminds Wyclef of a Westside Story, or even because her ass is amazing, but because Columbia is a good for nothing piece of shit country that should be erased from the fucking map, I’m just kidding, I’ve never been to Columbia, I know nothing about Columbia, but where the fuck was I supposed to go with this post, when everyone knows she is the best thing out of Columbia since cocaine because because her ass is amazing. There’s nothing fun in that. I’d rather start wars and shit disturb. So that said, fuck you Columbia, you third rate Mexican wannabe cocksuckers.
Vanessa Hudgens was out in shorts. Rumor (willis) is that Zac Effron picked them out for her while he was buying himself ladies underwear because he prefers how they don’t bunch up in his jeans while making him look and feel prettier than ever. You know as a thank you for being such a good cover for his homosexuality.
Amy Winehouse was on the beach in whatever Caribbean island she’s been hiding out on the last 6 months and bitch is doing some stylish fucking walking. If only I had the confidence to bust these moves down the street without fear of being arrested and taken to the psych ward, I’d be the coolest fuckin’ guy around. Everyone would want to walk with me just to get a glimpse of the shit and soon it’d become an international phenomenon where people would craft their own crazy swagger. Shit would change the fucking world…kinda how Amy Winehouse is changing the world by proving that black dudes don’t only life fat blonde chicks, but they also like gutter crackwhore lookin’ bitches who are missing teeth as long as their bank accounts are fat like the blondes they typically try to fuck with. If you know what I mean.
I don’t know if people like Karolina Kurkova you know because she’s the fat Victoria Secret model, but she was showing off her legs regardless of that, and I figured I’d share them with you, because that’s just the kind of power I have, unfortunately it is not the kind of power I need to drag her home from the bar by her hair, because she’s 5 ft 11 and build like an Eastern European communist tank, and I’m not too down to fuck with that, not that I’d ever have the chance, I’m just talking hypothetical because hypothetical is really all I know.
Bonus – Gisele in some Leather lookin’ pants….cuz if you’re into Gisele, then you’re into leather pants, ideally assless and worn on Gay Pride day.
I couldn’t make it out to the Polo event despite all the pestering phone calls I got from all the boys at the country club who just couldn’t handle me refusing to take the corporate jet down to Miami. I guess because Polo isn’t for me.
The truth is that I can’t even afford a fucking Polo shirt, let alone a horse to ride around on with a giant club in some kind of obnoxious sport created by rich people who were bored and had nothing else to do while sitting around all day being rich.
Apparently, they are sexing the sport up a little and had girls modeling some boy shorts making me think that maybe there’s a future in the mainstream for Polo after all, because from my experience all it takes is pussy to be that stamp of approval anything really needs.
I am not a dietician but I will go as far as to say that eating chicken wings is probably the last thing Rachel Hunter should be shoving into her fat mouth. She used to be a fuckin’ model and not any fucking model, a bikini and lingerie model. That is the body most young girls look up to and want to have but what they don’t know is that eventually everything dies including sex appeal. The good news is that now that this Swine Flu has hit, bitch can get some work as the poster girl for it…Get it….cuz she’s a pig…good one, right???Right? Come on guys..work with me here.