I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

17

Jul

Hayden and Her Candies Ad of the Day

Hayden Panettiere is a revolutionary. She just keeps pushing the limits despite her physcial deformities. She won’t let her l height hold her back from anything. She’s strong (really strong), she’s somehow convinced the world she’s hot, and now she’s modeling. The last person her size to be a paid model was my friend Frankie who was born with some disorder that didn’t let him break 5 foot, and dude’s modeling job was working at a loal art class as a nude subject.

Either way ripping on the little model for not being able to be a basketball player is dull, everyone does it and it’s really not even an issue. The truth is that she’s still got a pussy under all that muscle and can is hot enought to be a the subject of your carnival porn fantasies, you know get bitch jugging while spinning around on your dick like she’s on a Merry-Go-Round, and she easier on the eyes than a real midget with their big scary weird normal sized hands and thick stumpy bodies, so we should celebrate these pictures for her Candies ad campaign and not shit on them like I shat on this midget I got with sexually, because I knew it was just be happy getting love and German Scat was just hitting the scene and was something I wanted to try, and convincing other girls was almost impossible, so capitalized on the opportunity knowing that even if it tried to run away, it’d be easy to catch because of its little legs.

Posted in:Ad|Candies|Hayden Panettiere

2008

16

Jul

stepLINKS of the Day

I am a little emotional right now. I feel rejected and inadequate. I can’t really focus on writing anything because all the great things I was going to write about just got lost in my head because I am so distraught. A telemarketer just called me, she sounded hot and I embraced the one phone call I’ve got this week and wanted to make it count. I was ready to rock that little whore because I thought she had no choice but to talk to me, since she was getting paid and wanted to make more money. She started pitching me on carpet cleaning and I kept trying to divert her attention to her pussy so that we could really get down to business and she wasn’t having it.

When she asked if I wanted my carpet washed, I told her I wanted to wash her carpet, when I cut her off and asked her if she liked my voice and if it made her feel sexy, she ignored me and went back to the pitch. I kept it going for as long as I could, I had her filling out forms because I thought the idea of closing a sale would bring out the prostitute in her, but when I admitted that I don’t have a carpet, she just hung up on me. No thanks for the good times, no goodbye, just dial tone. I feel used.

Here are my links.

New York Hotties Have Some Fun
GO

Hot Chick Belly Dancing Video
GO

Miranda Kerr is a Wallet Fucker
GO

Beautiful Losers
GO

Heidi Montag’s Fake Repulican Tits Match her Fake Repulican Lie of a Life
GO

Pam Anderson’s Pussy Eating Lunch
GO

Andy Dick Sexually Harrasses Underage Girls Proper….
GO

The All New SAW
GO

10 Hottest Female Athlete Bikini Photoshoots
GO

Hayden Panettiere is Showing Off Her Muscular Tits
GO

Sexy White Trash
GO

Rihanna’s Hot Tits Bouncing Around On Stage…
GO

Hayden Panettiere’s New Music VIdeo….
GO

The Best Stripped Ever
GO

Some Kate Hudson Gallery
GO

Jessica Alba and Her STD
GO

Nicky Hiltons Legs At Some Event
GO

Avril Lavigne and Her Mic are Like Porn…Really Bad Porn…
GO

Michael Jordan’s Cuban Model Pussy
GO

Beckham Fight in Pictures….
GO

Some Batman Dark Knight Leaked Clip You’ll Like
GO

American Apparel’s Sleaziest Amateur Porn Ad
GO

Lohan Walking Around in a Tight T-Shirt Showing Off Her Dyke Tits
GO

The Best of Harriet Carter
GO

This Will Help You Get Sex and Sex Will Make You Feel Good
GO

No Moe Fake Trick Shots
GO

Celebrity Muppet Lookalikes
GO

Tranny Shoplifter Beatdown
GO

Andy Dick Got Arrested, Because His Is Amazing
GO

Kari Sweets Does Her Laundry
GO

Aneta Keys Has Some Alone Time
GO

Dirty Teen Girl
GO

Find Girls to Fuck, Because Lying About How Much Sex You Get is Pretty Gay
GO

Insert Obvious Joke Here
GO

Blindfolded Pool Playing Prank
GO

Miley Cyrus Licks Alot
GO

It’s a Trap!
GO

Hayden Panty-Airs Actually Doesn’t Look Like a Linebacker for Once
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Bussty Lesbians Playing Outdoors
GO

The Best Porn on the Net, Period
GO

Dude Pulls Out a Gun
GO

Paola Rey Takes Its Off
GO

I Don’t Know Who Joumana Kidd is, But She Looks Tasty
GO

Michelle Bass is Stripped Down
GO

And Now, the Best Car Ever
GO

More Prison Dancer Fun
GO

All Work and No Play….
GO

Toilet Splash Prank as Told By a Porn Star
GO

Ehhh… What is She Talking About?
GO

Natalie Cole Has Hep C
GO

Paris Hilton Tried to Bone Ronaldo because She’s So Madly in Love With the Good Charlotte Sister….He Rejected Her.
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS…

Some Young Chicks Topless Pics…
GO

Tiny Ass is Better than Big Ass Wouldn’t You Agree
GO

This is Entertaining….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

16

Jul

Claire Danes is Skinny in a Bikini of the Day

I admit, I used to watch My So Called Life, not because every depressive teenage girl who was intense and into grunge related to this bitch and I wanted to find some common ground with them to work my way into them, but because I anxiously sat by my computer hoping this bitch offed herself. It never happened.

Since then, I have been about as attracted to Cliare Danes and I have been to my wife, for obviously different reasons, one being the fact that my wife is just vile to look at, while Claire Danes just reminds me of her annoying character on her show. The one thing she does have going for her is that she’s not fat, like the eating disorder girls that once looked at her as some kind of dark misunderstood god and that should be celebrated in this fat world that we live in. So this is me doing my part to make fat chicks stop eating and to remind skinny chicks that they just aren’t skinny enough.

Posted in:Bikini|Claire Danes

2008

16

Jul

Some Ads Too Racy For Calvin Klein for the Gay and Vagina Owning Readers of the Day

I got this email:

Ok so I have a friend at a photography studio in the East Village in New York and he sent me these pictures of Calvin Klein Model Garrett Neff that were supposed to be deleted from their server. He is their new underwear model and these pictures were too risque for CK to put in the ads. I attached them. I think your readers would love them. Enjoy!

I know that I asked for people to send in exclusive pictures and stories, and I can’t go back on that request now, but for some reason was expecting things a little dirtier in a good way and not in a way that will lead half my closet case readers into a state of confusion, arousal and shame all at the same time. Either way, I assume at least one of you 10 is a gay or a vagina and will actually enjoy them, for the rest of you, take a good look at this dude, then walk to your bathroom mirror and take a good look at yourself and understand why girls won’t bang you.

Thanks for the tip reader, you have made DrunkenStepfather take an interesting new journey into the darkside…..

Posted in:Banned Ads|Calvin Klein

2008

16

Jul

Gisele Bundchen’s Ass for Vagina Magazine of the

A reader sent in these pictures of Gisele from V for Vagina magazine and wrote something like “I bet you’ll love this shoot” or something equally inspiring. The truth is that Gisele has too many masculine features that I know she’s got a clit the slze of my big toe and although some dudes like that, I’d rather focus my energy on someone who is more chick than dick. The funny thing in all this is that she’s on the cover of V magazine, when her V is actually less of a V and more of an M and V magazine isn’t a fashion magazine, but actually a femal genital medical journal and Gisele’s just made the cover because she’s the hybrid gender you’ve all heard about all these years, but haven’t met because you haven’t been to Southeast Asia or Brazil, where there are more lady boys per capita that any other gender.

I guess what I mean by all this is that, Gisele and her V magazine cover would go over great for Gay Pride week that hits Montreal soon, and that I can only assume I’ll see some of you who made the trek up here on the local news rockin’ the floats in the parade for the progression of your people and by progression of your people I mean lots of gay orgies. Enjoy ya’ sexual deviant.

Posted in:Ass|Gisele Budchen|V Magazine

2008

16

Jul

Uma Thurman is a Mess in a Bikini of the Day

I decided to go out and get a sandwich and was stuck waiting in line behind what I thought was a normal fat middle aged construction worker. He turned as was looking my direction and I didn’t think anything of it. My hands were full cuz I was carrying some shit and my hair was in my eyes, in one of my gayer maneuvers, I whisked my hair back like some kind of supermodel in a beach photoshoot, unintentionally. This caught the construction workers attention and dude was staring at me straight up llike I was also some kind of bear and we were going to go fuck in the back of his pick up truck. I ignored the looks, ordered my sandwich and when I asked her to put salami on it, the motherfucker licked his lips and moaned “mmmmm, i love salami”. I didn’t know how to react so I did what any normal person would do and followed him to the bathroom to suck his dick.

No seriously, you should never turn down a hook up, but I am not inot that whole gay thing, I just ended up paying and leaving the place feeling like I had just been raped, but with a new ego boost, because if horny gay overweight construction workers want a piece, there’s bound to be a girl equally desperate out there.

Speaking of overweight dudes who like to fuck, here are some Uma Thruman pregnancy bikini pictures from the other day, because I am slow moving.

Posted in:Bikini|Uma Thurman

2008

16

Jul

Nereida Gallardo’s Lesbian Bikini Pictures of the Day

So Soccer Star Ronaldo dumped this Nereida chick a couple of days ago because he was tired of living the lie, and had to come to terms with the fact that wearing tight little shorts felt a little too good, but not as good as all those extra hours spent in the men’s locker room after the big game, letting his teammates perform hazing rituals on him to initiate him, despite not being a rookie anymore. It was more of a release for him, one that he wanted to further explore and vagina was a real downer for that…

The good news is that this Nereida chick was only with him because he was a famous and rich athlete and her free winning ride was bound to end, because dudes just don’t respect social climbing whores, will denounce men until she’s over the pain of seeing her lottery ticket ripped up before her very eyes.

At least she’ll have a famous love affair to reflect on and think about everytime the average laborer she marries crawls up on her and sticks it inside her, as dreams of her future of a life of fake tits and beach vacations turn into cleaning a modest 2 bedroom house while making pasta 4 times a week for her family to cut costs to be able to afford a modest family trip to Disneyworld…

Posted in:Bikini|Lesbian|Nereida Gallardo

2008

16

Jul

Helen Mirren’s Got Some Big Grandma Tits in a Bikini of the Day

I just made a new friend on the stoop of my apartment. He was this 20 year old dude who was just sitting there talking to himself. His conversation seemed pretty fucking intense as he was laughing loudly, and screaming, then whispering and crying, shit was like an emotional roller coaster and when I looked to see if he had his CIA blue tooth ear piece that junior executives everywhere are rockin in hopes of making their boring lives seemingly more interesting. I decided that dude was obviously talking to himself, so I figured I’d be a nice guy and strike up some conversation so he didn’t feel so alone. It was a mistake.

He went off on how he was involved in some kind of rape last night and that the woman was his friend’s girlfriend’s grandmother because he loved her fucking cookies so much. He figured if she knew how to bake so well, her pussy was probably prime and when she was passed out on her cancer meds in her room, he slipped in to slip it in her. He then started laughing hysterically and that’s when I decided to peace, because crazy people who talk about raping grandmother’s freak me out.

The truth is the only thing better than an old pussy, that can’t get pregnant because it dried up long ago, is young hot pussy on the pill, but I guess it’s a beggars can’t be choosers situation.

Here is Oscar winning Helen Mirren in her bikini, showing of the tits that made her famous and the good news is that she’s only 63 and not 80, like the big breasted senior citizen I once loved when working at the old folks home.

Posted in:Bikini|Helen Mirren|Tits

2008

16

Jul

Hayden Panettiere’s Got Herself a Record Deal of the Day

Hayden Panettiere figures it’s time to tap into her other talents, I am not talking about opening up a moving company or joining a carnival, I am talking about talents she thinks she has because her mom’s positive reinforcement while drunk has given her an ego and you get to experience this shit thanks to some kind of record deal.

It seems like the record industry is so fucking desperate that they are throwing deals at anyone with an already established fan base, even though they aren’t actually singers but are just hoping their creepy fans will stock up every CD and merchandise they have in hopes that shit leads to a concert tour and more music videos, because it gives them something to hope for and more content to masturbate to, because masturbation for a lonely man with an obsession for Hayden Panettiere is a sad experience that involves tears for lubrication and now bad songs to drive the point home, all over their fanboy bellies.

Either way, if I could get it up, this would be my masturbation song for the week. Not because I like Hayden Panettiere, but because I hate myself. It’s garbage and if I cared, I’d be annoyed that all these sluts of the moment think they can get their hands in everything entertainment. They are taking us all for a fuckin’ ride and making a lot of money doing it, but that doesn’t change the fact that Hayden’s song fucking sucks and so does her oversized head, broad shoulders and mutant body that could only come from fetal alcohol syndrome and loved by an alcoholic mother, which I guess kinda worked out for her.

Listen to the preview here becaue It Fucking Sucks…

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Music|Video

2008

16

Jul

stepLINKS of the Day

I got this email:

Dear Jesus,

I am an American first and an avid reader second. As your are probably aware, in America nothing we do is our fault, it is someone else’s fault, and my recent relapse into strippers, cocaine, and alcohol can only be the result of one thing: your blog (or whatever the hell its called). I am convinced that by you posting pictures of naked females, I am required to visit your site daily, and furthermore reading about your exotic adventures in bathrooms and college afterbar party’s complete with drugs and alcohol, I have relapsed into such behavior. Therefore, I am doing the American thing and suing your for something, I haven’t figured out what yet because I am a little high right now, but trust me, I will be looking for compensation.

Considering you are an American, I was impressed to see that you knew how to write and use email. Someone told me that 40 percent of Americans are illiterate and I thought those were the people coming to the site. Also, I embrace this lawsuit, despite it not being something high profile that would put me on the map, since you’re not Lohan, but because it means I have made a difference in someone’s life. I think everyone is so uptight in this fast paced world and forget the best times of their lives were back in college, before kids and wives and mortgages, where they’d get so fucked up they’d wake up next to girls they didn’t know and wish they never met because the stink of their pussy takes days to get out of their pubic hair.

Drugs, alcohol and strippers don’t lead to a productive life to society, but society is depressing and who needs to be productive and fit in when you’re too busy having a good fuckin’ time. Congrats on your new found life, because it sounds fun and I’ll see you in court motherfucker.

Here are my links…


Waffle House Wedding
GO

Who Wants to Bang Miley Cyrus’ Mom?
GO

Mini Bike Fun
GO

Lohan’s Tits on the Set of Her New Movie
GO

Example #34561930756 of Why Jennifer Lopez is a Supreme Cunt
GO

Catherine Zeta Jones Panty Flash
GO

Sex Scene or Murder Scene
GO

10 Funniest Home Shopping Network Bloopers
GO

Megan Fox is a Sex Jedi
GO

What Baseball League Has The Hottest Girls:
GO

Posh Spice Shows Some Skin
GO

ALICIA DOUVALL took her 12 year old daughter to a Surgeon for a boob job
GO

Sports Jerseys Body Painted on Sluts
GO

Miley Cyrus On God, Remaking “Sex And The City” And Her Purity Ring
GO

Top 10 Latino Dimes (sluts)
GO

Barbara Chiappini Like Whoa!
GO

Glued Flip Flop Prank is Pretty Rad
GO

The Best Porn on the Net, Period
GO

If Only Tuesdays Meant 2 for 1 Sluts, Like At The Movies
GO

The Best Baseball Brawls Ever
GO

Victoria’s Secret Backstage Shots
GO

Swing/Fall
GO

Cougar Coochie?
GO

Crash, Bang, Boom!
GO

Guy Gets Demolished is Fight
GO

Find Girls to Fuck, Because Sex isn’t Really Sex if You’re Alone
GO

Pilot Training Exercise Freaks Me the Fuck Out
GO

NUDE WIMBLEDON HEGRE GIRLS
GO

Playboy’s Tiana Hunter
GO

Kahna’s Gallery
GO

Playboy Drama – Oh Shit…
GO

Pink Shops for a New Penis Attachment in SoHo
GO

WTF is Aubrey O-Day Wearing on Her Head?
GO

Eva LongWHORIA Got The Katie Holmes
GO

Tree Planting Naomi Campbell Says She’s Not a Bad Person
GO

This Will Help even Your Sorry Ass Get Laid
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Host Faints on Live TV
GO

She Finds the Hidden Camera
GO

Close Call Cop
GO

Megan Fox Lookin’ Hot @ FOX All-Star Party
GO

Oily Renata Daninsky
GO

Now Here’s a Little Pick Me Up
GO

Flavor of Love’s Bucky Talk’s About Her Sex Tape
GO

Necklace of Firecrackers
GO

HELP WANTED!
I Probably Wouldn’t Help a Handicapped Girl. Would You?
GO

Nicole Richie’s Book Is Being Made into a TV Series…Yawn
GO

Izabel Goulart in Arena Magazine
GO

Blake Lively;s Rockin’ Legs at Fox event
GO

On the Job Pussy Play
GO

Steal Change from a Vending Machine
GO

Suzanne Somers Flashes Her Panties on the Home Shopping Channel
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

The Milkiest Vagina Grossness I’ve Ever Seen
GO

Some Girl Spreading Her Ass Cheeks
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized