Sure, Elizaebeth looks a little bit like a clown or monster coming to steal your babies, but there’s something about her, that probably has something to do with me falling in love with her when she was a shoe designer for Adidas on Survivor, because seeing bitches weak, starving and willing to do anything for a cracker, I get excited enough to watch her on TV as often as my neighbor lets me sit on his couch, which is at least 2 times a week and bitch drives me crazy. She’s got a sick body for a mom of 3, her views on the world are nice, wholesome and white bread, despite the world knowing to get knocked up with 3 kids, it takes some dirty sex with your pro football husband. It’s like she’s the grown up version of the popular, clean, wholesome ,hot girl at school with a panty-on rule, and I fucking love it….
I am not too sure what Cary Hart was thinking by casting his “chick” Pink to model his clothing line, but I am guessing it’s got something to do with him thinking she is the hottest thing in the world, considering he married her…twice. I guess he also figures that Pink is worth more to the brand than some no name hot chick, but I find the whole thing confusing, mainly because of their “Gender Bender” relationship, just look at Cary Hart’s hair, motherfucker looks like he’s on some emo bi-sexual kid you’d wake up to with your dick in his mouth after passing out at a party, while PInk’s muscles make her look like she’s got more testicles than my friend who started a backalley dog castrating clinic in his basement, and she’s wearing male underwear, not really convincing me that jerking off to this is ok, but then again, I’ve always hated girls who wear men’s underwear and when that whole thing became popular amongst the emo kids 10 years ago, I was pretty disappointed, but that’s got nothing to do with anything. Here are the pics of a couple 30 year olds pretending they are 15 in a shitty photoshoot..
So Ashley Tisdale was out performing and trying to be as hot as she can, but unfortunately for her, hot is impossible, unless she’s in the fuckin’ sauna, or on a tropical resort, or being caught in a house fire when a crazed fan torches her shit cuz she won’t answer their fan mail, because no matter how much surgery she gets, she’s still ugly, and here she is performing cuz I know you wish you were the mic, or at least your penis was, because all mouth is good mouth, at least that’s what you tell yourself when you hook up with gay dudes, since they’re always down to suck dick and girls you know aren’t so much, because you’re too scared to talk to them….
I am really not into Megan Fox, which may sound insane to the world of people who sit at home fantasizing over her useless, tacky (see her arm tattoo), glorified stripper, bullshit. I know the people who made her think she is better than she is, are very passionate about how she is the fucking hottest. I know that their constant sucking her dick about how hot she is, has given her a fucking ego and that part of her thinks she’s the hottest girl in hollywood but she obviously doesn’t have any real confidence in herself, because otherwise she would have never been engaged to an original 90210 cast member. But they’re broken up now, so I’ll give her credit where credit is due, and these pictures of her are pretty good, but then again I just woke up, so I may be blinded by her cleavage.
Someone sent me this video the other day of Amy Winehouse getting drive thru. I think she offers to buy him a cheeseburger but I lost interest in watching this shit when I saw her kissing people with food in her mouth and felt like throwing the fuck up. I don’t find Amy Winehouse as disgusting as everyone else, she’s skinny, she’s talented but she’s got some disgusting hygiene issues and a mouth that scares me and that throws off her potential horse-headed hotness. The dreams of coming home and being greeted by this kind of monster don’t really exist for me, but a life with her would be a lot more fun than the life I currently live, even if it would be substantially shorter because I’d probably die of an overdose trying to keep up with this garbage can, because I’d probably have to be really fuckin’ high to get past the smell of rotting meat pouring out of her orifices….a smell I am not unused to, but one I try not to expose myself to nevertheless.
Either way, here she is answering her door in her bra because she’s pretty fucking amazing.
I will get the Gay Blogger his very own login one-day soon, but in the meantime I am forced to write a shitty intro to let you all know that he’s here to make me famous because gay is trendy and because gay bloggers are even more trendy. His name is Julien and this is his magic sauce on Gillian Anderson trying to be sexy with the word Yes next to her, probably in efforts to trick us into thinking we want a piece, when in reality all we really want is that set of tits on the wall behind her in our face…either way here’s Julien.
You know when people try to be sexy but it just doesnâ€™t work? I think this is one of those cases. I mean if you described to me the elements of this photo, take Gillian Anderson, make her look like a chic drug addict and then spread her legs, I would be like, yeahâ€¦I know a few people who could jerk off to that. But why did she have to have that giant metal S between her legs? I just donâ€™ think that worked. Now, being a flaming homosexual, Iâ€™m probably not the best person to judge, but I really think that only die-hard X-Files fans are going to aroused by these pics.
Itâ€™s like how everyone thinks because Iâ€™m gay that Iâ€™ll fuck any gay person that walks. While this is 90% true, there is still that 10% that I wouldnâ€™t fuck. Like this one time, Marie-Eve had made some friend that she thought would just be PERFECT for me and I was kind of a slow week, so I agreed to meet him. I didnâ€™t want to go on an actual blind date, Iâ€™m not a 30 something, chubby, single girl (at least not yet). So I agreed to meet him at this party that everyone was going to. So Iâ€™m at the party, just starting to get a little fucked up and this guy walk in. He had a nice body, an ok face but for some goddamn reason he was wearing a fucking mesh tank top. I hate mesh tank tops. Some faggot must have sent out a memo saying that these things are fashionable. But believe me they arenâ€™t. It was a total deal breaker. I took one look at this guy and I laughed and walked away to find more blow.
The point of this tale of faggotry is that the elements of this guy were there but there was just something off. I mean if he had just planned his outfit a little better, he couldâ€™ve totally boned me that night. But unfortunately he chose to wear a mesh tank top. He might as well have shown up with a giant metal S between his legs.
I think Agent Provocateur is the hottest lingerie line. The reason is simple. It’s styled from 1920’s burlesque. This shit reminds me of my mom. Back in Mexico in the ’70s, all my mom could afford was used underwear from America, the sexy stuff was from the ’20s and ’30s. She would rock her american panties all day, everyday so it is a fond memory. Well a little more fond than hearing her shove things in her client’s asses, or seeing her get fucked all day everyday, we all need to make a living. I guess the other reason I dig Provocateur is cuz it’s classy and sheer and since I like bush, and I have said that bush is the future of pubic hair styling over and over again. Bald is played out but I think the bikini wax is hype if you are a cheesy chick from the suburbs; the kind of girl who dances on the bar in a “My Boobs Are Real” ironic t-shirt, even though bitch has implants, flashing her g-string that says cutie and shows off her playboy bunny tattoo. But I am done with strippers. I am more into sophisticated bitches who know how to read, who can teach me things, and who have a little bush. This has been the Agent Provocateur Bush Picture of the Day.
I was inspired by my Beckham is a sex doll post, so I went on a quest to find a man and his doll in romantic love affair. This is what I came up with. I think the pictures speak for themself, dude’s in love with his doll, an unhealthy obsession but he’s got a beard and that in itself is creepy. I would say that I hope this guy is none of your dad’s but a man who loves a doll probably has very little real vagina, so little that knockin a bitch up isn’t an issue, either is STDs. If we’re lucky, this motherfucker is your teacher, or neighbor or manager at Best Buy. Because that would make this post funny.
These pictures of Posh spice on the Runway for some Cavalli trashy bullshit fashion show are reminiscent of the time I dated a Real Doll. The only difference is that Posh spice knows how to walk, talk, make babies and do mass amounts of cocaine off her husband/soccer player’s abs. Either way, I wasn’t really in a love affair with a real doll, I could never afford that shit, and I wouldn’t get all freaky like showering the doll and taking the doll out on walks and fuckin’ dressing the doll up and sleeping with the doll because that represents some serious psychological issues. I would probably just get addiced to the pussy and I’d never leave my house, because it would be embarssing walking around with a real doll attached to your dick. That’s the kinda shit that gets you arrested.