I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

27

Aug

I am – Elle Macpherson Surfing of the Day

elle_macpherson_surfs.jpg

It seems like surfing is the new thing for middle-aged celebrities to learn. I am going to admit that I have always wanted to be a surfer because they get all the bitches and are living the dream, unfortunately I don’t know how to swim, I am drunk too often, and I am too fat for any surfboard to support my weight – but I still like to believe that one day I’ll be living the dream….

Here are some pictures of a SLAMMIN’ Elle Macpherson in a bikini that someone sent in to me. She was one of the original bikini models who opened my eyes to bikini models and I remember spending endless nights curled up to my Sports Illustrated 1988 or 89 video where here nipples were exposed numerous times…..

I came across this story I wrote a while ago and figured I’d post it because I don’t think I have yet and since it’s a true story, you need to read it….

I knew this gay kid who was from a gay family. He had a brother and he had a father and he never really spoke of his mother, but it is safe to say that she is either dead or fucked off on them. They grew up in a good part of town and they had a nice house and a good female influence in the shape of a 250 pound aunt who was the biggest leather wearing dyke in the county. His dad was a fag, his brother was a fag and he was a fag but he was in the closet, his dad was in the closet and his brother was in the closet. They were all in the fucking closet for fear of being judged, disowned or whatever because the dad played the front of the homophobe while doing dudes in his spare time.

The family had an unfortunate experience of finding out that each other were into the cock when they all accidentally ended up at the Gay Sauna on the same night and one brother happened to be on the receiving end of the Glory hole and another brother ended up on the left side glory hole and his dad ended up on the right side of the glory hole and dude ended up servicing each of them to completion unknowingly until the meet at greet in the hot tub where the dad decided that it was time for a sit down and talk about him being a faggot and the faggot way of life.

So the point of the story is that the gay kid I knew sucked off his dad and his brother in one sitting, one night, a series of unfortunate events and that story is more fucked up that these pictures of Elle Macpherson could turn any man straight…..


Related Posts:

Elle Macpherson is Insane
Elle Macpherson and her STD
Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfing
Courtney Cox Surfing

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Elle Macpherson|Hot|Model|Surfing|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie’s Pregnant Tits and Gut of the Day

nicole_richie_pregnant_top.jpg

Some dude called me a homo and a whiner today because I called him a cocksucker and I realize that I do whine and complain alot and I am okay with that. I emailed some big entertainment company asking them to advertise on my site, they were nice enough to respond to me and send me a rejection directly, usually my emails go unanswered and are just lost forever.

Since I knew the email was hitting his inbox, I took the opportunity to send him an email expressing my opinion. It may not be funny or interesting but I am posting it anyway….

Do you not want to work with me because there is some barely there nudity on my site? It is not a porn site, it is mainstream entertainment site that aims for readers that 21 and older. I figure that if you’re over 21 I sure as hell hope you’ve seen tits before, otherwise you should probably just jump or maybe go gay or something, because let’s face it being a virgin isn’t cool and never will be, no matter what the asexuals at your University are telling you. I think I saw my first set of tits when I was 11…..and I am not talking on my mother, I am talking on a real live girl and it only cost me $5.

Either way, I understand you have to protect your company and your crazy bible fucking audience, it’s just the way of America. It’s more outdated than any other country, but it’s playing things safe and I respect safe, it’s the reason I’ve never tried heroin. I guess the land of the free is really the land of the heavily conservative and scared to push boundaries and you spend your resources discussing whether a congressman is really a republican because in 1990 he was videotaped with supporting pro-choice when a real republican is pro-life….because I can only assume they’ve never knocked up a bitch they didn’t want to get married to because otherwise they’d know that killing a fetus is more exciting than being stuck with a fat whore you had a one night stand with when drunk….because a life of misery is a life not worth living….

If ever you change your mind and want to work with me, I am pretty cheap, at least that’s what my wife always says, but that’s only because I hate her and use her credit card to buy her Christmas gifts. Cuddles.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Speaking of Abortion, Here are some pics of Nicole Richie and her new tits and baby stomach. I am surprised she didn’t have an abortion and I am sure she’s had her fair share of them in the past…Let’s just hope her drug addiction and eating disorder doesn’t turn this kid into some kind of flipper baby….even if it’s the only way anyone can put up with her bullshit….


Related Posts:

Nicole Richie’s Sheer Maternity Top of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie’s Hiking Ass

Posted in:Belly|Nicole Richie|Pregnant|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie's Pregnant Tits and Gut of the Day

nicole_richie_pregnant_top.jpg

Some dude called me a homo and a whiner today because I called him a cocksucker and I realize that I do whine and complain alot and I am okay with that. I emailed some big entertainment company asking them to advertise on my site, they were nice enough to respond to me and send me a rejection directly, usually my emails go unanswered and are just lost forever.

Since I knew the email was hitting his inbox, I took the opportunity to send him an email expressing my opinion. It may not be funny or interesting but I am posting it anyway….

Do you not want to work with me because there is some barely there nudity on my site? It is not a porn site, it is mainstream entertainment site that aims for readers that 21 and older. I figure that if you’re over 21 I sure as hell hope you’ve seen tits before, otherwise you should probably just jump or maybe go gay or something, because let’s face it being a virgin isn’t cool and never will be, no matter what the asexuals at your University are telling you. I think I saw my first set of tits when I was 11…..and I am not talking on my mother, I am talking on a real live girl and it only cost me $5.

Either way, I understand you have to protect your company and your crazy bible fucking audience, it’s just the way of America. It’s more outdated than any other country, but it’s playing things safe and I respect safe, it’s the reason I’ve never tried heroin. I guess the land of the free is really the land of the heavily conservative and scared to push boundaries and you spend your resources discussing whether a congressman is really a republican because in 1990 he was videotaped with supporting pro-choice when a real republican is pro-life….because I can only assume they’ve never knocked up a bitch they didn’t want to get married to because otherwise they’d know that killing a fetus is more exciting than being stuck with a fat whore you had a one night stand with when drunk….because a life of misery is a life not worth living….

If ever you change your mind and want to work with me, I am pretty cheap, at least that’s what my wife always says, but that’s only because I hate her and use her credit card to buy her Christmas gifts. Cuddles.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Speaking of Abortion, Here are some pics of Nicole Richie and her new tits and baby stomach. I am surprised she didn’t have an abortion and I am sure she’s had her fair share of them in the past…Let’s just hope her drug addiction and eating disorder doesn’t turn this kid into some kind of flipper baby….even if it’s the only way anyone can put up with her bullshit….


Related Posts:

Nicole Richie’s Sheer Maternity Top of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie’s Hiking Ass

Posted in:Belly|Nicole Richie|Pregnant|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Girl Has a Shower in my stepSHIRT of the Day

So girls never get naked for me in everyday life, but they do for other people and sometimes those other people throw them in a stepSHIRT and send videos my way to make me feel like I am a real man…The people at JuliesRoom sent this into me and it strangely reminds me of the last shower I took at the community pool where I ended up getting asked to leave for scaring some kids and sneaking in the girls locker-room. You can’t take me anywhere.

I know this won’t inspire you to buy shirts, since I’ve sold two, but I’ll throw up this link for you to click to anyway, I am a bit of a dreamer….

Posted in:stepSHIRT|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Jail Bait and Whores at the Teen Choice Awards of the Day

Teen Choice Jessica Alba Tits

I was at a house party on the weekend with a friend of mine and we were outside on the patio when this loser came up to us. He didn’t say anything at first. He just stood there listening to our conversation, staring blankly. After about 3 minutes of this, there was a break in our conversation and a moment of silence. I guess jackass thought he would use this as his “in” to start talking to us and of all things he could say, blurted out “So, you have 2 beers, huh?” pointing at the beer I had in each hand.

I looked at my friend, and my friend looked at me, and he just stood there very please with himself, with a look on his face that suggested he actually thought this introduction to our conversation was going to get him some pussy. Now generally I try not to be a bitch when it comes to guys coming up to me, but in this case, I couldnt help myself and i laughed in his face. I know not all of you are Don Juan, and I will pretty much sleep with anyone who is a 6/10 or above, but even I like there to be a little effort in the initial pick up sometimes. Why not just say “So, I see your wearing shoes.” or “Hey, you have hair, I like that in a women.” You get the point. I honestly would have been more receptive to “Nice shirt, wanna fuck?”

One more example of why guys like you will be virgins until you die, or until you finally breakdown and pay a whore with the money you have been saving in your piggy bank, which ever comes first.

Here’s some pics from the Teen Choice awards. Virgin or not, none of these girls will ever sleep with you, ever. And yeah, some of these chicks are borderline Jail Bait, but you are a Perv and are into that type of thing.

Aimee Teegarden

Audrina Partridge

Jessica Alba

Megan Fox

Sophia Bush

Vanessa Hudgens


Comic Nerds Wanking to Jessica Alba of the Day
Megan Fox isn’t that Hot and is Banging David from 90210 of the Day
Sophia Bush goes to the Bathroom of the Day

Posted in:Jail Bait|Jessica Alba|Megan Fox|Sophia Bush|Teen Choice|Unsorted|Whores

2007

27

Aug

I am – Lohan’s Sex Scene from I Know Who Killed Me of the Day

I never ended up seeing the Lohan movie “I Know Who Killed Me” because I don’t have money for that shit and because I don’t think anyone else did meaning it stayed in theaters for all of 3 weeks….but I am okay with watching the Lohan sex scene because I can only assume this is how she fucks in real life, and knowing that if I was really in the room with her and not just there in fantasy, all I’d be thinking about is shit, I hope I don’t get herpes…why the fuck am I doing this…I am going to totally get herpes…I’ve been alive 37 years and I’ve done a lot of bad things…but never got herpes…I can’t believe my dick is working this is amazing…fuck I don’t want herpes…then I’d cum. here’s the video.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Sex Scene|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Lohan's Sex Scene from I Know Who Killed Me of the Day

I never ended up seeing the Lohan movie “I Know Who Killed Me” because I don’t have money for that shit and because I don’t think anyone else did meaning it stayed in theaters for all of 3 weeks….but I am okay with watching the Lohan sex scene because I can only assume this is how she fucks in real life, and knowing that if I was really in the room with her and not just there in fantasy, all I’d be thinking about is shit, I hope I don’t get herpes…why the fuck am I doing this…I am going to totally get herpes…I’ve been alive 37 years and I’ve done a lot of bad things…but never got herpes…I can’t believe my dick is working this is amazing…fuck I don’t want herpes…then I’d cum. here’s the video.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Sex Scene|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Sara Harding’s Tits of the Day

sara_harding_tits_header1.jpg

I did some thinking a few weeks ago and realized that all my slutty behavior as of lately could potentially ruin my life in the form of a baby since I never bother to use condoms. Most of my sex takes place in dirty bathrooms and alley ways behind bars for the most part and I just can’t be bothered with them in the heat of the moment. I’ve never really been into condoms because they generally ruin all the sensation involved in fucking and I’m not scared of AIDS anyways.

The pill pack includes this big long sheet listing all the things that could go wrong and basically tell you all the ways you can die because of being on the pill, which is really reassuring. What they didn’t tell me however was that my tits would basically double in size in a one month period. No, they aren’t fucking DD’s, but when you have small tits and they suddenly double in size, you suddenly stop hating life as much, and possibly believe god has been listening to your prayers all these years and did something for once.

But he hasn’t, and he didn’t, because there is no God and if there was, he would most certainly hate people like me and you, which is why I will always be a poor slut, getting attention in the form of dirty sex, and you will be a virgin forever.

Here’ Sara Harding. My tits are about as big as hers now, and I don’t hate her much as I used to, because now we have something in common.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


Sara Harding is a Club Slut of the Day
Sara Harding Naked of the Day
Charlie Uchea Nip Slip of the Day

Posted in:Sara Harding|Slut|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Sara Harding's Tits of the Day

sara_harding_tits_header1.jpg

I did some thinking a few weeks ago and realized that all my slutty behavior as of lately could potentially ruin my life in the form of a baby since I never bother to use condoms. Most of my sex takes place in dirty bathrooms and alley ways behind bars for the most part and I just can’t be bothered with them in the heat of the moment. I’ve never really been into condoms because they generally ruin all the sensation involved in fucking and I’m not scared of AIDS anyways.

The pill pack includes this big long sheet listing all the things that could go wrong and basically tell you all the ways you can die because of being on the pill, which is really reassuring. What they didn’t tell me however was that my tits would basically double in size in a one month period. No, they aren’t fucking DD’s, but when you have small tits and they suddenly double in size, you suddenly stop hating life as much, and possibly believe god has been listening to your prayers all these years and did something for once.

But he hasn’t, and he didn’t, because there is no God and if there was, he would most certainly hate people like me and you, which is why I will always be a poor slut, getting attention in the form of dirty sex, and you will be a virgin forever.

Here’ Sara Harding. My tits are about as big as hers now, and I don’t hate her much as I used to, because now we have something in common.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


Sara Harding is a Club Slut of the Day
Sara Harding Naked of the Day
Charlie Uchea Nip Slip of the Day

Posted in:Sara Harding|Slut|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Kylie Minogue’s Cleavage in a Kite of the Day

kylie_minogue_cleavage_top.jpg

You all know the story, I realized that gay bloggers get all the fame and glory on the internet. That girls flock to them and that they can get away with saying a lot ruder and racier shit than I can so asked my stepdaughter to hook up her gay friend for the job, that isn’t really a job, because it doesn’t pay. Since I don’t know where my stepdaughter is and haven’t seen her in a couple of days, I am going to post Julien’s post because having a token gay blogger is going to make me famous…..bitch.

I was trolling around Cragslist the other day, looking through the Causal Encounters section, the M4M section and of course looking through my favorite section, Missed Connections. I go through that one daily to see if anyone has had one for me but so far no luck. I mean what are they going to write “I saw this coked out faggot wearing women’s jeans and a lamae t-shirt riding the bus and I thought he was pretty hot�? I don’t think so.
And yes, I actually own that outfit.

So anyway I was on Craigslist and I saw an advertisement for a sex party that was happening that night. Now, in the gay community, sex parties aren’t that unusual, they pop up on Craigslist from time to time and I had never gone to one, but this was a particularly slow night so I thought what the hell. So, I go to this guy’s house and I enter into the living room where everyone was having sex. The guy had arranged the living room so all the couches were along the sidelines so there was this big open area in the middle. There were a few couples on couches here and there but the main attraction was in the main area. About 8 guys were standing up in the middle of the room fucking each other in one long line. Each guy had his dick in the ass of the guy in front of him. I watch this for about 5 minutes deciding whether or not to jump in there when Kylie Minogue’s cover of “The Locomotionâ€? comes on the stereo and all the guys in the train go wild for it. And I thought to myself “Wow, this too gay even for me.â€? So I left.

Here are few pics of Kylie dressed up half-way between Amanda Lepore and a kite. Oh and remember while you are jerking off to her cleavage that she had breast cancer. So you should feel really bad about that. Unless that’s what you are into. You sick fuck.

Smooch!

Julien


Related Posts:

Kyle Minogue’s Breast Implants
Dannii Minogue Getting Tight With a Chick
Dannii Minogue’s Lap Dance Video
Kylie Minogue’s Ass

Posted in:Breast Cancer|cleavage|Dress|Kylie Minogue|Tits|Unsorted