I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

27

Aug

Kelly Osbourne Was Out of Line of the Day

I can think of a few reasons why someone would beat Kelly Osborne up, the main one being frustration that the girl you are dating looks like a fat fuckin’ teenaged boy who eats too many chips because they are his only friends before realizing life sucks and making his way to the local department store to buy a trench coat to wear when he school shoots all the bullies and popular kids. Waking up to a bitch that looks like that is pretty much all the convincing you need that your life fuckin’ sucks, you are worthless and you should give the fuck up, but when you can’t find a way to leave her because she pays your rent, you find a way to stomach her disgustingness, but as time goes on you realize that she’s a spoiled brat with an attitude that is almost as shitty as the smell of her sweaty, and doesn’t shut the fuck up and as every day goes buy, your fuse slowly gets shorter and shorter, snapping at the littlest things she does, until one day slammin her in the head for telling you that she loves you. Unfortunately, being a fat teenaged boy who cuts herself, being beat by her boyfriend makes her wet that someone would care enough to get physically abusive, when all the other guys just never called back and that makes her want to fuck you, leaving you back where you started because when you land a fat chick, or a fat chick lands you, there’s no escape, they won’t let you out, even if you try to spousal abuse your way out. Trust me.

I guess the black eye could have happened at an all you can eat buffet accident, or maybe in some prescription drug related accident, but I like to think it’s a man trying to teach an ugly girl a lesson situation, but that’s just because it’s like porn to me and I have a one-track mind and that track is the porn track…pretty much the best track around…so if you’re like me, you’ll appreciate these pictures.

Posted in:Black Eye|Kelly Osbourne

2008

27

Aug

Kate Bowsworth Lookin’ Hot of the Day

I had an argument with some chick who told me Kate Bowsworth was the hottest celebrity out there. I wasn’t sure who she was because she’s pretty much a no name and I kept using that as the basis of my argument that she in no way is the hottest celebrity because she’s not even a celebrity, before realizing this conversation was on the same level as giving girls in my eighth grade class a number rating with my group of loser friends who could never get up inside the girls we were givin’ 7s to and tried to divert the conversation to her vagina. You know ask her things about it that sound profound but are really my way to get details on what it looks like. It’s a philosophical approach that always tricks college girls. I ask if questions like “if your vagina was a country, what would it be” or “if your vagina was a hat what would it look like” then I bust out a porn mag and ask them to point out the vagina that looks most like theirs and it is always a fuckin’ dealbreaker.

The point of all this is to say, here’s the hottest Kate Bowsworth pic I’ve ever seen, maybe the chick I was talking to was right.

Posted in:Hot|Kate Bowsworth

2008

27

Aug

Tara Reid Does Swimwear of the Day

So it turns out that I was wrong about Tara Reid yesterday.I was under the impression that she was just hanging out at the Ed Hardy booth to get some free clothes to wear out since all her other clothing sponsors pulled out when they realized she was a waste of time, something many men haven’t done when fucking her because they figure she’s made enough money to support them if she gets knocked up, without knowing that she got a hysterectomy to deal with pre-cancerous cells caused by HPV, and it turns out that she was at the trade show launching her own swimwear line, because she has spent the last 5 year old Spring Break. I guess she’s more enterprising than I thought she was and I am sure the tacky party sluts who envy her life will eat this shit up like it was a pile of cocaine in the VIP room.

I have a friend I call Tara Reid. Not because he’s some hot actress I wanted to fuck, but because dude’s fuckin’ useless. His dad died about 5 years ago and he inherited 400,000 dollars and has been living off the shit, going out every night like a permanent vacation and feeding a huge coke habit as he slowly self destructs. He had a few messy encounters with the law, bar owners and girls and has since decided to kick the shit. The other day, I ran into him and we laughed about the last time I saw him and he was passed out on a park bench, trying to secure his balance and 5 in the afternoon and he assured me that he wouldn’t be that messy again, not that I cared, but I guess he was embarrassed. I asked him if he was still hitting the bag and he said there’s no fuckin’ way and about 5 minutes later asked me if I had any for him. It’s nice to see an old dog not learning new tricks, or bullshitting the world and himself, it’s the kind of consistency I appreciate because it manages my expectations and Tara Reid hasn’t let me down by trying to clean up her act yet and I can only hope, that like my friend, her bikini clad slutting out will never change.

Posted in:Swimwear|Tara Reid

2008

27

Aug

Shawn Johnson’s an Athlete of the Day

I posted these pictures of Shawn Johnson in a Bikini the other day and I didn’t do it because I thought she was hot. I did it because you are a proud nation and she’s your golden girl and despite lookin’ like Hayden Panettiere on steroids, you still can jerk off to her because of pride. She was going to Letterman the other day and was wearing some Athletic gear, because I assume she doesn’t know anything other than her life of training hard or how non-athletes dress, but I think it’s safe to say her jacked arms would have been enough of a sign to not challenge her to the parallel bars. Sometimes I wish I could leave the house in my work uniform, but I figure a naked fat guy with a pair of mismatched socks and a lap top balanced on his hairy belly wouldn’t go over as well as I’d like it to…We get it Shawn Johnson, you’re an Olympic Athlete, you can put on a pair of jeans now.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

27

Aug

Elisabetta Gregoraci and Her Hot Ass with her Old Husband of the Day

Elisabetta Gregoraci is some model who is married to some almost billionaire old guy who is the president of the Grand Prix race car races. She’s got a hot fuckin’ body, one that would cost 5,000 dollars an hour or 30,000 dollars for the weekend under normal circumstances, but because she has a career of her own, she likes to keep her high class escorting masked as a marriage. Everyone shits on her for being a wallet fucker and no one shits on him for being a pervert who likes young pussy and gets young pussy using her wallet and is just another example of how we live in a man’s world and it’s just not fair for fleshy crotched sister, but the way I see it, there are a whole lot of rich young guys out there. The kind who have rich parents, trust funds and even successful careers of her own, so callin’ this bitch out on marrying for money not love, when she has other options, is wrong when it’s pretty obvious that the root of all this is Daddy Issues. Something I fully support because without daddy issues, going to the stripclub or meeting sluts craving attention by flashing her tits at the bar wouldn’t exist and they are things I pretty much need to live.

Posted in:Bikini|Elisabetta Gregoraci

2008

27

Aug

DeAnna Pappas and Her Fake Husband on the Beach of the Day

DeAnna Pappas and the guy who won her heart from 20 other guys on the Bachelorette last season were out showing the world that they are in fact in love and are no way contractually obliged to stay together or seemingly stay together after the show by making random photo op outings all to to make the legitimacy of the show seem more than just a cheap ploy to manipulate the public, who are bored in their own life and need these reality shows to connect with people they think are like them and live vicariously through. Advertisers love it, producers make more money because the cast are just average attention craving joes who don’t demand celebrity prices and everyone’s a fuckin’ winner in the end, even the dudes who lost out to this asshole are winners, because they got their 5 minutes on TV that they can tell their kids about, they also got to get up in this bitch, without having to spend a year pretending they love her fat spic ass. She’s definitely nothing special but better than nothing and that’s pretty much the same way I feel about these bikini pics.

Posted in:Bachelorette|Bikini|DeAnna Pappas

2008

26

Aug

stepLINKS of the Day

I was going to write about how I went back to a pet store for the third time to play with this puppy, it’s a Bull Pug that I have already named because I figure adding him to my life will give me some purpose and something nice to look at in my shitty apartment I never leave, and when I was there, I saw this Asian who was there the last time I was there and just staring at the cat with his mouth watering like he was at the fuckin’ market in his hometown and no one told him that these cats aren’t meant for eating and that they are for pets, a concept he probably doesn’t understand, but realized I already wrote about it and why bother you with the same story a second time, so instead I am going to post some spam I go today …..

Hey We have hijacked your baby but you must pay once to us $50 000. The details we will send later…

Here are my links…

Kelly Osbourne Got Out of Line and Beat The Fuck Up….Call Me Sick But Seeing a Girl Like This Turns Me The Fuck On….
GO

Vanessa Minnillo is Jessica Simpson’s Replacement and has Some Serious Fucking Legs
GO

Finally, Television Comes Out With a Show That Will REALLY Scare the Shit Out of You
GO

Fuck Fox News!!
GO

I Mean, Who Doesn’t Love Their Weatherman, Really?
GO

There’s Something Different About Minnie Driver, I Just Can’t Put My Finger On It
GO

Bianca Gascoigne Pantyless Upskirt Throwback
GO

Well Britney Spears Just Ruined My Day….
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Vote McCain in 2008!!!
GO

10 Funniest Videos of Fat People Falling….
GO

Kim Kardashian is a Real Survivor…And I am Not talking About Her Vagina….
GO

Weird Topless Chick in a Jewelry Ad
GO

7 Famous Dicks in History….
GO

Jenna Jameson Has Something in Her Vagina and It’s Not a Cock, a Cucumber, a Hairspray Bottle, a Dildo, OR a Cell Phone
GO

Fuck, Even I Know NOt To Fuck Around Near Trains, and I Am Half Retarded
GO

And That’s How You Do a Job Right
GO

Somebody’s Got Some ‘Splainin to Do
GO

The Losers on This Video May Look Familiar Because It is Probably You And Your Friends
GO

Why Hello Helen Flanagan
GO

Crasiest Bus Accident Ever
GO

Kate, Raven and Misty
GO

I Mean, Who Doesn’t Love a Naughty Schoolgirl, Honestly?
GO

Busty Ballerina
GO

Do Youself a Favor and Find a Girl to Fuck
GO

Okay, Well This is the Scariest Thing I Have Ever Seen in My Life
GO

Is It Me, Or Is Audrina Patridge Getting Hefty
GO

God Damn I Love Eva Mendes
GO

RIP Motherfucker the Dr Dre’s Son Edition – I Think It’s a Drug Overdose….
GO

Fuck You Madonna
GO

Amateur Heaven
GO

And That’s Why I Am Never Going to Russia
GO

Psycho Orgasm
GO

Expect the Unexpected
GO

Mikalah Analise Gordon is You Boner of the Day
GO

Use This to Get Sex Because You are a Hopeless Virgin
GO

Anetta Keys Top is See Through
GO

Italy is Organizing a Beauty Pagent for Nuns. Seriously.
GO

A Skateboard Faceplant is Always Fun. For Me.
GO

Shaving the Landing Strip
GO

Which Ass Would You Tap
GO

What the Fuck is Beyonce’s Discount Sister in Some Discount Clothing…
GO

Solange, What the Fuck Are You Wearing?
GO

Wakeboarding in a Tropical Storm
GO

Nella and Peaches Get it On
GO

Andy Dick is Innocent?
GO

If The Hollyoaks TV Show is Anything Like This Magazine Cover, I Am SOLD!
GO

Playboy Babe Kristina Jarvis
GO

Make the Most Putrid Stink Bomb Ever
GO

Some Montreal Whore I Haven’t Fucked
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

26

Aug

Rihanna’s Boring Videoshoot of the Day

Rihanna and her boyfriend are on the set of some music video she’s recording and paying for out of her earnings and by the looks of it, shit’s going to suck. I don’t really get how a bitch who performs in a dominatrix outfit, lookin’ like a whore you’d pay to piss on you, can pull off wearing some oversized homely dress I would expect to see a fat retarded kid wear to a baptism or bar mitzvah depending on her faith, and not something I want to see a slut playing wholesome in. Just look how she holds onto that Chris Brown lookin’ motherfucker’s hand like she didn’t let him finish inside her earlier this morning. I guess it’s a concept thing…not a concept me or any of the guys who jerk off to her like, but a concept nevertheless.

Posted in:Boring|Rihanna|Videoshoot

2008

26

Aug

Pam Anderson and her Old Lady Fake Tits of the Day

So Pam Anderson is a aging inspiration to sluts rockin’ the pole everywhere. It is hope that their Playboy tattoos will end up paying themselves off many times over by leading to a centerfold that leads to a shitty acting career that makes them enough money to be luxurious sluts on an international level instead of their local town and trailer park they are from. She is also an inspiration as a pioneer to people like Paris Hilton and every girl with a digital camera that they too can find success with homemade porn.

I was sitting at an intersection today, not in the intersection the way you’d want me to be sitting in hopes that the pain from this site ends, and this car pulls up with a decal that read “Life Coaching” next to a scenic mountainscape or someshit. I looked the car over and shit was a beat up Hyundai from the early 90s, the dude driving the car was bald, in glasses, about 60 years old, in a cheap fucking suit and about 250 pounds and I thought that that’s the kind of guy that could really help me achieve the life I want because he’s fuckin’ livin’ it.

I guess in a lot of ways, I’m just a bleached blonde, fake tittied slut, and he is my Pamela Anderson but I forgot to write down the number so I guess I’ll just have to coach myself through this life. Oh well.

Posted in:Fake Tits|old|Pam Anderson

2008

26

Aug

Stacy Keibler’s Got Some Legs of the Day

I like to reference things I think suck by calling them “gayer than bicycle shorts” because bicycle shorts are pretty fucking gay. Unfortunately, Stacy Keibler is putting my theory to the test by wearing a pair, because when they are on some useless ex-wrestling, Dancing with the Stars slut and are short, tight, and hugging her pussy, all while showing off her long legs, there’s little gay about this shit. Even if she wore this outfit while suckin’ off a dude getting fucked up the ass by another dude in some kind of bi-sexual porn, I’d still have trouble calling it gay and I may be forced to start calling thing I think suck “gayer than two dudes riding a motorcycle” because that is always fuckin’ gay.

Speakin of Gay, I went to grab a coffee earlier and there was some dude who reminded me of you in front of me. He was an awkward lookin’ guy you’d expect collects action figures and plays a lot of videogames and has very few friends. I looked over at him and noticed a gob of fuckin’ cum hanging from the side of his head like he just finished jerking off to anime and the orgasm was built up for so long because he’s mom never gives him fuckin’ privacy and dude didn’t realize it like he was in that Something About Mary scene but less Jewish. I found the whole thing disgusting and tried not to make it obvious, but my gagging sounds were kinda hard to pass off as gas. It was fuckin’ vile but I get free coffee at that place so I’m not about to let some virgin’s cummy hair ruin that for me like they’ve ruined posting celebrity nipple pictures by giving me a bad name and confusing people into thinking I am one of them.

Either way, here’s Stacy Keibler.

Posted in:Legs|Shorts|Stacy Keibler