DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

12

Sep

I am – Anna Kournikova In Some Red Dress Showing Off Her Legs and Cleavage of the Day

Anna Kournikova is probably the most overrated tennis player of all time. I guess she was a nice addition to the sport because she’s pretty hot, and gave men a real reason to watch tennis, because seeing dykes screaming and grunting while flashing their panties isn’t as hot as some young tight bodied Russian chick. Here she is at some event with some fat chick because I the fat chick makes her look skinnier and prettier by comparison in pictures in Miami.

I was at a party with fat chicks the other night too. It wasn’t a very good party and the only reason I was there was because they were part of some group my wife is involved in, like Eating Anonymous or some shit. So here I am in a room full of fat chicks wanting to shoot myself in the head and all their boyfriends and husbands are there trying to have a good time, you know, drinking away their pain of having a wife that looks the way some of these chicks looked. I know some of the dudes didn’t sign up for this shit, but kids and postpartum depression lead to an emotional eating stay at home wife, but some of the other dudes were socially awkward lanky motherfuckers with no self esteem who got in with these chicks who have been fat all their lives because it’s better than being alone and here I am in a room full of them.

My fear was that an orgy was going to be organized, because swinging with obese chicks is when I decide my life isn’t worth living, even though watching it would have been fucking funny. They ended up just doing a conga line and eating more chips than I had ever seen consumed before, and I didn’t have my camera to bring it to you, but I do have these Kournikova pics which are a hell of a lot more interesting than my life and there is a fat chick who would have been considered skinny at the event I was at, but you can pretend.

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Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures
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Chicks Playing Tennis Pictures

2007

12

Sep

I am – Jennifer Love Hewitt at the Beach of the Day

1 Comment »

This are probably some of the most misleading pictures I’ve seen in a while and that is why I am posting them. When I saw the caption of Jennifer Love Hewitt at the beach, I figured they were some slutty bikini pictures, but that was before I remembered that this bitch is a bigger prude than this none I once knew who used to be a whore but found Jesus. She gave up fucking for money , but she did let us peak up her habit every once in a while, I guess because once you’re a slut, you’re pretty much always a slut….even after finding Jesus.

Either way, bitch is on the beach, bitch is fully clothed and bitch is fatter than she’s ever been. It’s the typical story of the young small framed girl with huge tits who ends up hefty 10 years later, because her tits are so out of proportion that the ass feels like it needs to catch up or some shit…Reality is that all this girl ever had going for her was her body because her face was always a wreck, and now that the body is gone, I guess that means she’s dead to all of us….

I am not always mean to fat chicks because I am a model citizen. I don’t help old ladies cross the street, I don’t volunteer and I don’t have a job or contribute to the world in any way. I am not a big brother or a big sister, I am not an activist and I don’t have a cause, I am not trying to change the world, I don’t recycle but I did hold a door open for a at lady I almost slammed it on because my brain blocks out every girl I don’t want to fuck. It’s like I can be in a room with 10 girls and only see the hot ones, the ugly ones don’t even register. Either way, I apologized to the woman for not seeing her but I couldn’t help saying “I bet you don’t hear that often” because she’s fat and takes up the same amount of space as 2 people. It may have been a bad joke, it may take away from the nice model citizen act of kindness of holding the door open for a woman whos hands were full with 2 boxes of donuts and it may make me an asshole, but at least it made me laugh.

Here are those Jennifer Love on the Beach Pics for you remember something that once wasn’t a fat chick with a camera.

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Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Bikini Pictures Before She Was Fat

Posted in:Ass|Beach|Fat|Jennifer Love Hewitt|Unsorted

2007

12

Sep

I am – Kim Kardashian and Jenna Jameson Do the Heatherette Show of the Day

1 Comment »

I never understood Heatherette, they are some kind of drugged up club kid tranny shit that all these celebrity bitches fell in love with and bought into and now they are making more money than anyone you know being all drugged up tranny club kid outrageousness. Either way, Kim Kardashian and Jenna Jameson were some of the “stars” and I used that term loosely, more loose than both of their porned up twats, who modeled for their fashion show.

I fucking hate porn bitches but I guess there’s something nice about seeing a successful mainstream pornstar and an unsuccessful amateur pornstar hanging out. It’s like seeing the Big Brothers of America teaching some homeless poor kid how to play baseball. I know they are both sluts and that they both put out for money like the street trash drug addicts I used to pay to fuck and they let the people doing them film them like it’s not a big deal which is amazing because trying to convince girls over the years to let me bust out my polaroid never really worked out for me. The best I got was a picture of one of them sleeping with part of her tit hanging out, but I even got busted for that and she destroyed it. So as I suck at life, these girls who seemingly suck at life too, also suck dick on camera and hang out at fashion shows together.

I can only assume that Jenna got casted in the part because bitch looks like a fucking tranny, and apparently Heatherette is into trannies. I love how fucking serious she’s taking this gig like it’s a fucking academy award performance or her first big break onto the fashion model scene because no matter what she does or how she does it, I will always know that she’s nothing but a broken down girl with daddy issues, who used her cunt to get ahead…a cunt that looks like she may soon be turning into a cock. Porn Bitches are trash. I’d rather see everyday girls get fucked any day. That’s the end of that.

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Kim Kardashian Bikini Pictures
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2007

12

Sep

I am – Shitty Quality Vanessa Hudgens Bikini Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

I didn’t know who this bitch was before a week or 2 ago so I have no idea when they were taken and that means that they could be old or they could be new but one thing I am sure about is that they are fucking shitty.

This Vanessa Hudgen’s bitch is doing what almost every girl in my life has done. She’s given us a taste of her nakedness, because one night she had poor judgment and now that we want more she’s keeping shit covered up. My logic is that since we’ve already seen it, you should be naked every time we’re together, and since I don’t get out much, being together is you in pictures on my computer.

I remember after almost every girl I ever hooked up with on any level, I’m talking them topless, them bottomless, them flashing me, them showering for me, me finger-banging them, me going down on them, them going down on me, anal sex, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, dry sex, heavy petting, drunk sex, sober sex, lesbian sex… it was always a one time deal. They’d give me a taste and I never had what it took to get them doing it again. The shame and embarrassment outweighed the fun in doing it and since they knew that I wasn’t up to their standards, they could easily find a better guy to share their goods with. I predict that’s what you can expect from this High School Musical slut, we’ve got a taste and you won’t be seeing her naked for a little while.

But we will see her in shitty bikini pictures.

Bonus – I found some Better Quality Pics of Her With the Fag Efron….

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2007

12

Sep

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

I went on walk to get out of the trap that is my house and ended up outside a Chinese Food restaurant because it started raining on me, kinda the story of my life. I wish I had a camera that worked because I saw a group of 10 Asians using Take Out boxes as umbrellas like they were Rihanna. They just stood outside smoking, talking all while wearing this fucking styrofoam boxes like fucking assholes and I didn’t get a fucking picture. So I came home and thought about how bad I wish I had 10 dollars to get beer and once I managed to convince my wife to give it to me, it was too late to buy beer, so I just surfed the internet to make me forget how much my life sucks, kinda like you…

So, here are a whole lot of links…all are worth clicking…eventually I will scale this shit down…it’s a little out of control…but until then…enjoy…

Big Tits Stephanie Tanner’s Sonogram…..
GO

Mary Kate Olsen Then & Now Video To Laugh At…
GO

Misty Dawn is Half Naked and You’ll Think That She Rocks
GO

Uncensored Britney Spears at the VMA’s
GO

Kelly Clarkson Fat and in Tight Pants Performing…
GO

Avril Lavigne Throwback Ass Flash VIdeo
GO

Funny Way to Apologize By A Dude Who Calls a Chick a Slut….
GO

Tomorrow is Baby Making Day in Russia…You Can Win an SUV
GO

Miss Iran is Dating A Baldwin….
GO

Lindsay Lohan sweaty crotch
GO

Tori Spelling White Bikini Pics….
GO

Jennifer Ellison BIKINI Camel Toe
GO

Tommy Lee writes words on his blog about the Kid “Pebble” Rock Incident (good diss loser)
GO

Tommy Lee Get Punched in the Face at a College Party Video…
GO

Some Slut Named Cassandra in a Half Naked Photoshoot
GO

Some Slut Named Jaime rubs her body down with lotion
GO

What People Thought Computers Would be Like in 1999
GO

Some Slut Named Jenni Frost Gallery
GO

It’s all Paris’ Fault Britney Flashed Her Twat…..Because They Are Hanging Out Again….
GO

Toronto International Film Festival features Young People Fucking
GO

Who Barfed Challenge…
GO

Nadine Velazquez is on My Name is Earl Now She’s Half Naked
GO

Kate Beckinsale Bikini pics
GO

Some Slut Named Josie Zilli in a Half Naked Lingerie Photoshoot Video
GO

Tori Amos being half funny and Fully Lesbian
GO

Jenna Jameson’s Tits Are Smart
GO

Who’d You Rather at the VMA’s
GO

Wrong Football Video….
GO

A Jessica Alba Photo which would have been better if she had hard Nipples…
GO

Some Girl Named Rachel’s Insane Ass
GO

Some Weird 12 Year Old Collects Vaccuum Cleaners…Reminds Me of You…
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Nut Crackers Video…
GO

Paris Hilton vs Carmen Electra Showdown….
GO

Christopher Walken is just about the only good thing about Balls of Fury
GO

Leeann Teeeden Gallery
GO

Some Model Named Lisa Marie Scott Photoshoot Video
GO

Hot Swedish Chicks Partying On FLICKR
GO

Some Dumb Bitch is Addicted to Text Messaging While Driving…
GO

Mischa Barton Dressed Like a Tampon
GO

Stop Motion Haircut because You’re Into That
GO

2 Hot Chicks Take a Shower Together…AMAZING
GO

More Lucy Pinder Topless
GO

Jennifer Hudson to be Typecate in the new Sex and the City movie
GO

Proper bathroom ettiquette
GO

Oprah proves once again she is a rich idiot
GO

Eva Mendes ia Happy
GO

Jenna Jameson – Disco Duck Diva
GO

Some Chick Grocery Shops With a Butt Plug In
GO

Victoria Beckham’s Rocket Fun Bags…
GO

Fag Zac Efron Goes from Naked Chicks To Fat Chicks…Which Seems Right For a Fag
GO

Some Girl Sucks Her Big TIt
GO

Weird Photobucket Nudity/Porn
GO

More Photobucket Nudity With Weed and Vagina
GO

Some More Photobucket Porn
GO

Photobucket Self-Shot Underwear Pics
GO

And Even More Photobucket Nudity
GO

Some Junkie Dancing to Girl Talk
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Paris Hilton Having Sex With a Guy At A Pool Video
GO

Some Porn Site Called Nancy Silk Scored 74 for Her Pantyhose and Stockings Pictures…
GO

Some Chick Get Stripped Naked on Some Polish TV Show Prank…
GO

Woman Overreacts When She Gets Tapped on the Head With Paper
GO

Find Horny Girls Who Will Fuck You in Your Home Town…
GO

Use This Spray to Get Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

11

Sep

I am – Kanye West’s Freak Out at the VMAs of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s the video of Kanye West freaking out for losing all the awards he was up for at the VMAs. Dude pulls the race card and cries like a little bitch about how hard he works and how good he is and how he’s never coming back to MTV because he feels so wronged, or whatever the fuck he says because I don’t speak Hip Hop.

I do know that it’s possible the whole thing is a publicity stunt, his whole being the best and greatest attitude is kinda what makes him who he is and without that he’s just some dude with average music and sunglasses like Diddy. Every rapper thinks they are the best, because all their friends that they grew up with are working at car washes, selling drugs or dead so as local heroes now in the big leagues up against the world, so standing out as the best is the way to get noticed. Plus people are idiots and believe what they are told. So if an average girl says she’s hot, people around her start believing it too. If an dude thinks he’s funny and tells everyone how funny he is, people around him start to think he’s funny because they are supposed to.

When I was growing up there was a really ugly chick who looked like an alien. All the guys in my class were so fucking into her because she had a bit more of a body than the rest of the girls who still looked like little boys. She had some tit, some ass, was tall and had thick legs. But I always knew something was off. I was new to the country and didn’t want to get beat up so I’d just go along with them saying how bitch was hot and I’d be all like “dude did you see that tight shit she was in” and shit, so here we are with this monster of a girl who became a monster because she thought she was fucking hot and guys thought she was hot, when in reality she was more busted than my TV.

Either way, losing sucks and I can relate to the frustration of thinking that you’ve got something good and never getting acknowledged, living a life of constant losing….but I guess what you gotta do is realize that the shit you create is garbage so that when awards shows come up you’re just happy to be invited to the party because there’s an open bar. Being a diva about it is so fucking pathetic and now I have no respect for the guy, not because he’s black but because he’s a cry baby. I think it’s called “grow a dick” asshole. He makes more money than anyone I’ve ever met I don’t see why he’s gotta get menstruate all over MTV….just sit at home and count your money, fuck hot groupies and shut the fuck up.

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2007

11

Sep

I am – Kanye West's Freak Out at the VMAs of the Day

No Comments »

Here’s the video of Kanye West freaking out for losing all the awards he was up for at the VMAs. Dude pulls the race card and cries like a little bitch about how hard he works and how good he is and how he’s never coming back to MTV because he feels so wronged, or whatever the fuck he says because I don’t speak Hip Hop.

I do know that it’s possible the whole thing is a publicity stunt, his whole being the best and greatest attitude is kinda what makes him who he is and without that he’s just some dude with average music and sunglasses like Diddy. Every rapper thinks they are the best, because all their friends that they grew up with are working at car washes, selling drugs or dead so as local heroes now in the big leagues up against the world, so standing out as the best is the way to get noticed. Plus people are idiots and believe what they are told. So if an average girl says she’s hot, people around her start believing it too. If an dude thinks he’s funny and tells everyone how funny he is, people around him start to think he’s funny because they are supposed to.

When I was growing up there was a really ugly chick who looked like an alien. All the guys in my class were so fucking into her because she had a bit more of a body than the rest of the girls who still looked like little boys. She had some tit, some ass, was tall and had thick legs. But I always knew something was off. I was new to the country and didn’t want to get beat up so I’d just go along with them saying how bitch was hot and I’d be all like “dude did you see that tight shit she was in” and shit, so here we are with this monster of a girl who became a monster because she thought she was fucking hot and guys thought she was hot, when in reality she was more busted than my TV.

Either way, losing sucks and I can relate to the frustration of thinking that you’ve got something good and never getting acknowledged, living a life of constant losing….but I guess what you gotta do is realize that the shit you create is garbage so that when awards shows come up you’re just happy to be invited to the party because there’s an open bar. Being a diva about it is so fucking pathetic and now I have no respect for the guy, not because he’s black but because he’s a cry baby. I think it’s called “grow a dick” asshole. He makes more money than anyone I’ve ever met I don’t see why he’s gotta get menstruate all over MTV….just sit at home and count your money, fuck hot groupies and shut the fuck up.

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Pam Anderson on the Beach Pictures
Pam Anderson on the Beach Again Pictures
Diddy Pickin’ Up Bitches Exclusive Cell Phone Pics
Live Bloggin’ The VMAs 2006

2007

11

Sep

I am – Lisa Rinna Grabbing Her Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

I was never really into this bitch because she’s pretty unknown and I was too busy getting drunk and getting in trouble during the Melrose Place years. I did know a group of crackheads who were hooked on the shit but I did what I could to stay away because getting caught up in a TV show is almost as depressing as never having a career after a TV show. Either way, bitch knows what she’s good for and distracts us from her busted chpped up plastic surgery ridden face by playing with her tits like they are nintendo.

I just spent the last 20 minutes watching some hot chick in tight pants trying to change a light bulb in a women’s clothing store. She was standing on a ladder that didn’t reach so her attempt involved a lot of stretching, bending, squeezing and climbing up and down a step-ladder. She didn’t notice me watching for the first 10 minutes but as a crowd formed around me and we all watched her like she was a shitty adult soap opera she realized and wasn’t too happy. Some asshole tried to be the hero and went in to help her probably in hopes of getting her number while ruining it for the rest of us, but it was probably one of the hottest things I’ve seen all day and inspired me to get back to the gym to watch girls taking yoga classes because it is better than porn.

Here are Lisa Rinna Grabbing her fake tits pics while making sex faces, not sex faces I’ve ever seen, when I used to fuck girls would either be sleeping, or clenching their eyes waiting for the traumatic experience to end…not because I raped them, but because they couldn’t really stomach me.

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2007

11

Sep

I am – Mary Kate Olsen on Weeds of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s a clip o Mary Kate Olsen on the show Weeds telling some dude that she can see his boner and it reminds me of a time when I used to get boners. I have really only been unable to get it up for a couple of years now and I do get the random semi every once in a while but maybe I am just desensitized or something and looking at my fat wife naked is enough for anyone’s brain to go into defense mode so that I don’t ever make the mistake of fucking her.

There was a time when I was a teenager when drinking a couple of beers would get me hard. If I smoked a joint I’d get hard. If I took the bus to school I’d get hard. If I watched girls in bikinis I’d get hard. If I saw a girl in short I’d get hard. If I held hand with a girl I’d get hard. If I saw porn I’d get hard. When I went to the strip club I’d get hard just being there. If my friend’s mom was doing the dishes I’d get hard. If my English Teacher was writing on the board I’d get hard. Watching the girls in my calls play volleyball would get me hard. If I was alone with a chick for more than a minute I’d get hard. It was a constant erection that was tucked behind my belt. Luckily, my dick has always been so small that I never got busted or outed by anyone for having wood. I could do a class presentation in a pair of sweat pants rocking full bone and no one would fucking notice…that wasn’t such a good thing later in life when all I could offer girls was bad sex they didn’t feel, but it was a blessing when I was 15.

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Posted in:Boner|Olsen Twins|TV|Unsorted|Weeds

2007

11

Sep

I am – Mena Suvari’s Lesbian Tattoo of the Day

1 Comment »

I was trying to deny that Mena Suvari was a dyke, not because I think she’s hot and want to give her my cock, but because I don’t think lesbian haircuts mean lesbianism, but that was before I saw her tattoo of a lion, because once a bitch gets a king of the jungle cat tattooed on her you know she’s pretty much coming out of the closet, because everyone knows that cats represent cunt and lion’s represent “Super” cunt . True story.

Ok, so I am not good at telling jokes, maybe you should just go back to watching porn and I should go back to eating because I realize that writing this shit bites into valuable eating time and I also realized that when you watch porn, you’re actually getting off to the dick. Homo.

These pictures are of Mena Suvari at the Toronto Film Fest premiere of some movie called “Stuck”.

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Posted in:Lesbian|Mena Suvari|Tattoo|TIFF|Unsorted