DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2009

04

May

Amy Winehouse is Crazy on the Beach of the Day

Amy Winehouse was on the beach in whatever Caribbean island she’s been hiding out on the last 6 months and bitch is doing some stylish fucking walking. If only I had the confidence to bust these moves down the street without fear of being arrested and taken to the psych ward, I’d be the coolest fuckin’ guy around. Everyone would want to walk with me just to get a glimpse of the shit and soon it’d become an international phenomenon where people would craft their own crazy swagger. Shit would change the fucking world…kinda how Amy Winehouse is changing the world by proving that black dudes don’t only life fat blonde chicks, but they also like gutter crackwhore lookin’ bitches who are missing teeth as long as their bank accounts are fat like the blondes they typically try to fuck with. If you know what I mean.

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Crazy

2009

04

May

Karolina Kurkova’s Legs of the Day

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I don’t know if people like Karolina Kurkova you know because she’s the fat Victoria Secret model, but she was showing off her legs regardless of that, and I figured I’d share them with you, because that’s just the kind of power I have, unfortunately it is not the kind of power I need to drag her home from the bar by her hair, because she’s 5 ft 11 and build like an Eastern European communist tank, and I’m not too down to fuck with that, not that I’d ever have the chance, I’m just talking hypothetical because hypothetical is really all I know.

Bonus – Gisele in some Leather lookin’ pants….cuz if you’re into Gisele, then you’re into leather pants, ideally assless and worn on Gay Pride day.

Posted in:Karolina Kurkova|Legs

2009

04

May

Some Polo Bootyshort Fashion Show of the Day

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I couldn’t make it out to the Polo event despite all the pestering phone calls I got from all the boys at the country club who just couldn’t handle me refusing to take the corporate jet down to Miami. I guess because Polo isn’t for me.

The truth is that I can’t even afford a fucking Polo shirt, let alone a horse to ride around on with a giant club in some kind of obnoxious sport created by rich people who were bored and had nothing else to do while sitting around all day being rich.

Apparently, they are sexing the sport up a little and had girls modeling some boy shorts making me think that maybe there’s a future in the mainstream for Polo after all, because from my experience all it takes is pussy to be that stamp of approval anything really needs.

Posted in:Bootyshort|Fashion Show|Polo

2009

04

May

Rachel Hunter Shouldn’t Be Eating of the Day

3 Comments »

I am not a dietician but I will go as far as to say that eating chicken wings is probably the last thing Rachel Hunter should be shoving into her fat mouth. She used to be a fuckin’ model and not any fucking model, a bikini and lingerie model. That is the body most young girls look up to and want to have but what they don’t know is that eventually everything dies including sex appeal. The good news is that now that this Swine Flu has hit, bitch can get some work as the poster girl for it…Get it….cuz she’s a pig…good one, right???Right? Come on guys..work with me here.

Posted in:Fat|Food|Pig|Rachel Hunter

2009

04

May

This May Be Goldie Hawn’s Nipple of the Day

3 Comments »

This may be Goldie Hawn’s nipple. I couldn’t really make it out because staring at Goldie Hawn’s tit for too long, makes me wet and hungry for old pussy, because I have a feeling shit smells like mothballs, tastes like burnt meat, has the same texture as a rotting catalope wrapped in an old muddy boot and it’s fucking porn to me.

Posted in:Goldie Hawn|Nipple

2009

04

May

Lindsay Lohan in Montreal of the Day

5 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan was in Montreal this past weekend. I don’t think I ever announced that I was going to pull some kind of stunt to get some exclusive footage of her for the site. In fact I think I said I am too fucking lazy and the kinds of places she hangs are no the kinds of places I hang. So with I kept it classy getting fucking wasted in the gutter in hopes of pissing myself, but 6 or 9 drinks into my gutter party with myself, I decided to show up at the event and try to get in strictly based on my good looks, scent of urine and poverty. So I told the people I was a personal friend of Lindsay Lohans because I have learned that they can’t double check if that is true or not and they usually don’t want to fuck with the celebrities wishes because of their disorganization. It didn’t work. In fact it ended with me being dissed for being a fat pig who looks homeless and that even if I was Lohan’s husband, there would be no way they would fuckin let me into their club. They got pretty mean, cops and security were there and I figured they were right, I didn’t belong and my trusty Ed Hardy outfit hasn’t been delivered yet, mainly because I never ordered it, but if I had, I woulda been poppin bottles and throwin’ napkins with her.

Here are pictures of what I missed, which is convenient, because I live vicariously through the internet anyway and she looks amazing.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Montreal

2009

04

May

Kate Moss Tans Topless of the Day

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Kate Moss was out on a yacht sun tanning topless because that’s what she does. The rumor is that she’s pregnant and that is why she looks like she’s got a fat uterus but she’s not pregnant enough for me to not want to have sex with her, not that I am sure any girl is ever too pregnant to fuck, I mean sure it’s the kind of 3 some no one really wants to fuck with, but if the baby isn’t yours there is just so much complexity to what your dick is dippin into that you just can’t not do it. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it does to me.

Posted in:Kate Moss|Tan|Topless

2009

04

May

New Eminem Video for 3 a.m of the Day

8 Comments »

Here’s a happy song by Eminem about killing people. It was officially released this weekend and since I think Eminem is funny, I figured I’d post it. I don’t really have much else to say about that, I am not really digging what I’ve heard off the new album, but I’m not a white suburban redneck from middle America, so I am sure the album will do fucking amazing.

Posted in:3 AM|Eminem|Video

2009

04

May

Halle Berry Gets Mad at the Paparazzi of the Day

6 Comments »

Halle Berry got mad at the paparazzi because they were crowding her space or some shit. Her reasoning was because she had a child with her, one who I assume is her child, he as she tries to protect the motherfucker, is screaming the F-Word in it’s fragile half breed baby ears. I guess what it comes down to is that she should be ashamed of herself for being a failure of a mother, put the fuckin’ thing up for adoption and blow thru her money in a series of bad investments and drug addiction, only to have her turning tricks in the next 5 years, so that I can pay her 20 dollars extra to get her to let me go down on her. Good times.

Posted in:Halle Berry|Paparazzi

2009

04

May

Paris’ BFF is still a Fucking Attention Whore Clown of the Day

2 Comments »

This Paris BFF girl is a fucking joke. I mean it was pretty much understood when she signed up to be on the show that she was never going to be taken seriously, but now that Paris is over the 60 days she decided to give up to pretend she actually liked this girl, by letting her walk into events with her, stunts need to be pulled to prevent her slowly slipping back into obscurity. The only problem is that she’s a useless, talentless cunt, who only got here for being on a garbage show that she tried sucking another useless, talentless cunt’s dick off to win. So here she is with crazy clown hair, which I guess is a good practice for when she’s living on the street and too poor to afford a hairbush.

Here she is in Video Promoting Some Dude’s Band and Dissing Paris Hilton….Good Times….

Posted in:Attention Whore|BFF|Paris Hilton|Ugly