I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day
Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day
Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day
Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day
Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day
Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day
Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day
Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day
Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day
Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

29

Sep

Jennifer Aniston is So Lonely on Vacation in Her Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

Jennifer Ansiton is still on vacation, or back on vacation in Cabo because there’s really not much going on for her back home and living is tired of the only message she gets on her answering machine, after calling every guy in her black book, being her leaving a reminder that she’s out of milk. She’s tired of eating dinner alone every night in front of the TV watching re-runs of friends, realizing the irony of her life, because she has no friends. She is tired of hugging a pillow, pretending it’s a real person, or going to the movies and buying two tickets only to realize that there’s no one to bring in with her.

So she does what any lonely person does and that is hire the hotel staff to be her boyfriend and to stand guard and to protect her. I think this is a form of prostitution, but when a lonely middle-aged woman does it they don’t get criticized, but when I get caught with my pants around my ankles in a back alley in broad daylight, I’m considered a pervert. Double standards man…double fucking standards.

Due to the Paparazzi Being Total Fucking Cocksuckers Espeically the Company Who Owns The Aniston Bikini Pictures, I’m Going to Link to them Instead of Post Them, It’s Just Smarter than Getting a 10,000 dollar invoice I can’t pay because unlike Perez, No advertising executives support this site because they are scared of nipples, despite having hired 3 hookers to lick their assholes with their expense accounts on last month’s business trip.

If You Want to See Aniston in Some Boring Bikini Pics
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Aniston

2008

29

Sep

I was Right About the Good Charlotte Sisters of the Day

2 Comments »

I have been saying that these two have been fucking since they were in the womb and dating girls is just a distraction from the fact that they can’t be together, it just isn’t socially acceptable. I also defended them by saying they aren’t fags for wanting each other’s dicks, because they are identical twins, so it’s like masturbation, but the truth is that masturbation or not, they just can’t get married to each other like they want to and sometimes that truth too hard to accept that they slip up in public and here is the picture. But in their defense, if you were the idiots who were dating Paris and Nicole…a pile of dog shit would start to look like a good fuck.

Here is one of the Good Charlotte Sisters out with Paris Hilton and someone who has Aids, who I guess has decided to start showing her bird face again, but is wearing her Center for Disease control issued condom pants so that she doesn’t spread her shitty vagina sauce all over public places like it was peanut butter and the world was one giant piece of toast. You know like chairs in restaurants, public washrooms and anything else her vagina could possibly touch as it hangs out of whatever pantyless outfit she’s wearing.

Posted in:Benji Madden|Joel Madden|Paris Hilton

2008

29

Sep

Rihanna Does KFC of the Day

26 Comments »

Well this joke kinda writes itself now doesn’t it. Rihanna and Chris Brown went to the place they met for a romantic date and some motherfuckin’ chicken. I mean I don’t want to sound racist or anything, but KFC is to black people what McDonald’s is to Asian people. Motherfuckers love that shit and there is really no arguing it.

I mean there have been times when I am broke and my wife insists on going to KFC on cheap Tuesday, because in Canada you get 2 pieces and fries for 2 dollars or some shit, and walking in to get her her 8 boxes, because even I won’t eat that shit, is like walking into Harlem, Compton or some project in Haiti.

This one time I walked out of there, after spending my wife’s 4 dollars on a couple meals, and 8 black dudes surrounded me and started hassling me for money, you know pushing me, trying to rough me up, one dude even showed me the handle to what I assume was a gun. I told them that I was just there for the chicken and didn’t have any money, so they frisked me and ended up running off with my chicken. I don’t want to sound racist, or imply that black people are criminals or that they will kill for KFC, I mean, I’m just telling a story about something that actually happened to me, so don’t hate me for it, hate the system for letting these fuckers get so poor they can’t even afford KFC on cheap night, unlike superstar Rihanna and her boyfriend Chris Brown, who like white people joining the country club or buying the Lexus, are showing off their success to the black community of the world by showing up to a KFC on a regular night, because in the black community, regular priced KFC is for rich folks….and I hate seeing people flaunt their wealth like that.

Posted in:Chris Brown|KFC|Rihanna

2008

27

Sep

John McCain’s New Campaign Commercial of the Day

9 Comments »

I think she pretty much sums up any of your concerns or questions that you may have regarding the upcoming election. Who knows, maybe she’s your mother, maybe the economic crisis has to do with a large population of these kinds of people, I really don’t know or care, but something about her gives me a boner.

Posted in:Campaign|John McCain

2008

27

Sep

Fuck You Page Six of the Day

3 Comments »

Page Six didn’t credit me for the pictures of Mini-Me’s girlfriend fucking around with Wee Man from Jackass. I know for a fact that I am the only person who wasted their fucking day stealing her facebook pictures, because I was friends with her before this Mini Me story broke on Perez Hilton. I had even seen the shit months ago and didn’t bother with it, because I just assumed she was just some groupie slut trying to fuck her way to the top, using any in she could get, that in being Mini Me, and I was right. My only mistake was thinking no one would care because it’s fucking Mini Me.

Either way, after an hour and a half of saving that shit to put on the fucking internet, these fuckers at the New York Post could have at least said where they saw the pictures of her kissing Wee Man.

Motherfuckers ruined my fucking day. Fuckers.

Posted in:Page Six

2008

27

Sep

RIP Motherfucker the Paul Newman’s Own Edition of the Day

5 Comments »

Along with Salad Dressing, Pasta Sauce, Microwave Popcorn and Chocolate Chip Cookes, Paul Newman can add Obituary to his list of things that are his….

It is the end of an era. Paul Newman died yesterday at 83 from a battle with lung cancer. I just wanted to say his over-priced dressings will not be the same without him around to see the sales reports. This man was Cool Hand Luke and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, a seriously great contribution to American movies, and someone who tried to use his name to make a difference in the lives of sick kids and it’s sad to see him go.

I mean you can’t be all that sad consdering dude is 83, and that’s a pretty long life, one longer than any of us will probably live, but you should take a minute to recognize all that he’s done in his lifetime, and to realize that it is a whole lot more than you ever did.

So tonight when getting drunk and smoking cigarettes, the same cigarettes that killed Paul Newman, spill a little drink on the sidewalk for your fallen homie..I’m talking about you Newman.

It’d be nice if I woke up today to write my RIP Motherfucker to the cast of The Hills, but instead I have to do this. Maybe Paul Newman’s final legacy will be teaching the cast of The Hills how to land a terminal illness, I guess only time will tell.

In the next few years, a lot of these Hollywood Old Timers are going to start droppin’ like flies, I’m talking about Regis, Barbara Walters and a whole lot more, so get ready for a lot more of these…which is exciting, because they are so fun to write while hung the fuck over feeling like death myself. Yay!

To Read More on It
GO

Posted in:Dead|Paul Newman

2008

26

Sep

stepLINKS of the Day

3 Comments »

So I got this email…..

Hi there:

I am a dialysis patient at KPRHC.  I take my macbook to the unit each time and read (most often aloud) your article to all my dbuds and it is always a source of amusement, fun and giggles.  Today, however, was especially good, and we’re writing to thank you so much.  I don’t know who you are, but am wondering if you are published because I’d love to read more.  Thanks for always giving us some fun and please keep ’em comin’.

Love, Pam. xoxo

I guess not everyone hates me. I am happy to be the Patch Adams of our generation, it is more fulfilling then being some rich, gay, joke of an internet personality…seriously.

Here are my links, unedited because it is Friday and we’re drinking here, and by we, I mean me. I have no friends, but at least I have links.

Girls Who Get Naked on Command to Bring in the Weekened…The Lonely…Sad…Weekend….
GO

Iggy Pop’s Retard Cripple Shoes and Hot Pussy Out On a Walk…
GO

I Mean Who Doesn’t Like It When a Model Takes a Tumble?
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Lucy Pinder Should Do Herself a Favor and Start Her Own Magazine She Can Put Herself on The Cover Of Every Month Like Oprah
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Lohan Completes Her Lesbian Transformation By Wearing Flannel Everyday
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Fucking Flying Rats
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Carmen is Curvy
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Maybe This Amy Winehouse Junkie Shit Is All a Joke So She Make the Comeback of all Comebacks
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Kerry Katona Has 36DD Boobs
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Stock Up For the Weekend
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Why The Fuck Was Paris Hilton On Letterman Again. Seriously.
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Sasha Baron Cohen, You Are The Fucking Man
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Some Mandatory Clay Aiken Gay Jokes
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Truck Crashes Into Building
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Only an Idiot Willingly Has Himself Sprayed with Pepper Spray
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Kimbo Slice Will Break Your Face
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Most Amazing Football Catch Ever
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Christina Aguilera Debuts Her Newest Clown Look
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Tuba Trouble
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Because the Girls In Your Comics Won’t Magically Come to Life and Fuck You
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Binoculor Soccer
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In the VIP Thongs
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Swedish Sex Bomb
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Amateur Teen Masterbation
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And More Lucy Pinder
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Lohan Put a Restraining Order On Her Crazy Fucking Father
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Wow Drew Barrymore, You Just Got Your Tongue Pierced!! You’re Sucks a Rebel!!
Seriously, What Are You, Fucking Fourteen?
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I Hate You Katy Perry
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Now That’s What I call a Gold Digger!
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How Can Playing Near Traintracks Ever Work Out Well?
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Because We All Need a Helping Hand Now and Again
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Striptease of the Day
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Monkey Tried to Steal a Car
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Monster Dildo
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Uhhh, I Think It’s Time to Buy a Razor…or a Fucking Weed Whacker
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Gemma Atkinson Bikini Calendar
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The Real Perfect Girlfriend
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Swat Team Versus Fat Kid
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Hayden Party Airs Dad is Officially a Wife Beater
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Tricia Helfer is Half Naked in Some Magazine
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Fox Tail Butt Plug
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Disney is Making a Sarah Palin Movie
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Tera Patrick is All Wet
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Cassie Keller is in Playboy
GO

John McCain is a Fashion Designer
GO

Mini Me’s Sex Tape Star is Doing the Radio Circuit and Flirting With Radio Midgets, Listen to the Interview….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

26

Sep

Kaylee Defer and Her Personal Pictures of the Day

11 Comments »

I have no idea who Kaylee Defer is today, and before getting these sent to my email, I would have assumed that the only pictures of this girl are personal pictures, because she’s a fucking nobody, but I was wrong, she is on some Fox show called “The War at Home”, that I have never heard of, but figured I’d post them anyway, because she seems like a down to earth, hairy pussied girl you can go camping and fishing with and in this Paris Hilton inspired world, finding any chick willing to just kick it in the woods, is pretty impossible. They want ballers, bottle buyers, people to take them to exclusive clubs and 5 star resorts, they don’t want to not shower for a week in the middle of no where getting down with nature by getting eating alive by mosquitos, while sleeping on a shitty air mattress in a shitty tent, only to wake up to all your food for the week being eaten by racoons, or a bear, leaving you a 6 hour hike away from the nearest supplies and forced to fend for yourself, before accidentally eating a poisonous berry and turning into some insane psychopath who taps into your survival instincts and accidentally rapes and kills all the other campers you run across on your journey out of the forest.

Personally, I’m more down for hotels, motels and Holiday Inns, say what? And if I can’t afford a trip, because my shitty claim to fame is a shitty Fox show no one has heard about, I just stay at home and pretend I am on vacation by drinking faggy cocktails.

Either way, here are her pictures.

Posted in:Kaylee Defer|Personal Pics

2008

26

Sep

Some US Politics Post of the Day

16 Comments »

Here’s Palin – Proving that she is a fucking idiot who has no idea what she is talking about and no business running the country….I didn’t watch it because I was too busy lookin for bank owned properties….

If you are reading this post, it means you haven’t sold your computer to pay your mortgage, but I figure you will have to soon. I think it’s funny that McCain’s going to win, just because Obama is black, and this video of Sarah Palin is Hysterical because she has no idea what the fuck is going on.

Here’s an email a reader sent me….

As you can see with the info I’ve provided, Sarah Palin does not endorse free speech or disclosure of what she is saying:

GO

The cunt has done everything possible to stay out of the public eye and when she is forced to be in front of the voting public she won’t allow reporters – only photographers; you aren’t going to catch her saying anything she wasn’t supposed to.  It’s been almost a month and still no press conferences.

Sort of like how she ducked out of telling Bristol Palin about how babies are made. Now her teenage daughters pussy is defiled and a mutated human/First Nation-esque child is growing inside her womb and it will come back to haunt every tax paying US citizen. Sarah Palin should learn that “being a maverick” basically means that some guy is going to cum inside you and leave you with 18+ years of shitty problems. She never learned the art of showing respect to elders/voters; she is quite happy to lie to any and everyone to get more; even if it means giving birth to some white trash daddy kid(s).

Sarah Palin is being used by McCain to try and capture female voters – but it isn’t working… All women aren’t stupid and they know that Palin is nothing more than a semen bucket for old men like John McCain. Hopefully John McCain uses her clown car/pussy to the fullest and then they both go away knowing that they are worthless and their only contribution is to further embarrass US citizens on the world stage. The only good that can come from Palin/McCain is that he’ll get to fuck some new pussy. Hopefully it won’t piss his rich wife/money source off too bad cause his gimpy hand won’t allow him to do anything constructive.

Also…….

Here’s some more good info: McCain’s people have been getting $15,000 a month from Freddie Mac and McCain’s campaign manager (Rick Davis,) has made more than $2 million off the deal:
GO

Enjoy the debate tonight, not because it is going to be exciting to see you choose the worst possible candidate, but because it could be one of the last TV shows you watch before the bank comes to collect your TV cuz you can’t pay your bills. I am pretty excited to move in on your cities with 500 dollars in hand that will make me the richest person in town and all the hungry sluts will crawl to me and suck my dick in exchange for a cracker.

Here’s David Letterman ripping into McCain for ditching out on his show…..

I am only a few days late on this shit…..but that’s because I don’t really care

Posted in:Politics|US

2008

26

Sep

Ashley Tisdale Ugly Watch of the Day

5 Comments »

So….she’s still ugly…but that vitiligo shit stain discoloration on her arm is fucking hot, but I just like girls with disorders because they are easier to boss around. Despite popular belief that I hate ugly girls, I actually always defend them by saying they all have at least one nice attribute, whether it is hot tits, or a hot ass, or that they are skinny, or have nice eyes, or a nice pussy, you just have to look a little past the package as a whole. Just the other day I saw an ugly girl on the bus reading a magazine minding her own business and I decided to let her know that despite being ugly, she had great teeth and great teeth can take you a long way. I was pretty offended when she told me to fuck myself, but I guess some ugly girls have an ugly personality to match, or maybe I offended her by letting her know I knew she was ugly, but I figured by leaving the house that day, she already accepted that. So despite Ashley Tisdale’s hot skin disorder, she’s still ugly and that concludes the Ashley Tisday Ugly Watch of the Day.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ugly