DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sara Sampaio Shows Off her Pussy in Tight Pants Under the Guise that it is a Fitness Video of the Day

Industry Flesh Puppet Jessica Alba Propagandizes for the Machine of the Day

Sydney Sweeney is Glamour’s Woman of the Year of the Day

Paige Spiranac Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Margaret Qualley is Hot for an Ugly Chick of the Day

2008

Oct

Halloween is Today Not Yesterday of the Day

3 Comments »

Today is the only happiest day of the year for sex offenders and the kids they want to commit sex offenses on. They can dress up like something they always dreamed they could be like a superhero, a sports star, or whatever else people dress as all to run up to strange people’s houses asking for candy, or to be the strange person at the house who get parental consent to have some alone time with endless amounts of kids….without the police getting involved, unless of course they get carried away and masturbate during the process and not to the memories of it…..

I didn’t end up going out last night, I am just posting late cuz I am lazy and not because I drank til 10 am, because I realized it wasn’t actually Halloween and figured that since I hate people that overkill holidays, like I overkill jokes, you know getting dressed up days before the actual day, it just didn’t make sense for me to be not be one of them, unless of course, I wanted to get confusing and make my costume of a guy who dresses up for Halloween on days that aren’t Halloween, but that seems pretty fuckin’ confusing. I think I’m going with my DJ AM idea, where I douse myself in gasoline and when the clock strikes midnight, I light up and run through the dance floor, or maybe I’ll go as nothing because dressing up is lame….especially a day early….

Unfortunately, these people didn’t realize that Halloween is today and not yesterday. Probably because they have nothing better to do, since they are pretty irrelevant….

Here’s Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt as Horse Faced Whore with Fake Tits and Her Fake Latch on Fame Hungry Boyfriend…..unfortunately they didn’t go with the murder suicide I’ve been hoping to read about in the news….

Traci Bingham Dressed Like a Slutty Cop

Mariah Carey as a Slutty Fire Fighter

Looks like civil servants were the theme of the night, and I find that pretty offensive and a sign of famous people trying to use the media to get their politics across, you know because police and firefighters are a sign of the communism or socialism since they are paid out of people’s taxes money to keep the public safe and from breaking the law they created to control the public or from burning down like DJ AM….

Posted in:Halloween|Heidi Montag|Mariah Carey|Traci Bingham

2008

Oct

stepLINKS of the Day

6 Comments »

stepLINKS
stepLINKS of the Day

So I got this email:

Hey Asshole,

Your website isn’t too bad, but I think your a fucking loser. And, that “your so gay” joke is not your joke, dick. You stole it from ’40 year-old virgin’, and it’s just pathetic to be so unoriginal, and play it off as your own material. I’m sure you don’t read these e-mails, but in case you do………. your so gay. That’s the whole joke.

My response, whatever. I am insulted that I unknowingly ripped off a Judd Apatow movie, that’s pretty much worse than death to me, because I hate his unfunny shit, but I guess it happens. I don’t intentionally go out there and steal other people’s shit, I guess it just happens without me knowing.

I guess it’s impossible to fully not be influenced by the media even when you don’t read, watch TV or Movies, and despite never seeing 40 Year Old virgin, I guess I am on some higher level telepathically channeling their you’re so gay jokes and for that, I apologize. I would never want to subject my reader to that kind of fluffy crap that the dude who called me out on this shit probably jerks off to, making him not someone I care to impress…

But I would want to subject you to a whole lot of links…enjoy.

On a side note, I just saw what looked like a chewed up cigar on the ground and thought the dog had gotten into my stash of half smoked cigars, and after picking it up, I realized that I was holding one of his shits. Good fuckin’ times.

Joe The Plumber’s 15 Minutes of Fame May Not Be Up Quite Yet
GO

Fun With the Trendmill
GO

Abigail Clancy Makes ME Want to Stuff Her Like a Turkey and it’s Not Even Thanksgiving….
GO

Sophie Monk is an Attention Whore
GO

Carole Bouquet Topless
GO

Blake Lively is a School Girl
GO

Orange Orange Smile!
GO

Sexy Teacher Strips for Students CRAZY Video
GO

Hot First Ladies Who Don’t Blow Like Monica Lewinsky
GO

This Is How Philly Celebrates A World Championship
GO

Lohan is Wasting Away
GO

25 Most Awesome Horror Kills
GO

Tits For Obama
GO

Don’t Forget the Parking Brake
GO

Web Slut Sanctuary
GO

Photoshop Contests!!
GO

Obama Girl Robocalls
GO

Sandra Shine is a Glamour Girl
GO

Corey Haim is Getting Married
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Some Wrestling chick Looks Like a Goonie
GO

Pictures from a Trashy Fucking Wedding
GO

Paper Boy!!
GO

Lady is the Boss
GO

Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood Are Still Fighting Over Who is Fatter
GO

Who Knew Beyonce Was so Flexible?
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Body Board Wipe Out
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Misfortune Cookie
GO

Don’t Worry Darling, Hillbillies Scare the Shit Out Of Me Too
GO

Halloween Came Early for Jacko
GO

Hannah Sextacular
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio Looks Hot As Ever in Workout Clothes
GO

Ennie Wearing Icing Sugar
GO

Here’s the Hottest Girl Ever Whose Name I Can’t Pronounce and I Don’t Care Cause It Doesn’t Matter
GO

Weapon Found in Hudson Case and Balfour Says Heâ€™s Innocent
GO

Top 10 Halloween Costumes for your Gay Kid
GO

Mya Nicole is in Striped Socks
GO

Robot Does Mambo Number 5
GO

You Are NOT The Father!!
GO

Courtenay Semel Beats Up a Security Guard Like a Good Dyke all Because He has a Penis
GO

Beat the Stuffed Animal Crane Game
GO

Analyzing the Gape
GO

PANTY SLIP IN VEGAS…
GO

ENTER THE EAGLES OF DEATH METAL FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS, BACKSTAGE PASSES AND TIME WITH THE BAND….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

Oct

EXCLUSIVE – Sam Ronson Nude Shower Picture of the Day

16 Comments »

I was sent in these pictures from a source close to Sam Ronson that read:

Stepfather (if that is your real name),

I am a friend of Samantha Ronson’s. We have known each other for a very long time, I even went to high school with her. Since she started dating Lindsay Lohan, she hasn’t been returning my calls, or facebook friend requests and I find the whole thing pretty annoying. Sure, we went our separate ways and only spoke sporadically the last 5 or 6 years, but I don’t think this new found fame is any reason for her to neglect those she was once close to, especially when all I wanted was to say hi and see how she’s been holding up with all this media attention.

I went digging through some old photos and came across this one of her showering, I am sure you’ll find them entertaining. You can post them on your website, but I would like to remain anonymous.

Since I like to help people out, Sam Ronson, if you’re reading this, which you aren’t, since you don’t know I exist, but I’ll say it anyway….Please don’t forget where you came from because you are too busy babysitting Lindsay Lohan with your tongue in her vagina. You’re not too good for the people you once liked and tt’s just not a very decent thing to do, but posting pics of you naked is. Ps – Nice tits.

I can’t confirm or deny the legitimacy of this email or the pictures included, but they look legit to me and that’s all that matters.

Posted in:Nude|Samantha Ronson|Shower

2008

Oct

Annalynne McCord is a Clown in Leather Leggings of the Day

8 Comments »

So everyone’s favorite clown they’ve never heard of is wearing a pair of American Apparel leggings, proving the shit’s just not for 14- 30 year old girls in your home town, or for celebrities like Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff and Rihanna, but the bottom feeders of fame are wearing them too. I guess all that I have read on the subject is true, D-Listers are just like us, just a little more hungry for attention and easy money and usually have family members in the industry.

I used to know a guy with a PVC festish, sure these shits are like the low budget version of PVC, but he would love seeing his cum dripping off a girl covered in rubber’s ass, so since you don’t have any girl, you could just pretend you do, buy a pair of these and tape them to your wall, for you to jerk off on. They clean off pretty easy, so you can just wipe them off and retrun them the very same day, and get your money back and knowing they will be put back on the shelf, and onto a random girl’s ass, can probably lead to more even enjoyment, all for under 40 dollars that you will get back…Just a suggestion.

I guess what it comes down to is that at least she’s skinny.

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Ass|Legs

2008

Oct

Avril Lavigne Does Halloween With a Tranny Joker of the Day

13 Comments »

So Avril Lavigne was dressed like a low budget Geisha. The kind you see at the cash at your local Grocery store on Halloween, because if they dress up, they get an extra dollar an hour, so everyone throws together a costume lazily to get paid.

Her husband finally got the chance to bust out the outfit he wears around the house when no one is home, in a pair of platform shoes an pantyhose, something Avril has learned to accept because it’s hard to find recording artists with her level of success from her hometown Ontario in LA, so she’s pretty much got no choice but to be with him, despite his transgendered tendencies. It’s kinda like how Jewish people are encouraged to date their own kind, only in this case, it’s 2 suburban kids who think they are punk, and not 2 people who think they are the chosen ones.

I like how he added Heath Ledger face and the guitar to really make this costume make no fuckin’ sense, let’s just hope Whitby and Ledger have the same fate.

Posted in:Avril Lavigne|Halloween

2008

Oct

Rachel Bilson Walks Her Dog in Some Leggings of the Day

5 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Rachel Bilson and her long torso doing the ape-walk with her little cunty dog. This would be a great opportunity to write about my own little fucker who managed to throw up 15 pounds of half digested food and a carrot on me earlier today, but I hate cocksuckers who treat their dogs like their kids, and I hate people who treat their kids like an accomplishment and never shut the fuck up about the little things they do. Like bragging about the first time it uses the potty, it’s first time on a flight, because the only think that interests me about childbirth is the before and after pussy shots and maybe a sample of breast milk, the little workings that make the fucker precious to you, really have nothing to do with my life, so you can just keep it to yourself, and while you do that, you can check out Rachel Bilson in leggings, an article of clothing that was once so fucking exciting, but has become everyday practice by so many fat chicks who think they can pull it off because all their friends are doing it, leading me wishing the shit was never re-introduced and left in the early 90s where they belong….

Posted in:Leggings|Rachel Bilson

2008

Oct

Vikki Blows has a Topless Calendar of the Day

4 Comments »

I did a little research on Vikki Blows before posting these pictures from her Calendar, mainly because I had no idea who she was, but don’t worry, I like to keep things ignorant, so my research involved one google search and one click before realizing all I thought about her war right, except for the fact that her last name is actually Blows, I was convinced it was a striper stage name, but according to her, it’s the truth, which I guess is convenient and maybe ironic, despite not knowing what Ironic means, because it Blowin’ looks like something she’s used to doing….Kinda like that time I met a Jew named Freeman, who wasn’t in jail, a guy named Black who was Black and a guy named White who was white, then there was the guy named Cleaver who was a butcher, a guy named Combs who was a barber and a guy named Frye who was a cook…..but a little more pornographic, unless of course you consider a Jewish Black Guy with a Cleaver and a Comb who cooks is sexy.

Anyway, these are the things I learned about her:

Vikki was going to get expelled from school at the age of 13 for mooning her head of year, so she left school and started working at a hairdresserâ€™s.

So she dropped out of school at 13….

I get my tittys out 4 a living, its alright, i do this as i am too lazy to get a proper job 😉

I spend most of my time doing Nothing , im not complaining

So she’s basically a lazy stupid bitch who realized that doing nothing all day was easier than working, especially since when you have the education of a 13 year old, spelling your name is fuckin’ hard, but it gives her lots of time to catch up her reading, except she doesn’t know how to read, and the best way to accomodate that downtime was to show her titties for money and I for one, am glad she did…because despite most girls being exported from the UK being busted up hags, this one’s actually worth wanting to stick your dick inside.

Posted in:Calendar|Topless|Vikki Blows

2008

Oct

Brody Jenner Kissing Some Chick of the Day

4 Comments »

When Brody Jenner was in town, someone gave me his manager’s number, so I called asking to hang with Brody and his entourage for stepTV, but his manager didn’t get me into his event, in fact, he didn’t call, email or respond to me reaching out. I guess they all think they are too good for me, you know with their huge success on shitty reality shows they only got because of a rich stepfather.

So despite having a deep hatred for him and his lover Spencer Preatt, I figured he was enough of a no name to have someone like me follow him around, considering I follow girls around all the time, and they don’t always call the cops on me, but then again, they have a lot more going for them than this Jenner motherfucker, mainly a pussy…..but pussy is my vice. It was the main reason I even bothered emailing him and putting myself out there in some kind of selling my soul to the rich kid devil, feeling like someone who actually thinks this cocksucker is relevant enough to hang with, because I thought it would be a good opportunity to get some sloppy second pussy he turned down while I was out with him, because pussy Jenner rejects is pussy that is far better than any pussy I’ve seen.

You know, being in his entourage for just one night, wouldn’t be as bad as you’d expect, i figure dealing with his ego, his hair maintenance and his arrogance, while wasted, isn’t as gut wrenching as considering girls love him, sure they are girls who like dudes who wear Ed Hardy, but girls who like dudes who wear Ed Hardy don’t usually like me, and are pretty high maintenance, dolled up, and keep their pussy nice and shaved, in case of a slip up when dancing on tables after one too many bottle pours from a magnum of Goose, while ignoring my requests to finger bang them on the dance floor….

Either way, this video is of the asshole Brody kissing some chick, I don’t know why I am posting it, because I think he’s useless, but I guess I did it because I have a story about him, not a very good story but a story nonetheless….

Posted in:Brody Jenner|Kissing

2008

Oct

Cheryl Tweedy’s Got Some Hot Cleavage of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Cheryl Tweedy’s tits that are probably old, but my advisor told me before throwing these out there, that the orgasm they may help produce will be new, so it doesn’t matter when they were taken. My advisor, was unfortunately, myself, I haven’t got big enough to afford people to consult, but I decied I should just post them and get on with trying to find some fresher shit and that wasn’t a reference to Cheryl Tweedy being married to a black guy, therefore no longer fresh, if that’s what you’re thinking Racist, I just mean that if you’ve already seen them this is a huge waste of your time, but since I don’t mind wasting your time, since there’s a lot of it to be wasted, I figure, I’ll just post them, since when you masturbate on your computer, you don’t need to know who the girl in the video is, when the video was shot, or if she’s even still alive. So why not use the same logic when doing a post on some UK Spice Girl impersonator’s tits, because there’s really nothing else to talk about, except maybe the fact that you can get off to pictures of cleavage, in which case, you are probably 12 years old and should not be reading this site.

Posted in:Cheryl Tweedy|cleavage

2008

Oct

Bloodshot Bill is the One Man Band Who Needs to Be Famous of the Day

4 Comments »

I used to hang out at a mall near a college and this brown dude with slicked back hair would always let me bum cigarettes off him. The odd time I’d see him outside the mall at a bar while drunk, he always hooked me up with a beer out of his pitcher or more of his really strong smokes, because he knew me from the mall near his college. This was at a time, most people would avoid me or pretend that I didn’t exist, and if they did acknowledge my presence, they’d never have a quarter to spare for a coffee or that they only had one cigarette left so they couldn’t spare one for me.

It turns out the guy’s name is Bloodshot Bill, I just came across his video randomly, and motherfucker is a talent and hope the good Karma from being nice to me in a time no one bothered, pays off for him.

If anything, this video proves that people like Paris Hilton, Katy Perry and other hacks make it, while the real talent is sittin in the food court at your local mall giving down on their luck homeless lookin’ motherfuckers help.

Sometimes Payback isn’t a bitch….

Posted in:Bloodshot Bill|Music