I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

26

Aug

Heidi Montag Overdosin’ of the Day

The only problem with this 10 minute music video of a shitty Heidi Montag video for a song called Overdosin’ is that it doesn’t end with her having a fuckin’ overdose, and I am talking a real overdose, one you see in the alley and crack dens around your city and not the Hollywood kind where they come out alive. I don’t really understand any of the lyrics but that could be because shit is on mute, what I do know is that it’s obviously a fuckin’ joke playing on that “Call On Me” video that was actually hot, because no one in their right mind could find this good. I am convinced it is some kind of viral video for FunnyorDie.

The truth is that If I wanted to see subpar girls awkwardly doin fitness in American Apparel, I’d hit up my local Y for the maternity class, which isn’t saying much because I do that shit anyway. Either way, I’m sure you’ll love this so here it is.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Overdosin'

2008

26

Aug

Jessica Simpson Performs in a Country Corset of the Day

Jessica Simpson’s still out trying to be Dolly Parton and this time she did it wearing a corset as a shirt under some cowboy shit and that’s something I am down with because I like seeing girls in lingerie and the only chance I really have is when they use that shit as outerwear. It’s the kind of shit that leads to public masturbation and is a good defense to rape, because if she’s in her underwear it’s like she’s saying yes despite her cries asking you to stop.

I was walking outside earlier and came across a dude who looked like he thought he just got raped, he was screaming bloody murder, and begging for the pain to stop and everyone just kinda looked at him wondering what the fuck was going on for 10 minutes as he ran around in hysterics. No one had the balls to ask him what was going on and I didn’t care enough to get involved, but seeing a dude freak out that curl up in the fetal position at 10 am screaming and crying, isn’t really the kind of dude I want to grab a beer with. The cops finally showed up, because I guess one of the suits in the area didn’t feel comfortable with the whole thing and they took him away and I assume sent him to the psych ward but it made for an entertaining experience, one probably more exciting that a Jessica Simpson concert because it’s been proven time and time again that her hot tits just don’t make up for her shitty songs, but when shit’s in picture and we don’t have to deal with her offensive voice, I have no issue staring and you shouldn’t either.

Posted in:Corset|Country|Jessica Simpson|Tits

2008

26

Aug

Mary Kate Olsen Forgot Her Pants of the Day

In the wake of Heath Ledger’s death in her apartment, that she was let off the hook for because murder is not a crime when you are rich, an executioner, a cop or a surgeon, Mary Kate Olsen left the house without any pants on. She’s some kind of leader of the hipster dumpy bitch movement that has put a damper on my checkin’ out girls during the day hobby. It seems like the time of wearing high heels, mini skirts and tight cleavage shirts to college is long gone, and a whole lot of girls have taken the oversized flannel home depot shirt that I sometimes wear because it cost 4 dollars at the Salvation Army and it gets cold in this fuckin’ place since I can’t afford heat, and it’s not hot. Sure it’s almost nice to think that under those pearl snaps lies a bare pussy, but the fact it belongs to an Olsen is pretty much a deal breaker and the only hope I have is that an immigrant somewhere misunderstands the new trend to not wear pants and leaves her house bare assed, because that is the only good that can come from this mess.

Posted in:Mary-Kate Olsen|Pantsless

2008

26

Aug

Lohan and Ronson Go Out for a Family Dinner of the Day

Here’s a little angry lesbian action as Sam Ronson gives the paparazzi the finger while lookin’ like Macauley Culkin or some shit. Now I like Sam Ronson and have defended her and her intentions for at least the last week. I never called her out as a social climbing socialite from a rich family who figured attaching herself to Lohan would get her more money for her DJ gigs, I never said that they probably aren’t fucking or are doing what they are doing to mess with the media because when you grow up as the kid or stepkid of some socialite mother and rockstar, you are taught at a young age what the right and wrong thing to say is, but I do think giving us all the finger is totally out of line. It’s one of those things where you like the media when they give you coverage, otherwise you wouldn’t be hanging out with Hollywood’s badgirl and you wouldn’t date or pretend to date someone so high profile, you’d attach yourself to a nice lowkey lesbian who is probably a whole lot easier to deal with than Lohan.

Beyond just giving us the finger, I ran into someone who went to some event she recently played in Montreal and he said that she ignored his attempts to meet her, she spent most of her time texting someone, and she looked like being there was the last place in the world she wanted to be, despite getting paid 30,000 dollars. In her defense, meeting random local freaks in every city is probably not something I’d be down with either, but I’m not a DJ trying to secure fans. He also told me her music sucked, her set sucked and the whole experience sucked harder than Lohan used to suck dick. The worst thing about her Montreal trip was the fact that she didn’t even reach out to me and ask me to hang so until she does, this bitch is dead to me and her bullshit flippin’ the bird for attention is just that…a cry for attention. That said, Lohan’s got some great tits.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Samantha Ronson

2008

26

Aug

Danielle Lloyd’s Got an Orange Bikini of the Day

This Danielle Lloyd Bitch busted out a bikini as she often does when she’s not drunk in the club. I guess the goal is to get some sun on her pasty British body and to spend some of the money she’s made as a UK model. If anything, Danielle gives hope to average lookin’ chicks that their dreams of being slutty models can come true all they have to do is move to the UK because clearly becoming a model in the UK doesn’t really take much more than having a decent set of tits. If this girl was in any other market, she’d get laughed out of the photographer’s studio, unless of course he was a snuff photographer who never turns down a girl he thinks no one will miss when she’s gone. Here she is in her bikini.

Posted in:Bikini|Danielle Lloyd

2008

26

Aug

Camila Alves is a Pretty Hot Hairy Mom of the Day

I was in an Indian run grocery store yesterday buying my wife some supplies to get her through the night, like cheap ice cream and a bag of chips. I was there with my stepdaughter who wanted to come along for the ride, even though it was more of a walk down the street. I started playing around in front of the hairy brown clerk by taking her obscure product line of native Indian food and rubbed it on my stepdaughter’s face, saying things like “you’re going to get an Indian disease” and “now you have Malaria” and “you’re going to turn the color of your mother’s shit she stained the toilet with earlier today” and “now you smell like curry” and after about 5 minutes of laughing at the crap this chick was selling, she pulled out a hammer and said to get the fuck out of her store before she attacked in her thick accent I couldn’t really take serious leading to me laughing more, until she got out from behind the counter and started to muscle me out. It turns out that she didn’t find laughing at her culture as funny as I did.

Now although Camila Alves is no Indian or Sri Lankan, she’s got the same sideburns as the lady who assaulted me last night and despite that hair little rat face, I find her hot enough to get pregnant, good job Matthew Mcconaughey, this bitch bounced back proper.

Posted in:Camila Alves|cleavage|Hot

2008

26

Aug

Tara Reid Does Tradeshows of the Day

There comes a time in every useless celebrity’s life, the kind who is hot for a minute and spends the rest of her career drinking heavily to make up for not having any talent other than the look guys want to fuck, slowly self destructing your once appealing young lookin’ face and turning into that of a haggard catcher’s mitt, where they have to accept the fact that the free ride is pretty much over. Tara Reid was the hired help at the Ed Hardy founder’s booth the other day, you know working a fuckin’ tradeshow like an aspiring model who doesn’t have what it takes to ever be famous, handing out free samples and trying to seduce buyers to pick up the company’s product line and that’s a pretty far cry from gracing the silver screen in teen comedies. I guess it’s safe to assume that she needs the money since she hasn’t worked in years and I guess it’s an easier gig and paid better than anything you did today, but it’s still must be pretty depressing knowing that the next step is to turn tricks for money as a high class escort or work the local Costco handing out samples of shitty pre-made food, only to be told repeatedly by the customers that she looks a lot like Tara Reid, where she’ll respond saying that she gets that all the time, because the embarrassment of admitting to such a horrible ending to a career that once seemed prosperous is just too damn depressing…Either way, she’s showing off her back and I feel like there’s not enough exposed backs on the site, so I guess she’s not totally useless.

Posted in:Tara Reid|Tradeshow

2008

26

Aug

Hayden Panettiere’s Got a Bikini on for her Birthday of the Day

People have contacted me concerned that I haven’t updated the site and it is already 2 pm, well the reason for that is simple, I was out celebrating Hayden Panettiere’s birthday, not because I find her hot or interesting, or because I was invited to her seemingly boring as fuck get together with her dog, her most loyal of friends, but because I like any excuse to get wasted. Tonight’s excuse is College Frosh Week.

She looks like a fuckin’ clown with her party hat perched on her big midget head and her rippling muscles are something only a really horny guy or gay dude would find sexy, but she’s rumored to be having a nipple slip that I can’t make out, which shouldn’t be anything to get excited over considering she’s the kind of girl who can pass off going topless at a non-topless beach because people wouldn’t know whether those muscles were a man or a woman, but they are good enough for me because I have low standards and that makes them good enough for you.

Posted in:Bikini|Hayden Panettiere|Nipple Slip|Uncategorized

2008

25

Aug

stepLINKS of the Day

I got in a fight with a ghetto 8 year old black chick who was hangin in a park near the bench I was sitting on. She spotted me and I guess wanted to start shit because she pretty much started walking my way singing some song….as she got closer, her voice got louder and louder until she was right next to me screaming the lyrics of some Spice Girl song. I didn’t want to make eye contact, because I figure she was lookin for some excitement and would run back to her dad to pistol whip me or something, but I accidently looked up at her and she got gangster on my ass asking me what the fuck I was lookin’ at. When I said nothing, in hopes of her just walking away she started calling me names like fat boy and motherfucker trying to provoke a reaction out of me. I told her she shouldn’t talk to strangers and she told me she was going to tell her daddy I tried to touch her.

She was 8 fuckin’ years old and as I was trying to figure out why the hell she wasn’t sweet and playing with barbies, and that’s when she started throwing sand at me like we were in Ethiopia or some shit. I ended up just getting up and leaving like the pussy I am because the truth is, 8 year old girls are the boss of me because they are the last people I want any interaction with on any level because with all that sex offender shit going on out there, there’s no way I’d win that battle even though I am not pedophile, so I pretty much lost tonight’s battle, but I am sure there will be more since she lives in my neighborhood and here are my links….

I Want to Stick My Penis is Susan Lucci
GO

I’m Sorry, But Robots Scare the Shit Out of Me
GO

Joanna Krupa and Krystal Forscutt Are Two Big Titted Peas in a Pod
GO

Catch and Chug Make Even Me Like Baseball
GO

Dear Britney Spears and Madonna: You Suck
GO

Good Afternoon, Hayden’s Thong
GO

The Best Porn You’ll Watch All Day
GO

Martha Steward Does Cake Farts…
GO

The Hottest Tennis Sluts You’ll Ever See.
GO

The 10 Hottest Boob Fondling Videos
GO

Dumpy Reese Witherspoon Bra Straps….
GO

Who Remembers the Theme From Benny Hill?
GO

Science Class Goes Boom
GO

Spend Monday Doing What You Did All Weekend
GO

Marilyn Manson is a Cry Baby
GO

Megan Fox Gallery
GO

Find a Girl to Fuck
GO

Fighter in the Olympics Attacks Ref
GO

Anke is at the Lake
GO

Angel Dark Gallery
GO

Heidi Montag, You Are Disgusting
GO

Alexa’s Body is Bangin’
GO

There’s Waldo!!!
GO

Shauna Sand is…Uhhh…Hmmmm
GO

Fuck You Miley Cyrus
GO

Rhianna is Filthy Rich and I Am Positive This Story is Bullshit
GO

Amateur Collection to Get You Through the Monday Blues
GO

Much Better Than The Real Olympics
GO

Getting Sex Has Never Been Easier
GO

Body Building Chicks are Disgusting
GO

Awesome Video From a K-Ci and Jojo Concert. Seriously, This is Amazing
GO

We’re All Gonna Die And This Here is Just More Proof
GO

Guido Beach Satire…As If That is Possible
GO

What Kind of Sick Fuck Abuses Someone with Cancer?
GO

Janice Dickinson’s Goes Crazy Over Towels….
GO

How to Have Sex in a Dorm Room for The College Kids Out There
GO

Some Sexy Nuns of 2008…..or Something…I Don’t Really Get…
GO

Israeli Hell’s Kitchen Slut on the Beach in a Bikini Video
GO

2 Israeli Bitches from Project Runway on the Beach
GO

The Wanna Fuck McCunt Contest I am Posting for My Homegirl
GO

Some Girl Who Reads This Site – Claims This is Her Site and Here She Is Milking Her Fat Tits
GO

MTV Cribs the Arab Edition Spoof…
GO

Fat Man Swim
GO

Nicky Case is Naked
GO

Last Week in T & A
GO

Jordan’s Tittles Hurt
GO

Steve-O Does More Dumb Shit That Makes Him Truckloads of Money
GO

Uhhhh.. What the Fuck is This?
GO

Did We Not Say All We Had to Say With The First Line of Paris Hilton Hair Extensions?
GO

Soccer/Football Babes
GO

How To: Win at Rock Paper Scissors
GO

20 Best Karate Kicks Ever….
GO

Young LA Slut in a Bikini….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

25

Aug

Danielle Lloyd Shows Off Her Panties of the Day

I went to a lingerie store over the weekend because I had nothing to do and like talking to girls about underwear and what underwear they are wearing because it entertains me. I figure that going to a professional is less creepy and I am more likely to get an honest answer when coming from someone trying to sell me the shit, rather than just going up to randoms and asking to describe what they are waiting, so I guess in my old age, I’ve learned a few tricks to get what I want out of women, instead of getting slapped in the face or their boyfriend sent to hurt me.

So I get in the store and start walking around and some hot bodied girl in a push up bra comes up to serve me, I tell her that I am shopping for my wife to make her realize I am a normal family man and not some kind of creep who likes touching women’s underwear while it is still on the shelf, before ass smells and laundry machines taint the shit. So we go through all these sheer things, I lie and tell her that my wife is about her size and next thing I know, she’s pullin’ down her pants showing me what she’s got on, goes through what suits her body and I was close to getting her to even try the shit on and model it for me because I could tell she was the kind of girl who wished she was a lingerie model and just didn’t have what it takes and is forced to just model the shit for her unappreciative boyfriends and one night stands, but I accidentally sabotaged myself and freudian slipped that I want to fuck those panties right off her instead of just thinking it and she caught on to my game.

It was the best hour of my week and here are some pictures of some drunk British slut model who shouldn’t be a model, showing off her sheer-assed underwear, like drunk sluts should and they are similar to what the girl in the store told me I should be buying before catching onto the fact that I am just a pervert…..

Posted in:Danielle Lloyd|Panties