I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

23

Dec

Lily Allen is Topless on the Beach of the Day

Lily Allen brought her cankles and really thick lower body out to the beach and figured it’d be a good idea to show the world her uneven tits her baby will never suck on, because she ended it’s life with a big ol’ vaccuum cleaner, because the guy who knocked her up peaced the fuck out after realizing that if she looks this sloppy at 22, imagine what hell the future holds for him, not to mention her drinking, smoking and drug use, woulda probably made the fucker some kind of retard, and no one needs that guilt of institutionalizing it hanging over their head all their life, so I guess it all works out in the end….except for Lily Allen, who’s all alone, because no one really cares about how she feels about this whole thing, especially when we already know what her tits and body look like, and it’s safe to say you’d feel really disappointed if you had picked her up before she was famous and was working as a receptionist behind a desk somewhere, only to go meet for the date to discover she’s fat chick from the waist down…

The only amazing thing in this picture is how good a job she did of stuffing her unborn fetus back inside her to feel like she’s still a mother-to-be and not a murderer and not having it’s little fetus arm or leg or head poking out into her bikini bottom.


To See More Pictures of this Slut Topless Because I Don’t Want to Get Sued
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Posted in:Lily Allen|Topless

2008

23

Dec

Jamie Spears is a Fucking Legend of the Day

I just saw this video of Jamie Spears telling the paparazzi or a reporter to fuck off and it is amazing.

This guy is a cross between a modern-day cowboy and a drunken homeless sex offender only instead of being like the homeless dude I ran into this morning when walking my wife’s dog, who was just winding down from an all night Christmas binge that’s lasted the last 6 years in an alley outside my house, this motherfucker can’t formulate a fucking sentence or hold a conversation.

He just got awarded 16,000 dollars a month to manage his daughters shit, which seems like a lot of bottles of moonshine, a lot of cartons of bootleg cigarettes, a lot of jeans and baseball hats from the Salvation Army and enough for a different 50 dollar an orgasm hooker everynight of the week. He even has enough money to put some aside for that dream vacation he always wanted to go on to the Flea Market and the whole thing just proves that America really is the promised land, where uneducated poor trash who lost his virginity to his uncle on the farm can live the life of luxury because he whored out his daughter on a whole other level than his neighbor at the trailer park did, because letting letting his bowling buddies fuck her for 10 dollars didn’t pay as much as international fame.

So now when Jamie Spears is drunk and wrestling furniture in his backyard, he’s doing it in a million dollar house next to an infinity pool and not next to a flooded outhouse next to the shanty with no running water or electricity that he lives in. The only challenge is trying to come up with a new excuse to beat up his wife because not bringing enough tip money home from her job at the diner to buy some feed for his pigs just doesn’t work anymore….

Posted in:AMazing|Jamie Spears

2008

23

Dec

Stephanie Seymour Shows Off Her Rock and Roll Cum Hole in a Bikini of the Day

So a couple of years ago and I went Christmas shopping for a girl I was dating at the time. I decided to get her a pair of leather gloves because I figured they were a classic gift and while I am poor, perverted, creepy and kinda mean, ignorant and maybe even a loser, I like to try to keep things classy. So when I got the clerk to help me choose a pair and she asked me what size hands the girl I was seeing was, I said I didn’t know. So she brought me the small, the medium and the large and I pulled out my boner in the middle of the store and slapped the glove up on it like my chick had done enough times with her hand that I figured I could guage what size she was, but instead, the sales girl freaked out and I was asked to leave. I guess they are the kind of store that doesn’t like selling shit. Assholes.

Here’s Stephanie Seymour in a bikini because I’m sure she’s had her fair share of dicks in her hands, mouth, ass, pussy, but I have a feeling the kid she with proves she’s not too into gloves. Merry Christmas, And a Happy New Year.

To See the Rest of the Pics Because I Don’t Want to Get Sued Over This Rock and Roll Cum Hole…Follow This Link…
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Posted in:Bikini|Stephanie Seymour

2008

23

Dec

stepLINKS of the Day

Fuck Christmas. This shit’s chaotic and I’ve been drinking all fucking day to celebrate. I figure I write too much so my early Christmas gift to you is not bothering to write a fucking post…

Here are my links:

Ryan Seacrest Proves there is a God….and By God That I Mean He Likes Cock
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Pam Anderson Gets More Disgusting By the Day
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Susana is All Right By Me
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I Will Never Get Sick of These Chicks Playing Guitar Hero
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80’s Dating Tips for a Fucking Loser Like You
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With a Name Like Bambi, You Can Only Guess What She Does
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Can’t Stop Laughing at this Star Wars/Bush Dodging Shoes Thing
So Here it is Again
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Why I Love Japan of the Day
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Victoria Beckham is Jealous, and Here is Why
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Because I Would Hate For YOu To Die Alone
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Danielle Lloyd and Friends Want to Wish You a Merry Christmas
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Katie Holmes is Looking Fucking Rough
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Michael Jackson is Dying; Buys New Home to Celebrate
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More Pam Anderson Grossness
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A Very Heroin Christmas
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Gemma Massey Will Make Even You Jews Out There Like Christmas
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Drunken Mud Wrestling is My Kind of Sport
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If America is in a Recession, No One Told Mary Kate Olsen
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Air Cylinder Versus MRI Machine
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Cody Milo Has Got Some Big Ol’ Tits
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Rocky 10 Versus Rocky 11
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Random Christmas Photos of the Day
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Because Every Man Needs a Good Slut in His Life
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It’s a Charlie Brown Kwanzaa
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Heath Ledgers Insurance Company Should BE Ashamed of Themselves
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Face Down / Ass Up
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Because I Know You Need All The Help You Can Get
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And That’s Why You Should Watch Your Alcohol Intake Over the Holidays
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Conan O’Brian is the Only Person on the Planet Who Liked Marley and Me
But He’s a Comedian, So I’m Guessing He’s Just Trying to Be Funny
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Just Can’t Get Enough
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Sam Ronson is Having a Cry About Something or Another
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Maxim Managed to Minimize Hillary Duff’s Horseface in This Photoshoot
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Vickie Blows is Pretty Much Naked
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Duck Hunt Dog
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I’m Sure Whatever is in Your Fridge Isn’t Half as Interesting as What is in Her Fridge
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Escape From Handcuffs
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Pete Doherty is a Hot Piece
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Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony Pretty Much Hate Each Other
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FALLOUT!!
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Lily Allen Picks Her Wedgie Cause She’s a Big Ball of Class
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How to Stop Vaginal Odor
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Hoe Or Houswife? Eva Mendes Pics
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Some Miami Slut
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Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

22

Dec

Michael Jacksons’ Ass is Bleeding of the Day

img src=”http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/cms/ul/20081222-Picture-63.jpg”>

So it turns out the Michael Jackson may be dying, mainly because he’s bleeding out of his ass….

Jackson, 50, suffers from Alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency, a condition that can be fatal.
‘He’s had it for years, but it’s gotten worse, he needs a lung transplant but may be too weak to go through with it. He also has emphysema and chronic gastrointestinal bleeding, which his doctors have had a lot of trouble stopping. It’s the bleeding that is the most problematic part. It could kill him.’

??Halperin also said Jackson “can barely speak'” and is having trouble seeing: “The vision in his left eye is 95 percent gone.'”

SOURCE

This would be a good time to say something like Jackson’s finally getting a taste of what his “Jesus Juice” did to little boys, or something along the lines of him now knowing how McCauley Culkin felt after leaving Neverland ranch all those years ago, but since he was acquitted on those pedophile charges, I guess no one would get the joke…

Anyway, I call bullshit on this story, even if dude looks like death, doesn’t mean he’s dying, and I will post it because I know many of you have gotten off to bloody asshole stories in the past so think of this as some kind of medical homosexual erotica…

Posted in:Ass|Bleeding|Michael Jackson

2008

22

Dec

Samantha Ronson Makes 3 Million Dollars a Year of the Day

Everyone is freaking out about Samantha Ronson making 3,000,000 dollars a year as a DJ and claim that she’s only getting the 25,000 dollar a gig price because club promoters think she’s going to be carting Lohan around with her and is pretty much using Lohan to get the big payout, but bars and clubs are fucking sketchy business, run by the mafia to launder money and there’s tons of cash that needs to go around and get accounted to prevent people from going to jail, so people in the bar industry have always spent tons of money on various DJs, acts, parties, hosts, whatever, because they have tons of cash to do it, whether celebrities are involved in the mix or not….

Sure, more mainstream people know who she is now and care about who is DJing the party more than they used to, but that’s why these celeb DJs exist. People don’t know if someone can mix a record together well or not, they care about who is mixing that record and if they recognize any of the songs the DJ is playing so they can get on the table and dance around like idiots while singing along….

I snuck into a Ronson party last year when they were just rumored being together and shit was fucking packed with chachi motherfuckers who bought bottle after fucking bottle in some sea of cheese that made me want to kill myself, and that made the club a couple hundred thousand dollars, so why shouldn’t the DJ who people came out to see, see some of that money since the club was pushing her as “Lohan’s possible Girlfriend” to sell tickets. Seems fair to me….

A few years ago, DJ AM was in town and he got paid over 100,000 dollars to play one night with Nicole Richie when they were fucking, and he also has a million dollar deal with a Vegas club to play on a weekly basis. That’s 1 million dollars to work one day a week for a year. He also owns two night clubs and a management company that represents a bunch of these celeb/mainstream DJs who all get paid between 10k and 30k a gig, depending on when and where. So he laughs at the 3,000,000 dollars Ronson makes, while counting the 15 or 20 million dollars he probably makes doing the same thing….

I know this because a promoter wanted to organize a birthday party for the site, and I wanted celebrity DJs there because I thought it would be funny to throw shit at them while they DJed and not getting kicked out since it was my fucking party and I’ll throw ice at the overpriced celebrity DJ if I want to, so I reached out to the booking agents, and the cheapest quote I got was 15,000 dollars for any of them on an off night, like a Sunday or Monday. So instead of getting the funding to throw pies at AM while he Djayed, the idea was flushed down the toilet.

So these people make fucking bank,they party and drink all night, play music, fuck hot chicks and travel the world and people come out to dance to their boring, sweet sixteen, mainstream sets, but at least they are doing something for the party, unlike the time Paris Hilton came to town, she got paid 80,000 dollars and a bunch of coke to show up to an event, Hilary Duff, Christina Aguilera, Tila Tequila, Kim Kardashian, Pam Anderson, Marissa Miller, P Diddy, and a lot more celebs have rolled through here and they all cost more than 25,000 dollars a night and they just sit around for an hour pretending to drink before heading back to the hotel, so to put it all in perspective, it’s really not all that crazy, even if 95% of their sets is playing other people’s music….and what it all comes down to is that we’re idiots struggling to pay our rent because we didn’t have the foresight to get on this DJ train and date a celebrity of our owne, while Ronson laughs her way to the bank….

Posted in:DJ|Samantha Ronson

2008

22

Dec

Pam Anderson’s Short Shorts at the Airport of the Day

So Pam Anderson was at the airport this weekend, but I don’t really know whether these pics are actually recent or not, as I gave up on tracking Pamela Anderson’s activity a solid 10 years ago, when she was still solid, and not slowly melting away, like she is in these pictures. I do know that her shorts are pretty fucking short, like she’s trying to squeeze into her favorite pair of white pants from 6th grade, but I haven’t really got any problem with it, because unlike the 6th grade, I know she doesn’t have to worry about getting her period in front of everyone in a pair of white pants, scarring her, because her menopausal vagina doesn’t it’s period any more….

Not that it matters, what does matter is that Pam Anderson isn’t the only one going on vacation for the Holidays, because these shorts seem to be doing a little traveling of their own, only instead of visiting family or a tropical beautiful place, they are visiting a third worlds, diseased, polluted hell…one I wouldn’t mind getting knee deep into because when push comes to shove, I don’t really mind aging cunt as much as I pretend I do.

Posted in:Ass|Pam Anderson|Shorts

2008

22

Dec

Rihanna and Chris Brown and Their Matching Star Tattoos of the Day

Chris Brown and RIhanna have pretty similar tattoos of stars near their ears. From my experience it’s always a good idea to permanently stain yourself with something that will always remind you of the glorious time you spent together, especially after you get your fucking heart broken and even the most simple things remind you of how much of a fucking cunt that bitch was for leaving me alone to fend for myself after I gave her my heart and everything else I possibly could, but that wasn’t good enough for her, a hotter, richer, more interesting person with a promise of a better life came along and left me in the fucking gutter with no choice but to drink and hate. You know, leaving you alone in the bathroom with a knife to your ear about to Van Gogh your motherfucking self to show that fucking cunt you don’t need them anymore, it’s a hell of a lot more dramatic than burning their belongings.

Posted in:Chris Brown|Inked|Rihanna

2008

22

Dec

The Sham-Wow Guy’s Got a New Commercial of the Day

This guy’s a fucking legend and that’s all that needs to be said about him. I can watch his informercial dance for days on end, it never gets dull, so I got pretty excited when I was emailed his new informercial, because I don’t have a TV so I can’t stay on top of his beautiful career. Sure he doesn’t yell at the camera guy this time around, but he does tell us that we’ll love his nuts and that’s good enough for me.

Posted in:Infomercial|Sham-Wow

2008

22

Dec

Alicia Keys Rocks a Bikini of the Day

I was with a guy this weekend who wanted to sew his girlfriend’s pussy shut because he was going out of town for a week, he actually showed me a print-out on how to do the stitches that he found in some medical journal, his only concern was that when he was away, she’d cheat on him with a doctor, who could re-stitch her up and he wouldn’t be the realzing that her shit was tampered with, so I spent an hour listening to him craft a signature knot no one would pick up on but him..not that Alicia Keys has to worry about that because I hear she has testicles, but for some reason insists on wearing a woman’s bikini….I’ll never really grasp this cross dressing shit, but I will suck on cross-dressin’ tits, or get cross-dressing blowjobs, but only if I’m drunk and don’t realize a dick’s attached. True story.

To See the Rest of the Pics Because I Don’t Want to Get Sued Over This Beast…Follow This Link…
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Posted in:Alicia Keys|Bikini