I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

28

Jul

Ali Lohan’s Already Showing Off her Tits of the Day

Ali Lohan may look like she’s 40, but last I heard she’s 15 and I can only assume that she’s been put onto some kind of hormone therapy by her mother to start the gravy train as soon as possible, because it’s never too soon to slut out and get dudes jerking off to you because shit sells records and makes your mom money before you turn 18 and can cut her out of the mix like you were the kid on Home Alone who fucked Michael Jackson.

It’s always exciting when a teenage girl decides to bring her tits out to play, it’s like she knows they are ready to be seen and it’s the kind of right of passage I like better than seeing kids graduate high school, or Jews get Bar Mitzvahed, or African men being publicly circumsized into manhood in front of their tribe. I remember when my stepdaughter starded developing tits, at first she was shy and insecure about that shit and would always cover up but only a few months later she was walking around topless or in her bra begging her mom to get a hot tub so that we could have hot tub parties and so that she could show off her tight hot young body….actually I think I was the one begging my wife for the hot tub, but none of that matters, what does matter is that seeing a girl become a woman is a creepy yet beautiful thing.

On a side note someone promoting Ali Lohan accidentally emailed me about her new single and I decided to ask for an interview, I wrote

you should get me an interview – i’ll be good to her – we’ll do wholesome things, with a creepy overtone, like playing in the park, going for ice cream and inviting her back to my van to see my kittens….

it will be amazing

I never got a response because it’s hard to catch a break when you are me….

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Tits

2008

28

Jul

Amy Winehouse Has Hot Jewish Skin of the Day

I decided to reconnect with nature about an hour ago because I saw a rain cloud rollin’ over a beautiful sunny day and figured that it would be a great opportunity to get a video of chicks running from the rain, tits bouncing, hands covering see through shirts because when they woke up and went to work, they thought the day was going to beautiful and that they didn’t need to wear a bra under their white shirts and all that good stuff, but it turns out I don’t have a camera and after walking around for an hour I only say one set of hard nipples and they were on some 80 year old who probably didn’t know it was raining because she was too busy trying to remember where she was walking to and how to get home.

The image was almost as hot as these pics of a fucked up Amy Winehouse’s busted up drug addict face that looks like some kind of human medical testing from the people at Asprin in 1940s Germany, I can only hope it matches her pussy because if it didn’t all this self destruction would go to complete waste since there’s nothing like blood, puss, tears and the smell of rotting flesh to keep sex exciting, especially when with fucking someone who is on the cusp of life and death…..

The truth is that she looks like all the Jewish girls I’ve seen before the nose jobs, braces, skin treatments and accutane prescriptions and for some reason she makes me want to go to Israel to find my own Jew to be a mexican migrant gardener for. I hear they are into cheap labor and people they can pretty much take advantage of because they are illegals .

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Wreck

2008

28

Jul

Whoopi Goldberg’s Erotic Moment of the Day

I have a thing for Whoopi Goldberg, not because I find her hot, but because I find her sexual andongyny so confusing it is pornographic. It’s like is that a dude with long hair, or a chick who looks like a dude, and my entire life I have been fascinated with how unattractive I found her that it’s become an obsession. I remember seeing a scene in Ghost where she kissed Patrick Swayze and I felt sick to my fucking stomach, like I had accidentally walked into a gay bar and saw two dudes fagging out, and then I remember seeing her rockin’ a dress in Sister Act and realized that we were dealing with a vagina or a man dressed like a nun. Everytime I hear about her fucking dudes, or am reminded that she was dating Ted Dancing Danson, I find the whole thing a massive mind fuck that has become sexy to me…..

Here is a clip of Whoopi Kissing that Katy Perrry Kissed a Girl singer on The View. Be careful, shit is red hot.

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Posted in:erotica|Whoopi Goldberg

2008

28

Jul

Britney Spears in a Bikini in Cabo of the Day

So Britney Spears is in Cabo with her hired friends and dancers training hard for their big VMA performance I heard about on the radio. I could be wrong and these pictures could be old and the hired gay dude may actually be one of her “real” friends and not an employee or someone trying to ride her coat tails and get some media attention, but it doesn’t matter because she looks amazing. This is just further proof that if you throw a bitch in the gym for 6 months and force photographer to put on a grainy lens, she totally looks worth fucking, but in all fairness to Britney’s slow dive into the gutter, none of us can small the smells she’s releasing or see the brown stains around her pussy on her nice white bikini, so her hard work in being insane and giving up on life hasn’t fully gone to waste, as long as she stays out of the pool because she wouldn’t want the chlorine may to kill off the bacterial build-up collection, it’s taken 2 years to make and it can’t go to waste….

Either, I wish they made glasses that had the same effect that I could use on my wife because if they did, I am sure my penis would still work like a normal, vibrant, sober 40 year old man. I know I am boring today, but it’s monday and I hate you as much as I hate this computer.

Posted in:Bikini|Britney Spears|Vacation

2008

28

Jul

Gordon Ramsay and His Slut in a Bikini of the Day

I’ve seen the Hell Kitchen show and I find it annoying. Dude’s a fuking whining baby who has this intesity that gives me a fucking headache. I’m like if you don’t like it motherfucker, do it your fucking self. His high standards are too fucking irritating, but I guess he doesn’t carry that over into his personal life, because if you’re curious about what motherfucker’s eating in his sparetime off camera, here it is and shit’s definitely not fine dining, but more like the kind of meal you’d be stuck with at the caferteria of your grandmother’s old folk’s home, but as someone with no standards in anything I do in life, and who would eat 6 day old moldy leftovers I find in the garbage in hopes that they food poison me to death, she looks hot to me.

Posted in:Gordon Ramsay|Slut

2008

28

Jul

Kim Kardashian Big Tits in a Bikini for McDonalds of the Day

Kim the Urinal was living out a childhood dream this past weekend and that was to be invited to a McDonald’s event to pose with the biggest Big Mac ever. I hear she demanded that they pay her in food and not money, because she’s got enough money but can never get enough food.

The truth is that Kim Kardashian is the kind of Fat Chick McDonald’s has been searching the world over for. They wanted a spokesperson for the brand that despite being 50 pounds overweight and rockin’ the obesity BMI, she’s still got dudes everywhere jerking off to her because her Big Macs go straight to her big ass and big tits, that’s why she’s in a bikini top.

Unfortunately, the only Special Sauce Kim Kardashian is really into comes out of black cock, so I’d say put that on your Big Mac and eat it, but the truth is that they’re more into fuckin’ watermelon and fat blonde chicks.

Posted in:Bikini|Kim Kardashian|McDonalds

2008

28

Jul

Blake Lively Nipple Slip of the Day

I hate nipple slips even though I have made a small fortune off of them and by small fortune I mean that I bought my first case of beer off money made with this site last week, and to me that means I am rich, because up until last week, I was using my wife’s pocket change to support my drinking and that pretty much sucked because she’s on disability and almost as hurtbag as I am.

Either way, it’s nice to know that I got a taste of freedom that I never thought I’d feel because I am too lazy to get a job and it’s nice to know that I got my beer because I post celebrity sluts slippin’ up, but none of that matters to me because I still fucking hate eveything about nipple slips. I hate that people call them wardrobe malfunctions, I hate that half the time a nipple slip involves about 1/4 of an inch of the nipple’s shit stain, I hate that they don’t turn me on and I hate that they aren’t pussy slips.

The only time I like nipple slips is when I am responsible for them, like when I walk down the street and notice a girl isn’t wearing a bra, or when I am at the beach or waterpark and notice a girl’s in a bikini and I creep in and attack her like a fuckin’ shark, pullin her tits out to the world to see before running away so her boyfriend doesn’t rape me as she screams in embarassment, it may never really happen anymore because I am a little more tame than I used to be but when it does it’s fucking legendary, unlike this Blake Lively chick who no one cares about who will be out of a job forever when this Gossip Girl shit is over because she’s ugly and definitely unlike this nipple slip because these fucking pictures fuckin’ suck and that means they are good enough for you.

Posted in:Blake Lively|Nipple Slip

2008

28

Jul

stepLINKS of the Day

I had to go to a Wedding this past weekend, not because I was friends with the Bride and Groom, but because I was friends with a guy who was madly in love with the bride and couldn’t figure out how to sabotage the wedding so he brought me along in hopes that I’d act up. There was no internet, no computers and I wasn’t able to post my links. I was able to get drunk and dance my ass off to the Ma Carana and Cotton Eye Joe, but unfortunately for my friend who turned to me to try to make out with the bride or get the groom to get a blowjob from one of the horny guests, I didn’t deliver but instead got swept away with the romance and beauty of two young people in love committing themselves for life. I didn’t even get up on stage after it was done and give a speech about how much marriage has ruined me, or even boo as they signed the marriage license like I normally do on the inside whenever I witness that shit go down, because I guess marriage is for some people and now my friend’s never going to get his way with this girl and I think I found that more satisfying than seeing a marriage fall apart….

I got an email from some girl saying that the site sucks now because I write more coherently, I don’t run around in drunken circles, because I take it more seriously or some shit, I don’t know how true that is, but if people think I should write drunk more often, maybe I will have no choice but to do it, I don’t really mind because I like being drunk… Stay around to find out and here are my links in the meantime.

Your Weekend Fix
GO

Meg Ryan in a Fat Suit is Pretty Fucking Entertaining
GO

Vern Fonk Wants You Dance Like You Were Black
GO

Sophie Monk Looks Like She is Made of Wax and that Makes Her Easier to Wipe the Cum Off Of….
GO

This Littl Jackie Chan Will Kick Your Ass
GO

Vintage Mary Carey Flashes Her Ass
GO

Miley Cyrus is a Catty Bitch
GO

Miley Cyrus Flashes Her Ass and Sluts Out in Some New Hacked Pics….Because She’s a Slut….
GO

Fake or Slutty?
GO

Jessia Simpson Lookin’ Scary as Hell
GO

10 Greatest Moments in Handjob History
GO

Funny Wife Gun Prank
GO

Lohan’s Shirt Button Holds On For Dear Life…
GO

Jessica Simpson’s New Album Cover is Boring as Fuck
GO

Peruvian Singer Laey Zamudio Gets Arrested For Riding a Horse Naked
GO

The Hottest Webcam Slut Dancing I’ve Ever Seen….
GO

Some Keira Knightley Sex Scene
GO

Some What’s She Really Thinking After You Fuck Video
GO

Some Old Toothless Asian Sex Tape
GO

Some Little Guy Thinks he’s Jackie Chan
GO

New York Knicks City Dancers Gone Partying
GO

Sex Before the Big Game
GO

Play The Pineapple Express Game
GO

Rachel Stevens is Fully Bangable in This Gallery
GO

The Best Porn You’ll Find Anywhere
GO

And That’s What You Get For Wanting To be a Wrestler, Homo
GO

Teeny Boppers wot Fulfill Your Dirty Jail Bait Fantasies, Perv
GO

Jelena Jensen Fetish Outfit Is Pretty Exciting
GO

Rose McGowen Set to Look Disgusting in Red Sonja
GO

Cute Brunette in a Pink Teddi
GO

Friday is As Good a NIght to Get Laid As Any
GO

The Top 5 Movies That Should Have Never Got the Green Light
GO

Candy Spelling is Better Than You
GO

Brooke Hogan is a Liar
GO

Salma Hayek is Lookin Pretty Fit in This T Shirt and Jeans
GO

Heather Mills Publicist Thinks She is an Unreasonable Bitch
GO

Find Sex This Weekend
GO

Amateur Shots of the Day
GO

Naughty Lesbians Get Naughty
GO

I’m All For Women Starving Themselves, but Angelina Jolie Needs to Gain Some Fucking Weight
GO

Sky Diver Lands on Band – Video
GO

Brat Kid OWNS the Cable Guy
GO

Lucious Lopez Bends Over
GO

Some Insight on Queefing
GO

Sexy Pole Dancers Does Things Right
GO

Trashy Nicole Narian Throwback
GO

Sandra Shine and Candy Cain
GO

Elisabetta Gregoraci is Euro Trash Hotness
GO

Please God, Please NO
GO

Angelina and Brad’s Body Guards Throwdown Against Some Sneaky Paps
GO

Who Said Russian Girls Came Cheap?
GO

Aurport Musical is Good Time
GO

Darkroom Sex Game for Wii is Pretty Amazing
GO

Jennifer Walcott is Half Naked
GO

This Ain’t The Type of Potty You’re Where Your Mom Watches Over You
GO

Make People Naked With Photoshop
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

25

Jul

Mischa Barton is Sloppy in her Knitted Bathing Suit of the Day

So Mischa Barton got dropped by her agent this past week because she’s a has been who hasn’t landed work since the OC. Her Publicist, who doesn’t want to lose her as a client decides they need to draw some positive attention to this bitch and calls the paparazzi and “tips” them off about where Mischa and her Boyfriend are going to be frolicking around in a bathing suit, because they feel like that genius strategy is going to work like it did in the past. They obviously don’t realize that just because bikini pictures are a tried and tested method to get some exposre, it doesn’t mean the shit is hot or anyone will care to look at them, especially when the subject of the pictures is a sloppy bodied, pothead of a celebrity that has seen more cellulite than Roseanne’s underwear in the fat years.

I feel like the lack of creativity on her publicist’s side of things in getting her some buzz and hopefully lead to some work just shows lazyness that is pretty much on par with both Mischa Barton’s body and is about as successful in execution as her barely there career and I feel violated because I know they are trying to trick all of us!

I guess the real victim in all this is her boyfriend because he probably originally thought he won the lottery when he started dating her, like that Mischa Barton is a celebrity and having her as a girlfriend will really benefit him amazingly, but instead of the lottery he got a real shitty deal and now he’s stuck, that’s why you always gotta do your research before you jump into things. I bet he struggles with the memories of pretending to love, fuck and kiss a girl who feels like a fleshy pillow and that’s enough to make a man go pretty fuckin’ gay pretty fuckin’ fast….poor fucker…

Here are the pics…

Posted in:Mischa Barton|Sloppy

2008

25

Jul

Rose McGowan Almost Has an Upskirt in Her Bride’s Maid’s Dress of the Day

I am totally down with Rose McGowan. Not only have I tried to get invited to all her family functions, but I have also masturbated to her and I feel like that means we’ve got some kind of connection, maybe a one-sided connection, but a connection nonetheless.

It was the mid-90s, before I had the internet and porn wasn’t so available at my video store because it was owned by Christian freaks who judged me everytime I rented a movie because it always had a nudity warning and I’d always ask them if they started stcking porn yet. I rented Doom Generation, and didn’t expect shit like penis being cut off, , gay shit was going down but Rose McGowan’s tits carried me through it all and made her an instant star in my eyes…it was that easy when I was less jaded.

She looks different now because she’s had some plastic surgery and she’s kinda tainted for being down with Marilyn Manson and letting him in her, and she may not be delivering a real upskirt moment, but I’m still I fan. Maybe it’s because she seems like she’s pretty down to earth proven by the fact that she’s wearing one of her bride’s maid’s dress to a movie premiere, because her wedding was called off and she doesn’t like things to go to waste.

Speaking of Bride’s Maids, I am going to a wedding tomorrow and I am excited to see drunk horny girls in action. I wasn’t actually invited to the wedding but every Saturday in the summer I try to work my way into one, I’ve been doing it long before Wedding Crashers the movie came out, and was pretty pissed that the outted a free way to get down, have a good time an find ripe, willing pussy, but that doesn’t matter.

Posted in:Rose McGowan|Upskirt