DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

22

Aug

I am – Jessica Simpson and Her True Calling of the Day

Shortly after I turned 18 this year, one of my many boyfriends convinced me to do a porn with him. I was really broke at the time from running up my new credit card and needed the money and figured what the hell you know? He had hooked up with some porn producer in Montreal who was offering good money to couples willing to fuck on camera and given the fact that we a) fucked all the time anyways and b) were both pretty broke, jumped at the chance. I’ll try anything once.

Anyways, there was a point where he was standing up and I was down on my knees, in my panties with no bra, giving him a blow job for the camera. The director made us stop and told my boyfriend that he needed to talk more. My boyfriend (who was usually quite vocal in bed) didnâ€™t seem to want to talk much but they thought we were hot together and liked what they saw. He didnâ€™t have a problem calling me a whore in private, but for some reason in front of others, the cat had his tongue, so to speak.

So the director decided to do it for him and gets right up behind him, while Iâ€™m still going down on him ferociously with the camera pointed on me so they don’t give away that my boyfriend wasn’t the one talking and some french director has his head on my boyfriend’s shoulder giving the usual porn dialog you would come to expect like â€˜Suck that cock you dirty slut, you like that you dirty whore.â€™ etc, but he has this really thick French accent that made him sound like Pepe Le Pew from the old Looney Toon cartoons. So Iâ€™m there on my knees, looking at my boyfriend who is borderline laughing his ass off and this French porn director pretending to be his voice but Iâ€™m trying to keep a straight face with a cock in my mouth cause the camera is zoomed in on me and me only.

Thankfully he busted his load rather quick, they called the end of the scene, and I ran into the restroom and laughed hysterically for five minutes. That was my first and last foray into the world of porn. Now I save being a slut for behind closed doors and dirty bathrooms in bars for the most part.

Jessica Simpson needs to realize however, that sometimes your calling is just chosen for you. You can try to go into other areas of work, but when destiny has itâ€™s path laid out in front of you, you canâ€™t fuck with it. All the cards are right there on the table, you just got to accept it and roll with it.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Porn|Slut|Unsorted

2007

22

Aug

I am – Courtney Cox Bikini Bottoms of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of Courtney Cox trying to reclaim her youth by surfing and pretty much only embarrassing herself. I guess the one positive thing you can say about her, other than the fact that she’s got an old lady mom ass, because she’s an old lady and I am so over hot tight teen booty, is that she’s not being a cunt about things by paddle surfing like her best friend ever Jennifer Aniston, because she realizes that that shit is so fucking homo that I am considering changing my DJ AM is gayer than bicycle shorts line to DJ AM is gayer than paddle-surfing, but you don’t care about that.

What you do care about is this girl I once dated for about 8 weeks. She was pretty fucking hot by my standards, which means that she had at least one leg, one arm, one eye and one tooth, but that’s no the point…We hooked up drunk for about a week but she’d always stop me at the panties. I felt like I was 14 again and bitch was pulling the panty-rule on me which at first was kind of exciting because I made a point of breaking down that cotton wall, and put more effort into getting her horny enough to give in. I will admit that I found it weird for a 50 year old broad to be pulling this shit on me but it doesn’t matter, after a week of not breaking through, I got mad and wanted to fuck her saggy old lady ass and she said it was because she got her period.

Now the main reason I was banging this grandma was because I figured she was dried up and unable to get knocked up, unable to get her period which suited my needs when I was 24 of no baby and constant sex as long as I had a tube of KY next to the bed, but she dropped the fucking period line, something I never thought I’d have to deal with with her….

Now for the 8 weeks we were “seeing each other”, I never got up in her because she always had a tampon in her, and I never pulled it out to see if it was actually used. So either this bitch had a serious gynecological problem and was bleeding for 8 weeks, or she was a total mental case who had some weird OCD about keeping tampons in her or the most likely case it was her way of keeping me the fuck out….and it worked.

I wish I could say the same for Courtney Cox, but the way she’s lookin’ at me in these pictures, I know she wants me…

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Posted in:Bikini|Courtney Cox|Surfing|Unsorted

2007

22

Aug

I am – Tara Reid Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

The pictures on this site get repetitive because the same sluts go out in their bikinis over and over again and since I have no interest in posting shit like sluts at press conferences or sluts on the red carpet unless there’s a nip slip or vagina slips in them, then I am forced to hit back the standard played out Tara Reid in a Bikini action, but at least the site I ripped them off of says their new….and we all know that seeing a bitch in a new bikini is like a whole new fucking experience because we know they can afford to buy more than one….

I remember spending my summer on some beach town working some shitty kitchen of some nasty fucking seafood restaurant and I ended up falling in love, or at least in as much love as I could really be with a pretty unattractive girl that was letting me bang her 3 times a day, but for the sake of argument she was my girlfriend and she was ugly but I told her I loved her because it was the only way to get her to do anal in the morning..or when she was on her rag.

I rode out the relationship, because it was easy, but I couldn’t get over the fact that she always wore the same fucking suit, day after day, and when I got a little fucking grossed out by her never washing her same bathing suit, that she wore 7 days a week for about a month, she claimed that swimming in the Ocean was better sterilization than a fucking washing machine…

Now we weren’t actually at the ocean, but I knew she was kinda slow, she claimed it was a learning disability, but I think it was because her parents were first cousins, because we were at some shitty polluted lake and her fucking suit smelled like dead fish, sewage and gasoline. By week 6 of this, I was starting to lose my fucking mind, it was all I could smell even when she wasn’t around, so I woke up while she was still sleeping, grabbed the bathing suit of death, looked at it before throwing it into the sink with some detergent because at this point the whole place fucking stank of this shit, and noticed that there was a massive battery stain and hole in her crotch and that the dirty bathing suit wasn’t what was causing the smell, the lake wasn’t what was causing the smell, the girl I had been banging was only I had been too drunk to realize it for the first month and a half because I never went down on her….I suddenly realized why people were constantly giving me dirty looks whenever I was with her, and Tara Reid reminds me of that dirty whore and not because she hangs with fat dudes but because she looks like if she wasn’t so rich, she’d probably have a stinky box…so here are her bikini pics…

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2007

21

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

So I feel like my brain was a big bowl of Oatmeal today, not because I have changed my diet to live longer by eating healthy, but because I couldn’t tap into my brain and figure out a way to tap into my memory and tell good stories of shit I’ve seen. It’s called being uninspired so I decided that I need to get into making porn and my challenge for the next 2 days is to find out how to break out in the porn scene. I’d obviously not be in front of the camera, because fat dude with limp dick porn hasn’t hit too hard yet, but I will find something that pays the bills without me having to get off the couch and that something will be sexy times….I came up with this crazy concept that would have innovated porn earlier today, in my quest to find my porno answer to my problems, but I can’t remember it, so I guess that’s dream’s over and I am stuck to this site…..

so here are my links….

Charlotte Church Using Being Pregnant as an Excuse to Get Fat as Fuck
GO

Salma Hayek is Still Pregnant and HUGE
GO

Woman Crushes a Can With Her Ass
GO

Some Slut Named Louise Cliffe Posing Topless in Zoo
GO

Lindsay Lohan is Hiking
GO

K-Fed is Partying as Hard as Britney
GO

Digital Dolls are a Group of Girls in Underwear on Video
GO

Some Chick Modeling Naked is an LA Woman
GO

Some Kim Kardashian’s Crazy Ass Pic
GO

Some Crazy Boxing Knockout
GO

Some Chick Named Victoria Hervey Posing Pictures
GO

Jenna Jameson tells TMZ that She’s Healthy and Happy in Video
GO

Some Zoo Superbabes in Ibiza Video
GO

Hayden Panettiere is 18 with Flowers
GO

Hayden Panettiere is 18 in a Bikini Before She Was 18
GO

Rihanna Performing at MTV Awards
GO

Sam Heuston Panty Upskirt
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Public Access TV is Amazing
GO

The Worlds Best …..Woman to Man….Sex Change
GO

Pam Anderson and Her Wet Thong….Pictures
GO

Rabecca- Running on a dream…is a Girl Next Door Posing
GO

Gisele Posing in Max Magazine
GO

Janice Dickinson Protests PETA with her Modeling Agency in their Underwear
GO

Some Chick Named Alexa Vega on the Beach Not Naked Enough
GO

Why You Shouldn’t Rob a Bitch Twice Your Size
GO

Crazy Russian Lady Has 130 Cats
GO

Natasha Henstridge Sex Scene Video
GO

Some Chick Naked in Public
GO

Lohan’s Boyfriend is a Vampire and Bites Up Some Stripper
GO

Some Chick Showing Off Her Ass in the Pool
GO

Photobucket Chick Shows Off Her Bare TIts
GO

Some Girl Losing Her Shirt Prank
GO

Kid Staples Firecracker on Him Then Lights It…
GO

James Blunt on Sesame Street
GO

The Evolution of Tara Reid Becoming a Human Again…
GO

Dude Gets a Little Crazy With His Digicam
GO

Angelina Jolie Nude In Beowulf
GO

Some Chick Takes Off Her Pants for the TotallyCrap Contest
GO

Some Stupid Video
GO

Paris HIlton Shows Off Her Acting Skills in Some Movie
GO

Some Muscle Chick Exercises and Flashes Her TIts
GO

Sperm Bank Magazine Ad Worth Checking Out..
GO

Mariah Carey Naked on the Cover of Interview Magazine
GO

Complilation of Brother’s and Sisters Hooking Up in Mainstream Movies…
GO

Hairy the Dancing Pubic Hair Videos Makes No Sense to Me
GO

Some Music Video With Girls Dancing Around in Underwear
GO

Teri Hatcher Does a Lap Dance on Howard Stern
GO

Behind the Scenes at a Lesbian Porn Shoot…Check Out the Fat Boom Mic Operator Who Went to School for This and It’s the Only Work He Could Get but at Least his Friends are all Jealous of His Job…If He Has Friends…
GO

Cowgirls Riding the Horse Bareback….
GO

Some Chick Named Patricia Painting Nude
GO

Maria Sharapova is Ice Cold Between the Sheets
GO

UFO Flying Over Paris….
GO

Some Statue Boobies Video For You
GO

Hot Chicks Get Tasered in Their Underwear
GO

Naked Lawnmower Man
GO

Zoo Watch the Video of GIrls in Bikinis Running Around on the Beach
GO

This Spray Will Get You Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

21

Aug

I am – Cameron Diaz’s Ass and Legs of the Day

2 Comments »

I always rip into this bitch for being old and washed up and left in the trash by Justin Timberlake for new younger and fresher pussy, but then I realized that Justin was into dudes like Jessica Biel and that he left Cameron Diaz because she didn’t have a cock and couldn’t fully satisfy his needs as the man with the high pitched singing voice and great dancing skills….

I never took the time to take a cold hard look at Cameron Diaz to realize that her legs are fucking amazing and that is why I am doing this post as a celebration of finding something you never thought was there. This is the equivalent of finding a 20 dollar bill in a pair of Jeans you haven’t put on in a year….and makes for a good end to the day….

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Posted in:Ass|Cameron Diaz|Hot|Legs|Unsorted

2007

21

Aug

I am – Cameron Diaz's Ass and Legs of the Day

No Comments »

I always rip into this bitch for being old and washed up and left in the trash by Justin Timberlake for new younger and fresher pussy, but then I realized that Justin was into dudes like Jessica Biel and that he left Cameron Diaz because she didn’t have a cock and couldn’t fully satisfy his needs as the man with the high pitched singing voice and great dancing skills….

I never took the time to take a cold hard look at Cameron Diaz to realize that her legs are fucking amazing and that is why I am doing this post as a celebration of finding something you never thought was there. This is the equivalent of finding a 20 dollar bill in a pair of Jeans you haven’t put on in a year….and makes for a good end to the day….

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Posted in:Ass|Cameron Diaz|Hot|Legs|Unsorted

2007

21

Aug

I am – Daveigh Chase Bikini Pics of the Day

2 Comments »

This girl is some child star who was in nothing you’d ever care to see and has credits like the movie AI: Artificial Intelligence, but her scenes were deleted. She’s also the voice of Lilo from Lilo and Stitch, which may be something you’re more familiar with since you use it as a back-up pick-up line when the little girls in the park refuse to go to your van to pet your puppy…Either way, she’s in a bikini with some asshole with stupid hair.

I went to the park today for the first time since getting back, I hadn’t really missed it all that much, because being around freakshow losers is only fun when I am in the mood to laugh at people and not on sensitive days like today where I kinda feel sorry for people. Anyway, nothing changed over the last month except for this one dude Billy who is pretty much a waste of space, addicted to drugs and on welfare. Anyway, everytime I see Billy he looks like he’s aged 5 years and at this rate dude is going to look 90 by the end of next year….and he has inspired me to go out and get a job…

Before I do that, I borrowed my friend’s Stick It DVD and it isn’t what dreams are made of like I thought it would be….but I will watch it over and over again until I get my act together and get a job, which may be sometime next year….

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Posted in:Bikini|Daveigh Chase|Tits|Unsorted

2007

21

Aug

I am – China Dancer of the Day

1 Comment »

To make up for my last stepTV clip of what seemed like a girl dancing with a snake but was really some ladyboy with fake tits, I decided to post this video of real girl at the same club dancing pretty much the same way but without a snake to balance the homosexuality on this site out a little.

I just got in an email war with some asshole who I was trying to get to advertise on the site because I am tired of being so poor. He told me that he didn’t need to advertise with me because he’s a huge site and my piece of shit site won’t do anything for him but cost him money and that he’d rather flush money down the toilet than give it to me because he would find that more gratifying….that’s how successful motherfucker says he is. So I wrote him back calling him a cocksucker at least 15 times because I find calling people a cocksucker funny and he wrote me back saying that anyone who uses the word cocksucker as much as I do must be a fag….My response is that i wanted to feel him inside me, because if you call me gay, I have no problem acting the part even though I am into pussy, doesn’t mean I can’t pretend I am fag…kinda the same thing as when you pretend that you’re straight even though you jerk off to gay porn all the time…but a little different because I actually like girls and don’t have to pretend I do…

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

21

Aug

I am – Caroline D’Amore Bikini Cameltoe of the Day

3 Comments »

This is another one of Paris Hilton’s guests at her weekend beach party. Her name is Caroline D’Amore, her parents own a pizza restaurant and she is 23 years old. I did my research on her because she looks like she’s fucking 12 and even if that shit turns you on, I don’t want to go to jail for being a child pornographer because I hear they cut you in prison for that shit, and I don’t find that shit too sexy, I am more on the parents against pedophiles side of the argument you boylover.

Reality is that I always loved those teen models who were in their 20s but pretended they were teens to get people like you off. It reminded me of Peter Pan and this girl I used to bang who was 10 years older than me but looked 10 years younger than me. I guess she was the runt of the litter or someshit, and when she was in highschool and looked 7 no one wanted a piece, but when she was 27 and looked 17 the tables fucking turned proper. That’s the problem with over-developed teen girls, they all end up getting fat when the skinny awkward ones fill out the way they’re supposed to.

Either way, I used to look at their sites because I had nothing better to do and the alternative was looking at haggard sluts with their uterus’ hanging out of their cunts so innocent and fresh was more of a fantasy than old and washed up because you always want what you don’t have.

I guess what I am getting at is that when they are 23, they are fair game and when they have their boyfriend’s name tattooed next to their cunt, they are stupid enough to end up with a guy like you, so keep the faith motherfucker…

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2007

21

Aug

I am – Caroline D'Amore Bikini Cameltoe of the Day

No Comments »

This is another one of Paris Hilton’s guests at her weekend beach party. Her name is Caroline D’Amore, her parents own a pizza restaurant and she is 23 years old. I did my research on her because she looks like she’s fucking 12 and even if that shit turns you on, I don’t want to go to jail for being a child pornographer because I hear they cut you in prison for that shit, and I don’t find that shit too sexy, I am more on the parents against pedophiles side of the argument you boylover.

Reality is that I always loved those teen models who were in their 20s but pretended they were teens to get people like you off. It reminded me of Peter Pan and this girl I used to bang who was 10 years older than me but looked 10 years younger than me. I guess she was the runt of the litter or someshit, and when she was in highschool and looked 7 no one wanted a piece, but when she was 27 and looked 17 the tables fucking turned proper. That’s the problem with over-developed teen girls, they all end up getting fat when the skinny awkward ones fill out the way they’re supposed to.

Either way, I used to look at their sites because I had nothing better to do and the alternative was looking at haggard sluts with their uterus’ hanging out of their cunts so innocent and fresh was more of a fantasy than old and washed up because you always want what you don’t have.

I guess what I am getting at is that when they are 23, they are fair game and when they have their boyfriend’s name tattooed next to their cunt, they are stupid enough to end up with a guy like you, so keep the faith motherfucker…

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Mena Suvari Bikini Pictures