I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

20

Jun

Kristen Bell on the Beach With Some Asshole of the Day

I have issues with Dax, I don’t know it is watching his horrible performances on Punk’d or the fact that he works out excessively to distract girls from his funny lookin’ face, or that he looks like a frat boy motherfucker who would annoy the fuck out of me while I’m trying to get a drink at the bar and he’s trying to get all the attention from everyone in the bar to make up for his funny lookin’ face, but I do know that it’s got nothing to do with the fact that he’s railing Kristen Bell. There’s nothing hot about her, she’s about as standard as Dax Shepard getting rejected from both acting jobs and women alike before he got a bank account and manipulated the world that he was worth hiring in movies because he was part of a successful MTV show.

Either way, here they are in love and we can only hope their plane crashes on their way home because the world’s seen enough of them already and I think they’ve both lead a good life and need to make room for people with a little more talent.

Bonus – Here are Some Pictures of her Badly Playing a Drunk on Set Even Though You’d Have to Be Drunk To Get Up In Dax Sheppard

Posted in:Beach|Kristen Bell

2008

20

Jun

Christina Aguilera and Her Postpartum Depression of the Day

Sometimes it takes a little hormonal imbalances from giving birth to give you a little perspective that your life may not be as amazing as you thought it was.

Sure hiding behind your make-up may have been an effective way of hiding your true self and unhappiness from both yourself and the rest of the world but when you scratch beneath the surface you discover that you are just a less popular version of Britney, despite being convinced that you are more talented while the rest of the world worries about her and forget about you. You also realize that before you wrecked your body by having a baby, every dude in the world who wanted to fuck you now don’t care about you. Your husband you fell in love with may have a big dick and you may love getting fucked by him but everytime you look him in the face you wonder what the hell you did wrong to end up with such a weird lookin’ circus performer and pray that it won’t reflect badly the kid that is taking up all of your fucking time and energy and just won’t shut the fuck up leaving you at a loss, making you want to jump off a bridge or put the kids in a car and drive them into a lake in Vermont, but instead you go out clubbing and leave the baggage behind and I will drink to that.

Posted in:Christina Aguilera|Drunk

2008

20

Jun

Alli Sims Bikini Pictures of the Day

This is a product of the Britney Spears diet. Her name is Alli Simms and during all the break down, K-Fed years they were always seen together. I don’t know much about it other than the fact that she looks like he and Britney had a lot in common, mainly their eating habits because she’s so fuckin’ doughy, you wouldn’t be surprised if you walked in on Britney trying to eat her leg. The good news is that she knows she’s got some pounds to lose and I guess takes the Tyra Banks advice that everyone has a bikini body, just as long as you have a really big piece of fabric to cover your fat ass and stomach up. They call the surrongs, I call them a genius way to cover fat sluts up without them acknowledging that they are fat. Now if only they could find a sexy way to market a Burka so that the ugly bitch you’re fucking covers her busted up mug and thinks she’s just being fashionable. It’ll make things easier for you to get it up.

Posted in:Alli Sims|Bikini

2008

20

Jun

Mary Carey Rocks a Bikini of the Day

I used to have a hard enough time fucking hookers knowing that they had fucked so many dudes over the course of their career including a dozen before I was up in that shit. That’s why no matter how ragingly horny I was, I would never lick their pussies or kiss them, I would, for the most part, throw on a condom and get to work so that I could go on with my day.

What I don’t understand is how someone can date a pornster unless they are in porn too. Sure pornstars say that they are cleaner than the club sluts you meet because they get tested once a month, but their pussies are more abused that my neighbors daughter who has been raped 8 times and hospitalized because of broken bones from her dad and boyfriends.

I guess the only explination would be that dude’s just a fucking pervert and is obsessed with everything that is porn related and enough to deal with these broken down sluts on a non-sexual level, when he could just hire their pussies for an hour.

Either way, here is Mary Carey and a groupie boyfriend who probably thinks he’s won the lottery, until he relizes that porn stars don’t like sex unless it’s a job, like people who work in ice cream shops and can’t eat ice cream because it loses it’s allure and becomes disgusting but not nearly as disgusting as tasting Mary Carey’s spit.

Posted in:Bikini|Mary Carey

2008

20

Jun

Celine Dion Rockin’ The Mic Like it Was a Cock of the Day

Celine Dion is not worth jerking off to, but that’s unfortunate because I know french chicks and french chicks are fucking dirty. They are the kind of girls who initiate sex with you as they grab at your cock in the bar begging to suck it and once you go home with them ask you to stick in in their asses before you even tell them you want to fuck them in the ass, because you only met them an hour earlier. They are just always one step ahead.

The other good thing about French chicks is that despite all the shitty food they eat, they always manage to look amazing until they are about 25, at which point all the smoking, cum shots, cocaine, and drinking catches up with their faces making them look like an old catcher’s mit but that body carries on until their second kid hits.

I guess the real reason you should want to fuck Celine or girls from the same heritage as Celine is because they start young, they go for old and most importantly, if you teach them some tricks can make you millions.

Posted in:Celine Dion|Mic

2008

20

Jun

Blake Lively Upskirt of the Day

This Blake Lively chick is the hot one on the show Gossip Girl and the show Gossip Girl looks like a total piece of shit, but I wouldn’t know since I don’t have a TV, but I do know that if this is the hot one and she isn’t very hot, the show’s not worth watching.

Here she is showing off her black underwear as she gets out of a car because she’s too pussy to show her pussy. I guess you can pretend this is hot because about 50 years ago, black underwear was hot. It was something only harlots wore and was the forbidden underwear for people who didn’t care about God or the church and that usually meant they would have sex with you without making you marry them and were into abortions if you slipped up. In that more simple of a time, it was a lot easier to get turned on. I wish that a peek at a woman’s garter or panties was enough for me, but now I am desentized and I blame sluts, the media and the internet coupled with psychologically induced impotency from an ugly wife and the only way I’d get turned on by this Blake Lively chick is if she was getting gangbanged on my living room floor by 5 dudes and 10 chicks that are hotter than her dumpy ass.

Bonus – Here are Some Pictures of Blake Lively Covered in Dog Pee Because Even Her Dog Thinks She’s a Toilet of a Person

Posted in:Blake Lively|Upskirt

2008

20

Jun

Lohan’s Got a Tight Body of the Day

Lohan is the only person I post about that I actually like. Maybe it’s because we are connected at the soul, but I think it’s got more to do with her not really giving a fuck. You know, rippin’ lines in public at clubs after drinking heavily leading her to rehab and crashing cars, dating many random dudes including Mexican pieces of shit from That 70s Show, leading to rumors of STDs and now lesbianisn, but she just keeps on going and openly does her thing without being a spoiled cunt about things like Paris Hilton even though she probably could.

She’s made her own money and I think girls got it going on and if I knew how to write, I’d definitely write a movie that would win her an Oscar and based on my research it would either have to make her a transgendered downs syndrome retard with breast cancer who follows her dreams of being a pornstar but gets raped and pregnant and miscarries throwing her into a journey of self discovery that leads her to adopting her prostitute friend who got shot’s baby and turning her life around by finding Jesus before dying, because that’s the kind of shit the Academy Awards are really into.

Either way, this is Lohan and she is pulling up her shirt and showing off her stomach and I like it mainly because she’s not fat and everything around me seems to be fat, including myself but excluding my penis and my wallet.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Tight Body

2008

20

Jun

stepLINKS of the Day

I write about celebrities everyday because it is easy and I am not a very ambitious person. It’s like right in front of my face all the time but I don’t actually give a fuck and I didn’t realize that people actually do give a fuck about celebrities until last night. Sure, I knew they people liked laughing about shit going on in their lives, but I didn’t know that people followed there lives. I met 2 girls at a party who had matching dice tattoos and told me that they got that shit in honor of Britney and K-Fed. I had no idea that Britney and K-Fed had matching dice tattoos even though I absorb myself in this shit daily. They went on to tell me gossip about John Mayer liking golden showers, Keanus Reeves’ baby momma dying in a car accident and went on and on for hours. I was drunk and listening, and by listening I mean staring at their tits and that’s when I realized that I am actually a hack and people are fucking losers for caring about this shit and I am a fucking loser at everything but at least I can sleep well at night knowing that I have the longest daily link dump on the internet. Here it is.

Free Live Sex Show….
GO

Rio Girls Have Crazy Asses in this Video
GO

Funny Airline CEO Says Business Class Will be Beds and Blowjobs Cuz He’s Trying to Stay Competitive.
GO

Tila Tequila Looks Hot in a Tight Purple Dress
GO

Britney Spears Still Looks Pregnant
GO

100 Impersonations That Are Amazing
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Amelle Berrabah Of The Sugababes Has A Pantyhose Upskirt
GO

The 10 Best After School Specials
GO

This Ones for the Gays
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Hot Claudia Schiffer Photoshoot Video for Allure
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Top 10 Biggest Celebrity Breasts of All Time
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Let’s Travel Inside the Head of Tom Cruise for a Minute
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The 25 Sexiest Women in the World According to a Woman
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A crazy Story About A Man Who Found Gold in a Shitty Property He Bought – Check it Out
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Guess the Celebrity Cameltoe
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Laetitia Casta is All Types of Sexy
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Hillary Duff is a Mess
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Jamie Lynn Spears Has Officially Ruined Her Vagina
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To Catch a Super Predator – Super Mario
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Some Carrie Underwood Video to Masturbate To Because She Looks Distressed and We Like Girls in Distress
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Studio to Tom Cruise: Thanks, We’re Good!
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Make a Star Wars Storm Trooper Costume For Your Next Star Wars Convetion. Loser
GO

Skirt Prank Makes For Good Times
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Some Commercial That Freaked Me The Fuck Out
GO

The Great Office War
GO

Kirstie Alley Collapsed When She Weighed in at 240
GO

Some Unintentionally Dirty Candy
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Some College Sex Diary
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Jamie Lynn Spears’ Baby Daddy Has an Amazing Job
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The 8 Baddest Women in Sports
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These Kids are Off to a Bad Start
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Some Really Weird Aids Prevention Ads, Not that You Need Them, Aids is the Last Thing You’ll Die Of…
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Crazy is as Crazy Does
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Alessandra Ambrosio Gallery
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More Porn Than Ever I Know What to Do With
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And That’s Why You Don’t Play With Fire
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Moli Takes it Off at the Beach
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Glamour Girl Peach Wants to Show You Her Peach
GO

Tropical Thunder Viral Video Isn’t Too Viral But Still Funny As Hell
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Anne Hathaway Actually Looks Kind of Hot For Once
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Danielle Lloyd Takes Her Tits Out For a Night on the Town
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Bikini’s, Toplessness and General Nakedness
GO

Lulu is a Sex Bomb
GO

Now THAT’S What I Call a Body Guard I Want to Fuck
GO

I Wanna Punch AC Slater in the Face
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Luna Turns Her Webcame on in the Morning
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Topless Celebs Throwback
GO

Which Ass Would You Tap
GO

Lisa Van Allen Is PRetty Pissed Off That R-Kelly Got Off the Pedo Charges, And She’s Not Afraid to Say It
GO

Krystall Forscutt is Hot
GO

Let’s Watch a Gecko Get Eaten By Ants
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Go Fuck Yourself
GO

Homemade Tank!!
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Adriana Lima Gets Sized For Her Ring – Your Fantasy Chances of Marrying Her Come to an End
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Sunny Lane Looks Like the WHore She Is
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Bathroom Spycams Gross Even Me Out, But Here Are Some Anyways
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Maxine Knows How to Get the Job Done
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Suburban Amateurs
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ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS:

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Some Erotic Photography of Some Chick
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SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS AND HELP SUPPORT MY DRINKING CUZ I AM STRUGGLIN’ HERE

Use This to Get Sex, Because The Old Fashion Way Obviously Isn’t Working OUt For You
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Sluts Who Know How to Do Things Right
GO

Find Girls To Fuck, Because Sex is More Exciting When There’s a Chick
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BONUS:
It’s Christmas In July….Or June I Guess
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

19

Jun

Marla Maples in a Bikini of the Day

So Marla Maples is on some Phoebe Price, Bai Ling, Heidi Montag kick where she gets press for being in a bikini because she pays the paparazzi to take pictures of her bouncing around like some kind of jackass and I find it offensive, not because she’s a tight bodied old lady trying to show off all the hard work she’s been putting into herself because she has nothing better to do while sitting on piles of Trump money, but because I have a hard enough time getting out of a chair and this nimble athletic wallet fucker is just mocking me….

Posted in:Bikini|Marla Maples

2008

19

Jun

Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee Get Coffee Together of the Day

You know those who get Aids together stay together because having to tell your new partner about your ailment is more embarrassing than the time I shat the bed at a girl’s house like I was in Trainspotting only without the heroin and without the parents in the morning. It was just one of those, I have to fart situation that ended really fucking messy, but only because she was giving me a blowjob at the time. I feel like that is the one time in my life, she would have rather heard that she was suckin on a Aids dick, instead of being smeared with feces, but other than that rare circumstance, it’s a pretty obvious killjoy.

Either way, Pam and Tommy are out on a coffee date, they both looked haggard as fuck and aging hasn’t worked out so amazing for them, I guess they could be out talking about the kids, but what I do know is that Pam Anderson makes a serious point about having sex after every date and that’s why no matter what they are doing together, they are ending the day with a fuck and that’s because Pam Anderson is a whore….a busted up whore…but still a whore.

Posted in:Coffee|Pam Anderson|Tommy Lee