DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Aug

Lydia Hearst and Aubrey O’Day Make Out of the Day

6 Comments »

I have been having computer problems so I slept at a friend’s house after passing out there drunk last night because he said I could use his shit. It was a much needed vacation from the hell that is my living situation. I only woke up at 11:30 and my friend was watching Lydia Hearst and Tyson talking about underwear, because today is underwear day and she announced that she doesn’t wear underwear on national TV. Since she’s always been a sweetheart to me on facebook I decided to write her something about how hot I find it that she doesn’t wear underwear and I say these series of facebook status updates…..

Lydia seriously folks…. seeing isn’t believing… some things are just meant for the silver screen…12:54am

Lydia seriously folks…. seeing isn’t believing… some things are just meant for the silver screen…GOTCHA.5:24am

Lydia *NOTE: Last night was for a movie. Thank you to everyone who participated and sorry for those who were unaware of the staged scenes. See Fanpage for more info.6:00am

Lydia Sorry to all the photographers who were unaware that the lesbian scene was publicly staged for a movie; thanks for your participation. More info on my FanPage.11:38am

I didn’t realize what she was talking about, but came across the pics and decided to post them. I am all for girls making out with girls, even if it’s for a cry for attention or if it’s an attempt to make fun of Sam Ronson, Hearts’ trust fund rich kid buddy who went to high school with her and the rumor is that Sam Ronson took Lydia Hearsts’ Fiance to their high school Grad and Lydia Hearst is mad because it ruins their fairytale love story. There’s some scoop for you that you don’t give a fuck about.

The truth is that this is pretty fuckin’ weak making out, they aren’t even bumpin’ cunts and there’s no way this is for the “silver screen” or “staged” or “planned”, it’s just a dumb drunken stunt she’s trying to cover up.

I hate Danity Kane and I didn’t understand why a socialite who is richer than God would be hanging out with a member of a trashy reality TV created Band, but then I realized they were introduced by their hair dresser and sometimes it’s cool to hang out with poor people to feel better about yourself, the same reason why this guy I know throws quarters at homeless people, he feels like they are a good luck charm and give him karma points that will make him have a luckier, better day. Some kind of piss and shit covered, vomiting lucky charm that’s magically disgusting

I am hungover.

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day|Lydia Hearst

2008

Aug

stepLINKS of the Day

3 Comments »

I went to watch a bunch of senior lawn bowling because I heard it’s the number one place to spot someone have a heart attack or stroke and I figured it would make me value my life a little more than I already do. I am lying, I went because I heard it was a rich old person sport and I figured there would be some hot rich old lady pussy that was desperate for some male attention because their husbands died decades ago. I am lying, I went because it’s free to watch and I don’t realy have many options for entertainment that’s free, other than stealing my neighbor’s internet connection.

Either way, here’s some links to entertain you for free, you cheap fucks….

Segway’s Are Twice As Funny When People Fall Of Them
GO

Tracy Turnblad and America’s Next Top Hoe Airport Fist Fight Update
GO

Big Tits Review Harold and Kumar
GO

Fans with No Tickets Breached Security Fences at Lollapalooza
GO

Did Tila Tequila Buy Herself a New Ass With All That Money She Got for Being Gay?
GO

Irainian Girls Need to Take the Burkas Off More Often
GO

Miley Cyrus Hosted The Teen Choice Awards – Here’s the Slut in on the Slut Red Carpet
GO

Top 10 Bikini Car Wash Moments….
GO

Is she a Cougar or Not
GO

The Hills Sluts Go For a Night on the Town
GO

Battlestar’s Grace Park in some Slutty photoshoot
GO

Diddy’s New Chick Cassie May Be The Hottest In The Game
GO

Holly is a Slut on a Show Called Sunset Tan – This is her HOT FHM Photoshoot
GO

Some Sluts at the 2008 Teen Choice Awards
GO

Holly Valance Gets Sleazy for FHM
GO

DJ and Stephanie Tanner’s Tits from Full House are Reunited – It’s a Whole Lot More Boring Than Meth Addiction
GO

The Top 8 Celebrity Look Alikes
GO

And I Thought I Was Fucking Lazy
GO

50 Hottest Athletes in the Olympics
GO

Eva Mendes’ Banned Calvin Klein Ad That Shows Nipples
GO

Crazy Lady Library Fun
GO

BOB MARKER OR GTFO!!
GO

HOlly Valance in FHM
GO

What Fun is Younger Sibling Unless You Are Hurting Them Brutally?
GO

Guy Who Like THongs Are Into Shit Covered Strings.
Here’s a Whole Gallery
GO

Find Girls to Fuck, Make Dad Proud
GO

HOlly Morgan Gallery
GO

Monday Amateur Madness
GO

FIRST PHOTOS OF THE TWIN STDS!!
GO

MK Olsen May Get a Grand-Jury Subpoena Regarding the Death of Heath Ledger
GO

Sex Drive May Possibly Be The Worst Movie of the Year – Trailer
GO

Cheerleader Cat Fight!!!
GO

Ruin People’s Personal Moments, Why Not?
GO

Nicolette Sheridan Is Looking Pretty Good for a 90 Year Old
GO

Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrsu Are Your Jailbait Lesbo Fantasy
GO

Cute Blonde Amateur Set
GO

Lohan’s Lezzie Wedding
GO

WTF is Shauna Sand Wearing
GO

Jessica Dior is Purly Bangable
GO

Use This to GEt Sex, Becuase You Lies About How Much You Get Laid Are Catching Up With You Fast
GO

Probably the Only Good Part About Working in an Office
GO

Latina Hips Can Do No Wrong
GO

Jenny McClain Takes a Shower
GO

More Leaked Miley Cyrus Photos
GO

Hey Cancer, You Suck!
GO

All Hail Triumph!!
GO

Walk of SHame
GO

Teen’s Choice Awards Sluts
GO

Shyla Styles is Taking a Shower
GO

Win a Coin Toss Everytime
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Young Chick Showing Her Tits
GO

Getting Virtually Laid is Better Than Not Getting Laid at All
GO

This Will GIve You Something to Jerk Off To
GO

LA Sluts with Fake Tits Kissing
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

Aug

Tila Tequila Shows Off Her Ass of the Day

10 Comments »

Here’s Tila Tequila showing the world the trick she used to land her first job every pretty much every job since.

Speaking of sluts working, I was at the strippers on Saturday night and I managed to get kicked out because one of the whores came up to me to ask for a dance, right as I was sitting down. I told her that I didn’t want to grab her tits yet and that I needed to get into the mood by watching the other girls, not really because I wasn’t in the mood but because this bitch had a mangled fucking face and a body that was begging to be covered up and had broken out in hives as a protest to her doing exploiting it, when it had no business being exploited.

Either way, she wouldn’t fuck off and I told her that I needed to get some drink in me just to continue the conversation a because beer goggles were the only way I could get through it without turning gay and that I didn’t think they had enough booze in the place to make me want to see or touch her naked and I have low fucking standards so she she should just fuck off and find an old desperate man who is just happy to talk to a 19 year old girl and who doesn’t care about how ugly she is as long as he gets the attention and instead she went to the bouncer like a little cry baby and I was asked to leave.

Posted in:Ass|Tila Tequila

2008

Aug

Sophie Monk is Rich of the Day

11 Comments »

Call me sexist, but I don’t think girls should drive expensive sports cars because they have a hard enough time driving everyday cars that putting that kind of horsepower under their vaginas is just asking for disaster and a very luxurious traffic jam caused by her multiple attempts at parallel parking the fuckin’ thing. The only stick a girl should be rockin’ is the one in her man’s pants and if she needs to get herself around to the grocery store, because that’s really the only time she should be let out of the house, she should take the fuckin’ bus. But if a bitch insists on having her own car because we live in a modern world where women don’t belong to men, there’s always the Smart Car or the Miata or a minivan to pick the kids up from soccer, but a Ferraris shouldn’t even be considered because it should be illegal for them to get behind the wheel.

Speaking of girls lookin’ retarded, I was just outside for about a minute to see if the world had been wiped out by some kind of natural disaster and to my disappointment it hadn’t but this really hot girl wearing the tightest little shorts and the tightest little top rolled by me. I felt like she was sent by god to bring joy to my life with her bounching braless breasts in a wifebeater, before realizing she was on a fucking skateboard, not the longboard kind that you see on the beach that everyone is using for transportation these days, but an actual skateboard like Tony Hawk would use and no matter how hot she was, her awkward balancing and use of the thing offended me so much that I couldn’t enjoy her the way she was meant to be enjoyed because of her stupid gender bending behavior because she feels the need to break barriers by using something made for boys badly and I felt like I was at the circus.

Either way, here are pictures of Sophie Monk and her weird lookin’ face I want to fuck shopping for luxury sports cars because she’s richer than us even though she’s barely done anything, proving that entertainment is a smart career choice if you’re lookin’ for one. She’s obviously trying to feed some emptiness caused by her future husband and lesbian lover from Good Charlotte cheating on her with Paris Hilton, which is usually something that leads other girls to suicide because that vagina bumpin’ by association is too close for comfort.

Posted in:Rich|Sophie Monk

2008

Aug

Megan Fox is a Drunken Stepmother of the Day

8 Comments »

So Megan Fox is a stepmother, I didn’t know that and have a new found respect for her because I am a firm believer that being in an extended family is better than having your own family. Not only can you escape pretty much all responsibility when you want, but you can also get that taste of parent hood to make you realize you made the right choice in not ruining your body or your pocketbook.

The other exciting thing about extended families is that you can fuck each other without having any genetic mutant babies, which is good news for Brian Austin Green’s kid he had with Vanessa Marcil, because in a few years, when he accidentally walks in on his stepmother showering, it’ll be okay to jerk off to what he say. If he’s really lucky, maybe the fact that he only has half of Brian Austin Green’s shitty genes and is a diluted version of the loser, will get Megan Fox lubed up and this kid will be living out my fantasy of being molested by a hot stepmother. That could just my jealousy of molested kids speaking, because no one took the time to molest me growing up and I feel like i’ve really missed out, or maybe it’s just the fact that seeing Megan Fox move onto new dick like the slut that she dresses like and pretends to be excites me.

Either way, here she is with her stepson.

Posted in:Megan Fox|Stepmother

2008

Aug

Ashey Tisdale is Older than She Says She is of the Day

4 Comments »

A source close to Ashley Tisdale emailed me telling me that she lies about her age. I was told that she’s actually 5 years older than she claims she is because she wanted to play teenage girls and didn’t think she’d make the cut if people knew she was 5 years older than she is. That’s the same kind of false advertising you use everytime you tell a girl that you have a big dick or that you are rich or whatever other lie you use to get laid, only in her case it worked.

I am really never against a girl lying about her age, I actually really support it when I meet girls in bars and they tell me that they are 18 or 20 when I know they are 15 or 16, it makes trying to fingerbang them a little easier to live with and a lot less illegal.

All this to say, that whether Ashley Tisdale is 28 or 23, she’s still a fucking dog of a girl and her lies about her age are the least of her concerns and reconstructive surgery is a priority.

Bonus That’s Not Really a Bonus – Here are Some Pictures of Her Leaving the Gym in Effort to Keep Her Youthful Physique

Posted in:Ashely Tisdale|old

2008

Aug

Petra Nemcova is a Slut of the Day

3 Comments »

I think it’s a little soon for Petra Nemcova to be out making out with some guy, considering it was just 3 and a half years ago when her boyfriend at the time got swept away byt the great wave. Call me old school, but there’s just something really special about seeing a widowed Italian woman who spends the last 25 years of her life wearing black from head to toe because her husband died. It’s that kind of loyalty that makes me trust marriage, because you know that the husband would be turning in his grave if his woman was gallivanting her vagina around town to deal with her lonliness.

Sure you can argue that Petra wasn’t married, that she was young and that her boyfriend would want her to get on with her life, but those are just excuses that justify her being a slut and rubbing it all in our faces with this public display from a couple weeks ago.

Posted in:Petra Nemcova

2008

Aug

Christina Applegate’s Got Tit Cancer of the Day

5 Comments »

Tit cancer is like AIDS, it ravages something I like. Now I’ve never really been a fan of Christina Applegate, except maybe in Married With Children when I had lower standards for sluts on TV, because there weren’t really that many sluts on TV,, but I do know that she was someone everyone wanted to fuck throughout her career and I hope that after her tits get cut off and she gets her free government funded big ol’ implants and a nipple tattooed on, people won’t hold the fact that her tits were weak and diseased and couldn’t put up a solid fight and can go back to fucking her in their fantasies….

Top 3 Christina Appelgate Tit Videos to Celebrate Her Tits that once Were….

1- The Sweetest Thing
Cameron Diaz & Christina Applegate – Click here for more free videos

2- Married With Children
Christina Applegate Bouncing Tits In Married With Children – The best video clips are right here

3- Some Stripper Video
Christina Applegate Stripper Scene (no Nudity) – Watch more amazing videos here

Posted in:Christina Applegate|Tits

2008

Aug

Paz Vega’s Bikini Ass of the Day

4 Comments »

Paz Vega went out to the beach with her one year old kid and she wore a pretty interesting bikini, my wife has the same one, or at least one that fits the same way, but that’s just because all fullback bikinis look like thongs against her huge, rotten ass.

I always get hate because I hate on new mothers because pregnancy ruins their bodies, but I guess sometimes, in the rare case, they bounce back. It’s kinda like how a small percentage of people are immune to the AIDS virus and it could be you. The only way to really find out is to get out there and fuck intravenous drug using whores without a condom as often as you can. Let me know how it works out for you.

Posted in:Bikini|Paz Vega|Thong

2008

Aug

Audrina and Heidi Montag are Fake Friends of the Day

14 Comments »

I hate The Hills. I have never watched it and will never watch it, but doing this site forces me to know what the cunts on the show are up to. I figure if I wanted to watch a group of ugly rich kids complaining about their scripted, obvious and boring lives, I’d just go to the Starbucks down the street, at least that way I can follow the whores home and rape some sense into them, when I am pretty much at a lost when it comes to teaching these MTV bitches a lesson, since they are too big of a deal to be accessible for some fat dude in Canada.

The real issue with their fame is that it’s really got nothing to do with them, and a lot to do with you and the people you know. You cocksuckers are watching their shit, talking about the shit, buying the DVDs of the shit, inflating their whore egos and giving MTV no choice but to continue writing the garbage that rapes the minds of everyone who watches it.

The only thing remotely interesting about the show is that it’s on some Truman Show level, where they have pretty much sold out their lives to play their part all the fucking time, so that they don’t slip up on the continuity of the story, and the lies they are living are going to become their reality so when the show is cancelled and they realize that they can’t survive in real life because they don’t know who they really are and have no identity and will never be able to live down the cunts they play like they are Gary Coleman or some shit and can’t quite figure out why the rest of the world acts so differently than they did when they were on the show only and the only escape is suicide.

Either way, here’s two girls from The Hills showing the world how full of shit they are in this fake interraction that pisses me off….