I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

25

May

Heidi Klum for McDonald’s of the Day

I was walking by a McDonald’s earlier today and saw the skinniest girl I have probably ever seen walking towards the door. I was thinking to myself that to have a body like that, there is no way a motherfucker eats that shit, but I was wrong, she walked right in. Maybe she was a heroin addict or bulemic and I was dealing with her on a binge, but I think she was just a skinny girl who got down with disgusting food every now and then, so I asked her to let me take a picture of her, so that I’d post it on the site and maybe get her a job as their new spokesperson, because McDonald’s needs someone who isn’t fat and dying of liver failure from eating the shitty processed food, you know a poster girl who doesn’t need poster sized paper to print up pictures of themselves because normal cameras can’t take it all fuckin’ in, especially since bitch was worth a fuckin’ round, but then she just told me to fuck myself and I guess you can’t really help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, or maybe I just shouldn’t have bothered a binging girl, eating away her sadness despite her eating disorder at her darkest time.

So when I saw these pics of Klum promoting some McDonald’s shit, I got excited because I knew my vision was on the right fuckin’ track and that it must have been a sign from fuckin’ God telling me I’m a fuckin’ genius, but I doubt it.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|McDonalds

2009

25

May

The Kardashian’s in Some Scripted Miami Bullshit of the Day

Here are the Kardashian sisters bullshitting the world in Miami while filming their bullshit show. I am not sure what went on in their mother’s womb when that bitch Khloe was developing but I assume it involves living next to powerlines, or even steroid treatement for asthma or something that seeped into her placenta. What I am sure of is that this bitch is a fuckin’ monster and the fact that dudes fuck her confuses me, but not as much as it probably confuses them, you know with trying to hide their tranny porn obsession from their family and friends and shit, cuz only getting off to tits if there is a dick attached is nothin’ but confusing, hell that shit isn’t even made in fuckin’ nature, it’s some futuristic sci-fi shit and I’m sure you know all about that.

Posted in:Fake Reality TV|Kardashians|Miami

2009

25

May

The Reason You Should Be a Successful Film Producer of the Day

If you ever had doubts about you capabilities of getting a woman. You know because you have a small dick, or because to date no girls have really given you much attention, you need to brush your loser shoulders off and figure out a way to make money. I’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know, but pussy likes cash, they claim it is instinctive because of some survival about bringing a baby into the world, but I think it’s got more to do with hot bitches being lazy and used to getting everything they want and unfortunately the things they want cost money, because they feel like they are celebrities or at least deserve a celebrity lifestyle, so that’s why this big studio exec, and I mean big in his jean size, who’s made his fortune off making a ton of huge movies, has a bitch who is substantially better lookin than his fat, bald, jewish ass, I mean sure she may be with him for his great sense of humor, but I’m going with that she isn’t.

So get off the computer and figure out your hustle, while I stay on the computer, cuz I don’t need a fuckin’ hustle, I’m comfortable in my serious unhappiness and very lazy, unless it comes down to showing the kid in the wheelchair how good my quick my tap dancing feet are to make me feel better about myself…..

Posted in:Bikini|Georgina Chapman|Harvey Weinstein

2009

23

May

stepLINKS of the Day

It’s the long weekend. That means the only people who will read this are lonely losers with no family, friends or money to get the fuck aways from their computer for the weekend. Welcome to my life.

The good news is that in efforts to get wasted last night, I fell asleep at 9 pm and only woke up an hour ago. Thank you Oxy, or whatever the fuck that pill the sketchy skinny convulsing dude gave me was, you and pussy are by far my favorite addictions.

I don’t think I am hungover anymore, but I do think that these are my stepLINKS.

Lookin Good Sweetheart The Hayden Panettiere Vagina Edition
GO

Because There Is No Fucking Way You’ll Meet a Real Girl Tonight
GO

Fuck World History, check Out the HISTORY OF WEEEEEEED!!!
GO

Get YOUR Swine Flu Shot
GO

Liz Hurley is All Her MILF Glory
GO

What the Fuck is Paris Hilton Doing in Cannes?
GO

Can You Say Death Wish?
GO

The Celebrity Gender Switch Experiment
GO

Mariah Carey is See Through!
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Ready For a Dirty Joke?
GO

When Will Ferrel Interviews Dustin Hoffman…
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Well, I Just Threw Up in My Mouth a Little
GO

what the Fuck of the Day
GO

Dita Von Tease Dresses Like a Dirty Whore in Cannes Cause She’s a Class Act
GO

I Kind of Have a Thing For Zhang Ziyi
You Know, The Hot Bitch From Crouching Tiger/Hidden Dragon
GO

Taylor Momsen is a Hot Mess
GO

Mischa Barton is On Meth or Something
GO

Quentin Tarantino Drugged Brad Pitt
GO

Christina Julie is Totally Nude
GO

The Ass That Broke The Window
GO

Amy Winehouse is Still a Fucking Mess
GO

Hannah Hilton Does What She Does Best
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Eliza Dushku Does Maxim Magazine
GO

AHHHHHH Dani Woodword
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart Part 2
GO

India Reynolds Is Naked
GO

Slut Gets Naked In Nature
GO

Jon’s Wifes is a Fucking Cunt and I’m Glad He Hates Her As Much As I Do
GO

Sit Back, Relax, And Enjoy The Show
GO

Pheobe Price is Disgusting and I Wish She Was Dead
GO

Watch is There Darlings, Looks Like You Lost Something
GO

56 Insanely Hot Indy Car Grid Girls
GO

Mommy Wants to Play Too
GO

Notorious B.R.A.D.Y
GO

Hot Chicks Get Naked and Rub Themselves Down. God Bless Spring Break
GO

Retard Tits Anyone?
GO

I Spy With My Little Eye, Paris Hilton Doing Something Illegal
GO

Cookie Monster Metal!!
GO

Cleveland is the Worst Place to Visit Ever
GO

Site of the Day – MSPAINTPORN.NET

Posted in:stepLINKS

2009

22

May

Hayden Panettiere is Still on Vacation of the Day

Hayden Panettiere is still on vacation, or maybe this is working, considering celebrities live the laziest fucking life, unlike me, who is up all day sitting on my couch, taking beer bottles back to buy more beer, or maybe even a can of beefaroni, because like a celebrity I need a personal chef, unfortunately my chef is named Chef Boyardee and he makes his mass produced shit with the most ghetto ingredients to make it affordable, I suck at life and here’s Hayden ownin’ hers in a white bikini, which coincidentally is my favorite color bikini because I am ususally able to spot pussy and I am sure I’ve said this before, but I am a fan of pussy.

Posted in:Bikini|Hayden Panettiere|Vacation

2009

22

May

Blake Lively in her Romper of the Day

Blake Lively was out in a romper last night, which is a coincidence because so was the girl I followed home to jerk off on her fire escape watching her make dinner.

Posted in:Blake Lively|Romper

2009

22

May

Kate Moss’ Fashion Line for Topshop’s Got Nipple of the Day

I downloaded these pics of Kate Moss’ new line at some store called Topshop blindly, thinking they’d all be of nipple, I was wrong. It happens. Often.

Posted in:Kate Moss|Nipple|Topshop

2009

22

May

Happy Birthday Jordan of the Day

It was Jordan’s birthday, I’m not sure how old she is but I think her tits are about 2 years old. I am sure everyone made that joke today. I am not creative, but Jordan’s plastic surgeon is, so I guess we’ll let him be the star of this post, even though she’s covered the fuck up for once.

Posted in:Happy Birthday|Jordan|Tits

2009

22

May

The Kardashian’s Posing With Bikinis in their New Store of the Day

The Kardashians had to thicken the plot of their TV show, since it has the depth of a fuckin’ puddle, so they moved to Miami and opened up a store there. I think it would have done better if one of them was killed off or disappeared when flying a small plane over the Bermuda triangle, where the others go to find her, only to end up disappearing too, forcing whoever produces this to stop the fucking abuse.

I guess this is like some basic National Lampoon shit, get the bitches in another city, to pretend to run a store, only with less Chevy Chase and more Ed Hardy T-shirts because I drove down to Miami 5 or 6 years ago with a friend and that shit was on the next level of bottle service, Guido chachi motherfuckers throwing napkins drinking 20 dollar drinks, if not rockin’ Magnums of Goose, and can only assume it’s a hell of a lot worse now…

The whole thing is at the point of ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as Khloe Kardashian holding up a bikini like she can actually pull it off in public, you know since she’s a fucking beast, not that you care and either do I. and I’m only posting it because Khloe is posing with a bikini and as disgusting as that is, it’s porn to me.

Posted in:Kardashians|Miami

2009

22

May

Switchin’ Things Up with Jean Claude Van Damme in His Panties of the Day

Here’s Jean Claude Van Damme acting like an attention whore, prancing around in his panties like the little slut that he is, hoping to get in the tabloids because it is good for his self esteem. He was a hug action star man, he made big fucking money, all the girls wanted to get in his pants and all the guys wanted the be in his pants and all the gay guys wanted to be his pants, and now he’s just a nobody.

If you’re wondering why I am posting homo shit, you know men in their brief, it’s partially because I find french men about as masculine as the average woman, not quite as masculine as the two dykes having a beer chugging contest on the street yesterday, so posting him in his panties is probably something worth celebrating, because it means he’s not bottomless, but it is also because anyone who says they never got hard watching one of his movies and because I am taking the Lady Gaga approach to success and that’s targeting the gays.

No, I didn’t get “too drunk” last night, that broadened my eyes on homosexuality, in some kind of college hook up where I wake up in the arms of a muscular man in leather with a dick in my ass, I am just testin’ my options, cuz I’ve never seen a poor gay guy, they are all career oriented, all fabulous livin’, who love to drink and do coke, with luxury lofts and no kids to rape their bank accounts, making them appealing to advertisers.

I figure my gay strategy is gonna end after this post. I hope you enjoyed it.

Posted in:Briefs|Jean Claude Van Damme|Panties|Underwear